WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: HidingTurtle
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ I Became the Ophidian of the Apocalypse ◈
Chapter 1: A Matter of Length
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001.
My life was nothing but killing time every day.
The news constantly ran stories about unemployed young people being a social problem. It felt like they were personally criticizing me, so I rarely watched TV.
That didn't mean I did anything productive, though.
Most days, I lay in bed scrolling through online communities on my phone, snickering at joke posts.
Looking as pathetic and filthy as ramen broth dried onto the floor, I was reading another joke post that day.
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[Title: Distribute 240 Between Height + Weight + Dick Length.txt]
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There seemed to be plenty of people with nothing to do, just like me.
That completely pointless post had over a hundred comments.
Everyone eagerly shared opinions nobody else cared about.
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(Anonymous1)Average height 174, weight 50, dick 16 should do it lol
(Anonymous2)177 50 13
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They were painfully ordinary choices.
Then again, that probably meant everyone had put serious thought into it.
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(Anonymous5)Height 185, weight 40, dick 15
(Anonymous1)Can you even function normally at 185 and 40 kilos? lol
(Anonymous5)That's my current build
(Anonymous7)160, 45 kg, and a whopping 35 cm dick
(Anonymous1)Bullshit lmao
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Of course, plenty of people were just throwing out random numbers.
I suddenly got a little serious. If it were me, how would I distribute it?
No matter how I divided 240, I didn't think I'd be satisfied.
Just as I was about to hit the back button, feeling like it was all pointless, I spotted the most upvoted comment.
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(Anonymous32)190 cm 70 kg -20 cm
(Anonymous31)What the fuck does negative mean lol
(Anonymous48)I like strong women.
(Anonymous50)What kind of woman is 190 and 70 kg lol
(Anonymous72)She can be an athlete. 190 and 70 is perfect.
(Anonymous54)Genius
(Anonymous12)lolololololol
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Wow. Smart.
I couldn't help but admire it.
By boldly giving up one thing, you could gain everything else.
Of course, the thing you had to give up was very important...
I found that post interesting. As time passed, it faded from my memory.
Who could've guessed that I'd remember it much later?
* * *
It was because of the thing floating before my eyes.
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[Distribute your stats.]
※Warning: Once set, stats cannot be changed. Distribute them carefully.
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What was I supposed to call this translucent window?
A status window? A stat screen? A message?
This thing that looked like it belonged in a game was undeniably real.
If it was true that I'd gone out for the first time in ages and gotten crushed by a falling signboard, then this place was probably the afterlife.
"Don't tell me I'm in a coma..."
It was a terrifying thought.
Still, I had heard people gather around my collapsed body and scream, "Aah, is that their brain?" So I had to be dead.
Feeling tense, I read the lines below.
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- Available stats: 60
- Available categories:
[Mental Strength] [Health] [Luck] [Potential] [Birth Status]
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"What the..."
I'd read plenty of web novels where someone died and entered a world inside a game.
Web novels were also part of how I killed time.
Still, I barely played games, and these stats were strange for a game.
Didn't games normally have things like strength, agility, intelligence, and mana?
What the hell were Potential and Birth Status?
First of all, 1 was probably the lowest stat, while 20 was the best.
Fortunately, there was an explanation.
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※The average stat of a standard human is 10.
Your next life will be determined by your allocated stats.
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So Mental Strength 10 meant the mental strength of an ordinary person. The other categories, like Luck and Health, were probably the same.
"Then how should I distribute them..."
As I muttered that, I realized I was a little excited.
Wasn't this a second chance?
I'd died a pointless death, yet I wasn't especially sad about it.
If anything, my heart was pounding.
First, I had to figure out what the unusual categories meant.
Mental Strength, Health, and Luck were straightforward.
All three were important.
If an average person's stats were 10, then mine in my previous life had probably been around 4, 5, and 7.
My mind was a wreck, my body was in bad shape, and I tended to have bad luck.
"If I split it five ways, that's 12 each. That's not bad."
It was much better than trying to divide the awkward number 240 between height, weight, and dick length.
If I simply put 12 into everything, I could live a life a little better than average!
Without hesitation, I was about to allocate 12 points evenly.
"..."
But my fingers didn't move.
Compared to the gutter of a life I'd lived, even an average life would be more than enough.
Still, it seemed I wanted to live an extraordinary life this time too.
"...Potential, Birth Status."
Let's think about those first.
Potential was a vague term. Did it mean talent?
Potential for studying, potential for sports?
At the very least, it was something I definitely hadn't possessed in my previous life.
I'd dabbled in music, studying, and art.
I had no talent for anything, no matter how hard I looked.
Though part of it was that I lacked perseverance and gave up quickly.
Birth Status, on the other hand, was easier to understand.
Wasn't this about what kind of spoon you were born with?
Whose child you were, where you were born.
If I was being reborn somewhere other than the Earth I knew, it might determine whether I was born the child of a commoner or a noble.
'Wait, can't I overcome this if everything else is good?'
My mind snapped awake.
Just like the comment that had boldly assigned a negative number to dick length and grabbed better values everywhere else.
'Mental Strength, Luck, Health, Potential. If I get all of those, then even if I give up a little Birth Status...'
Unlike my pathetic life, my parents had been wealthy.
They were divorced, but I'd grown up comfortably without lacking anything.
That was why I could live as an unemployed bum.
Even if I was born with a slightly worse spoon, couldn't I still live a fulfilling life if I secured the other stats?
After agonizing over it for a long time, I saw the status window flashing ominously and made up my mind.
The stats I distributed were...
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[Mental Strength] 20*
[Health] 10
[Luck] 9
[Potential] 20*
[Birth Status] 1*
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"Oh..."
After making that bold choice, the text of the stats I'd maxed out at 20 became thicker.
