WeTried Translations

Translator: [IncomeElastic]

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◈ I Became an Undetected Priest Impersonator ◈

Chapter 19

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I Became a Head Priest (3)

-So give me some food as an offering.

-Then I'll make you my real priest.

My hand, which had been grilling the patties, stopped.

I couldn't help falling into thought.

Naturally, it was the positive kind.

‘Tempting.’

The deliberation was short.

The question of impersonating a priest was something I'd been agonizing over ever since I fell here.

If a few meals could solve it, there was no reason to refuse.

"Then let's start with the contract. Can you sign a document?"

-Huh?

"Don't you know what a contract is?"

-Uh... I do, but gods and priests usually don't have that kind of cold relationship where they write contracts, right?

"You don't have the experience yet, so you probably don't know, but promising things carelessly without a contract will come back to bite you."

-But I'm still 1400 years old..?

The goddess sounded utterly dumbfounded.

"So can you sign, or use a seal?"

-No..

"Can't be helped. We don't have a recorder either, so let's make it a verbal contract."

-Okay..

It wasn't an answer I liked at all, but I'd gotten her agreement for now.

-But I'm not a demon or anything, is a contract really necessary?

"What reason is there that we can't?"

I coaxed along the goddess, who still wondered whether this was right, and sorted out the terms of the contract.

Party A is Iris, the Flower Goddess.

Party B is Flowie, priest of the Flower Goddess.

Party B shall offer three meals a day to Party A as an offering.

The value of the offering shall be based on the meals Party B normally eats, at a minimum of half a copper coin per meal.

If circumstances make it difficult, the offering may be postponed.

In exchange, the amount of the next offering shall increase by the number of times it was postponed.

And in return, Party A promises Party B the qualification of a formal priest.

After going over the terms I'd organized in my head one more time, I nodded.

"Not bad."

-Half a copper coin seems like too little..

"If I'm cooking it myself and not buying it, that's more than enough."

-Hmph.

I heard a dissatisfied voice, but cut it off firmly.

"If you're a god, speak like an adult."

-It's "hmph."

"?"

While finishing up the contract, I finally brought up the important matter.

"Now then, please give me the compensation you mentioned."

-Huh?

"You said you'd make me a real priest."

-Hehe..

But all that came back was a silly laugh instead of an answer.

I frowned at the ominous reaction.

And the answer that followed was something I'd never imagined.

-Actually, you're already my priest.

"..?"

-When you impersonated my priest, I seized the chance and called dibs on you! Didn't you smell flowers whenever you used your power? But you didn't notice at all, and you have no idea how frustrating that was for me!

It was an absurd answer.

"..May I ask when that started?"

-Um, the day after you got here?

"..."

I stood there holding the spatula, unable to say a word for a good while.

Before long, I'd sorted out the current situation.

‘I got played.’

It seemed I'd been tricked into a fraudulent contract.

I'd let my guard down because of that childlike voice, of all things.

-When you put it like that, it makes me sound like an evil god..

As if she'd read my mind, the goddess grumbled, but I pointedly didn't hear it.

It was only after I'd calmed myself with deep breaths that I came to my senses.

"But why are you telling me only now?"

I demanded bluntly, a little angry.

The thought that if I'd known earlier I wouldn't have suffered even once kept any gentle words from coming out.

But at the goddess's next answer, I had no choice but to shut my mouth.

-Because you never prayed to me..

"..."

-I wanted to talk to you the whole time, you know. Even today, I only managed to talk to you by using my statue as a medium.

In the end, it was all because of me.

Looking back, I had nothing to say in rebuttal.

‘Is this what they call reaping what you sow?’

It was a moment when hollow helplessness washed over me.

Just then, the goddess, growing impatient, spoke up.

-But shouldn't the meat be done by now?

"..."

At the goddess's words, I lowered my gaze.

Sure enough, I'd been too busy sorting out the contract terms to pay attention to it.

When I lifted the lid, hot steam burst out along with the sweet smell of meat.

Fortunately it was a bit more overcooked than I'd wanted, but not badly so.

‘I nearly burned it.’

I picked up one patty and moved it to a plate.

-Give it to me! Quick! Quick!

I sighed at the way she hurried me like a little kid.

"How can I give it to you?"

Of course I had no experience making an offering to a god.

The Gallery had never described how to make offerings either, so I knew absolutely nothing about it.

‘Do I just burn it like this?’

All I could remember was a story about burning offerings in Greek mythology, and I wasn't sure it was right.

In the end I waited for the goddess to answer, but what came was nothing like what I'd expected.

-Nom nom..

It was the sound of eating.

I wondered if she'd taken it in the meantime and checked the plate, but the food on it was astonishingly intact.

-It was delicious! Do it again next time!

