WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Malfoid
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◈ The Dynamics of Pure Love and Overprotection ◈
Chapter 20
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Somehow, Kang Uihyeon ended up looking like he was defending me. Yu Dogyeom must have felt it too, because he frowned in displeasure. His expression said he couldn't understand why Kang Uihyeon was butting into a battle of wills between siblings instead of looking after the woman beside him.
“You were a little scary just now, oppa.”
Jeong Sujin giggled, poking Kang Uihyeon with her elbow.
“Do you go around monitoring everyone who shows interest in Chaewon at school? Chaewon should date too. What if you get in her way?”
“She’s still young.”
There it was again. That damned “young.” There was only a five-year age gap between us, yet he still saw me as a baby in a bulky diaper. My chest felt stifled by the gap I could never possibly narrow, even after more than a decade had passed.
“I’m not young.”
My fork scraped against my small plate with an unpleasant sound.
“I can order alcohol here too. How old are you that you keep calling me young? If you’re going to keep going on about age, why don’t you join a senior center yourself?”
Even as I seriously fired back, Kang Uihyeon remained indifferent. He would probably show more interest if a passing dog barked. Only Jeong Sujin wore an awkward smile as she watched our reactions.
“Wow, did you see that, Sujin? Her temper is no joke.”
I had proven Yu Dogyeom's claim that his little sister had a nasty temper, so I had nothing to say. I pursed my lips and stared down at my plate. I had come here to disrupt Kang Uihyeon's composure, but all I had exposed was my own petty temper.
“But Chaewon is right. She’s an adult too.”
Kind-hearted Jeong Sujin smiled and took my side despite the sharp atmosphere.
“Isn’t oppa being too overprotective?”
Overprotective. Kang Uihyeon's problem had been defined in one word. The care that felt familiar and natural to me looked excessive to others. Even Baek Jungyeong, who never picked up on anything, had found it strange.
But people didn't know. Whether it was protection or control, I had to welcome anything Kang Uihyeon gave me if I wanted to earn the right to stay by his side. If he neglected me and stopped looking back, I would be the only one left wanting. No matter how tough I acted, Kang Uihyeon didn't so much as snort because he knew full well who held the upper hand in our relationship.
“Chaewon, you’ve never dated before, right? Have you ever been on a blind date?”
“No. Not even a blind date.”
“Then should unnie find you someone nice? What’s your type?”
“Would you like a glass of wine?”
Kang Uihyeon reached an arm between Jeong Sujin and me. As he took the menu from the corner of the table, the conversation between us naturally stopped. Relieved, I focused on eating what remained of my meal. With my one and only ideal type sitting right in front of me, I couldn't talk about what kind of man was nice, especially with the person about to become his girlfriend.
“Don’t order anything too expensive. If you spend money carelessly, Yu Chaewon will give you looks.”
“I’ll pay for the drinks.”
I could feel someone watching me intently from across the table. Without acknowledging Jeong Sujin's gaze, I kept chewing my pasta. This time, even if I threw up like I had after eating sundae-gukbap, Kang Uihyeon probably wouldn't come running. Today was Jeong Sujin's birthday.
“Drink.”
A little later, Kang Uihyeon personally filled my glass with wine.
“You said you were all grown up, so you can drink this much, right?”
He was clearly being sarcastic. Usually, no matter what harsh thing I said to him, he didn't care, but perhaps because Jeong Sujin was here, he didn't seem pleased that I had talked back.
Still, I liked that Kang Uihyeon was mocking me. It was proof that I had gotten under his skin somehow. I had achieved at least part of the modest goal I had set when I came here.
The wine tasted awful. Still, I pretended it suited my taste and drank it down at everyone else's pace. I soothed the bitter taste with whipped-cream cake and stayed firmly in my seat, relying on the alcohol to keep going.
I emptied one glass, then two, while taking in the couple across from me. It was better to see reality for myself than to torture myself imagining how sweet a time Kang Uihyeon and Jeong Sujin might be having. Even if it was like slicing my chest open with the edge of a blade.
After dinner, Kang Uihyeon called a designated-driver service, while Yu Dogyeom and I decided to take a taxi. I didn't want the three of us crammed into the back seat, so I chose the uncomfortable ride with my biological older brother.
If I let Kang Uihyeon and Jeong Sujin leave together like this, perhaps the first day of their relationship would begin. But I didn't want to interfere with them anymore today. I had been pretending to be unaffected, but today was my parents' death anniversary, and I had strained myself enough by drinking bad alcohol with people I didn't even like while staying on edge.
“Make sure Chaewon gets home safely.”
Kang Uihyeon reminded Yu Dogyeom. Anyone would think he was my older brother.
“Is she your sister? She’s my sister. You take good care of your girlfriend.”
Yu Dogyeom must have had the same thought, because he raised his voice instead. He looked so trustworthy as he casually rummaged through his cigarette pack.
“Call me if anything happens.”
Kang Uihyeon gave me his usual farewell. It was practically a habit for him. He had just heard Yu Dogyeom ask whether I was his sister, but he paid no attention to the criticism. Conscious of Jeong Sujin watching me, I nodded.
They left first, and I waited a few steps away until Yu Dogyeom finished his cigarette. The road home was always uncomfortable, but today, I wanted to get home and rest as soon as possible. It was because I had undertaken overly complicated things that were beyond my nerve.
