WETRIED TRANSLATIONS

The Wizard in the Poncho

[Translator – Aren]

Chapter 83 - Praise me, Damn it!!!!

When I opened my eyes again, we were in front of Gwangju City Hall in Gyeonggi Province.

I could tell because when I cracked my eyes open, I saw the sign beyond the woman’s body blocking my view.

But my body felt heavy.

I hadn’t woken up naturally after a good night's sleep. Someone had shaken me by the shoulder, leaving my eyelids unbearably heavy.

"Hubae-nim~. Wake up.”

It was Go Ryeoha.

She was probably doing this because she was bored, so I intended to ignore her completely.

Reproduction and sexual desire might be important, but when you were sleepy, you had to sleep.

However, anyone would be forced to open their eyes wide after feeling a hand seize the back of their neck instead of their shoulder and begin kneading it.

-Snap!

My mind became clearer than it had been back in middle school, when a teacher caught me sleeping in class, made me hold the push-up position, and beat me with a mop handle.

When I opened both eyes wide and looked ahead, Go Ryeoha raised her right hand and held it out like a playful cat.

"Squish, squish."

"Why did you wake me up?”

"They said we have to switch vehicles.”

I blinked at that, then looked around.

Sure enough, the other Supreme Archmages who had been riding with me in the back of the military truck were looking up at me from below. Every one of them was yawning widely.

Pastor Park Yohan also let out a huge yawn and wiped the tears gathered at the corners of his eyes with his index finger.

"Jemin. If you’re awake, hurry up and get down. We need to rest too.”

"Yes, sir!”

Only then did Go Ryeoha and I climb down last.

The only people remaining in the truck bed were the five special forces soldiers.

Their mission had been to infiltrate Seoul through the Han River and escort us, and they seemed to have all sorts of feelings about completing it with far fewer losses than expected.

Among them, the radio operator turned toward us and gave a calm salute.

"Unity. Congratulations on your safe return.”

The radio operator appeared to be acting as the team leader. When he saluted, the other soldiers also turned toward us and followed suit.

Although we were not soldiers, we could not coldly reject the salute offered by these proud men, so we Supreme Archmages responded with waves.

"Thank you for your hard work. Take care."

-Step, step.

Once the special forces soldiers climbed back into the truck bed after completing their salutes, the military truck accelerated and began pulling away from us.

I had no idea why they hadn’t taken us directly to Suwon and instead made us transfer in Gwangju, but that was just how the Republic of Korea worked.

Unless the route led to Seoul, it was perfectly normal for people outside the capital to transfer buses just to reach the neighboring city, so I accepted it.

That was when Lee Sejun approached and began voicing pointless complaints.

We had just shared a rare, heartwarming farewell, yet his dissatisfaction was already spilling out.

"Jemin-ssi, why did you wave instead of saluting? Wasn’t that obviously the moment when we were all supposed to exchange crisp salutes, shout ‘Unity!’ back, and then answer with ‘Loyalty!’?”

"Sejun-ssi, reservists are civilians by default. They only responded to the mobilization order. Besides, we really are civilians.”

"Legally, you’re still military manpower who can be mobilized at any time.”

"Sejun, by that logic, your Korean birth registration already has a 3 permanently stamped at the front of your resident registration number, and that’s never changing."

I could hear the thoroughly triggered Lee Sejun barking and raising hell, but I decided to ignore him.

Thank God the Ears-branch, Stage 1 magic penalty was not activating right now.

Shin Nain was the one stuck dealing with him alone.

He frowned at Lee Sejun, then put on his headset, turned up the volume, and hummed a hymn.

"There is nothing more precious than Lord Jesus~.”

Meanwhile, the pastor, Hamza, and Go Ryeoha approached us.

They had briefly put some distance between themselves and us while the commotion was going on, only coming closer after things quieted down a little.

"Pastor, are you embarrassed by us?”

"Jemin-ssi is not exactly the kind of person I would normally want to associate with.”

"Ahem, hm. That is precisely why Jemin needs to start attending church and be tempered properly, Islam isn’t entirely wrong, either. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”

"Oh, Pastor. And you there, Muslim gentlemen, don’t be too hard on Hubae-nim either. It’s nice to see you all get along so well.”

