WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Natty
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ How to Rewrite Ghost Stories ◈
Episode 49: Night Dream Home Shopping (2)
──────
The instant I flipped through the product catalogue, something that looked like the Night Dream Core Mall logo began flashing at the top of the screen in a mess of glitches.
Seeing how it looked worse than early-2000s Flash-era tackiness, I had my doubts about the quality of these ghost-story items... But that thought soon disappeared when the list appeared.
See-No-Evil Goggles Set
Heart Stop Alarm Clock
Hug Me! Rebecca
※ Bundle Item! ※ Eye-Scream
※ New Product Special! ※ Deep-Sleep Real Coffin Bed
Now this felt like I was looking at real supernatural items. The pun-like product names alone practically dripped with the sense that anyone who touched them would be cursed immediately.
Instead of clicking on the items right away, I carefully studied the catalogue layout.
The two items placed at the very top were newly released products and special-discount items.
Heart Stop Alarm Clock, §6,666,666!
‘Hang on, this looks familiar.’
I clicked on the product. It was a ghost-story item I knew.
Record #Ss-421993-x | Record of the Twelfth User
Um... the Heart Stop Alarm Clock, you mean? Well, it definitely stopped my heart. Yes, there was no pulse. No heartbeat either, and every other test properly declared me dead. While it was stopped, I could move without feeling fatigue. It guarantees perfect inorganic rest, free from emotional agitation or anxiety.
...I like that part. Recommended.
The problem is when the alarm goes off again. I guess the overload came sooner than I expected. I know that is what it is designed for, of course. Me? I only had some bleeding in the capillaries in my eyes and nose. I was lucky. Depending on what ruptures, three of the five people who used it together had their ■■■■ burst.
[Data deleted]
When it is officially commercialized, please recommend including in the manual, “Do not use for more than twenty minutes,” and, if possible, “Keep body parts far from the heart elevated so that any ruptures occur lower down.”
It looked like a simple zombie-mode rest machine, but in truth, if you were confident you could survive with your heart stopped, this item kept you in a self-imposed state of death for a set period before explosively enhancing your physical abilities.
It was not merely that your heart beat faster. It compressed your blood flow, hormones, and the time that had built up, then released it all at once in something closer to a berserk mode.
‘The problem is where this item appears...’
Baek Gangmin’s face came to mind, grinning happily after turning his tongue into something strange. In other words, this was one of D Corporation’s popular products in the SOSA universe.
‘This is the first time I’ve seen the same ghost story overlap again.’
If a ghost story could sell items from another universe, perhaps ghost stories influenced one another.
I pressed the remote again and started checking the items one by one.
See-No-Evil Goggles Set, §10,000,000₩
Wear them to see the one thing you must not see right now! (※Warning※ Depending on what you catch sight of, your cerebral cortex may shrink as a side effect!)
I did not need that. What would I even have to see that I should not see in the first place?
Hug Me! Rebecca, §4,440,000
I will always remain by your side as a memory in my most adorable form. With one strand of your hair and one wish, you can meet me immediately! (Do not use the hair of the dead. We do not guarantee the quality of the Rebecca summoned.)
This one was interesting. I put it in my cart.
※ Bundle Item! ※ Eye-Scream, §100,000 per set
We create screams instantly! Guaranteed to melt anywhere and deliver a thrilling jolt to the nervous system. Simply install them wherever you wish and wait for them to melt.
Eyeball-shaped things resembling dry ice blinked and stared at me through the screen.
This was not bad either... But it would be annoying if I confused it with the Eyeballs That Never Sleep, so I decided to hold off for now.
※ New Product Special! ※ Deep-Sleep Real Coffin Bed, §66,666,666
We solve any insomnia. A deep-sleep bed guaranteed to put you to sleep. Now available in a special new coffin-shaped design! Be freed from every sensation and discomfort not required for sleep. (* We recommend using it no more than three hours a day.)
This felt like it would shave years off my life to make up for lost sleep. It was not like I could afford it anyway.
“Is that everything for now?”
When I flipped further, the product catalogue ended. A crude 3D cat on the screen opened its mouth impossibly wide and began dancing with dropped frames.
“See, Hertz? The items were better than you expected, right?”
- ...
My bonsai pet still seemed a little sulky. I would not have thought it, but lately Hertz seemed to be getting more emotional...
- As expected, I don’t wish to recommend anything. If you must buy something, how about an antenna to better tune our radio frequency?
“Something like that...”
As if it had recognized our conversation, a NEW! button appeared in the catalogue.
Someone’s Here!!, §5,000,000
Do you need to let everyone know where you are? Then use this! Just add one drop of blood, and your location will be marked in greater detail than anything else! ※Warning※ It will only work if you use the enclosed kit to add the blood. Please note that anything other than blood may cause a malfunction.
“Isn’t this good?”
At the very least, it could be used like a flare or signal rocket. It also seemed likely to give me some breathing room in ghost stories where Hertz occasionally could not keep up with me.
- I can’t easily agree, but I can’t exactly disagree either...
“Right?”
- But isn’t it too expensive? I don’t mean to comment on how my partner spends money, but I think saving some from time to time would be good too.
“I’ll think of it as buying you another radio. You said we were partners, didn’t you?”
I made up my mind. Once I carefully selected the items and added them to the cart, the total appeared.
Someone’s Here!!, §5,000,000
Heart Stop Alarm Clock, §6,666,666!
