WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Haruto

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◈ The Dark Fantasy Doctor Was Mistaken for a Saint ◈

Chapter 63: What’s Your Name, You Bastard? (1)

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‘It’s even more effective than I expected.’

Viagra’s popularity had surpassed my imagination.

Maybe it was because this was a world where producing an heir was directly tied to inheriting one’s title.

Even a month after its release, Viagra showed no sign of losing popularity.

Its popularity was so immense that, within a month of release, it had caught up to insulin’s annual sales.

‘As expected of Viagra. Good thing I memorized it separately.’

Quinine, aspirin, heparin.

Unlike medicines extracted from nature, like those, Viagra was not easy to reproduce simply because I knew its ingredients and history.

For one thing, its active ingredient did not exist in nature, so it could not be extracted.

Would you believe me if I told you that, if you traced Viagra’s ingredients back far enough, you would eventually reach petroleum?

Making Viagra was difficult enough to be comparable to creation itself.

Yet there was one reason I could make it.

I had memorized its manufacturing process back when I was a medical student.

‘Who would have thought memorizing this instead of soap-making would come in handy?’

In countless stories, people preparing to be reincarnated always memorized how to make soap.

Unlike those aspiring reincarnators, I had memorized the manufacturing processes for some rather unusual things during medical school.

Namely, three fully synthetic drugs that had defined their era.

‘Whenever there were no patients and nothing to do, I used to look up papers on those drugs by myself.’

Trauma surgery involved a lot of waiting.

There was nothing to do until the emergency room called.

I spent that time looking up papers on those medicines.

All I had to do was search online, and the papers were there.

I never imagined back then that I would be reincarnated and make such good use of them.

And now.

Viagra was bringing me wealth beyond anything I had imagined.

Was this what money tasted like?

Once you experienced the feeling of the leading digits in your bank balance changing every time you opened your eyes, it was hard to come to your senses.

‘I should make the other two once I secure the materials and technology.’

I had not been particularly greedy before.

But they said late-blooming desires were frightening, and now I wanted to make the other two medicines as soon as possible.

In any case.

Everything had gone smoothly up to this point.

But then.

“Julian.”

“Yes, Master.”

My master’s reaction when I visited him for the first time in a while was a little different from what I had expected.

Great Sage Louis Edelhardt.

The Empire’s greatest wizard and my master held a bottle of Viagra in his hand, frowning.

“You said you wanted to reveal Director Schun’s identity to the world around this time two years ago. Because of that damned marriage issue.”

“Yes. I certainly did. I felt that I lacked the wealth needed to live up to Director Schun’s reputation.”

“Do you still feel that way now?”

I shook my head.

Back then, I had made Viagra because I wanted to reveal my identity due to the issue of my title and becoming a live-in son-in-law.

But after becoming engaged to Charlotte, neither was a problem any longer.

“I heard you became engaged to a marquis’s daughter. Then there is no longer any need to reveal the Director’s identity.”

I nodded.

“Then why did you make this medicine?”

“The medicine had already been made and entered testing before the engagement. I never expected to meet Miss Charlotte where I went to follow my father.”

“Hmm... Perhaps you two should have met sooner after all?”

“Matters of fate do not work however we want them to.”

“...”

My master opened his mouth halfway, as though he had something he wanted to say, then closed it again.

He nodded and spoke.

“Yes. Fate is endlessly changeable. But even so... Did you not say at the time that you were making heart medicine?”

“Yes. That truly was my purpose.”

That was certainly what I had told my master before making Viagra.

“But where did the heart medicine go, and why is a virility drug making its way around the Empire?”

“I still wonder how things ended up like this.”

But, well, the result spoke for itself.

It was not the heart that came back to life, but a rather different part.

Of course, this was the result I had intended.

If people thought Director Schun had set out from the beginning to make a treatment for erectile dysfunction, it would ruin the character I had built.

So I told everyone that I was making heart medicine, then disguised it as an unexpected side effect that had been discovered.

But from my master’s perspective, unaware of my inner circumstances, it could only seem absurd.

“Ahem. Great discoveries often arise from mistakes. That was true of magic-stone refining, and of alchemical distillation as well.”

“That is correct, Master.”

“...But I am not certain whether this should be called great.”

My master’s face filled with complicated emotions.

He picked up a blue diamond-shaped pill and held it before one eye.

“Do not misunderstand me, Julian. I am not saying your efforts are vulgar. The knowledge contained in this tiny pill is certainly great.”

