Even in a Dark Fantasy, You Still Have to Eat - Chapter 44

WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Haruto

◈ Even in a Dark Fantasy, You Still Have to Eat ◈

Chapter 44: No Thieves Allowed!

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“I got first plaaace!?”

My hair stood on end at Weasel’s words.

I had never come first in anything in my life.

I was probably second place even as a sperm, wasn’t I?

And now I had completed training and received my commission in first place!

“Felix, what do you think? This is who I am!”

First place.

A glorious record nobody could steal from me.

The corners of my mouth kept twitching upward.

“Ooh!”

“...Yore came first?”

Felix’s mouth fell open too.

“It’s impressive enough that you didn’t voluntarily withdraw. Not many Thieves make it all the way to the completion ceremony.”

“Hehe, the only Thieves who stayed until the end were you and me, brother.”

Weasel chuckled and held out a hand.

“You’re Felix the Human Butcher, right? Brother has told me a lot about you. I’m Weasel.”

“Human Butcher?”

Felix glanced at me.

He must have been touched that I had praised him to others!

Felix did not take Weasel’s hand.

“Sorry, but I don’t dine with street scum.”

“We have something in common, then. I don’t shake hands with knights either.”

Weasel scowled.

Thieves and knights were natural enemies, like thieves and the police.

It really was hard for them to get along.

Felix and I were only close because I was exceptional.

“You said your name was Weasel. Do you know anything about Thieves who wear bells around their ankles?”

Felix asked.

Come to think of it, he had asked me something similar when we first met.

“Bells?”

Weasel narrowed already tiny eyes.

“For fuck’s sake. What kind of thief walks around with bells on their ankles? They’re not cats.”

“I see. I’ll wait in the carriage, so finish saying goodbye and come over.”

Felix turned away.

We were leaving for the main unit.

‘It was a better experience than I expected.’

Knowing how to start a fire and splint a broken limb would be useful for the rest of my life.

And I was glad I had gotten to know the people before me.

“Weasel, Batuli, Mouse. When we meet again, let’s make sure we stay friends!”

They had said they stayed behind instead of leaving for the Wall because they wanted to wait for me while I was unconscious.

It was deeply moving!

“Sir Mancha had urgent business with the main unit, so he left first. But he asked us to pass along his regards.”

Sir Mancha had thought of me too.

Was this what fellow trainees were like?

“Brother, let’s meet again in higher places.”

“When you return to the main unit, make sure you visit the church. All right?”

“Lord Jweperi told me it would be good to say goodbye to you, so I stayed.”

All right.

I made up my mind.

Flutter.

I took some paper from a black pouch.

They were papers with my name written on them.

I had received them when I won the Golden Pillar Dagger through a vote.

I handed one sheet to each of them.

“If you show me this later, I’ll help each of you once. For a low price.”

“For fuck’s sake, you’re charging us?”

“I thought you meant for free.”

“I... I think I’ll lose this...”

Those two weeks had been more fulfilling than I expected.

My nose stung a little as we parted.

I was already looking forward to the day we met again.

# # #

“So I threw a red potion at that Akam Erdari, and then...”

Clatter, clatter.

Inside the carriage, Felix frowned at my exciting story.

“This is already the fourth time I’ve heard that story.”

“Then what about when I brought the Black Bundle and saved Instructor Roze and the others? The Erdari were chasing me, and one of them even stabbed me in the stomach!”

“That’s the sixth time.”

“Then, when I was running away and thought I was going to die, Nineveh appeared and saved me.”

I recalled my last memory before collapsing.

Nineveh.

She had definitely appeared before me and wiped out the Erdari in one stroke.

“Do Erdari not get along with one another either?”

“Of course not. Erdari ascendants are comrades and enemies at the same time.”

Comrades and enemies?

What kind of nonsense was that?

I could not understand the way those freebie-loving demons thought.

And I did not want to.

Anyway, I had gotten plenty of loot.

I looked inside my Black Bundle. There were around two million Ether I had earned so far.

And another Black Bundle.

‘A Black Bundle inside a Black Bundle.’

It was the Black Bundle the Erdari had desperately wanted to obtain.

I had stuffed it into my bag, and since nobody asked about it, I simply kept it.

‘Were they too distracted by the Erdari attack to notice?’

‘Maybe I can use it as material for deals with idols.’

Hehehe. I was lucky.

“What are you doing?”

“Breathing.”

I tied the bundle shut again.

Then Felix asked me.

“You became close with Priest Batuli?”

“Yeah.”

“There are many advantages to being on good terms with a Priest. Hammer and Ishtar were fellow trainees too.”

“Ooh.”

Fellow trainees were amazing.

“Felix, do you have any fellow trainees too?”

“Most of them are dead.”

Gasp.

I should not have asked.

What bad luck. Ptooey, ptooey, ptooey.

As I spat out the carriage window, Felix dampened my mood even further.

“Do you think the Wall and the Land of Night are picnic grounds? Even veterans die in an instant there.”

