WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Chen

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

◈ Incarnation of the Malevolent Star ◈

Chapter 41: Part 1 - Whispers of the Dark Brother (41)

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#41.

Onik drew his gaze away from Sera and raised it to the star-studded sky, asking quietly.

“Why are you trying to die?”

The country boy who asked the question carried a calmness he had never shown any of the guests before.

It was a calmness with a depth far too mature for his age.

“...”

Sera hesitated.

She had been thrust into this situation without warning, and she wasn't sure whether the country boy was someone she could confide in about her deepest worries and troubles.

As a fan of Onik Uncle, she felt a certain closeness to him, but she and Onik had only met that day.

Besides, what she would have to tell him was no simple story.

Among all the hardship, injustice, and pain a twenty-three-year-old idol had endured, much of it would be inappropriate for a first-year middle school student to hear.

And at the end of all those inappropriate things was an immoral story involving the country boy himself. It was only natural that Sera could not easily bring herself to speak.

Although she hadn't been able to attend school properly, Sera was still an adult.

Of course, she only worried about that last part because she did not know the country boy had overheard the entire conversation between her and the producer.

The feeling that she was a shameful adult was another lock on Sera's lips.

The country boy spoke gently.

“What is there to think about for so long?”

“Well...”

“Don't make yourself suffer over it. Think about it simply. If this keeps going, you might really die, right? And if you die, everything ends. Isn't that so?”

“It... does end.”

“Then if everything will end anyway, if you're going to die anyway, what good is there in holding all your worries tight by yourself...?

Let go of whatever worries you can before you die. It'll make you feel even a little better. They say it helps just to have someone listen to your worries.”

“...”

“Feel a little better, and find a little more strength.

Then I think I'd be happy. I don't want you to die, noona. I'll listen to you, at least.”

Sera had already been in a precarious state of mind from depression.

She had also been shaken by the unexpected situation, so she could not stop tears from bursting forth at the country boy's quiet comfort.

It was the kind of crying that had been held full to the brim behind a dam of endurance, needing only the slightest touch to spill over.

The country boy waited calmly while the idol from the gray city cried.

Then, as her sobs faded into quiet sniffling, the boy gazed high overhead, his eyes holding the night sky and Milky Way of the remote village.

“Noona. Aren't the stars pretty?”

“...What?”

“The stars. Up there in the sky. The sparkly ones.”

Sera looked up at the sky through bloodshot eyes.

It was the same night sky she had been looking at before the country boy startled her, the same sky she had seen earlier during the rope firework display and while playing tag before bed.

Yet the same night sky felt different every time she looked at it.

Starlight seen while gathered together, chatting with others.

Starlight seen alone, while dwelling on life and pain.

And starlight seen through tears, with someone beside her offering comfort.

It would have been stranger if all that starlight felt exactly the same.

Even the most beautiful scenery could only barely seep through when the heart was crowded with restless sorrow and pain.

Of course, the fact that it could seep through at all was part of nature's great beauty.

But seen another way, it also meant that even such greatness could do nothing about a person's sorrow and pain.

The boy continued in a calm tone.

“Until now, almost all the viewers chosen to come on 「Let's Play with Onik!」 were amazed when they saw our village's night sky.

They said it was the first time in their lives they'd seen a sky with so many stars, or that the last time they saw one was in the military... Or that it had been so long they couldn't even remember when they had last seen anything like it.”

“...Did they?”

“Yes. It's hard to see a sky like that in the city, right?”

“That's right. It's hard.”

Sera did not know why the country boy was telling her this, but she went along with him for now.

Even if she did not know his intention, she still felt comforted.

“You know, 「Let's Play with Onik!」 gives bonus points based on people's stories when we do the drawing.

Ah, I guess I should call it weighting, not extra points. Anyway, that's how it works.”

“I know. I sent in a story too. Officially, it was a collaboration proposal, though.”

“We can't read every story that comes in, so usually the editor noona who lives in Seoul works really hard.

That's why, except for people who come for collaborations like you, we only accept regular viewers' stories through public comments.

If a story stands out right away, it usually gets at least a few upvotes and replies. We use that to narrow them down first.”

“That makes sense. There really are a lot of stories. So many. Onik and Chief have more people who like them than they can count. And lots of people want to play with you too.”

“Still, Chief and I always read the stories of the people who are chosen in the end.

A lot of them come because they're exhausted and worn out, so I thought we should know why they were tired and what was hard for them before we welcomed them. I thought it was only polite, since we invited them as guests...

There were so many people who said they were having such a hard time they felt like dying.”

“Ah...”

Looking back on it now, it seemed to the frightening boy that those people had not truly been as close to death as their words suggested.

Only today had he learned what someone on the verge of suicide truly felt like.

The guests who had come before Sera had wanted life more strongly than death.

Of course, he did not think those earlier visitors had been exaggerating.

If people kept living while being beaten down by a hard life, then some of those who had too little happiness and comfort and too much misfortune would eventually become like the noona beside him now.

Turning this over in his mind, Onik continued.

“But do you know what I felt after reading those stories and talking to the people who actually came here?”

“Hmm, noona's not sure. What did our Onik feel?”

“I felt like those people were trapped inside their own lives.”

“Trapped inside their own lives?”

“Right? I don't know if you watched the videos, but they look at that night sky and marvel at how pretty and beautiful the stars are. One person even started tearing up while they talked about it...”

The boy shrugged.

“But the night sky is always there. The stars are always there too.

People just don't come outside to look at them.”

“...”

“I felt really sad about that. Everyone said the same thing. That they had circumstances they couldn't help. That they were trapped by them and couldn't get out. That it couldn't be helped if they wanted to live.