After studying it for a long time, he carefully set it down.

“It is also undoubtedly an admirable achievement that this medicine has changed the stigma of sexual incapacity into a temporary illness that can be treated. But...”

My master cleared his throat.

Then he subtly averted his gaze.

“Perhaps because I am human too... Hearing that it is a medicine that acts on that part makes it difficult for me to feel scholarly awe. To put it another way, I am not saying this medicine is vulgar. I simply... cannot feel awe for it.”

I understood.

Honestly, Viagra did have a rather funny image.

Objectively speaking, it was certainly a great medicine.

But still... it was a little awkward.

There was a reason I had created an alibi about discovering it by chance.

“It is all right, Master. I was flustered too when I first discovered the effect.”

“I am sorry. This medicine must have been something into which you poured everything you had, driven by your determination to make heart medicine. I never intended to insult you.”

This was why stories built on misunderstandings were so nice.

Whatever I did was bound to be interpreted in a positive direction.

I was sorry to deceive my respected master, but I would take this misunderstanding to the grave.

My master wiped the hand that had held the pill with a handkerchief and lifted his teacup.

“Still, if we set aside that embarrassing side effect, the essence of this medicine is truly astonishing.”

He moistened his lips with a sip of tea.

After clearing his throat, he took a thick bundle of parchment from his robes.

It was the paper I had sent him, containing the manufacturing process and mechanism of action for the failed “heart medicine,” or in other words, the Viagra prototype.

My master tapped the paper with his finger and marveled.

“I will be honest. The depth of the knowledge you handle has now far surpassed anything this old man can approach.”

“You flatter me.”

“It is not empty praise. A design that precisely inhibits the action of a specific enzyme in the body just to dilate blood vessels. This is a medicine that no one in this era could ever design except you.”

“Though it ended up dilating different blood vessels than the ones I intended.”

My master gave a bitter smile at my joke.

“Even so, it remains a great design. In the distant future, other alchemists will use your design as a reference to make countless medicines. It is no different from your opening a new horizon for alchemy.”

My master placed a hand on the paper.

“But it will take decades, perhaps even a century, before the world catches up to your design.”

“Is it really that difficult?”

“How many alchemists in the Empire could fully understand the knowledge written in this paper? Even I only grasped its outline after reading it three times.”

It seemed that even my master found the principles behind Viagra’s manufacturing process difficult.

If the Great Sage, who had lived a thousand years while accumulating knowledge with relentless devotion, said that much, ordinary alchemists would naturally need even longer.

“Have you published this paper?”

“No. Only the alchemists at our company are permitted to read it.”

“And did they understand it?”

I shook my head.

None of them understood it.

So Viagra was currently being made through a division of labor, with each alchemist handling only the part of the process they understood.

As a result, security had unintentionally become even tighter.

“Yes. I thought so. Even if you published this paper, you would likely be the only person capable of actually synthesizing and improving this medicine.”

“Why do you ask?”

“Where money gathers, thieves inevitably gather as well. But given this medicine’s difficulty, no one will be able to imitate it.”

I found that difficult to agree with.

People in this world lacked knowledge, not intelligence.

I had found papers and memorized them as a medical student.

There was no reason the people of this world could not do the same.

“I do not quite understand.”

“Yes. Since you made it, you cannot understand why it is difficult.”

My master shook his head.

“In any case, what I mean is that this medicine’s popularity will not be a passing fad. At this rate, you will gather wealth beyond what you wanted.”

Enough wealth.

That was good news.

It meant I now had the power to live up to Director Schun’s name.

Of course, I did not want to go around announcing that I was Director Schun.

I was simply tired of having to hide my identity at every turn.

That was why I wanted to reveal it to the people close to me.

Charlotte, for example. Or the scholarship students.

“Then can I reveal Director Schun’s identity to those around me now?”

But my master’s response differed from what I had hoped.

“I do not know...”

I had expected him to nod readily.

Instead, he set down his teacup and gazed steadily at me.

“Julian, do you know why I have not introduced you even to the other mage tower masters?”

“I do not.”

I shook my head.

Honestly, I had found that part strange.

Usually, if someone had a youngest disciple, they would at least introduce them to their senior brothers and sisters.

But my master seemed to be putting that off deliberately.

I had not asked because I thought he must have had his reasons.

“I will tell you. Such is the way of the world. Reputation brings threats worthy of it, and strength brings grudges worthy of it.”

