WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Chen

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◈ Incarnation of the Malevolent Star ◈

Chapter 46: Part 1 - Whispers of the Dark Brother (46)

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#46.

The frightening boy was a murderer.

Ever since he committed his first murder, he had never again been able to think of himself as a good child.

He was a bad child who only pretended to be good.

There was no hope that time would change that.

The bloodstains marking the boy's life would remain even after he grew up. They would only increase, never diminish.

Black desires he could tell no one about always tormented him.

Even so, he could not stop pretending to be a good child.

For the frightening boy, it was something he had to do.

To live up to the expectations of his beloved grandfather and dear teacher.

To keep from being devoured by the terrible impulses lurking in his heart.

And, though he knew it was an act of self-deception, to deny, even a little, even the slightest bit, the choice of the father who had abandoned him.

That last reason was an effort by the boy to hurt a little less.

‘...If I don't make even this much effort, my heart will hurt too much. I think pretending to be a good child will become that much harder too.’

The boy hated himself this deeply, and in return, he longed for the ordinary lives other people had. It could not be helped.

Yet there were people in this world who defiled that ordinariness the boy longed for in the worst possible way.

That worst way was murder.

People who possessed, without any effort, the ordinary life the boy wanted so badly.

And yet, within that ordinary life, cruel people who killed others.

The boy found the existence of such people terribly, terribly, terribly regrettable.

What angered him most was this.

Even after killing someone, those murderers would still have the ordinariness the boy did not.

There would be no blood-red curse lodged within them like the one inside him.

Most likely, they did not even feel the self-hatred he did.

The boy deeply despised murderers like that.

That hatred ran deeper than his hatred for himself.

That was why the story of the idol from the gray city who had wanted to die stirred him so strongly.

‘If you torment someone until they kill themselves, isn't that murder too?’

People said it was different.

They said that even if the perpetrator might deserve to die, it should still be distinguished from active, deliberate murder.

It was the same in court.

Cases where bullying that drove someone to suicide was punished as murder were extremely rare. For murder to be established, they said, at least some intent had to be proven.

The frightening boy found that hard to agree with.

‘It's only murder done by a different method.’

To him, it was an even more wicked act of killing than active, deliberate murder.

People basically wanted to live.

They did not want to hurt, feel sad, be cold, or go hungry.

Like every other living thing, a person's will to live was not easily broken.

The weary people who had come all the way to that remote village at the boy's invitation proved that truth.

They had hoped for the boy's invitation because they wanted, somehow, to live.

Yet to give such people pain, and more pain, and still more pain until their stubborn will finally broke, making them choose death themselves... how could that not be an act of killing?

That was why the boy asked Yu Se-ra.

"Noona. Is someone who drove another person to suicide a murderer, or not?"

Asking someone who had truly been on the verge of suicide carried special meaning for the boy.

All the more because she had given up on dying after finding strength in his encouragement.

Of course, Sera had never directly told him that she would gather herself and try living again.

Still, there were things people understood without saying them. Besides, the boy had a sense for death.

The frightening boy knew by instinct.

Yu Se-ra was more alive than before.

That also meant killing her would bring him far greater satisfaction than before.

"Uh..."

Sera seemed to sense that the boy was asking seriously. After considering it for a moment, she answered quietly.

"I think... they are a murderer."

It was the answer the boy had wanted.

The frightening boy wanted someone to affirm his thoughts. Someone who truly would have taken their own life if he had not been there.

With a faint smile unlike his usual innocent grin, the boy asked a question whose answer did not particularly matter.

"Then how many shameless murderers are walking around this world without even thinking of themselves as murderers?

People who believe they did nothing terribly wrong and that they're ordinary people... murderers who forget the people they killed, mingle with everyone else, and live as if nothing happened."

If all they did was forget the person they killed, they would be among the better ones.

Usually, they mocked or belittled them instead. They said that person had been unusually weak and died over something trivial.

Because it could not be their fault.

Some even considered themselves the victim.

They would say, "I barely did anything, so why did you have to die and make things difficult for me, ruin my reputation, and hurt me?"

They were ‘ordinary’ people whose way of thinking was different.

"...I don't know exactly, but wouldn't there be quite a lot? You often hear news about someone dying from bullying at school or work.

I've heard stories from people around me, and I almost became one of them too."

"That's not good at all. Those bad people should be punished as much as they deserve. But nobody gives them that punishment."

"...You're right. It's regrettable."

After a brief silence, the boy spoke again.

"I've never told anyone this, but I have lots and lots of worries about my future.

How should I live from now on? What kind of adult should I become? Things like that."

"Do you? Onik, wouldn't you do well at anything? You could keep being a YouTuber. It seems to suit you.

