WeTried Translations

Translator: [IncomeElastic]

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◈ I Became an Undetected Priest Impersonator ◈

Chapter 18

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I Became a Head Priest (2)

-Hee hee.

A thick scent of flowers had crept into the chapel before I knew it.

By that point, no matter how much I tried to deny it, there was one being who couldn't help but come to mind.

"The Flower Goddess..."

-Correct!

"...impersonating her, or something."

-Huh?

Realistically, there was no way a goddess would show up.

It was far more plausible that it was something impersonating the Flower Goddess, or else an auditory hallucination.

‘Since I can't sense it and can't dispel it, it has to be at least A-Rank.’

Worse, my own Rank had dropped to roughly B because I'd been keeping up the Gallery.

Considering that it slipped past even my senses, it was only reasonable to assume it was A-Rank or higher.

-But I'm the real thing, you know?

When I reached that grim conclusion, the voice responded as if it couldn't believe me.

"Then do you have proof that you're real?"

-Uh, the scent of flowers..?

True, the chapel was filled with the scent of flowers.

But a scent couldn't count as proof.

"With a single bottle of perfume, I could produce all the proof I wanted."

-It's not like it's proof you can't trust, though?

"That doesn't make it proof I can trust, either."

-...

At the flat reply, the voice fell silent for a moment, as if it had been left speechless.

-Then how about this?

Then, as though a good idea had just occurred to it, the voice spoke.

-It's not nice to look at a broken statue of me, so...

And just like that, something sprouted from the wreckage of the goddess statue scattered on the floor.

‘A sprout?’

What I'd taken for a sprout grew in an instant, turning into a vine, and yellow and white flowers bloomed along it.

It took no time at all for the flowering vine to wrap around the broken statue.

The vines that worked their way into the cracks twined tightly around each other, joining the broken statue back into one piece.

-Ta-da!

"..."

Unlike the voice crowing like it was all a game, I couldn't bring myself to laugh.

‘..The density and texture are different, but it's similar to Priest Margaret's energy.’

Only, if Priest Margaret's was a small ember, what I felt from the flowers was something far deeper and denser.

I stared at the goddess statue in silence for a while, then leaned back against the pew.

I wanted a cigarette, the one I'd quit.

"I had a feeling this might happen."

-Hm?

"The day I finally get struck down by divine punishment has come."

-Huh?

I closed my eyes and let my true feelings out.

"If possible, I'd appreciate it if you killed me painlessly in one shot."

But no matter how long I waited, nothing like lightning fell.

-Pwahahaha!

Instead, only a laugh as clear as a child's rang through the chapel.

-So funny, seriously!

With that, the voice stopped, and I heard nothing more.

‘Is it leaving me alone?’

If so, that was a relief.

I let out a breath, opened my eyes, and found the goddess statue wrapped in vines.

It was still lying down, same as before, but at least the upper and lower halves were attached.

"..If you were going to go that far, it would've been nicer if you'd stood it up before leaving."

In the end, I had to cast the buff again and set the statue upright myself.

Now that the halves were joined, there was nearly twice the weight to lift, but with nobody pinned underneath to worry about, I only had to stand it up, so the effort didn't differ much.

"The workers might faint when they come."

I muttered, looking at the statue standing once more.

These were people who'd been too terrified to so much as touch one broken goddess statue.

How they'd react to seeing that same statue restored overnight, wrapped in flowering vines, was painfully obvious.

"Wow."

Just then, a gasp of admiration came from behind me.

"What a beautiful statue of Iris."

It was Priest Malja.

She must have come looking for me when I hadn't returned for a while.

Priest Malja had stepped into the chapel and was gazing up at the standing statue.

Her eyes were even sparkling, so she seemed to like it quite a bit.

"But I don't remember it being in a dress like this when we handed out the stew. How strange. It looks like real flowers..."

Well, yes, because they were real flowers.

But I didn't bother saying so.

Even if I did, it would only be hard to explain.

‘Still, she can't make out the energy on the statue?’

I wondered at Priest Malja's perfectly ordinary reaction, then accepted it soon enough.

Come to think of it, even in a city this large, Margaret was the only priest who could use miracles directly.

It wasn't strange that she couldn't feel the energy.

"By the way, where did the workers go?"