“Could I be in danger if my senior brothers and sisters learned about me?”

“Yes.”

My master smiled bitterly.

“There are no small number of grievances between the mage tower masters and me. The path of a mage is like that. Whenever one person proves they are right, someone else’s life’s work is denied.”

I understood what he meant.

Once someone became a Great Sage or a mage tower master, their tangled grudges would surely be complicated.

The more they cared for me, the more likely those who hated them would target me.

That was why my master had only informed my senior brothers and sisters of my existence, without introducing me to them.

Having heard this much, I felt that I understood what my master was trying to say.

“...I am no longer in the position of being protected. I am in the position of having to protect others.”

“Yes.”

My master’s one eye moved from my face to the blue pill on the table.

“If you seize immense wealth through this medicine and your influence grows, countless interests and grudges will become entangled with you before you even realize it. Even if you do not intend it.”

At first, I wanted to say that could not happen.

I could not imagine someone resenting me because of Viagra.

Black mages had more than enough reason to hate me because of the vaccine, and nobles had more than enough reason to envy me for my other medicines.

Still, was there anyone who would lose out because of Viagra?

Just as I was about to say my master’s concern was unfounded, one fact came to mind.

‘Right. I am the protagonist of a misunderstanding story.’

Damn. I could not deny it.

By the nature of misunderstanding stories, there was a high chance that things would head in directions I had never even considered.

That had always been the case, and I had taken advantage of it myself.

I did not know how, but I could not rule out the possibility that things would become complicated because of Viagra, just as my master said.

“The longer one lives, and the higher one rises, the more complicated their grudges become. That is simply the way of the world.”

“But did you not say, Master, that once I had enough wealth to make even a ducal house take notice, then...”

“What I told you then was a necessary condition, not a sufficient one.”

My master cut me off firmly.

“In truth, information about the imperial family is never fully revealed. They are the Emperor’s children. Yet even so, everything is shrouded in secrecy, from who is which child to where they are and what they are doing.”

Now that I thought about it, he was right.

Despite their status as imperial family members, people generally knew only how many of them existed, not their exact identities.

Unless they distinguished themselves on a battlefield somewhere, like Edmund, information about the imperial family was basically kept classified.

“Sometimes secret disciples whom mage tower masters have kept tightly hidden suddenly emerge out of nowhere. It is the same principle. If you examine whether that was voluntary or not each time, the latter is usually the answer.”

That was true as well.

I was an example of it myself.

“It becomes even less possible to do as you please if you do not live alone in this world. When there are people you must protect by your side, there are that many more things you must hide.”

At those words, the faces of my family, Freya, Charlotte, and Eri naturally passed through my mind.

If I revealed that I was Director Schun, the blades of those targeting me might turn toward them.

My master’s concern was extremely realistic and accurate.

Damn it.

Things in this world did not go the way I wanted.

“Perhaps you will soon come to understand what this old man means.”

At my master’s meaningful words, I quietly nodded.

It would be best to put off a hasty reveal.

For the time being, perhaps I should continue enjoying the benefits of the shield called Director Schun.

Meanwhile, my master tucked the Viagra paper from the table into his robes and changed the mood.

“Now, let us set aside our worries about the complicated future for the moment. Rather than a future that has not yet come, it would be better to focus on what you can do now.”

“What I can do...”

“Yes. I will help you finish reviewing the black magic reverse-tracing practice we left unfinished last time. To protect your body and your people, money matters, but your magical ability will be your surest weapon.”

I nodded.

That day, I succeeded in reverse-tracing my master’s black magic eight times out of ten.

* * *

“By the way, Julian.”

“Yes, Master.”

“Do you have any plans to make a medicine that prevents pregnancy?”

“Pardon?”

All of a sudden?

My master silently pointed at the blue pill on the table.

Ah.

“...I had not considered that.”

“Since you did not make the medicine with that purpose in mind, that is understandable. I have gained this sort of insight from living so long. So, do you have any plans?”

I nodded.

“I’m not sure about a drug, but one contraceptive device comes to mind.”

“It would be best to release it quickly.”

“Thank you, Master.”

A month later.

Condoms began to be sold as a bundled product with Viagra.

For the record, I somehow made it seem as though the trading company president, rather than I, had first brought up rubber rings.

Author’s Note (Afterword)

Did you know?

Surprisingly, Viagra’s total sales in pharmaceutical history are pretty ordinary.

Footnotes:

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