Go Ryeoha slipped into the conversation while Hamza responded and the pastor cleared his throat.

The instant I heard Go Ryeoha’s comment, a tremendous wave of regret crashed over me.

Getting along well?

Who did?

Surely not me, Baek Jemin, with that bastard Lee Sejun and Shin Nain, who considered it perfectly normal to occupy a seated toilet for 30 minutes.

Surely I had not just been lumped together with those two?

"Jemin-ssi…?”

"What’s with Jemin’s expression?”

A man was defined by his pride.

And just now, Go Ryeoha had inflicted a heinous wound upon mine.

Even I could feel it.

Just how cold my gaze had become as I stared at Go Ryeoha.

This emotion could not be expressed through anything as simple as resentment or hatred.

Right then, I drew a line in my heart.

Go Ryeoha covered her mouth with her left hand instead of pulling her mask back up and giggled.

"Hehe, Hubae-nim. I promised I’d make you an amazing Cursed Object with the Incantation-type magic I learned, remember?”

"Hahaha! Even you can see it, Master, right? Sejun-ssi, Nain-ssi, and I really are close.”

Even the three sworn brothers Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei, who vowed to die on the same day, would have no choice but to bow before us.

Because the moment I thought I was about to die, I would shoot Shin Nain and Lee Sejun first so I would not have to die feeling wronged.

That was when a military officer approached us.

He came with several soldiers from the city hall building beyond the sparsely planted roadside trees, its exterior covered in glass windows.

His rank was Captain.

Like the other military officers we had met before, he had removed his name tag, so I couldn’t confirm his identity. He appeared to be a man in his early to mid-30s, with long eyelashes beneath thick horn-rimmed glasses with strong prescription lenses.

"Civilian operational unit Aphorism. Is that correct?”

"Yes."

"We will assign you a vehicle immediately, so please follow me. You have all worked hard escaping Seoul. You have around 10 minutes. Take care of whatever business you can as quickly as possible, then board. Headquarters is currently requesting that we send you to Suwon as soon as possible, so I ask for your understanding that we cannot give you a long rest period.”

"One member of our group takes a minimum of 20 minutes to do their business. What should we do?”

When I raised my concern in advance to the strict-sounding captain in horn-rimmed glasses, he blinked, looked over the members of our group, and stared at Go Ryeoha for quite a while.

I had no idea what kinds of wild scenarios the captain in horn-rimmed glasses had imagined.

However, rather than entertaining any lecherous fantasies, the captain in horn-rimmed glasses was agonizing over completely different issues.

"The person over there must be the friendly local survivor Aphorism reportedly brought out. And well…If she takes at least 20 minutes, that puts our dispatch schedule in a difficult position. If you miss the assigned vehicle, it might take another hour….”

"No. The one who takes 20 minutes to do their business isn’t that woman. He’s one of our companions.”

"Then tell him to hold it. Or simply wait until tomorrow.”

His sharp firmness made it clear that he truly was an iron-blooded soldier maintaining the blockade line.

Fortunately, Shin Nain seemed so absorbed in his hymn that he didn't hear what the captain in horn-rimmed glasses had said. Though thanks to me thinking it through for him, he would have plenty to dwell on later.

We were eventually able to sit at the tables and chairs prepared inside Gwangju City Hall, and were given some time to use the restroom while we were at it.

I intended to take a leisurely dump once we reached Suwon, so I only relieved my bladder before coming out.

Comfortably slumping down and watching everyone else work made me wonder whether there was anything sweeter in the world.

The others hadn’t returned yet, giving me an opportunity to observe how the military forces in front of the city hall operated.

Several vehicles in Gwangju City Hall’s parking lot were loaded with all kinds of supplies and continuously undergoing maintenance or inspection. Here and there, I saw people struggling because they were slow with their hands or feet or simply lacked any work sense.

Most of them were civilian laborers rather than soldiers.

They all looked hollow-eyed and on edge, like workers during the predawn loading and unloading shift at a logistics warehouse.