And your talent goes without saying. I bet people from the broadcasting industry will contact you soon."

"Ha ha. Thank you. But this is different from worrying about a job."

"Ah."

"Anyway, thanks to you, noona, I think I've found at least one path I can take."

"Huh? Thanks to me?"

Sera looked confused, but the boy nodded as though to make sure she saw.

"Yes. Thanks to you."

"R-really? But what did I do...? Noona doesn't know... I don't think I did anything that could help with something like that...?"

"You trusted me and depended on me, even though I'm much younger than you. You could have dismissed anything I said because I was just a kid, but you didn't.

And you honestly told me all the things that are hard to tell other people."

The city idol laughed in disbelief.

"What are you even saying... Onik. How could you possibly be ‘just a kid’? In that situation, would anyone treat a child who persuaded someone with such mature, warm words as just a little kid?

Nobody would. Even if someone did, that person would be strange."

"I'm thankful you think that too."

"Thankful? I'm the one who's thankful. I was truly grateful. I still am."

"Then let's say we're both grateful."

"Oh, honestly..."

Sera shook her head with a small laugh, then looked at him with gentle curiosity.

"But what is this path? The one you said you found thanks to me. You said it wasn't about a career."

The boy smiled brightly.

"First, I thought I should earn lots of money. Much more than I do now."

"...Mm?"

"Then I'm going to use that money to help people like you, noona."

Sera had been confused because earning lots of money did not fit the conversation up to then. Then she heard the kind declaration that followed and found herself speechless.

"As you've experienced, I'm pretty good at sensing things, right?"

The question made Sera remember the moment her mind had gone blank the night before.

When he first saw through her desire to give up on life, she had been so shocked.

The instant the boy's eyes, holding a black gleam, looked into hers, a shiver had run up her spine like electricity.

She would probably never forget the goosebumps rising on the back of her neck and her pounding heart until the day she died.

The boy had said this then.

"I just had a feeling."

"...That's right."

Sera agreed.

"There probably aren't many people with instincts as sharp as yours, Onik."

After saying that, Sera took in the boy's profile.

The rural boy sitting beside her on the bench beside the streetlamp swung one leg and then the other.

That sight, too, reminded Sera of yesterday, of a conversation that had begun with a chilling shiver yet ended in incomparable warmth.

Staring into the distance, the boy spoke with a seriousness beyond his age.

"With this instinct, I'm going to find people who want to die.

Like now, I'll meet viewers from my channel. I'll always look around nearby too, and keep looking when I'm walking down the street."

"...Okay."

"I'll find them, listen to why they want to die, comfort them, and help them as much as I can.

If someone who would have left this world on their own gains the strength to live once more because of that... it will make me very happy and be deeply meaningful to me."

The frightening boy had a secret reason for finding that meaningful.

‘It feels like I'm fighting the sickness in my heart and winning.’

His black instincts and the dark talent born from them were a monster that always craved human blood and death.

Using the power of that man-eating monster to save people instead.

It gave the frightening boy a small but satisfying sense of victory.

The boy had felt gloomy resignation toward the dark crimson abnormality that clung to him and entered the world with him.

It was a curse he could do nothing but accept because no effort could tear it away.

What could he do when he had been born a vampire?

He had an incurable illness...

But the experience of using that abnormality to turn Sera from death back toward life was precious to the frightening boy.

It felt as though he had refused to yield to the blood-red abnormality that whispered of nothing but death, day and night, and had turned the tables on it instead.

That was why he was happier, and why it felt even more meaningful.

"So I'm going to walk that path."

The frightening boy made his vow.

"I'm going to put other people's lives into the life I live from now on. Like bookmarks."

After saying that much, the boy swallowed the rest of his thoughts.

‘That way, I'll make memories worth opening again whenever I'm disappointed in myself and hate myself.

This is how someone as abnormal as me can remain human. It's also how I can become someone who lives up to Grandfather's and Teacher's expectations a little more.’

Onik thought that not every bad child was bad in the same way.

There were bad children who chose to do nothing but bad things.

Then there were bad children who did bad things, but also did good things.

Wouldn't there be a very great difference between those two?

Onik had already been pretending to be a good child, but saving people would be a good deed with meaning beyond simple pretending.

His veteran grandfather's past held both honorable killings and killings he was not proud of.

Though his grandfather tried not to forget the killings he was not proud of, the boy could guess that there had been more honorable killings than killings he regretted.

Likewise, the boy wished that the people he saved would outnumber the people he killed.

Naturally, he did not have some shallow thought of covering murder with good deeds.

‘Every life is precious. Everyone has a different life.