Hug Me! Rebecca, §4,440,000
Total, §16,106,666
- Oh, Partner. Are you planning to spend all the money you received?
“My motto is that money like this should be spent as soon as it comes in, before anything goes wrong.”
If I had just a little more, I could have tried buying that coffin bed. Would the Corporation not give me another job that brought in money next time?
With such pleasant thoughts running through my head, I pressed the purchase button. The TV screen erupted in noise of every color, convulsing wildly.
Then, Ding! Ding! Ding! A crudely designed slot machine spun merrily before stopping one reel at a time.
6... 6... 6.
︙
!!Purchase Complete!! Congratulations★Winner!!
Then the TV screen turned black. My reflection appeared in the dark screen. The me inside the screen looked upward, reached out, and caught a box.
“...!”
A hand slipped out of the TV. Like a ghost crawling out of a well, it flailed for a moment, gripped the TV frame, strained a few times, and pulled out a huge box to offer me.
“...Thank you?”
I cautiously accepted the box. The hand disappeared back into the TV, the signal cut out, and the channel soon returned to an ordinary variety show.
Against the noisy sound effects and cheerful chatter of a cooking program, only the box in my hands carried a heavy sense of wrongness.
“...All right, let’s see...”
Excited, I opened the box and took out the items. The first thing inside was a small microscope tray and a syringe set with a blood collection needle. At a glance, it looked like a blood glucose test kit.
“I guess this is the Someone’s Here set. All right, it passes.”
The next item was Hug Me! Rebecca. It was a vintage doll made from soft cloth, with yellow yarn hair and button eyes. As suited the name of a cursed doll, its chest was open.
- Just in case, I have to ask again. You aren’t planning to put a strand of hair in it, are you?
“It’s a little too childish for my taste to play with, right? I’m sure it’ll be useful later.”
After smoothing Rebecca’s hair once, I displayed it prettily beside the Japanese cursed doll whose hair grew, which I had bought from a secondhand marketplace a few months ago.
“Then this must be the Heart Stop Alarm Clock... Hm?”
The D Corporation logo was clearly stamped on the small black box. At this point, it seemed reasonable to suspect the ghost stories were holding some kind of reunion.
But something else caught my eye. Something slipped out from between D Corporation’s packaging box and the cushioning material.
“I don’t remember buying this.”
The leather pouch had a strange, rough texture. The moment I touched it, it tore open on its own and spat out the paper inside.
“...It’s an invitation?”
Level 1 Perk for VIP Customers Making Bulk Purchases!
You are invited to Wolkenpass Bergvilla.
Stay as long as you wish.
All meals provided.
A chance to return whenever you wish!
A special stroke of luck you will never get again.
Available only through this opportunity.
[Participation Guide]
Write your name on the signature line, then punch the invitation with the enclosed hole punch. We will courteously escort you there.
※ Only use the hole punch when you intend to use the invitation. It takes effect immediately.
※ If you do not use it after punching it, the perk will be reclaimed. We accept no liability for damages arising from use.
“Wolkenpass Bergvilla... Could it be that ghost story?”
- The Radio Mountain Lodge Murder. Ah, it’s a very famous story.
As Hertz said, it was a famous ghost story, practically the pinnacle of closed-circle serial-murder mysteries. It had been posted on blogs so often that it had more than five different subtitles.
The plot was fairly classic. On a stormy night, people became isolated in a mountain lodge. All communication with the outside world was cut off, and only one old radio barely remained connected.
But instead of connecting to a rescue team, the radio connected to an unidentified pirate broadcast.
The broadcast singled out the people in the lodge one by one, predicting how and when they would die or urging someone to kill them.
And when the predicted time came, murder occurred without exception, as though someone had written a script, whether the people stuck together or drifted apart.
One by one, people died by impossible methods and impossible tricks.
“And Then There Were None. After the blizzard ends, the rescue team arrives to find everyone dead of heart attacks. It’s a chilling premise...”
- I like that it’s a story where it is never revealed whether the radio is a living person, whether there is a murderer among them, or whether it is the work of a ghost.
I held the hole punch attached to the invitation and turned it over in my hand.
- This is an unnecessary question, but as your partner, I suppose I should ask once more... You are planning to go, aren’t you?
“Of course.”
I did not hesitate for even one second.
I found a pencil, wrote my name on the signature line, and picked up the hole punch.
- You do know that this is a ghost story with a zero percent survival rate, of course.
“That applies to the people who are stranded there. This is an invitation, Hertz. I’m a guest at the lodge.”
Click.
A neat round hole appeared in the invitation. The old jazz trembled lightly, as if Hertz had let out a low sigh.
No.
It was not Hertz. The lodge had recognized the accepted invitation and was coming this way.
‘It really is insanely fast.’
Every sound in the room died away at once, as though they had made a promise. The cooking show on the TV and the hum of the refrigerator disappeared.
Then the sound of radio static, as if from very far away, gradually grew louder.
Crackle... crackle...
Welcome to ■■■■ Lodge. The number of guests we will serve today is...
I quickly shoved the items I had just bought into the bag I used for ghost-story items and slung it over my shoulder. A little nausea hit me, and fog rushing in with the static swallowed me whole.
Footnotes:
The Korean name of the See-No-Evil Goggles invokes an idiom for a transparent, futile attempt to hide something obvious.
Join our discord at https://dsc.gg/wetried