Naturally, being civilians didn't mean they possessed the strength or stamina to carry heavy ammunition cans and boxes.

Most were gray-haired elderly people, men who bore at least some trace of life’s hardships, or tough-looking middle-aged women. Only the occasional young person was mixed among them.

The captain in horn-rimmed glasses stood before them with several soldiers, supervising their work while drawing lines across a clipboard with his pen and recording quantities.

Then, apparently noticing my gaze, he turned and approached me.

"Aphorism. My apologies. The vehicle assignment will proceed without issue, so there is no need to worry.”

"That wasn’t really what I was worried about. I was just observing the military’s current situation.”

At that moment, a strange sight entered my view.

Three or four heavy armored vehicles were rolling down a road near the city hall in formation, while swarms of quadcopter drones buzzed above them.

Noticing that my gaze had shifted toward the drones, the captain in horn-rimmed glasses sighed and spoke.

"We’re simply holding out…"

"We’re civilian Operators, you know. Legally, we’re still civilians, so we haven’t been given proper access to military intelligence. We were stuck in Suwon, took a little tour through Seoul, and came back knowing practically nothing. How exactly are you containing it?”

I asked the captain in horn-rimmed glasses while firmly swallowing down the truth about the Han River.

After seeing the Han River’s true nature, the question weighed on my mind even more.

The military forces deployed along the first blockade line numbered 150 thousand.

That sounded like a large number, but it was nowhere near enough to surround a metropolis that had once housed 10 million people.

How had they successfully established the blockade with those numbers?

According to the broadcast intercepted by the 66-Society inside Seoul, the Republic of Korea Armed Forces were already estimated to have suffered more than 30 thousand casualties.

I doubted whether the remaining 120 thousand troops could truly stop every monster lurking within Seoul.

Having noticed the implications behind my question, the captain in horn-rimmed glasses twirled his pen several times between his fingers, stared down at me, and released a deep sigh.

-Haaaaah......

"It’s hardly top-secret, and you’re someone who went all the way into Seoul and came back out, so I suppose this much is fine.”

Having convinced himself, the captain in horn-rimmed glasses turned his head.

He looked toward the eight military trucks and ordinary cargo trucks lined up side by side, along with the ammunition cans and artillery shells loaded on them.

"Eastern Seoul is being sealed off around Namyangju and Geomdansan. You know how capable drones are these days, right? People have been talking about them ever since that war broke out over in Europe. Unmanned robots fitted with machine guns, quadcopter drones, things like that. They’ve built drone factories in Gyeonggi Province, and now they’re using them to shoot down anything moving near the mountains or riverbanks.”

"Oh!"

"On top of that, our rules of engagement strictly forbid rescue operations and order us to kill anything found inside the restricted zones on sight, so the burden’s a little lighter when we can just kill everything without hesitation. I don’t know about the Seongnam side, but in the east, the monsters don’t bother trying clever tricks like mixing themselves into crowds of civilians anymore. They learned because they know we’ll kill everyone regardless. The kids around Seongnam still haven’t been hardened enough, so they hesitate, and apparently refugee groups sometimes make it all the way inside the blockade line. It’s insane. We should be killing every last one of them, and even that wouldn’t feel like enough.”

"Ah."

Remembering the drones that had flown around Olympic Park left me with a complicated mix of emotions.

Their ammunition running out quickly was a problem, but when it came to search-and-destroy operations, there really seemed to be nothing better than drones.

No matter how vicious the monsters were, they were helpless against suicide drones or bullets fired from ordinary drones.

And if everything found in a restricted zone was shot dead regardless of the circumstances, identifying friend from foe was no longer an issue.

The captain in horn-rimmed glasses stared at the middle-aged men, women, and elderly people diligently carrying boxes, then spoke as though unloading his frustration.

"Those elderly people aren’t here because they failed to get through Gyeonggi Province’s second blockade line. Some of them were born here, and others simply refuse to abandon their homes. They’re doing that because they want to collect MPC one by one and send their trapped family members farther into the rear. But if we let refugees in because we feel sorry for them, and even one monster mixed among them bursts out after exploiting that pity, every one of those people dies. The ones who run their mouths about how we should have evacuated the refugees simply don’t have any sense of responsibility.”