"..They looked worn out, so I sent them home early."

There was no need to tell Priest Malja that the goddess statue had been smashed to pieces, so I covered for it with a vague answer.

She never seemed to suspect that I might be lying, and simply accepted it with an "Oh, I see."

"It looks like everything will be finished by tomorrow or so."

In the meantime, I looked around the chapel.

A few things still needed tidying, but most of the major work was done.

If the workers came tomorrow and finished up, the church would practically be complete.

"Then we'll be able to hold services with the congregation soon!"

At Priest Malja's excited remark, I nodded, though I wasn't keen on it.

‘I doubt anyone will go out of their way to come here when they have the familiar Earth Church, but I should still be prepared.’

I ran through the possible time slots in my head for a moment.

‘Considering my commute to and from the clinic, it's either dawn or evening.’

I wasn't thrilled with either, but if I had to pick, early dawn seemed the more suitable.

It was then that the voice came again.

-If it's okay, I like early evening better than dawn or morning.

"..."

The voice, quiet for a while, cut in as if nothing had happened.

-Dawn makes me sleepy.

I glanced at Priest Malja.

She hadn't heard a thing, it seemed, and was still beaming as she admired the statue.

Apparently only I could hear it.

"..Come to think of it, evening would be best for services. With my work at the clinic, after all."

-Hee hee.

It was absolutely not that I'd set the service time out of consideration for someone's feelings.

...

Before I knew it, with how hectic the time was, evening was right on top of us.

‘I did say I'd do the cooking, though.’

But now that it was time to start, I couldn't come up with anything to make.

‘There are plenty of ingredients, and I still have no idea what to make.’

I stared at the ingredients spread out on the table.

Thanks to the market merchants' kindness, there was more than enough.

The problem was that with so many ingredients, nothing came to mind.

Still, once I sorted what I had from what I didn't, the dishes I could make gradually took shape, and I was finally able to settle on a menu.

‘There's butter, too. I'll mince the meat into something like tteokgalbi, then fry a few eggs in the leftover grease.’

The minced rib patties were, of course, for Priest Malja.

A fried egg or two and some bread would be plenty for me.

Once the menu was decided, my hands got moving right away.

-You seem pretty used to this.

The voice had apparently been watching, because it spoke again.

"I've watched people cook quite a lot."

-Heeey.

-But why is there so little meat? Only one person could eat that.

"Because I don't eat meat."

-Why?

The question came right back.

"I just stopped eating it."

-Why did you stop?

"It's a matter of preference. Not everyone likes meat."

-So you always hated it?

"More or less."

-Really?

It kept clinging to my every word like a child.

-Is that really the reason?

My hands paused in the middle of cooking.

"If you keep pestering me, I'll run away right now and convert."

There was no sign of divine punishment coming, after all.

I tried being a little bold.

-Aah, no, not that!

It was clearly effective.

The voice backed off at once.

"Then please stop asking. It's annoying."

-Okay..

-But you know, I'm the Flower Goddess you believe in, even if I don't look it..

I ignored the dejected voice and laid the finished patty mixture in the frying pan.

Sizzle.

An appetizing sound spread from the butter-coated pan.

I put a lid on so the grease wouldn't spatter and turned the heat down a little.

-It looks so good..

The voice that had been dejected just moments ago came back to life as if it had never happened.

"..Don't you eat food where you are?"

-I do eat.

"Then why the reaction?"

-All we have here is nectar and ambrosia. Same stuff every day..

‘Things aren't easy over there, either.’

No matter how delicious a food was, you'd get sick of it eating it every day.

Whether it was all right to dismiss divine food as ordinary food was another question entirely.

-At least when I lived with Mom, there were lots of tasty offerings coming in, and that was nice.

"So gods move out on their own too."

-Yeah, though it's only been a thousand years or so.

I clicked my tongue at the dizzying number.

-Compared to that, flowers are the worst as offerings, since you can't eat them.

The goddess kept grumbling about offerings, but I'd grown used to it by now and let it go in one ear and out the other.

Just as one side of the patty had browned nicely and I was about to flip it to cook the other side,

I heard a gulp, and at the same time the goddess's voice abruptly made a proposal.

-So give me some food as an offering.

-Then I'll make you my real priest.

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