WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Alyo
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ Surviving Among the Anomalies ◈
Chapter 71: The Blowhard
──────
Lim Jin-guk (45) had grown up hearing that he was bright and intelligent.
“Oh my! Jin-guk’s mother! Isn’t Jin-guk going to become president someday? You should have him take an IQ test!”
“The test results say his IQ is 125. The global average is 82, and Korea’s is 102, so I’d say that’s high.”
“Our Jin-guk is going to Seoul National University, then?”
From then on, Lim Jin-guk knew he was special, different from everyone else.
“First place in our class goes to Lim Jin-guk!”
“Hey, he got perfect scores in every subject!”
“Wow! First in the whole school?”
After attending better middle schools, high schools, and universities than everyone else, he thought:
“Am I the kind of guy who works under other people? I can just start my own business.”
A business needed capital, so he started another business to get it.
“If you invest in me, I’ll return ten times your principal.”
“What’s the business idea? Why should I lend you money?”
“Here, take a look. This is the solar generator for the eco-friendly business I’m working on. Its efficiency is so excellent that it’s attracting attention as a replacement for nuclear power.”
It was a scam. He combined trendy terms like eco-friendly and solar power, printed fake certification labels using a renowned doctor’s name, and stuck them on. Yet his academic background made the lies seem true, and he soon gathered plenty of investment money.
“Huh? Do I even need to run a business? Can’t I just pretend I spent it on the business and hide it somewhere else? The contract says investors bear the business risk, doesn’t it? And since most of it is equity investment, all I have to do is make it look like the business failed, and it’s all my money.”
A business was supposed to make money anyway. This way, he could make money without wasting time.
“You insane bastard!”
“Give me back my money!”
“Now, now! I told you I don’t have any money! The business failed, it failed! Didn’t you read the contract properly?”
The ‘business’ was a success. After repeating it several times, he had accumulated enough money to envy no one. Then, when he gathered investors for the fourth time using a frontman because his face was well known in the field, the people who came were not investors.
They were the police.
“Lim Jin-guk, you are under arrest on fraud charges.”
The betrayal of the business partner he had put forward as a frontman.
That bastard had even provided the police with the source of the money Lim Jin-guk had earned, leaving him penniless and imprisoned.
“Ten years for fraud? Wow, it’s hard to get ten years for fraud in this country.”
“Ugh, I had bad luck. That lackey bastard betrayed me. This is why you should never take in animals with black hair.”
His natural charm allowed him to get through prison without much trouble.
“If I’d seriously focused on studying, I would’ve graduated from the Ivy League. Harvard! Oxford! Yale! MIT! Caltech! You all know them, right? Ha, if it weren’t for my patriotism...”
“Didn’t you say an entertainment agency gave you their card once?”
“You still remember that? Of course it was real! Look at this face! I worked as an extra once, and the director begged me to become an exclusive actor.”
He was such a smooth talker that the other inmates even gave him a nickname.
“You blowhard! Is every word out of your mouth a lie?”
“Blowhard! Get over here and give me a massage! You said your seniors loved you in the military because of your massages, right? I’ll love you too!”
“Blowhard! You’re getting out next month, right? Live honestly!”
After his release, the blowhard Lim Jin-guk had lost everything and started his life anew at forty-five.
‘What kind of business should I use to make money this time?’
People had probably forgotten his face already. Should he change his name first?
“First, I need a place to live.”
He chose a cheap goshiwon.
“Ow, that hurts!”
Old nails and splinters from wooden boards stuck out along the goshiwon’s hallways, occasionally pricking him, but he could not find a cheaper place without a deposit.
‘All right, should I look for a job first? I need at least ten million won in seed money before I can do anything.’
While looking for work online, a banner advertisement caught his eye.
[Lee Seung-hoon Fixer Office]
Then he recalled 「A Forgotten Memory」.
‘A Fixer? Ah, “a trustworthy profession only one person can do, solving mysterious cases while also resolving people’s worries,” right?’
He had never consulted a Fixer before. Should he try it once?
‘Maybe he’ll neatly resolve my worry over what kind of business to start?’
At the Fixer Office he visited, he found a new business idea.
[Reward: Innate Talent for Business]
[Mission: Steal the wig of Donald Trump while he is serving as president.]
[Time Limit: 100 days]
Tickets that gave any reward as long as the mission was completed.
The reliability of tickets guaranteed by the Fixer.
“How much are they?”
“They’re free. My purpose is to help people, not make money.”
Even the Fixer’s goodwill, distributing them for free.
“Can I take several?”
“Are you planning to try several times? That wouldn’t be a bad idea. Here. Look through them and take the ones you like.”
“Thank you!”
“Before that, I’ll say this once more.”
Goodwill was no longer a virtue.
In a capitalist society, goodwill was not a quality people should possess. It was nothing more than crawling into the position of the weak, making oneself easy for others to exploit.
“If you understand the mysterious power of these tickets, you should never damage them. And do not use them for any other purpose.”
“Yes, I understand.”
“And if you fail a ticket’s mission, you will receive a penalty. The penalty is proportional to the reward, so keep that in mind. The tickets you received have ordinary rewards except for one, so you only need to be careful with that one.”