As the other Supreme Archmages returned from the restroom one by one and took their seats, the captain in horn-rimmed glasses continued speaking in a bitter voice.

Around then, Hamza came over and whispered to me.

"What’s wrong with that soldier?”

"Sounds like he’s got a lot bottled up. Just listen. We’ll probably get some useful intel out of it too.”

"Those old people should be walking with canes, yet they’re hauling boxes for one MPC at a time and scramble to take even a single leftover packet of instant noodles. Anyone who sees that end still insists we should accept refugees just so they can feel better about themselves is the vilest kind of bastard alive. You came out of Seoul, so you know, don't you? What kinds of monsters are in there? You probably know better than we do.”

Just then, Go Ryeoha returned to her seat, and her gaze met that of the captain in horn-rimmed glasses as he turned around.

It was no coincidence. The captain had clearly timed it deliberately.

More than her appearance, he harbored severe distrust and paranoid wariness toward the fact that she was a local survivor from Seoul.

Go Ryeoha let out her usual little laugh, but this time her eyes weren’t smiling.

The pastor and Hamza flinched for no particular reason, while Lee Sejun folded his arms and watched.

"It’s regrettable that things turned out this way.”

"Ahaha…You locked us in so we couldn’t escape, killed everyone, and that’s all you have to say?”

"Whoa, whoa!”

Go Ryeoha, that lunatic time bomb, was about to go off somewhere I had never expected, so I hurriedly stepped between them.

I held out both hands and tried to mediate between the captain in horn-rimmed glasses and Go Ryeoha.

More importantly, there were things we needed to do before the two of them started glaring daggers at each other.

"Hold it, everyone. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

"Hubae-nim…?”

"Civilian Operator.”

"I don’t think this is the time for us to stand here arguing over who’s right and wrong.”

Just then, the final Supreme Archmage returned from the restroom and took his seat, Shin Nain, who had genuinely used every last second of our given time.

He looked between me, Go Ryeoha, and the captain in horn-rimmed glasses, then turned toward me with an indescribable expression.

Contempt, disbelief, resignation…

And finally, amusement.

"Jemin-ssi isn’t exactly wrong.”

"I haven’t even said anything yet.”

After answering Shin Nain, I looked back at the frowning captain in horn-rimmed glasses and the puzzled Go Ryeoha, then stated the most important point.

"Shouldn’t the soldiers be praising our achievements, while Master Go Ryeoha first thanks us for helping her escape?”

These damn bastards.

Praise me and kiss my ass first.

* * *

Our assigned vehicle this time was another 2.5-ton truck.

Apparently, they had no surplus vehicles capable of transporting a large group right now, so nothing was available besides a 2.5-ton truck.

But there was also one obvious difference from before.

As an apology for causing needless friction, and because he accepted that my argument was reasonable, the captain in horn-rimmed glasses took action.

Once the Supreme Archmages and Go Ryeoha had all climbed into the truck bed, the captain in horn-rimmed glasses gave a sharp, disciplined salute and shouted,

"Everyone, attention!”

-Snap!

At the captain’s command, the soldiers lined up to either side of the alley leading out of the city hall and simultaneously snapped into formation.

Watching them execute the movements with the precision of perfectly synchronized choreography made my chest stir with emotion for no reason.

When the 2.5-ton truck’s engine started and the truck slowly rolled forward, that emotion doubled.

That was because, for the sake of the soldiers whose ears clearly asked, ‘Who the hell are the people to deserve all this?’, the captain in horn-rimmed glasses explained in a thunderous voice.

"The individuals currently abroad in this vehicle are the civilian operational unit Aphorism! On April 15th, they voluntarily applied for the first Seoul expedition, successfully made contact with a local survivor, and escaped! They were neither dragged there against their will nor coerced into volunteering. Out of devotion to their homeland and people, and in pursuit of their individual convictions, they worked jointly with the Republic of Korea Armed Forces, overcame a brutal environment, and achieved the safe return of every member alive!”

Only then did the soldiers’ glances toward us begin to change.