So one life can't take the place of another. Just like my life can't take the place of noona's life.’

Otherwise, there would be no reason for the boy's grandfather to still carry regret.

The frightening boy had learned many things from his grandfather, whom he respected. Truly, many things.

‘Still, I have to save them. As many as I can.’

He especially had to save many good people like Sera.

Since a child born bad like the frightening boy himself lived in this world with extraordinary power and talent, at least one more ordinary, good person had to remain alive in the world.

Only then would the balance be right.

Only then could Onik become even a little less of a bad child.

"...You're such a good kid."

Sera had been absorbed in the boy's words and the mood around him. Only after a long while did she speak again.

"It's a little embarrassing to say that when I'm the one receiving help... but noona will support you. How wonderful would it be if everyone in the world were like you...?"

"They shouldn't be."

"Huh?"

"I mean people shouldn't be like me. I'm actually a very bad child. I've been bad since I was born."

"What are you talking about? That's a joke, right?"

"It's not a joke. I can't tell you why, though."

"...?"

"Noona, you know."

"Yeah."

"Let's say someone finds life so hard that they decide to die. But it's hard for them to take their own life, so after failing a few times, they ask someone else for help.

They say they want to leave this world now... and ask that person to kill them."

"Are you talking about euthanasia?"

"It's similar."

"...Okay. Go on."

"In that case, is killing the person who asks to be killed... murder, or not?"

It was related to a future the frightening boy had considered before.

Killing a life that wished to die would give him far less fulfillment than killing a life that did not.

Still, the frightening boy knew by instinct.

Even the least satisfying murder would become nourishment for his soul hundreds, thousands of times greater than the most satisfying wild boar hunt.

So the boy had thought carefully about it before.

About a future where he lived by “helping” people who wanted to die.

Whether it would be all right to live that way.

A dim thought had stirred in him, that perhaps it would not be such a great wrong to kill someone begging to be killed, as they wished.

The fact that he had imagined such a thing was almost proof enough that he was a bad child.

At least, that was what the boy himself thought.

Sera blinked and spoke.

"...Wouldn't that be something other than murder? It's legal in countries like Switzerland. Though it might depend on how the person is killed."

For Sera, who had imagined a painless death whenever suicidal urges rose within her, that answer was natural.

There were surprisingly quite a few countries besides Switzerland where assisted dying was legal.

Switzerland was famous only because it was the sole country among them that allowed assisted dying for foreigners as well.

The boy shook his head.

"I don't think only the way someone is killed matters."

"Then what does?"

"When someone comes and says they want to die and asks you to kill them, isn't it strange to say, 'Yes, of course! I'll help you!' and kill them right away?

It's beyond being abnormal. It feels like you wouldn't even be a person.

As far as I know, even companies that help with euthanasia wouldn't kill people like that."

"Ah..."

"Before granting their request, you should listen to them first. You should ask why they want to die, what has been so hard, and comfort them.

Then you should try to help them as much as you realistically can. That's what makes you a person."

Of course, even people who did not do that would still be people, though they might need an unpleasant modifier before the word, like "beastlike."

Even specialized companies that assisted with euthanasia, if they were decent companies, first provided psychological counseling when a client came to them.

Even if they could not offer any other help, they first listened to what the client had to say.

They did not listen for only one day and stop. They listened sincerely over time, long enough to build proper rapport with the client.

Simply doing that, listening to their story, understanding them, empathizing with them, and comforting them... made quite a few people change their minds about dying.

This was where the path the frightening boy had resolved to take began.

First, he would listen to the story of someone who wanted to die.

He would understand them, empathize with them, and offer comfort.

Then he would sincerely try, together with that person, to solve their problem.

If possible, he would try to remove the cause of their pain. If that was impossible, he would try to help them step out of their present life and into a new one.

He would lead them beneath the stars in the night sky, which were always there.

But if, despite all those efforts, that person still wished to die...

‘Then I should kill them. Without pain, so they can leave peacefully.’

It could not be called pure help.

The frightening boy himself would receive some small measure of dim, blood-red fulfillment.

Still, the person whose difficulty in taking their own life had been eased would truly be grateful, and though it would violate this country's laws, it could not be considered a great wrong from the perspective of common morality.

And that would not be the end.

The frightening boy would find the perpetrator.

Then he would ask them.

"Someone killed themselves under circumstances like these because of you. Do you feel sorry?"

If they said they were sorry, even if it was only words, he would not kill them.

He would not kill them if there was another side to the story that the boy had not known either.

Even if he doubted whether that story was true, he must not kill someone if he was not certain. A person's life was that precious.

There could also be cases where the person accused of wrongdoing claimed innocence.

