WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Alyo
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ Surviving Among the Anomalies ◈
Chapter 69: New Year's Resolution
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A new year had begun.
Since I had entrusted Sarang Trading Company to professional managers, I no longer went to work unless I needed to urgently recharge Sarang-i. I ended up spending the New Year at my office.
“May I get involved with fewer Destruction Grade Anomalies than last year.”
That was my New Year's resolution, but it was not something I could achieve simply by wishing for it, so I made another resolution as well.
“May I spend this year helping people as a Fixer.”
It had begun as nothing more than a tool for obtaining a perfect identity, but it had become a profession I cared about. I reflected on how I had neglected it until now.
“There have been so many incidents.”
To focus on my work as a Fixer, I ate and slept at the office for the time being.
“Fixer, please help me!”
Strangely enough, many people began visiting from that day onward.
“It’s a new year, right? So I started dieting, but it’s so hard! Please help me lose weight!”
“Ugh, I decided to quit smoking for the new year, but it’s really difficult. Please make me quit.”
“I started studying for a certification exam! Please help me get my tax accountant license easily!”
Normally, hardly anyone came to see me unless they had a mysterious incident or wanted to transfer to the Otherworld. A few people with ordinary worries had visited when I possessed Wish-Granting Tickets, but once I had used them all, they stopped coming.
‘Could my attitude toward Fixer work be reflected in how people perceive the profession?’
When I had the tickets, I had wanted to use them to help others.
Perhaps that was why people’s perception of a Fixer had changed from “someone who solves mysterious incidents” to “someone who solves any problem,” bringing ordinary people looking for help to my office.
‘So now they see a Fixer as someone who listens to and solves any problem, which is why they come here.’
It was a trait that had not appeared in the wiki. I did not know whether it was a trait that emerged after being influenced for a long time, or one produced by combining that influence with the body strengthened through The Girl with Her Eyes Closed.
My surprise at the unpredictable traits of Anomalies was brief. I set out to solve my visitors’ problems.
“It’s called Wegovy. If you take this while dieting, you should be able to succeed more easily.”
“This is a smoking-cessation aid. Use it when you want to smoke. Also, if you can endure for just three minutes, the craving will subside. Keep that fact firmly in mind, and quitting will become much easier.”
“This is a good reference book for the certification exam. If you call this number, you can speak with someone who has worked in the field for over ten years. I paid for the tutoring, so all you need to do is arrange a time and take the lessons.”
I had helped them with my own money, but their reactions were lukewarm.
“Ah... Thank you.”
“Mm, okay. I’ll try it.”
“Tch, thanks.”
My enhanced hearing caught the muttering of the visitors as they left the office.
“Isn’t a Fixer supposed to solve everything in a snap?”
“They call themselves a Fixer, but they’re just saying obvious things.”
“How is that any different from saying you can get into Seoul National University if you study Korean, English, and math hard enough?”
Apparently, their expectations of a Fixer were too high.
‘It would be nice if I had an Anomaly that could help.’
A few minutes later, a new visitor arrived.
“Delivery!”
It was not a visitor but a package, and there was no sender listed.
[A New Year’s gift for the External Special Advisor.]
The message made it obvious who had sent it even without a name. When I opened the box, three items packed in Styrofoam greeted me.
“They’re not ordinary junk, are they?”
They were probably Anomalies.
I read the enclosed manual, and my prediction was correct.
[To celebrate the new year, our Foundation wishes to present three Safety Grade Anomalies currently in our custody. The External Special Advisor’s counsel and solutions for the invasion of the Otherworld were the finest solutions befitting the profession of a Fixer...]
It was a gift from the Foundation, laden with flowery language, as additional compensation for the previous matter and an attempt to strengthen its friendship with me.
‘Then I should accept.’
I checked the Anomalies listed in the manual one by one.
“Mechanical Keyboard Filled with a Graduate Student’s Resentment.”
It was a keyboard that made its user’s fingers move on their own and write a thesis automatically. It could produce a hundred-page thesis within an hour without a single typo.
“Still, it can’t include knowledge the user doesn’t have. Anyone lacking knowledge can’t use it.”
It might help graduate students, but if someone could use it skillfully, wouldn’t they already have a doctorate?
“Live Headset for Superfans.”
When someone listened to a song, it produced the same effect as hearing that singer perform live at the height of their career in a concert hall.
“A song’s tone and sound quality matter, but so does the atmosphere of a concert hall.”
Even if a singer was not in good condition and could not sing properly, that itself became a memory of the day and a unique feature that could never be heard again. This one did not seem all that appealing either.
“Blessing of the Toilet God.”
A deodorizer-shaped Anomaly meant to be placed in a bathroom. It cleaned the bathroom automatically once a day, and when someone used that bathroom, it prevented constipation and diarrhea while ensuring they were wiped completely clean without needing to take care of it themselves.
“You should clean with your own hands. They say not cleaning is the first stage of depression.”
If this became a habit, one might stop cleaning their room as well. That would increase the chances of becoming depressed.
“They’re all rather mediocre.”
The manual said it appeared that I collected Anomalies and suggested that I add these to my collection as well.
“Well, they can be useful.”
＊＊＊
“It’s been a while.”
“It has.”
I visited the Mysterious Merchant for the first time in a while. She still looked like a monster with six arms, but the curves of her body gave a feminine impression.
‘If it was ninety percent before, it’s around eighty percent now.’
Would the concentration keep dropping if I continued to make trades that satisfied her?
“What are you thinking so deeply about?”
“I was considering how to make a good trade.”
“That is not difficult. It would be enough if you keep bringing the coupons you brought last time. Those alone should raise the grade by another level.”
“It seems there is demand for the Otherworld Challenge Coupon for You.”