Lim Jin-guk nodded and left the office.
As he put the ten tickets from the Fixer into his pocket, he judged the man.
‘A soft-hearted sucker, an idiot made for others to exploit, a stupid animal I love.’
He tried to sell the tickets, but things did not go as expected.
“My goodness! If you give up delivery food and eating out for just one year, your penis will grow five centimeters longer! Will you let an opportunity like this pass you by?”
“What the hell is he talking about? Is he crazy?”
For some reason, people did not trust the tickets he was selling.
“I’m telling you, Fixer Lee Seung-hoon gave these to me himself! They’re genuine!”
“That can’t possibly be true! Do you take people for fools? Are you Fixer Lee Seung-hoon? It would be different if the Fixer gave it to us himself, but what you’re offering is obviously nonsense!”
Unless the Fixer handed them over directly, people saw the tickets as nothing more than children’s toys.
‘This won’t do.’
He could not give up here. These tickets were business items that would work not only on ordinary people, but also on powerful figures in business and politics.
“Ow, that hurts! I keep telling them to fix this!”
Back at the goshiwon, he thought things over.
‘What if I sell tickets with economy-related rewards to the heads of major corporations? What if I sell tickets with rewards that control the public to politicians?’
Then he could become filthy rich and gain power as well!
‘But how do I solve the credibility problem?’
It was not that difficult.
“Fixer!”
If he lacked credibility, he only needed to build a career that gave him credibility.
“Please hire me as an employee!”
＊＊＊
Lim Jin-guk laid out his entire past.
“I was a fraudster. When I was young, I lost my parents and suffered in poverty. I came to hate the world and went down the wrong path...”
Soft-hearted suckers were weak to stories.
To open the heart of the Fixer, armed with the foolishness called goodwill, he needed a long and pitiful story. Mixing truth and lies, he disguised himself as ‘a pitiful ex-convict determined to reform but discriminated against by society.’
“Confucius said that people ought to possess benevolence and righteousness. Benevolence is love, consideration, and empathy toward others, while righteousness is judging right from wrong and putting what is right into practice.”
Just as expected, the Fixer accepted him.
“I believe people can change. Therefore, I believe every human should be given the chance to change. You can change too, Mr. Lim. If the world will not give you an opportunity, then I will. That is my benevolence and righteousness for you.”
“Th-Thank you! Thank you so much!”
From the next day onward, Lim Jin-guk began going to work as an assistant at the Fixer Office.
‘What? This bastard is an even bigger sucker than I thought.’
Then he was endlessly shocked by what happened at the office.
“One of the missions for the ticket rewarding the restoration of a lost leg is ‘Donate one hundred million won.’ I’ll transfer one hundred million won to your account now, so donate it to a charity immediately.”
For people who could not complete their missions through their own strength, he used his own money.
“One of the missions for restoring eyesight is burning a twelve-carat diamond. I have prepared the diamond, so please come this way.”
“One mission for removing PTSD caused by an accident requires slapping three politicians from the ruling party. I promised to support their political funds and secured their cooperation, so feel free to slap them.”
Unable to understand his actions, Lim Jin-guk asked:
“Why are you helping people while spending your own money? Doing good is nice, but do you really need to go that far?”
“People trying to recover what they have lost and return to an ordinary life are not taking on a challenge. They are returning. We must help people like them directly.”
“What about the people you don’t help?”
“They are people taking on challenges out of personal desire. Of course, I could raise their chances of success by helping them as well, but then there would be no meaning in the challenge.”
To Lim Jin-guk, the Fixer was a truly strange person.
“If they succeed, they will gain a proactive attitude toward life through the sweet fruit of their challenge. If they fail, they will learn to guard against greed and understand their own limits. Either way, they will grow.”
“Do you want them to succeed or fail?”
“I want them to take on the challenge. I believe in human potential.”
“Are you saying humans who do not take on challenges are not human?”
“They are human too. Letting go of desire and finding small happiness in everyday life is also part of human potential.”
Sometimes he was a kind sucker, but at other times, a chilling madness flickered in his clear eyes.
“Ah, I see. As expected of you, Fixer! I didn’t realize you had such deep intentions!”
“They are not that deep. It is only my personal philosophy.”
Then one day, Lim Jin-guk saw it.
“This is the Ticket Vending Machine.”
“So this is where they are made.”
The treasure vault he had longed for.
“Yes. You enter the reward through this touchpad, and a ticket is issued.”
“Wow, that’s amazing. Who on earth made this?”
“I do not know either.”
While working there, he had learned that even with the same reward, there were several possible missions.
If he could make and sell tickets with excellent rewards and missions that could be solved with money, he could extort money and power from the wealthy and from politicians.
“There are many things like this in the world. People who know of their existence, including myself, call them 「Anomalies」.”
“Anomalies...”
“Anomalies are very mysterious. For example, even something in the form of a machine may possess self-awareness. That is why you must never handle them carelessly.”
“Oh-ho.”
“I’m telling you this because if you continue working at my office, Mr. Lim, you will encounter Anomalies often.”
