WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Natty

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◈ Black Badger ◈

Chapter 60: Return and Change (3)

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Bitterness passed over Joo’s face, followed by sorrow. He was still smiling, though. I quietly took in the sad smile on the Head of Personnel’s face.

It was strange to see such a bitter smile from someone who always smiled so brightly.

“So the seniors told you about Jin.”

Joo, who had been smiling silently, gently broke the silence.

“I heard. Thank you.”

Something rose in my throat at that voice, which sounded as though it was comforting me.

I tried to speak without letting my voice shake.

“No. Um, there was something else Jin asked me to tell you, Head of Personnel.”

“So I heard. Go ahead. Make yourself comfortable.”

“Yes. Outside the Core, Jin...”

“Mm.”

“Asked me to pass on a message to you.”

Joo was not surprised.

He simply looked at me in silence and waited.

When I met his eyes, the sound of a train running along the tracks began ringing in my ears again.

Clatter, clatter.

The train had run regularly through the darkness. The man who had suddenly asked my name and introduced himself.

The words he had spoken with a smile.

“Jin asked me to tell you he was sorry.”

Joo did not look away from me.

“You tried so hard to help him, but he couldn’t overcome it.”

I could not fully understand what Jin had meant.

But the words seemed to have reached the Head of Personnel.

Joo’s eyes had grown wet.

His eyes reddened faintly. The tears that welled up did not fall. Instead, Joo smiled with tearful eyes.

Then he lowered his gaze.

Still wearing that familiar smile, the Head of Personnel looked at the floor and spoke.

“So Jin said that.”

“...Yes.”

“Jin was in a truly precarious state back then. It would not have been surprising if Jin deserted or took his own life at any time. I tried many times to persuade Jin to retire instead, but I missed my chance. One day, Jin disappeared outside the Core and never returned.”

“...I should have brought Jin back. I’m sorry.”

“No. Who could be suffering more than you right now?”

Joo raised his head.

Light came through the translucent curtain. White lights illuminated the quiet hospital room. The Head of Personnel sat neatly beside the metal rail of my bed.

I silently watched his usual gentle smile.

“Thank you for passing on the message.”

Joo thanked me.

For some reason, I felt terribly miserable.

I bit my lip and forced out my voice.

“...Yes.”

“We probably will not officially search for Jin anymore.”

What?

My eyes widened at the unexpected words.

Why? Why not? I had explained everything. Jin had survived in that subway car for ten years. Jin had stayed behind to help me, and since no body had been found, there was a good chance Jin had survived.

So why would they stop searching?

I had heard that Jin had gone missing, but I thought they would keep trying to find Jin. I thought Ami and the other seniors might still be searching even now.

I must have shown my thoughts on my face. Joo gave a bitter smile.

“We can’t officially search forever for a Badger who disappeared outside the Core. A unit can search on its own after going outside the Core. But the official search ends here.”

“...But Jin was alive until only a few days ago...”

“Too many Badgers disappear outside the Core.”

I could not move, speechless. The bitterness in Joo’s smile deepened.

In a low voice, he tried to calm me.

“I won’t tell you to give up hope.”

“...Even so, isn’t that too short a search?”

“Officially, we have been missing Jin for over ten years.”

I could not argue.

I could not get angry either. They had known Jin Silver far longer than I had. When Jin deserted and disappeared, Joo must have searched for Jin with far more desperation than I could imagine. If Jin had been in a state where desertion could happen at any time, Joo must have searched every corner outside the Core while holding onto hope that Jin was certainly alive.

Gritting his teeth to bring back a comrade who had run away.

How long had the Badgers searched before stopping?

I did not know, but I was certain Joo had done everything he could.

I bit my lip over and over before asking.

“Even if I protest, nothing will change, right?”

“No. It won’t.”

“Even if I explain the situation in more detail, even if I go back and point out the exact location?”

“No.”

Joo answered calmly, then his gaze grew dim.

He looked at me with eyes mixed with sorrow and pain, then told me,

“I’m sorry. The search has already been concluded.”

I bit down hard on my lip.

Tasting blood, I lowered my gaze.

I tried not to let the emotions surging through me make me say something sharp to the wrong person. It was not an irrational decision. It was simply difficult for me to accept emotionally.

I fixed my gaze on the hand with the IV needle in it.

“I understand. Thank you for telling me.”

The Head of Personnel said nothing for a while.

Since I had lowered my gaze, I could not see his expression. Silence settled over the hospital room. Only the ticking second hand of the clock brushed against my ears.

After a long while, Joo broke the silence in a low voice.

“It would be nice if everything were certain, wouldn’t it, Hilde?”

I quietly looked at Joo, who was smiling with wet eyes.

With a smile that seemed ready to vanish at any moment, Joo continued.

“It would be nice if we could always hold a comrade’s remains in both hands, bury them ourselves, tenderly stroke their graves, and offer a loving prayer. Wouldn’t it?”

Too many missing people.

Hope visibly crumbling away, yet a longing too desperate to let go of. Countless comrades whose funerals he could not even hold because he could not abandon that attachment.

I understood that countless Badgers must have left Joo that way. I understood that Joo, someone born with a talent for personnel work, must have carved every one of those farewells into his heart.