That was true.

I had nearly died many times during training too.

‘From now on, I should stop showing off.’

‘I need to take better care of myself.’

Anyway.

As we returned to the main unit, I thought about things.

Since I had completed training in first place, my criminal record would probably be erased.

And Brigadier General Ezakiel would grant one of my wishes.

‘Could it be any wish?’

‘Any wish at all?’

As I exercised my imagination, Felix spoke.

“Our party was thrown into chaos over the past two weeks.”

“You mentioned that earlier. What kind of chaos are you talking about?”

“What happened was...”

Felix began to say something, then shut his mouth.

He was probably trying to summarize things in a way I could understand.

“We’re at war with the Wall’s Thieves’ Guild.”

Huh?

What had to happen for things to turn out like that?

That summary was way too extreme.

It felt like someone had stripped all the meat from my chicken and left me only the bones.

“Was it because of the Thief who came to replace me?”

“Yes. It seems that person broke the Thieves’ Guild rules and caused some trouble. The problem is that it spread to our party too.”

Jermain was the guild leader of the Wall’s Thieves’ Guild.

And I was Jermain’s secret little brother.

Once I got there and talked to her, I would probably understand what had happened.

# # #

“You’re finally here! Our youngest!”

Hammer spread their arms as I stepped down from the carriage.

Hug.

Before I had time to resist, Hammer pulled me into an embrace. The hard armor nearly crushed me to death.

“Argh, I can’t breathe!”

Smack. Smack, smack.

Hammer patted my back.

“You came back safely! You really came back!”

They welcomed me so warmly that my nose almost stung again.

“So, did you buy the meat pies?”

“Ah.”

Damn, I forgot.

“Well! I was going to buy them! But I got circumcised, so my mind was a little occupied!”

That crazy military doctor!

Hammer burst into laughter.

“Forget it! You went through a lot, right? I checked everything in the letter Roze sent!”

“Hammer, you knew Instructor Roze?”

“Yeah, that kid was my junior!”

Instructor Roze did seem more capable.

Well, juniors could surpass their seniors in life.

“Instructor Roze said she was going to the fortress being built. Will we ever have a reason to go there too?”

I remembered the moment I parted with Instructor Roze.

She had told me to bring a bottle of liquor and visit her barracks.

Honestly, I wanted to go.

Right now, even!

Hammer gripped my shoulder tightly.

“You little brat, you must be full of yourself after doing so well in training! That fortress is a battlefield, so you can’t go there yet!”

“A battlefield?”

“It sits between Erdari territory and Akam territory! You need to be at least level 15 to even get your foot in the door!”

My level was only 10 now.

I still had a long way to go before level 15.

‘Ether.’

‘I need more Ether!’

My body itched.

I wanted to deploy already!

“Anyway, welcome back!”

“Yes!”

“You completed officer training in first place, so it might even help you become a high-ranking officer someday!”

A high-ranking officer...

Was Hammer telling me to become a soldier?

Like Lieutenant General Raiden and Instructor Roze, willingly risking my life for others?

I could not do that.

What would be the point of people mourning me and giving me medals?

If I died, none of it would matter.

‘The path of a Thief who steals hearts is too difficult.’

‘I should just take better care of myself.’

I headed to the blessed bonfire.

「Would you like to level up?」

「10 → 11」

「Ether Cost: 5,120,000」

Whoa, fuck.

Look at how much Ether it took.

When I combined the Ether I had brought back with what I already had, it came to almost exactly that amount.

It really felt like chunks of my soul were being carved away.

Ether was my blood, my everything!

“My level is 11 now.”

And thanks to the Soul Engraving from my +20 Breakthrough Stone, my stats increased by 10%.

Moltma’s Necklace increased my stats by another 10%.

In terms of stats alone, I was equal to a level 13 Thief!

With this much, I would not be lacking anywhere.

“Hammer, I just spent all my Ether leveling up. Can’t we go to the Land of Night and pick up some materials and Ether?”

“I want to do that too, but Hermit is in terrible shape right now.”

Hammer shook their head.

Come to think of it, Hermit had not come out to greet me.

What was going on?

“Is it because of the Thief who replaced me?”

“More or less. That vicious bitch stabbed Hermit in the back, then deserted the Wall!”

A stabbing and desertion!?

What the hell had happened over those two weeks?

“Is Hermit all right?”

As I’ve said many times, Hermit could slaughter monsters far more effectively by clicking and casting magic than I could by using shadows, throwing shurikens, and stabbing with daggers.

Ether would pour in!

There were even mages who could not use offensive magic at all.

But Hermit could use lightning and ice, as well as fire and poison.

‘How powerful is that!’

Therefore, Hermit’s health was a serious matter.

Hammer shook their head at my sincere concern.

“The outside wounds have healed, at least...”

“Then?”

“Yore, go see for yourself.”

I understood.

I headed to Hermit’s room.

But there was something written in large letters on the door.