Their irritated curiosity asking who we were supposed to be slowly disappeared.

In its place came a kind of awe.

We Supreme Archmages and Go Ryeoha could not help but notice the shift in the soldiers’ atmosphere.

The pastor’s lips twitched upward, Hamza needlessly fiddled with his turban, Lee Sejun struggled to suppress a ticklish grin, Shin Nain smirked openly, while Go Ryeoha alone sharply raised the corners of her eyes in displeasure.

From the rear of the slowly rolling 2.5-ton truck, we could still hear the captain in horn-rimmed glasses shouting while holding his rigid posture.

"Those of you who know better than anyone what Seoul has become should understand perfectly well.”

He was right.

The soldiers, whose discipline had begun to loosen slightly, changed completely after hearing the explanation.

There were at most 40 soldiers lined up on either side of the road, but that was more than enough with civilians watching the commotion from the city hall parking lot and farther across the district.

The soldiers stood stiffly at perfect attention, as though a division commander had come for an inspection, and waited for the next order.

Amid this silence so deep that not even breathing could be heard, with only the occasional sound of wind and birds, the captain in horn-rimmed glasses shouted,

"Attention, salute."

At that moment, I remembered when the Army Chief of Staff had once come to inspect our unit.

The memory of that day when we had prepared ourselves to move an entire mountain with shovels and performed every drill movement with sharp precision while begging him internally to just leave overlapped with the soldiers standing on either side of us now.

The difference between then and now was their state of mind.

Back then, I had held every angle perfectly so no fault could be found with me.

But the soldiers now, despite their varied backgrounds, personalities, appearances, and lives, were moving as one with a shared purpose.

-Snap.

Perhaps thanks to instructions from the perceptive driver, the truck deliberately moved slowly, giving us all the time we wanted to savor the soldiers’ salutes.

And so, as we passed between soldiers maintaining their salutes without moving, and then through the civilians who had gathered like clouds, every one of us found ourselves smiling.

Eventually, once the military truck had completely left the crowd behind and slowly began picking up speed, cheers finally erupted among us Supreme Archmages.

"Kaah~! Did you see that? How sharp those brats looked! They wouldn’t salute like that even if the president came!”

Lee Sejun was the first to get drunk on cheers for the Supreme Archmages.

True to his nature as the one with the greatest need for recognition, he laughed heartily and threw out celebratory interjections as though he had downed a bowl of makgeolli.

"Ahem. Sejun, arrogance is what you must guard against the most. A person should always live humbly.”

Pastor Park Yohan admonished Lee Sejun in a dignified tone, but the corners of his own mouth had risen all the way to his cheekbones and refused to come back down.

He had also gotten drunk on the cheers for the Supreme Archmages.

"This too must be the Lord’s grace. Amen.”

Shin Nain grinned foolishly and clasped his hands together.

His headset was already hanging around his neck. Apparently, he had taken it off so he could hear what the captain in horn-rimmed glasses was saying.

However, while everyone else was intoxicated by the praise and acting however they pleased, there was one person who maintained an objective and impartial perspective.

"Jemin-ssi, I know. Out of all the members of the Supreme Archmages, you were the most supreme. The true Best.”

Hamza.

As expected of an elite former medical student from Pakistan, his insight was truly profound.

True emotion came from trivial, seemingly insignificant remarks like these.

At Hamza’s entirely reasonable observation, I unconsciously raised my index finger and wagged it, unable to continue speaking.

I covered my mouth with my left hand and spent a long time wagging the index finger of my right while thinking, but in the end, I had no choice but to raise the white flag.

I simply could not find any way to refute the rational and intellectual opinion of Hamza, a former medical student.

"That’s our Hamza. When we get back, let’s have a Spam party. Do you need soju too?”

"Jemin-ssi. I’m alright.”

"Huh? Why?”

"We can just get drunk on the fact that we ourselves are the Best of the Best.”

Daaaamn...

Medical students really were built different.

Their brains worked differently. They were practically a different species!

As the scenery of the streets swept past with the wind, I too became drunk on the cheers for the Supreme Archmages.