So I could not find any words for a long time.

Before someone who had endured countless losses, there was nothing I could say.

* * *

There was so much I wanted to ask Ye-hyeon too.

I waited, thinking I would receive a call soon, but no call came until I was discharged. I stayed in the hospital for five days before leaving. Yoon came to pick me up. Just as he had said, he waited only until I was discharged.

It was not that I disliked it.

But we did not head straight back to the dormitory. It was seven in the morning. When Yoon saw me leave the hospital room, he said,

“We’re stopping by the lab first.”

“Where are we going after that?”

“My house.”

Why?

When I showed my displeasure with a sulky expression, Yoon raised one eyebrow.

“You got a problem with that?”

“Wouldn’t that inconvenience the Commander-in-Chief?”

“You’re the one who feels uncomfortable around the Commander-in-Chief.”

“That too. But why go to the Commander-in-Chief’s house specifically...? Ah, don’t tell me the Commander-in-Chief is away on a business trip?”

“No.”

Yoon answered shortly.

Then he fell silent for a moment.

What was this?

It was rare for this man to leave a question so neatly unanswered, so I blinked. If he did not want to answer, he either avoided the question or cynically asked whether I had grown up a lot.

So what was happening this time that made him keep his mouth shut with such an uneasy expression?

As I wondered, Yoon slowly gave me an answer.

“He’s in the hospital.”

“What?”

In the hospital?

I stared at Yoon with my mouth hanging open.

“The Commander-in-Chief?”

“Yeah. He’ll be discharged tomorrow. I’ll drop you at the house, then come back here. Training starts tomorrow, so rest quietly today and don’t make a mess of the house.”

“What’s wrong?”

I ignored Yoon’s nagging and asked.

Only then did something resembling an expression appear on Yoon’s face. My senior partner faintly frowned with his neat features.

“Stress-induced stomach cramps.”

Goodness.

Even Badgers with exceptional healing abilities could get something like that.

I stared at my senior partner with my mouth open. He seemed to truly dislike this situation.

It did not look as though he intended to explain this time either.

What could have happened? Had something occurred while I was away? Or could I possibly be the cause...? No, that would be excessive self-importance.

In any case, I got no answer. After dropping that bombshell, my senior partner silently turned and walked away. I closed my mouth tightly and followed behind him.

We passed through the familiar corridor and entered the lab.

Perhaps because it was early morning, the lab was still empty.

Scientists who looked half-dead had piled energy drinks and coffee on their desks.

Other than those people, who had clearly worked through the night, there was no one else. Morning sunlight poured down over countless desks baking in the light. It reminded me of visiting the lab on weekends.

It had felt like this then too.

I crossed the quiet lab, lost in thought, then slowed as I followed my senior partner.

He stopped beside John Mueln.

“What?”

Yoon looked at the blue-eyed scientist staring directly at him.

“What is this? You’re making eye contact with me now. What do you want?”

“The program key.”

John, who did not look entirely sane today either, fixed Yoon with a clear gaze.

“I need your program key.”

“Ah.”

Yoon replied in a low, short voice as though he understood.

My senior partner shoved one hand into his pocket. Without another word, he began walking through the lab again. He jerked his chin once as if telling John to follow.

I watched John Mueln trail after Yoon like a ghost.

That was John Mueln for you. He did not seem to even recognize that I was standing beside him.

Still crazy.

For some reason, his unchanged appearance was reassuring. I was grateful that he had cleanly forgotten my existence.

We walked quietly without saying a word. I did not know where we were going, but John and I stood side by side and followed Yoon companionably.

Until Yoon abruptly stopped in front of a wall.

He had stopped at a strange place.

What was this?

“Why have you stopped?”

I asked in confusion, but my senior partner did not turn around.

He did not move. He stood perfectly still, his gaze fixed on one spot.

His unblinking eyes. His body without even the twitch of a finger. John and I stared at the back of Yoon’s head in confusion, then blinked and followed his gaze at the same time.

And we both looked at the same place.

The lab wall.

A place where something had been attached. Crude marks remained there. I had to think for a long time about what had originally been there.

What had been at the end of that roughly cut cable?

What had been attached to the wall?

“Fuck.”

Only when Yoon spoke in a voice full of fury did I find the answer.

“What bastard...”

Waaaaaah!

[Emergency! Emergency! Emergency call-up! Emergency! Emergency! Emergency call-up!]

Waaaaaah!

[Emergency! Emergency! Emergency call-up! Emergency! Emergency! Emergency call-up!]

A warning alarm that seemed ready to rupture my eardrums shook the lab.

My senior partner and I turned to look at John Mueln at the same time. I stared blankly at the pale man’s shocked expression, then at the red switch in his hand.

For a while, we stood in the same positions. Speechless, we stared at the genius scientist as he watched the wall with a stricken expression.

John Mueln looked ready to lose his mind.

John Mueln had pressed an unknown red button. John Mueln was consumed by shock and horror.

Ignoring Yoon, who recovered first and muttered, “What the hell did you...,” John spoke.

Desperately.

“My God, Martin.”

Martin had disappeared.

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