‘..I don't know what's going on, but as long as I have the intention of making an offering, that counts?’

I let out a sigh of relief.

‘Then I don't need to make any extra food.’

That was a relief.

-Then I'm counting on you tomorrow too!

With that thoroughly satisfied voice, the goddess's presence disappeared.

The floral scent that had filled the surroundings also faded little by little.

"Hoo.."

‘I'm already worn out.’

It felt like dealing with the young daughter of some impossibly senior boss.

I shook my head soon enough and gathered up the food.

She'd be waiting by now.

Sure enough, Priest Malja was already sitting at the table, patiently waiting.

"It smells delicious!"

Her eyes sparkled the moment the food came out.

"Did I keep you waiting long?"

"A little?"

She said that, but her gaze showed no sign of leaving the patties.

‘It is the hungriest time of day.’

I quickly moved the plate of food in front of Priest Malja.

Her expectant expression suddenly turned puzzled. She had seen the plate I set down next.

"Huh, Priest Flowie, you're not eating meat? If it's not enough, let's share!"

‘I keep having to say the same thing today.’

Priest Malja was probably asking out of pure curiosity, but honestly, I found it annoying.

"..I just don't eat meat. My digestion has weakened, and meat doesn't sit well with me."

Fortunately, she didn't pry any deeper.

"My grandma used to say that a lot, too. She said when you get older you get bloated and can't eat, so you should eat plenty while you're young."

"That's the finest thing I've ever heard."

"Hehe."

To shut up the noisy Priest Malja, I put my hands together like so.

At that, Priest Malja hurriedly closed her eyes and put her hands together too.

It was grace before the meal.

Of course, this time was also just for show.

"..Thank you for granting us the nourishment to bud and put down roots today."

-Yes! Enjoy your meal!

"Cough."

Even though it was only for show, I was so startled by the reply that I coughed.

Across the table, Priest Malja apparently hadn't heard anything, and sat with her eyes closed and a reverent look on her face.

‘Seems like only I can hear it.’

The hypothesis that it might be an auditory hallucination briefly resurfaced, if only slightly.

"..Let's eat."

"Yes!"

Priest Malja took a big bite of the patty as if she'd been waiting for this.

"This! It's incredibly good!"

"I'm glad it suits your taste."

"It's really good!"

Judging by how she'd stressed it twice, it didn't seem to be mere flattery.

"Tell me if it's not enough."

"Yes!"

Maybe it was because I was Korean, but I couldn't help feeling pleased at the sight of a kid eating well.

"Then I'll do the dishes!"

Right after the meal, I watched with a huff of laughter as Priest Malja walked off with the empty plates, without even waiting for my answer.

‘Well, I can leave the dishes to her.’

It wasn't cooking, so I went back to my room without a worry.

Then I opened the Gallery, as per my usual routine.

‘Let me study a bit.’

I was just about to start on the religious studies I'd never signed up for.

Among the posts climbing faster than usual, one title caught my eye.

Title: Breaking News! Solar Church Saintess's Pilgrimage Route Announced

Author: LongLiveSola

[Photo]

[Photo]

[Photo]

That's the whole announced route of the Saintess

Otherworlders living in those cities, all of you get petals ready to scatter along the Saintess's path

‘She covers quite a lot of ground.’

True to the name pilgrimage, she seemed to pass through many cities.

The reaction in the comments was far from ordinary, too.

[Is the Saintess pretty?]

ㄴ[Most exalted beauty on the continent]

ㄴ[Insanely pretty]

ㄴ[She's my wife candidate]

ㄴ[If an Inquisitor comes for you, just accept it..]

Up to here, it was a normal reaction.

The problem was below that.

[Those cities are so fucked]

ㄴ[Isn't it a good thing if the Saintess comes?]

My idly scrolling finger stopped.

ㄴ[Would you be happy if a division commander visited? That's fucking awful]

ㄴ[Ah..]

ㄴ[For real, they're so fucked]

I read the comments and scrolled back up a little.

I checked the pilgrimage route once more.

Then a familiar name caught my eye.

Millers.

It was none other than the city I'd settled in.

"..."

‘That's a pain.’

But that was all I felt.

She might be a saintess, but she was the saintess of a neighboring religion, not my own.

It didn't take long, though, to realize how complacent that thought was.

..It really didn't take long.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Frantic knocking echoed through the room.

"Priest! Priest!"

"..."

I recognized the voice, and when I opened the door, the Lord was standing outside.

His usual composure was nowhere to be found.

He'd run here so hard, gasping for breath, that sweat had even beaded on his forehead.

And the moment the door opened, he clung to me like the hapless hero who comes running to the blue raccoon robot to beg for help.

"Gah, it's a disaster! The Solar Church's Saintess! The Saintess, the Saintesssss!"

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