WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: DereKimchi
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ I Became the Mad Demon in a Novel ◈
Chapter 5: Dopamine
──────
Awareness returned not through light, but through smell.
The nauseating stench of blood, and the bitter scent of herbs stabbing at my nostrils.
My head throbbed as if it were about to split open.
“Ugh...”
My throat was cracked and dry like shriveled leather.
Every breath brought agonizing pain, as though shards of glass were scraping my insides.
When I barely managed to open my eyes, I saw blackened rafters.
Looking around, it was indeed a small hut, just as that Swordwood Lord had said.
There had been all sorts of incidents, but it seemed the original novel's chapter had stayed on track.
“Hngh.”
Even now, goosebumps rose all over my body.
The sensation of blades piercing and cutting living flesh was as vivid as a brand.
So this was what it felt like to be stabbed and slashed.
“...”
I blankly watched moonlight spill through a hole in the ceiling.
I still couldn't believe this was real. That it had actually happened.
I even missed Manager Park, whom I'd wanted to beat to death every day.
Would Mom be all right without me?
Still, this pathetic son was all she had.
“Whew...”
I tried moving a toe.
A brutal spasm seized my thigh at once.
For some reason, I started laughing.
The worst pain I'd ever experienced had been getting a wisdom tooth pulled or stubbing my toe on a doorframe.
In the end, all I could do now was open the gallery window again.
Title: Why the hell is the Sichuan Tang Clan an orthodox faction?
I just watched a guy dying from Nine-Step Death Venom because he couldn't get an antidote...
Bloody pus was dripping from his eyes, and the rash all over his body was fucking insane. Damn, I'd never heard screams that horrific in my life.
They sell the poison for one piece of silver but charge ten gold ingots for the antidote???
They're basically making money off human lives, so why are those bastards an orthodox faction?
Their dirty concealed-weapon tricks are practically passive skills, and every last one of them has a fucking awful personality. Why are they one of the Five Great Clans??
└Yeah. They're practically worse than the Demonic Cult assholes.
└You're right to never get mixed up with Tang Clan bastards. They're so damn proud that you can't reason with them. Rub them the wrong way and they give you this icy look before going, “The Tang Clan Never Forgets Favors or Grudges!” Fucking chills.
└Just think of them as shit.
Title: Any Galler who just attended the Wuhan Gathering needs to see this...
Even if you wanted to bait Gallers, there are limits to the jokes you can make, you insane bastard....
You called Wuhan One Sword Hahu Jang “Great Hero Anus”[1] right to his face...
I sealed my Tiantu acupoint to keep from laughing and held on for ten whole minutes, but fuck.
Are you even human???
The martial arts tournament is just around the corner. How are you going to take responsibility for my internal injury????
Every day, my faith in humanity gets destroyed...
└Great Hero Anus, lol. Does this idiot not understand compound surnames?
└How can someone who reads martial arts novels not know the Hahu surname? Lol.
└Namgung, Moyong, Zhuge, Hwangbo, Sima, Dugu, Baekri, Guyang, Seomun, Danmok, Hahu, Wiji, Shangguan, Yelu, Umun... What else was there?
└That Whore Martyr incident comes to mind, lol.
└Who's Whore Martyr?
└During the dead-serious River North Grand Banquet, some guy called Chief Strategist Zhuge Bo, “I respect you, Strategist Whore!”[2] Lol. More than thirty Gallers burst out laughing for real, and it got immortalized in the gallery.
└Damn, Chief Strategist... You risked your life over one fucking joke? What was even the point of baiting Gallers that badly?
└For the fun and dopamine, lol. For getting immortalized on the boards.
└You people seriously have nothing better to do.
“Crazy bastards...”
I was having a hard time just breathing, while those assholes chased dopamine by making name jokes.
I scrolled down to filter through the endless stream of shitposts.
Wait.
Come to think of it, there were Top Posts.
High-quality informational posts separately categorized after receiving a certain number of upvotes.
Unable to contain my rising curiosity, I began reading them.
Title: Be careful what you look at.
Think back to elementary and middle school.
Didn't 99% of fights start with, “What the fuck are you looking at?”
Why did we see staring as an obvious attempt to pick a fight?
Actually, it's close to an instinct carved into human DNA.
In the wild, looking at someone is the first act of showing your intent to attack. You're looking for an opening.
Animals are the same.
Even vicious dogs growl when you stare at them, then wag their tails the moment you look away.
We only stopped finding it offensive when people stared at us because we recognized laws and norms and became socialized.
Why? Because even if staring is uncomfortable, it isn't a crime.
But this is a martial arts world where fists and swords fly freely.
Imperial Law exists, but it's practically useless. This place is no different from the Stone Age.
I've watched countless idiots get their asses kicked because they stupidly stared at someone.
Can you really die just for looking at someone?
Yeah. You can die.
I've actually seen someone die after staring at an unorthodox master.
Remember this.
If you can't adapt to it, surviving here will be difficult.
└Massive upvote. This is seriously important. It's the biggest reason newbies get their asses kicked. This isn't modern Korea.
└Damn. They take staring as an outright challenge?
└It's a different mindset. It's easier if you think of everyone here as vicious dogs.
└Fuck's sake. Killing someone just because they looked at you is too much, isn't it?
└When we were kids, if some stranger stared at us, we wanted to deck them. Laws and institutions just killed our wildness. Their wildness is still alive here.
└I never even thought of that. Upvoted.
└Upvote and bump!
Title: Please don't expose your bare feet.
I get that it sucks to go from sneakers to rough grass sandals.
But does that mean you should toss them aside wherever you want?
