WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Chen
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ Incarnation of the Malevolent Star ◈
Chapter 86: Part 1 - Whispers of the Dark Brother (86)
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#86.
Onik was quite nervous.
For some reason, a message had arrived from Teacher, who had been treating him a little awkwardly and distantly for some time.
「Onik. Are you free this weekend? If you are, would you come to Teacher's house?
There is something serious Teacher wants to ask you. It would be difficult to discuss outside.」
After reading the short message over and over, Onik found himself with many thoughts.
‘Something difficult to discuss outside? Something serious she wants to ask? What could Teacher possibly want to ask me?’
His thoughts raced, branching in every direction.
Among them was worry about a terrible situation that Onik must never face.
‘It was from the very day after I killed that bad police uncle. Teacher and I started feeling strangely distant from each other...
Could there be some connection? The timing is awfully coincidental.’
This was not the first time the possibility had occurred to him.
To Onik, Teacher Lee Eun-jeong was the second person in the world he least wanted to discover his abnormality, after the grandfather he loved most.
Still, the circumstances made it difficult to believe Eun-jeong had noticed or suspected Onik's murders.
His second murder had come very close to being the perfect crime.
The day after sending the bad police officer, who had made a wicked decision, to the next world, Onik used the darkness to retrieve the tracking device and recorder he had attached to another patrol car.
But he had left the spy camera and recorder inside the police substation where they were.
He wanted to learn about the progress of the police investigation.
And he wanted to keep an eye on the other two people who had discussed their sinister scheme with Lieutenant Seo Mun-seok.
Constable Kim, whose private life was especially suspicious, had to be watched.
Onik had decided that unless he himself released the videos or recordings, the chance that the police would conduct a detailed search of the substation was close to zero.
That was why he knew.
The police regarded Lieutenant Seo Mun-seok's death as a simple accident.
Several days had passed since the killing, yet they had made no progress in tracing the source of the leaf-spring fragment.
At this rate, the investigation would end without any results.
Even the police had no idea where to begin.
Everything was proceeding within the possibilities Onik had considered in advance.
Then what clue could Teacher use to suspect him?
Of course, suspicion did not always require evidence. People had intuition.
Intuition and wild speculation were two sides of the same coin... but suspicion could still arise from a hunch alone.
The successive accidental deaths of bad people who had tormented her.
The extraordinary physical abilities displayed by her beloved student.
Finally, the direct conflict between the bad police officer and her student.
If the thread of intuition connected those three things, Teacher might begin to wonder whether her student had done it.
Still, it was not a possibility that felt real to him.
The reason was the way Teacher looked at Onik.
She might treat him a little awkwardly and distantly, but she had never avoided the student who came to see her.
There was an unfamiliar sadness and pain in her eyes when she looked at him, but those same eyes still clearly held the affection they had always held.
At the same time, there was not even the smallest trace of fear or wariness.
Onik thought this.
‘No matter how much Teacher cherishes and loves me, it would be normal for her to fear a child who killed someone.
That child would no longer be the good child Jo Onik that Teacher knew.’
His thoughts continued.
‘Even just suspecting that I might have killed someone should make her feel a little fear, discomfort, or tension...
She should feel wary of the unfamiliar child she never knew before.’
The frightening boy was sensitive to affection for him.
He was also sensitive to fear of him.
He was sensitive to affection because of the emptiness and longing left by growing up without parents. He recognized fear keenly because of the extraordinary senses granted by the bloody abnormality inside him.
The eyes of living things that feared him, and that he could kill.
The boy had often looked into such eyes.
Not that any of the beings he had killed while looking into those windows of the heart had been human yet...
The fear of death was not so different in people and other animals.
(During the first murder, the fake fifty-six-year-old youth had only floundered until the very end, without even realizing what was happening to him.
The fear in those eyes had merely been the fear of a murderer whose crime had been discovered by someone else.)
There had been only one time when the boy had glimpsed fear of him in the eyes of his precious teacher.
‘When I was pressed against the front door of Teacher's house, listening to that bad police uncle's wicked muttering.’