The Fixer was far too nice for his own good.
“I believe you can change, Mr. Lim, and I want us to maintain a good relationship in the future.”
“Thank you for believing in me!”
Sucker.
That evening, Lim Jin-guk secretly slipped into the office.
‘I left a window open beforehand!’
After sneaking in, he headed for the room with the Ticket Vending Machine.
“What makes him think he can leave something this valuable sitting in the office?”
He soon found out why.
“Why won’t this thing lift?”
The Ticket Vending Machine was not large, yet he could not lift it no matter how hard he tried.
“It isn’t bolted to the floor either. How strange.”
There was one more strange thing.
‘It isn’t even connected to a power cord, but it’s switched on?’
Should he just issue a mountain of tickets and run away?
He had already taken plenty of photographs with the Fixer and of the office, so he had long met the conditions to impersonate the Fixer’s disciple.
‘That’s what I’ll do.’
After issuing lots of tickets, I’ll destroy the machine.
That would raise the value of my tickets.
[Enter your desired reward.]
He entered the rewards he had prepared in advance and printed one hundred tickets for each reward.
‘This makes me rich!’
Not merely rich, but the king of the underworld, with power in my hands as well!
As he laughed and checked the tickets, a piece of information flared through his mind like a spark.
[What is important when forging checks? The paper matters, but the ink matters more! The ink banks use is extremely special, so it is harder to obtain than the paper.]
Something a former check forger he had met in prison had said.
‘Looking closely, this isn’t thermal paper. It’s written in ink, isn’t it?’
What if he could dismantle the machine and take out the tickets and ink?
Couldn’t I write whatever rewards and missions I wanted, then fulfill wishes to my heart’s content?
‘Tickets that grant even impossible wishes. If that is truly possible...’
I wouldn’t merely be some king of the underworld. I could become a god.
He immediately took out his tools. Before carefully dismantling the Ticket Vending Machine, he recalled what the Fixer had said.
[Even something in the form of a machine may possess self-awareness. That is why you must never handle them carelessly.]
His hesitation was brief.
“You said you wanted me to take on challenges, didn’t you? I’ll take one on, just as you said.”
After loosening a few screws, the inside of the Ticket Vending Machine was exposed.
He found a bundle of blank tickets and an ink cartridge. Tearing them out, he swung a hammer to destroy the Ticket Vending Machine.
‘What is this? Why won’t it break?’
It did not break. It did not even receive a scratch.
[Enter your desired reward.]
[Damaging our product or forging or altering tickets may result in a severe penalty.]
Destroy the inside, then.
When he opened the Ticket Vending Machine again, he found the ink cartridge and bundle of tickets he had just removed sitting inside it exactly as before.
“...”
A nameless chill ran through him. He restored the Ticket Vending Machine to its original state, then fled the office.
‘Fine. If I’m right, this can make me a god anyway!’
Then I do not need to destroy it.
Back at the goshiwon, Lim Jin-guk used what he had stolen to finish a handmade ticket.
[Reward: One hundred million won in cash]
[Mission: Sit down and stand up ten times]
[Time Limit: Indefinite]
After signing it, he completed the mission.
Bundles of fifty-thousand-won bills were piled like a mountain on the small bed in his goshiwon room.
“It worked!”
Now I’m rich!
At that moment, a vivid image appeared in his mind.
[Illegal Manipulation Detected]
[Penalty Activated]
[Your penalty is “Balloon.”]
Balloon?
What kind of penalty was that?
‘Wait, why is my body so light?’
Something felt wrong. Every time he moved, his body felt so light that he seemed to bounce.
‘I’m actually floating!’
Did “balloon” mean becoming an actual balloon?
How could that make any sense?
Well, the tickets themselves did not make sense, but still. A person turning into a balloon while alive?
“M-My phone! The Fixer! Fixer!”
He frantically tapped his smartphone with his balloon body, but perhaps his bioelectricity had disappeared, because the screen would not respond.
‘N-No!’
Then he had to meet him in person.
Even the doorknob would barely turn, but he desperately forced it open and bounced down the hallway.
‘Please, the Fixer must know a way to turn me back!’
He could see the entrance ahead.
“Ow, that hurts!”
＊＊＊
Early in the morning, the goshiwon owner came to clean the building.
“?”
The owner cautiously touched the clothes scattered in the hallway.
‘Who threw clothes away here?’
There were shoes, pants, and even underwear.
“Goodness, what is this?”
Inside the clothes, the owner found a piece of balloon.
The piece was very large, but it had deflated and become wrinkled.
‘There’s something drawn on it?’
The owner unfolded the shriveled balloon.
A naked man was drawn on its surface.
“Oh my, how indecent!”
It was an extremely realistic drawing.
The startled expression on the man’s face gave off an unpleasant feeling that could not be explained.
‘That face looks familiar.’
Wanting to shake off the discomfort of feeling as though they were looking at a real person, the owner threw it all into the trash without hesitation.
“Ugh! Disgusting.”
The owner began cleaning.
It was a quiet weekend morning.
Footnotes:
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