She nodded. Her needle-hole pupils expanded to the size of baseballs in an instant, then shrank again.
“Among the customers who come here are those who find life boring. The Challenge Coupons have become considerable entertainment for them.”
“They use them despite their extreme difficulty? Their lives must have been truly dull.”
“Humans who have enjoyed every form of entertainment come to possess a degree of self-destructive inclination. The arrogance of believing themselves special comes as a bonus.”
I wanted to know whether they had succeeded, but perhaps Derived Anomalies did not connect to the Otherworld Transfer Book. Whether the coupon users had succeeded was not recorded there.
“Did you bring some today as well?”
“Yes, here they are.”
“Good.”
I handed over two Otherworld Coupons I had made in advance. I also traded the three Safety Grade Anomalies the Foundation had given me.
“They are not especially good, but I will take them.”
“I would like to make a trade, but I do not know whether you have what I want.”
“Tell me.”
“I cannot name a specific item. Lately, ordinary visitors have been coming to my office often...”
As I explained my concern, her six hands reached beneath the cabinet.
“Anomalies for such customers are kept here.”
“Tickets.”
“Yes, they were gathered just in case. There are twenty in total. How about making this trade for those?”
The thought that I could help twenty ordinary people came to mind, followed by another.
“They are all regular tickets. Do you have any Golden or platinum ones?”
“There are two Golden Tickets and one Platinum-Colored Wish-Granting Ticket. If you want Golden Tickets, the trade can be completed with two. If you want the Platinum-Colored Wish-Granting Ticket, one will suffice.”
“Platinum, please.”
She handed me a Platinum-Colored Wish-Granting Ticket.
“It is not quite like The One Remaining Monkey’s Paw, but it will still grant a rather remarkable wish. Yet if you want to help ordinary people, would twenty regular tickets not be more efficient?”
“I have something in mind. I want to conduct an experiment.”
“If you intend to wish for additional wishes or for an Anomaly that grants people’s wishes, please do not try it.”
“I won’t. I have already tried something similar before.”
When my Clone in the Mirror Dimension used a cloned ticket, a warning message had appeared. Wishes related to that would probably not be granted, or would only waste the ticket.
“What I intend to do is different.”
＊＊＊
‘The appearance of the invitation has not changed.’
My trade with the Mysterious Merchant was over. Before I left, she gave me the next invitation.
‘It is simply an ornate invitation, but a single rose is engraved on it.’
Was that the change? What form would she take to greet me next time?
“More importantly, I wonder if this will work.”
I took out the Platinum-Colored Wish-Granting Ticket I had obtained from the Mysterious Merchant. It could grant a wish beneath the level of The One Remaining Monkey’s Paw as though by a miracle, but I had no intention of using it.
“Forgotten Alchemist’s Potion Belt.”
I was curious what would happen if I enhanced or weakened it.
‘There are three possible outcomes.’
A Derived Anomaly appears, like the Otherworld Transfer Book.
In that case, the original would remain intact while I could continuously produce enhanced or weakened Derived Anomalies.
‘That is the result I want most.’
The second possibility was that nothing changed.
If it was an exceptional Anomaly that could neither be weakened nor enhanced, I could still use the original.
‘It would not be satisfying, but it would not be bad.’
The third and final possibility was that the ticket itself was enhanced or weakened.
In that case, the experiment would end with me using the enhanced ticket. Its expected power would probably be similar to The One Remaining Monkey’s Paw.
“Okay, here goes.”
I dropped an Enhancement Potion onto the ticket on my desk.
At that moment, the Platinum-Colored Wish-Granting Ticket disappeared.
‘Where did it go?’
I looked around the office, then found a medium-sized vending machine positioned flush against the wall.
“A ticket vending machine?”
It was like the machines found at movie theaters that automatically issued tickets. Though it was not even plugged in, its screen lit up.
[Enter your desired reward.]
Using the Cheonjiin touchpad keyboard below, I entered a reward.
[Information on the Platinum-Colored Wish-Granting Ticket enhanced through an Enhancement Potion]
When I finished entering it and pressed the confirmation symbol, a ticket printed out with a whirring sound.
[Reward: Information on the Platinum-Colored Wish-Granting Ticket enhanced through an Enhancement Potion]
[Mission: Hold your breath for 3 minutes]
[Time Limit: 24 hours]
[(Signature)]
I simply held my breath. My enhanced body endured three minutes with ease, but nothing happened.
“So it only activates after signing.”
I wondered if methods other than a signature would work, so I pressed my thumbprint onto it and held my breath for three minutes.
“It works.”
Before I knew it, the ticket had disappeared, and I was holding a single sheet of A4 paper containing the information.
[Backwards Quest Ticket Vending Machine]
[Grade: Safety]
[Information: A vending machine that issues tickets assigning random missions with difficulty equivalent to the value of the entered reward. The value of rewards and the difficulty of missions follow absolute standards.]
[Time limits are set according to the difficulty of the mission. If the deadline is not met, the ticket is destroyed.]
[The moment the mission is completed, the reward is provided automatically.]
[Rewards are provided to the person who completes the mission in a safe manner.]
[The mission does not activate, nor does the time limit begin to pass, until the signature field is signed.]
“This is a truly interesting Anomaly.”
[If the mission fails, a corresponding penalty is imposed.]
[The severity of the penalty is directly proportional to the value of the reward.]
[Those who fail a mission cannot attempt another mission for one month.]
“And it could help many people, too.”
[Severe penalties may drastically lower one’s quality of life or take one’s life. Select rewards that suit your own abilities, and think at least three times before signing.]
People who had made New Year’s resolutions were already constantly coming to see me.
“I should test it first.”
Footnotes:
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