At that time, the frightening boy had briefly lost control of himself.
The bad police officer's insults against Teacher had included death.
「You fucking bitch. I hope you drop dead somewhere.」
Those words. Those words had struck a raw nerve in the boy.
The boy was already constantly suppressing a murderous urge that was like a curse.
The moment the bad police officer's ugly words struck that raw nerve, the unprepared boy felt murderous intent rising terrifyingly from within him.
And so Teacher had seen it.
The face of the bad child he had always kept tightly hidden.
The fear Onik saw in Teacher's eyes had bloomed in an instant and withered in an instant.
It had been an instinctive reaction that might make her mind wonder, What was that? An emotion that vanished like a mirage before she could properly consider it.
That had been the first and last time.
Since the moment he realized his mistake, Teacher's eyes had never held fear or tension when she looked at Onik.
Onik could be sure.
His senses were far more sensitive than those of ordinary people.
And he always paid close attention to the feelings of precious people like Teacher.
There was no objective evidence or clue. There was also no emotional fear or tension.
That was why, even while imagining the worst possibility, Onik could not make it feel real.
Still, whether the possibility felt real or not, one thing was certain.
‘If Teacher asks me directly... if she asks whether I really killed someone, I will never be able to stay calm.’
No amount of mental preparation could handle that.
It was literally impossible.
Eun-jeong was the second most precious person in Onik's world.
His grandfather was the most precious, but that did not mean Grandfather could replace Teacher.
A boy carrying loneliness and emptiness needed them both.
If even one of them turned away from him or left the world, it would bring the boy pain and shock that would be difficult to endure.
And to be suspected of being a murderer by a teacher so precious to him?
With no physical evidence at all, based only on suspicion?
It was terribly frightening to Onik.
Simply imagining such a situation made his heart pound rapidly.
“...”
Onik fiddled with his smartphone before sending a reply.
If he took too long to answer, Teacher might find it strange.
「Yes! Then I'll come by on Saturday! Please tell me what time is convenient for you!」
What he really wanted was not to answer by message, but to call and ask what she wanted to discuss in advance.
To ask what serious thing she wanted to ask him.
But Teacher had already said it was difficult to discuss outside. Even if he asked over the phone, she probably would not answer.
If she could answer, she would have simply called him from the beginning.
And if, by some chance, Teacher held a suspicion he must never receive...
Then knowing what she wanted in advance would have no meaning.
Eun-jeong was someone the lonely boy treasured as much as his own life, no, more than his own life.
The boy was prepared to risk death if it meant saving Teacher.
To be suspected by such a person on suspicion alone was like having one pillar of his world collapse.
‘Because that would mean Teacher's faith in me has already cracked.
If Teacher believed in good child Jo Onik, she would never suspect me like that...’
Onik could only hope that what he had discussed with Sera, and the guesses he had already been making, were right.
Realistically, that was also the most likely explanation.
#
Let us suppose, however unlikely it might be, that Onik went to a psychiatric clinic now.
Of course, the dark crimson abnormality within Onik would be excluded from the consultation. Modern psychiatry could not solve that problem.
What mental illness gave its patient a variety of superhuman abilities?
The abnormality Onik was born with was literally a curse, a thing of uncanny supernatural forces.
Did someone want to study that ominous unknown and find a treatment?
Then it would be better to bring in scientists.
Though it was doubtful that even a great many world-class scientists would find an answer.
Therefore, the consultation would concern only Onik's ordinary parts.
More specifically, the anxiety he currently felt and the flow of his thoughts.
The doctor treating the frightening boy was someone who guarded a client's secrets absolutely.
Normally, if a client confessed to murder, the doctor would of course have to report it.
But let us suppose it was an odd doctor who ignored that legal duty and always placed the patient first.
The likely diagnosis the doctor would make after listening to the boy would be this.
“Hmm. Overall, this would qualify as excessive anxiety disorder.
You say this is recent, but it is not.
The true beginning of your anxiety should be considered Yohan's death and the first murder.
Your self-hatred grew worse from that point, and I can see depression resulting from it as well.”
The boy tilted his head.