In the Central Plains, feet are considered even more shameful to expose than your private parts.
It's fucking primitive... You'll ruin all your relationships.
I'm saying this because it's frustrating and sad to watch. A Galler just barely managed to enroll in a martial arts school, then washed his feet in front of everyone and unlocked the outcast route.
└Yeah, that's right. Feet are considered even more private than your private parts or chest.
└I thought it was just women. Men are ashamed to show their bare feet too?
└People immediately see you as a dirt-poor beggar. It's like stripping yourself of your dignity.
└Those fucking Chinese walk around in broad daylight with their ugly bellies hanging out, so why are feet different??
└The more you learn about the Confucian worldview, the stranger it gets.
└Getting into a martial arts school is hard as hell, and he immediately went and washed his feet, lol.
I became so engrossed in the Top Posts that I lost track of time.
There was more information crossing the line between common sense and nonsense than I could count.
Deciding to read Top Posts had been a stroke of genius.
Unlike the shitposts, they were crammed with dense, valuable information.
‘Who knew ancient China was such a hard place to survive in...’
It looked filled with barbarism through our eyes, yet it was undoubtedly a world where rites and the Way coexisted.
A romantic world where the word of one renowned person held far more force than the law.
But that romance was ultimately the sole privilege of those with power.
What? The Mad Demon?
What use was that now?
To me, lying here with stab wounds all over my body, this martial arts world was closer to hell.
A brutally realistic hell.
Then heavy footsteps sounded beside my head.
“Ho ho, so you're finally awake.”
The voice of an old man, like ancient millstones grinding together.
The old man's face, smiling down at me with a kindly, weathered look, was the very image of goodness.
For no reason, I thought of my late grandfather, and tears welled in my eyes.
“Thank you... for saving me.”
The old man sat down beside my head with a thump, still smiling gently.
“I have cast nets in the Soya River all my life, but this is the first time I have caught a person. How troubling. They say the Martial World is merciless, but how could they be so determined to carve the flesh from a man?”
I immediately began analyzing the information flowing into my eyes and ears.
First, the Soya River.
That was information I absolutely needed to remember. At the very least, I had to know where I was.
And this old man.
An old man who had survived this long had to be strong, yet he spoke so calmly even after seeing a martial artist.
If he had spent his whole life casting nets, he was a fisherman who lived by the river.
Could an ordinary old fisherman really remain this composed after seeing so many stab wounds?
I felt a distinct sense of incongruity.
Could he be...?
“Could I have some water? Nice, cold water, like it just came out of a refrigerator.”
After getting burned so badly once, every person I met now looked like a Galler.
I waited quietly, but the old man's response was nothing unusual.
“You lost that much blood, so of course you would want to wet your throat. But a refrigerator? What is that?”
Was he not one?
Ha. I felt like I was going insane.
“Never mind.”
When I brushed it off, the old man smiled again.
“Endure for about three more days. Your wounded insides cannot handle water yet.”
“Yes.”
As I spoke with the old man, I sensed another presence.
I clenched my fist in tension, but the face that shoved open the battered door belonged to someone I knew.
A pale, vicious-looking middle-aged woman. That Swordwood Lord.
“Fuck. You were here after all. I should've searched downstream from the beginning. I wasted all that time wandering around.”
She looked like she'd been through some trouble, but I had no desire to comfort her.
After all, I was the one she'd stabbed.
“How is it? Can you move?”
She could plainly see my condition, yet she still asked that.
She was definitely insane.
“Does it look like I can?”
“Eat this first.”
She stretched out a hand toward my face, and the sharp smell of medicinal herbs struck me.
“What is it?”
“It's something like oral wound medicine. Take it, and you'll be able to move in a day. It's expensive, so don't leave any behind.”
A bitter taste surged through my mouth, but I kept chewing.
She was a supreme master who could kill me whenever she wanted.
If someone like her handed me medicine, I could trust it instead.
Once I swallowed it, warmth spread through my stomach, and I felt much better.
“Feeling better?”
“No, but...”
I trailed off and looked toward the old man.
It felt ominous that she was so casually flaunting her modern sensibilities in front of someone else.
Besides, our kind-looking old man had been rigid for some time now.
“Don't worry. I've already used acupoint sealing on him. And this isn't even a chapter right now. Don't tell me you've gotten attached already?”
“You used acupoint sealing on him?”
What kind of life had she lived for her personality to be this completely broken?
But what she said next was even more shocking.
“He's someone we're going to kill anyway. Why are you worrying so much?”
“...What?”
She was going to kill the old man who had carefully bandaged me and applied herbs to my wounds, the man who had saved my life!
“Are you insane, you bastard?”
She gave a short laugh.
“Hey. You're the Mad Demon.”
Huh?
“We're right in the middle of orthodox territory. What if your wanted portrait gets spread throughout the entire Martial World? Didn't you read the beginning of the original?”
The Swordwood Lord looked down at me as though I were absurd.
“Ha. You really are a skip freak.”
My mind went blank.
I had forgotten for a moment.
The Mad Demon never let anyone who had personally seen his face live.
Footnotes:
[1] Hahu Jang’s surname is Hahu (하후), and his given name is Jang (장). Dropping the first syllable leaves hujang (후장), meaning “anus,” hence “Great Hero Anus.”
[2] Zhuge Bo’s name is pronounced Jegal Bo (제갈보) in Korean. Dropping its first syllable leaves galbo (갈보), a derogatory word meaning “whore,” hence “Strategist Whore.” The prankster is mockingly called the “Whore Martyr” for risking their life on the joke, which makes other Gallers laugh and exposes them.
Join our discord at https://dsc.gg/wetried