“You saw her today, right?”
Yu Dogyeom stubbed out his cigarette on the street and came over to me.
“Even you think Jeong Sujin is fucking pretty and fucking nice, don’t you?”
“Yeah. Fucking pretty and fucking nice.”
I answered listlessly. This was why I had wanted to hurry home. I knew Yu Dogyeom wouldn't simply send me home quietly.
“Uihyeon showed her to you. He was showing you that someone has to be at least that good to go after him. Are you really that clueless?”
I let his words go in one ear and out the other as I replied to Han Jio's message, which had arrived a while ago. My yellow message bubble, lying that I had met with family for dinner after so long, looked pathetic.
“You never think about your oppa at all, do you? Do you know how embarrassed I am whenever I see Uihyeon?”
“Why are you embarrassed?”
“Why do you think? You’re not even young anymore, but you cling to him in such a creepy way. It’s embarrassing for me.”
“I don’t think Uihyeon oppa finds it creepy.”
I let out an irritated laugh. The temper that had been sharpened all day was starting to explode.
“He still sees me as a baby. He probably thinks I’m cute.”
“How does a kid get crazier and crazier?”
“Freak.”
Yu Dogyeom muttered with a shudder.
“Every time I see you, you’re my little sister, but you give me chills. What do you think Kang Uihyeon feels? I guarantee he’ll get sick of you soon enough. If you want to stay in his life even as a close younger friend, stop coming on so strong.”
How many times had I heard curses like that? That Kang Uihyeon only put up with me because I was young, that once I grew up a little more, he would cast me aside, that my expiration date was almost up. But unlike all of Yu Dogyeom's threats, Kang Uihyeon still looked after me attentively.
“I know exactly how much Uihyeon oppa will put up with from me. I’m smart enough to stay within the line, so you don’t need to worry for nothing.”
People would whisper among themselves about how strange it was that I didn't speak sweetly to the man I loved unrequitedly, but in truth, it was all a carefully calculated result. Speaking harshly to Kang Uihyeon and losing my temper tested how wide the limits of his tolerance were, while also showing others how close we were.
“Is that why you acted so meek in front of Jeong Sujin?”
At the mention of Jeong Sujin's name, my lips pressed tightly shut.
“You didn’t act nice because you weren’t close to her. It was because she’s Kang Uihyeon’s girlfriend, so you couldn’t say a peep.”
Yu Dogyeom mercilessly struck the heart of the matter and snickered.
“You were scared that if you acted up in front of his girlfriend, Uihyeon would embarrass you and cut you off. Am I wrong?”
When I couldn't refute a single word, Yu Dogyeom drew in a deep breath as if he finally felt relieved. As an older brother who had always wanted me to know my place, he must have felt pleased seeing me shut up so completely.
“Let’s go, little sister.”
Yu Dogyeom walked to the edge of the sidewalk to hail a taxi, but I didn't follow him. Instead, I turned toward the subway station.
“Fine, go wherever you want!”
Yu Dogyeom shouted at my retreating back. His voice was so full of amusement that I clenched my fists without meaning to.
“Go call Uihyeon again and carry on about how Yu Dogyeom went off by himself! You think you’re the only one with a temper?”
No matter what Yu Dogyeom babbled, I silently kept walking forward. I blinked rapidly without pause, trying to dry the tears spilling out. I sniffled a few times and took deep breaths too.
I like Kang Uihyeon. I can't see anyone but him. He is the reason behind everything I do. I need to have my hands on anything connected to him, even a little, before I can feel satisfied.
People have been wagging their tongues about my unrequited love for so long that it isn't particularly new. I don't care if they think I'm a creepy freak like Yu Dogyeom does. It will be fine as long as Kang Uihyeon doesn't see me that way.
I can endure Jeong Sujin always being beside Kang Uihyeon. I can force myself to understand even when he takes care of Jeong Sujin before me. I can stubbornly watch him smile at her and listen kindly to everything she says.
But that doesn't mean I don't get hurt. I'll say it again, my heart isn't made of steel. Just because my mind doesn't care doesn't mean my heart is unaffected.
I am depressed right now. The side of my head throbs, the pit of my stomach aches, and my hands and feet tingle. If my willpower had been even a little weaker, something would surely have happened.
Sometimes, because I'm human too, I want to coolly give up on Kang Uihyeon. Sometimes I wish that seeing him no longer made my stomach churn, that I didn't think of him first when I was afraid, that even the slightest brush against him would leave me feeling nothing at all. Lately, those thoughts have become more frequent.
I picture myself maturely congratulating Kang Uihyeon when he starts dating Jeong Sujin soon. In my imagination, I wear a relaxed smile, my gaze doesn't waver, and there is no tremor in my voice as I say, “Congratulations. That’s great.”
But right now, I am only barely holding back my tears. I have to put all my strength into walking straight.
I truly want to cut off this dragging, stagnant love. It won't be returned by the person it concerns, and people will only look down on it anyway. I want to cast aside the feelings I have nurtured my entire life and feel free. I want only the heart of someone who likes me. Like Kang Uihyeon does, I want to take it for granted that someone will like me.
When will I finally be able to completely stop this stupid unrequited love?
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