“I'm depressed? That can't be right. Do you know how cheerful I am normally?”
“People with depression do not always appear depressed.”
The doctor shook their head.
“Many show only a cheerful face, so cheerful that others never notice anything at all.
In your case, you are controlling yourself through strong self-discipline.
It comes from not wanting your precious people to worry.”
The boy accepted that for the moment. Then he asked.
“Do you think I have an anxiety disorder? What makes you think that?”
This time, the doctor nodded.
“Your emotional state and the flow of your thoughts are typical of an anxiety disorder.”
“I would like you to explain a little more.”
“Of course. First, you tend to react very sensitively to potential threats against the people precious to you.
And when you think about the consequences those threats might bring, you involuntarily keep imagining the worst possibilities.”
“Ah...”
“Your anxiety about precious people discovering the things you have done is also severe.
When what you worry about actually happens, you think you will be unable to do anything about it, don't you?”
“Yes...”
“That feeling of helplessness is also one of the typical symptoms of excessive anxiety.
It is a vicious cycle. You worry more because it is something you cannot deal with, and because you worry more, it feels even more as though you will be unable to deal with it.”
“But it really is like that. What could I possibly do?
If Grandfather or Teacher finds out what I have done, that will be the end. They will not love me anymore.”
“That is exactly it.”
“Pardon?”
“Why do you immediately conclude that you will no longer be loved?”
“Because that is the natural result, isn't it?”
“Concluding that the worst possible outcome is the natural result is itself excessive anxiety.
And believing that no explanation could reach those two people in that situation is, in my view, an expression of the helplessness caused by excessive anxiety.
Your self-hatred likely affects it as well.”
“That is strange. What explanation could there be after killing someone? A person's life is the most precious thing in the world.”
“That is true. Human life is precious. But we are not talking about legal responsibility right now.
Seeking understanding from others is separate from legal responsibility.”
“Uh...”
“Have you ever seen comments like these in online news articles about murder cases?
That one deserved to die, it was self-defense, that person is not a murderer but a righteous person, why punish someone for killing a man who deserved to die, and so on.”
“...”
“When the dead victim has serious and obvious moral failings, and there is much room to empathize with and understand the perpetrator emotionally.”
“I have... seen them.”
It was not difficult to find the kinds of comments the doctor described.
In online spaces, many people defended murder for all kinds of reasons.
Many such defenses lacked objectivity.
But people's empathy for the suffering of others always operated subjectively.
The hatred people felt toward generalized targets and phenomena worked in the same way.
Only the direction differed. Both were still ordinary human feelings.
The fictional doctor, who placed the patient's psychological treatment before the law, continued to speak from the frightening boy's side.
“I will ask you. Did you kill people because you wanted to kill them?”
“...I wanted to kill them. But more than that, I did not want to kill them.”
“I see. Then did you kill people for yourself?”
After hesitating, the boy nodded heavily.
“I think so.”
“Why do you think that? From what I heard, the first murder was for revenge, and the second was to protect your teacher.
In fact, the first murder also included the purpose of making certain your teacher would be safe.”
The boy immediately shook his head at the doctor's words.
“'I' wanted revenge, and 'I' did not want to lose Teacher.
Teacher is someone so precious to me. I did not want to lose her, not even by the smallest chance. I killed people because of that selfish desire.”
The boy's expression hardened as he put force into every word.
“You cannot call that something I did purely for Teacher.
That would be using Teacher as an excuse. I do not want to do that.”
After speaking, the boy thought that though he was already a bad child, he could not become a child that bad.
The doctor smiled after hearing the boy's firm answer.
“That is a good answer. It lets me feel very clearly how strict you are with yourself, and how precious your teacher is to you.
And in my view, that is enough.”
“Pardon? What do you mean, that is enough...?”
“I mean that even if the worst situation you fear comes, it will be enough if you tell your teacher your honest feelings as you have told them now.
She will understand you. She will empathize with you as well.”
“...”
“From what I heard earlier, she is a righteous and upright teacher, so she may advise you to turn yourself in.
She may say that she understands, and is truly grateful, but that wrong is still wrong.”