In this atmosphere, my gaze naturally had no choice but to turn toward Go Ryeoha.

True to her nature as a Seoul wizard who wanted nothing to do with the military, she sat with her arms crossed and the corners of her eyes raised sharply as she watched us Supreme Archmages delighted in receiving the soldiers’ salutes.

But I still said what needed to be said.

That was who I, Baek Jemin, was.

"Master. Don’t you have something to say?”

"...Hubae-nim. I’m disappointed in you. You know how the soldiers treated the people in Seoul.”

"I'm disappointed too. You wouldn't have escaped without us. I think there’s something you should say, right?”

"Didn’t I already promise to make you a Cursed Object?”

"That was the condition for me not looking for a chance to kill you.”

Praise us. Acknowledge us. Sing our praises!

Shower the Supreme Archmages with gratitude for displaying indisputably badass feats in the hell called Seoul and hauling you safely outside!

When I sent her a blazing stare filled with those emotions, Go Ryeoha raised an eyebrow, pointlessly pursed her lips for a moment, then sighed and uncrossed her arms.

"...Well. I suppose I wouldn’t have found the courage without Hubae-nim and the ahjussis to leave even if everyone cheered me on.”

Ah. Come to think of it, she was still this crazy woman who believed survivors remained at Konkuk University.

I smacked my lips as my blazing enthusiasm abruptly died away.

Go Ryeoha ignored my reaction, lowered the sharp corners of her eyes, and soon giggled.

"Thank you, everyone, for coming all the way to Konkuk University with nothing but a single radio transmission to go on.”

At that, Lee Sejun, who had been pretending not to care from a distance while secretly listening with his ears perked up, cleared his throat.

"Ahem, hm!”

The pastor was already grinning from ear to ear, while Shin Nain looked between the pastor and Go Ryeoha, furrowing his brows in displeasure.

"See that? Even the way Ryeoha-ssi speaks is lovely. I told you I have a good eye for people, didn’t I? Ryeoha-ssi clearly has the face of someone who lived virtuously and was showered with affection.”

"Pastor…Tsk. Ryoeha-ssi, direct your gratitude toward the pastor and the Lord. We are merely the sword of the Lord.”

And only after I, Baek Jemin, had watched the low mountains and cityscape recede behind us, the middle-aged men and women hurrying about carrying boxes, the children still running around and playing even amid all this, and finally, the soldiers marching crisply in formation, did I nod.

"Next time, I’d appreciate it if you thanked me without making me bring it up first, Master.”

"Hehe. Now that I look at you, Hubae-nim, you’re kind of like a puppy, aren’t you?”

A chilling sensation ran through me, making my spine stand rigid, so I decided to remain silent.

As I ignored Go Ryeoha’s humming, the pastor finally lowered his voice as though embarrassed.

"Baek Jemin. Come to think of it, when you’re fishing for compliments, can’t you be a little less obvious about it? I’m not saying what happened earlier was bad, but it was rather unsightly. Hm? Haven’t you heard the saying ‘An awl in a pouch will reveal itself?’”

“Of course I have. That’s why I advertised myself.”

An awl in a pouch.

A beautiful idiom meaning that if you want people to know there is an awl inside the pouch, you must first stab through it with the awl. How could I possibly not know it?

Shin Nain’s expression changed into one reserved for looking at pathetic idiots, but I paid him no attention.

It was still far better than seeking approval from a bastard like him.

And so, still riding in the vehicle, we peacefully began looking forward to our next transfer.

We intended to promote ourselves every time we changed vehicles.

Of course, I had a feeling the situation at Gyeonggi Province’s second blockade line would not be good.

Perhaps the conditions at the blockade line and the second blockade line would be far more horrific than expected.

From that perspective, I was the very definition of a prepared professional.

Praise me. Applaud me.

Let your jaws drop and react properly.

The Great Archmage Baek Jemin didn’t want ordinary non-wizards to begin studying magic.

There was only one thing ordinary non-wizards needed to do.

They merely had to watch this badass Great Archmage in action, cheer, and applaud!

_________________________________________________________________________

Join our Discord for updates on releases! https://dsc.gg/wetried