They said I was young, so I wouldn't understand, but this was what adults' lives were like. That they had to endure even if they felt like dying.

But doesn't that seem a little strange?”

“What does?”

“They said it themselves. They said, 'It can't be helped if you want to live.'

If they're enduring so they can live... then when they can't endure anymore and really feel like they're going to die, shouldn't they get out of there?”

“...Huh?”

“If you feel like you're going to suffocate to death right away, getting out of there comes first.

If you're going to die anyway, there's nothing to lose by trying something before you die.

Back then, I couldn't understand. I didn't know if they were trapped, or if they were trapping themselves...”

The twenty-three-year-old idol flinched. She remembered hearing him say, “If you're going to die anyway,” earlier too.

The words themselves were right. If she was going to die anyway, she had nothing to lose by trying something first.

If she died, everything would end...

The country boy gently shook his head.

“When I listened to their stories, everyone talked as though the life they were trapped in was all there was. But it isn't.

If you run away from that life, there'll be another life where you end up, right?”

“That... is true. You won't die just because you leave.”

“Yes. You won't die. I don't know what kind of life you'll find after you leave, but won't it at least be better than staying still until you suffocate to death?”

The thoughts of a boy who had long contemplated human death with his keen mind were as deep as those of most adults.

The country boy briefly met the city idol's eyes.

“You just have to come out.”

Then he pointed at the sky.

“If you come out, the night sky is always there. The stars are always there too.

They're always there, but people just don't come outside to look at them.”

She had already heard those words once.

Yet now, with all that had been said before them, they entered Sera's heart with far greater force than the first time.

They reached the heart of an idol who had accepted being treated like something recyclable because she was frightened and lost at the thought of starting an ordinary life later than everyone else.

The twenty-three-year-old idol, left speechless, soon spoke, slightly flustered, as though making an excuse.

“You’re right. I know you are, but... it’s not as easy as it sounds.”

“I know.”

“...What?”

“I told you. I said, 'Back then, I couldn't understand.' After taking time to think it through more carefully, I came to understand.

If it were easy, why wouldn't people do it? There must be a reason they can't.”

“Is... is that so?”

“So I thought about what that reason might be.”

“Okay.”

“It's scary, right?”

“...”

“From the stories I've read and the things I've heard, people whose hearts are tired seem to feel more fear than other people.

Their hearts have grown so, so weak that they're too scared to step into an unfamiliar life.

They think, 'What if I leave and get hurt even more than I am now?'”

“...”

“Your head knows that if you're going to die anyway, you have nothing to lose no matter what you do, but maybe your heart is broken and can't keep up with your head... That's what I thought.

So people whose hearts aren't broken yet can't understand people whose hearts are broken at all. What do you think? Am I right?”

Yes. You're right. I think that's right.

Sera tried to answer, but her eyes grew hot again, and no voice came out.

Understanding someone was empathy.

It was also kindness.

This boy, so much younger than her, was trying this hard to understand her and empathize with her.

As the boy said, that kindness was truly comforting to someone whose heart had grown so, so weak.

Look. He was even accepting her weakness.

It wasn't noona's fault that she could not leave that place, that life.

So the person nearing suicide nodded.

Looking at the boy's profile, she nodded as hard as she could to say what she could not put into words.

Though they were not looking at each other now, the boy sensed Sera's nodding.

“There's a temple on a mountain below town that Grandfather and I visit sometimes.

When I hadn't finished thinking about this yet, I happened to have a chance to go there, so I asked the monk.

I said there were people like this, and I didn't know if they were trapped there or trapping themselves.”

Sera nodded.

“Then the monk told me that people are naturally like that. Pain doesn't hold people. People hold pain.”

Sera nodded.

“So I asked him again. I asked why people held on to pain. Why they couldn't just let go.

Do you know what he said?”

Sera shook her head. The country boy cleared his throat before imitating the old monk.

“You brat! If it were that easy, I would've already attained enlightenment and become a Buddha! Would I still be here at my age, living as a lousy monk? I'm so old that my whole body aches every morning!”

“...Pfft.”

The talented country boy's imitation was convincing enough that Sera let out a small laugh even as she cried.

“When I heard that, it made sense. I have something like that too, something I feel wouldn't hurt anymore if I could just forget it. But I keep thinking about it again and again, so it hurts.”

There was also an abnormal, dark pain gripping the boy tightly and refusing to let him go, but he did not mention it.

It was a secret he could not tell anyone.

“Ah.”

This time, Sera let out a short groan.

She had suddenly remembered that the boy beside her was growing up without parents.

There were not one, but two people here carrying great pain in their hearts.

“So, noona.”

The boy made a suggestion.

“If it's hard to just leave that place, how about you start with something easy?”

Sera wiped her tears and managed to ask, “What's easy?”

“Tell me why you're trying to die.”

It was another repetition of the words she had heard once before.

After a long conversation, they had returned to where they began.

Naturally, the place they returned to was the same as before, and yet not the same at all.

“Wow.”

The twenty-three-year-old idol wiped her tears again and smiled. Still smiling, she breathed out in amazement.

“You really know how to talk.”

“I'm kind of like that. People tell me I'm smart a lot. And I really am smart too.”

“Pfft...”

Sera laughed again at the clever country boy's deliberate shamelessness.

Crying and laughing, she thought she was a complete mess.

She had always been a mess. But this felt different.

I feel... refreshed somehow.

She felt that she could tell this child, who was so deeply thoughtful, everything about herself without hiding anything.

Footnotes:

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