“...”
“But even if that happens, her faith and affection for you will not change.
No, I think they may grow even deeper. The same applies to your grandfather.”
“That cannot be...”
“It can be. Believe me. I may not look it, but I professionally study the human heart.”
The imaginary consultation between the strange but kind doctor and the frightening boy ended there.
If he could truly receive such a consultation, it would help the boy greatly.
But unfortunately... a doctor he could tell plainly that he had killed people did not exist in reality.
In the end, the boy, who was more fearful than he appeared, set out for Teacher's house carrying a sense of peril.
#
Two teacups slowly cooled.
It was Saturday morning. Eun-jeong brewed tea for the student who had come to her home.
The homemade Korean stewartia tea he had roasted himself and given her as a gift.
A delicate tea fragrance carrying the scent of spring filled the quiet room. The yellow tea, which called dandelions to mind, had barely diminished since it was first poured.
Across the table holding the teacups, Onik sat facing Teacher and kept fidgeting with his fingers.
His anxiety would not let him stay still for even a moment. His eyes darted about, repeatedly studying Teacher's expression, eyes, and complexion.
The conversation between them so far had been truly brief.
As soon as he sat down, Onik had asked Teacher.
“Um, er, didn't you say there was something you wanted to ask me...?”
Teacher nodded heavily.
“I did.”
Her next words came with difficulty after several long breaths.
“...But it is not easy to ask. Could you give me a little time?”
After that, Teacher fell silent.
Her lips moved a few times, but no words followed.
Teacher's words and behavior heightened Onik's anxiety and tension to their limit.
His mind filled with frightened thoughts asking, Could it be? Could it be? Could it be?
The silence was not what Eun-jeong intended.
Of course, she needed the silence.
To learn the truth merely by asking, she needed time like this, lingering in silence.
But that did not mean Eun-jeong was deliberately keeping quiet.
Eun-jeong was not the sort of person who could treat the student she cherished most so calculatingly.
‘It really is difficult to bring it up.’
Eun-jeong's suspicion was not something a teacher ought to hold toward a student. It was the kind of suspicion that made her feel guilty simply for having it.
Because she knew well how much her precious student trusted and relied on her, the weight of that guilt was even heavier.
So though the degree and frequency differed, the teacher also lowered her eyes and fidgeted with her clasped fingers.
Occasionally glancing at her student's face.
But she could not let time continue passing like this.
After her lips had hesitantly moved and stopped, and after she gathered her resolve only to break it down herself more than ten times, Eun-jeong finally raised her eyes and barely managed to speak the difficult words.
“...Onik.”
“Ah, uh, yes! Please tell me!”
“Could it be, could it be that there is something... about Lieutenant Seo Mun-seok's accident... and the Village Youth Association President in Onik's village, who died before...
Is there some important secret that only Onik knows? If there is, would you tell Teacher?”
The moment Seo Mun-seok's name left Teacher's mouth, Onik's breathing caught.
When she mentioned the Village Youth Association President, his shoulders jolted. When she said a secret only Onik knew, his eyes trembled.
And Eun-jeong did not miss that agitation.
Unfortunately, her suspicion had now passed into certainty.
‘...No, is unfortunate really the right word?’
Feeling a faint confusion, Eun-jeong lowered her eyes again.
The dark truth she had practically already heard... did not feel all that unfortunate to her.
She had experienced similar things many times before.
Whenever she imagined terrible things that made her feel deeply sorry toward her student as a teacher, there had instead been moments when the comfort his existence gave her became greater.
Now, when she was nearly certain that the bad suspicion that had long made her feel guilty was true, Eun-jeong felt something closer to relief even amid sorrow and confusion.
None of the shock she had vaguely expected before arranging this meeting came.
She could only think, ‘So that was it after all...’
She did not fully understand her own heart either.
In any case, the silence was over now. There was much she needed to discuss with her student.
Eun-jeong raised her head again, then blinked at the sight of her student.
“...Onik?”
Something was wrong with him.
Onik's face was pale. He was trembling and wearing a pained expression.
Footnotes:
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