Then he would not kill them either. Not until Onik personally verified that they were not innocent.

As long as there was even a one-in-a-million chance that the person was truly innocent, he could not kill them. Death could not be undone.

But if they responded with brazen indignation... if they shouted, asking what they had done so wrong, insulted the dead person instead, and stained the ordinariness the frightening boy longed for with disgusting shamelessness and utter lack of conscience...

‘Then they would deserve to die.’

Only then could the frightening boy commit a satisfying murder.

A form of murder that minimized its moral weight by judging whether the target still deserved the boy’s protection.

It was murder that killed a murderer.

If a moment came when he could not keep his reason without killing someone, he wanted to live by killing people like that.

That was why the boy would need lots of money from now on.

The more money he had, the more help he could give people who wished to die, and the more help he gave, the more he could lessen his guilty conscience.

In a capitalist society, even pretending to be a good child cost money.

Wasn't there a saying that went around the internet as a joke?

If there was a problem money could not solve, perhaps you should consider whether you simply did not have enough money.

Thinking about it seriously, money represented the opportunity cost of people’s time and effort.

With money, you could buy other people's time, wisdom, and labor.

That meant you could buy people's efforts with money.

In other words, in a capitalist society, anything money could not do was something human effort could not accomplish either.

Capitalism was not an absolute truth, so that conclusion was probably far from true as well. Even so, it was likely partly true.

The boy hid his dim thoughts behind a bright smile.

"I'm sorry, noona. Our conversation got a little strange, didn't it?"

"Huh? No. What are you sorry for? When friends talk, all kinds of subjects can come up.

And since I was someone who wanted to commit suicide... it wasn't exactly irrelevant to me either."

"Still. Let's stop talking about dark things now. I have good news too."

"Good news?"

"Yes. About you noonas appearing on the channel more, I got Hapless Chief's permission.

By now, Hapless Chief is probably discussing it with Manager Uncle."

"What?!"

"Hapless Chief said that since the other side doesn't have a decision-maker here yet, he'll first draft a memorandum of understanding and give it to them. The initial term will be about six months.

With this, won't that management division head ajumma with the bad personality be unable to say anything?"

"Wow..."

Sera was half flustered and half amazed.

The boy had said he would use his age as a weapon and throw a fit, but she had expected it to take some time even if it went well.

She was grateful for his feelings, but she thought it would be unavoidable for the management division head to scold her a little as soon as they returned.

"How did it happen so fast? Did you even have time to talk with Hapless Chief for long?"

The frightening boy deliberately puffed out his chest with confidence.

"There was no need to talk for long. I'm Jo Onik."

The method the boy used to persuade his hesitant business partner was simple.

「During the time the noonas appear, I'll catch ten... no, twenty more wild boars a month.」

「Okay, let's go.」

The hunter accepted the offer quickly.

The boy with sharp instincts had noticed long ago that his older business partner was making extra income through routes other than bounties for harmful wildlife.

But he pretended not to know.

Though the channel's income was growing rapidly by the day, the hunter had not neglected his main occupation and the secret business that came with it.

With internet broadcasts, it would not be strange for things to go disastrously wrong over any issue at any time.

Or, despite the extraordinary boy's efforts, viewers might begin to feel bored with the routine.

Considering that instability, neglecting his main occupation would never be wise.

He also needed to maintain his influence in the smuggling cartel. That influence was one form of capital he could use in the local community. This was very important.

It was only that, wanting to strike while the iron was hot, he had prioritized the broadcast schedule more often, which meant he frequently hunted in concentrated stretches.

Deeply moved, Sera quickly seized the frightening boy's hand.

"Thank you, Onik! Honestly, I was thinking that even if it didn't work out, it couldn't be helped, and that I shouldn't be disappointed..."

The boy liked other people's warmth, but physical contact with someone he could kill was not always comfortable.

So the frightening boy wriggled his fingers with a little discomfort.

He turned his gaze to the side and deliberately let his awareness scatter in its familiar way.

"I'm happy I could help a friend. Let's become even closer from now on."

The first person the boy had killed was the Village Youth Association President, Jo In-cheol.

And the first person he had saved was Yu Se-ra, the idol from the gray city who had wanted to die.

The latter was as meaningful as the former.

It was a turning point that divided the boy's life.

So his wish to become closer to her came from the heart.

If someone who had marked a positive turning point in his life became no more than a person from his past, it would make the boy rather sad.

Sera smiled widely and shook their clasped hands.

"Of course!"

At that moment, she took several more steps away from the death she had already parted from.

Where else could there be a child so good and warm-hearted?

Sera felt deeply healed simply by the boy's existence.

Footnotes:

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