What worried me was that Birth Status, which I'd set to 1, had begun flashing too.
Sure enough, a voice rang out.
*「A bold choice. You have set Mental Strength to 20. You will possess an unbreakable spirit. Even if you face the most loathsome demon or the greatest god, your heart will not break.」
It was an oddly atmospheric voice.
The explanation couldn't have been more satisfying.
Mental Strength was the category I considered most important.
My mentality had been garbage. I always gave up easily, got hurt on my own, and busied myself blaming other people or my circumstances.
I wouldn't live that way anymore.
*「You were born with average health. You will not suffer from an incurable illness, but neither will you be exceptionally healthy.」
*「You were born with average luck. You will experience neither great fortune that could change your life nor absurd misfortune.」
I was satisfied with average Health and Luck.
What mattered most was Mental Strength, and the Potential I could awaken through my efforts.
*「A bold choice. You have set Potential to 20. Your soul will possess limitless possibilities. If you do not give up, and if overwhelming misfortune does not strike, you will someday bloom brilliantly.」
Very nice.
This life would be different.
This time, I wouldn't live listlessly like before.
My heart was racing when the voice finally spoke about Birth Status, the category that had worried me most.
*「An extreme choice. You have set Birth Status to 1. You will be born into the worst environment. You will have to bear responsibility for the result. How will the one who begins in the lowliest place end? It cannot yet be known.」
An extreme choice.
Right. This was what I had expected.
Being born into an ordinary family was probably out of the question. I might even start out as an orphan with no parents.
My Health wasn't low, so I only hoped I wouldn't be born with some physical disability... Still, I could overcome it.
It didn't take long for me to realize how shallow that prediction, that resolve, had been.
* * *
Sija Forest.
Sija trees were a species that grew abundantly in this frontier region.
Since they thrived in fertile soil and warm, humid climates, the forest here was equally dense.
The lush leaves blocked out almost all sunlight, making it gloomy even at midday.
The ground was damp, and with little wind, moss grew everywhere.
There were people walking through that forest.
Sija Forest was full of dangerous monsters, yet their steps never faltered.
Even the locals watched their footing because of venomous snakes and insects.
But what was there to fear when they wore clanking full plate mail?
Moreover, the man in that armor was important enough to frighten even the local lord.
The native farmer guiding him swallowed hard.
'Gunther of Steel... They say he isn't the greatest of the Eight Heroes, but he's still terrifying.'
A dangerous monster had migrated to Sija Forest some time ago.
After it killed several of the lord's soldiers, the lord requested help from the capital.
That was why Gunther, one of the Eight Heroes, had come.
"Is that the place?" Gunther asked in a deep voice.
He pointed toward a cave in a crevice along a cliff within the forest.
The farmer hurriedly replied.
"Yes, that's Breath Hollow. That thing has made its nest there."
"Then we'll wait here."
Gunther was famous for his eventful life.
Unlike the other heroes, he had been born among the lowest of the low.
But he possessed a spirit like steel, along with talent that shone even brighter.
He had started as a mercenary and become one of the kingdom's Eight Heroes with nothing but an axe spear. To the villagers here, he seemed almost mythical.
How long had they waited?
Gunther, who had been leaning against a tree, suddenly stood.
"It's coming."
Nobody had sensed a thing.
Yet an ominous sound soon echoed from Breath Hollow.
Hiss, hiss.
Goosebumps rose across the farmer's back.
Something huge was slithering out from inside.
"Close your eyes, unless you want to turn to stone."
At Gunther's warning, everyone squeezed their eyes shut.
Only a few brave people took out hand mirrors to watch Gunther's heroic feat.
The farmer was one of them.
Using his dirty hand mirror, he watched to see what would crawl out of Breath Hollow.
That was the only way to avoid meeting the monster's gaze.
"Ghk."
He sucked in a breath without meaning to.
What appeared was a horrifying monster.
That thing wasn't a snake.
Its name included the word serpent, but what kind of monster had a woman's face?
A snake's body as thick as a great old tree, and a human face.
Every strand of its hair was actually a tiny baby snake.
The green snakes fluttering from its head hissed and bared their fangs.
"Shhhrik-"
Then there was the long purple tongue flickering from the Medusa Serpent's lips.
Her bewitching eyes turned toward Gunther.
Anyone without resistance would have their body stiffen the moment they met her gaze.
But Gunther charged without even flinching.
He raised his axe spear and rushed forward with reckless, straightforward force.
When the farmer realized Gunther had his eyes closed, he nearly screamed.
"Saaak!"
The Medusa Serpent's mouth opened wide as she lunged at Gunther.
Even with armor, he would be crushed whole if those enormous jaws bit him.
What Gunther did next was too quick for the farmer's eyes to follow.
There was a flash, and he leaped high.
Then he swung that massive axe spear.
Slice, thud!
The Medusa Serpent's head was severed.
Her headless body writhed wildly in every direction.
Gunther ignored it and shook the blood from his axe spear.
"Tell the lord it has been subjugated."
"Y-yes, yes!"
The farmer's legs shook uncontrollably.
One blow. Gunther had killed that monster with just one blow.
What he had witnessed today would be a source of pride for the rest of his life.
"Ah, aah!"
Someone screamed.
A revolting sight unfolded before them.
The Medusa Serpent's hair. Thousands of tiny thread snakes fell in a shower from her dead head.
The little snakes did not dare go near Gunther. They hurried back toward Breath Hollow, where their mother had made her nest.
"What should we do about those?" the farmer asked before he could stop himself.
Gunther looked at him coldly.
"Are you asking me to kill every one of those hatchlings too?"
"S-sorry!"
The farmer flinched and quickly fell to his knees, bowing his head.
"...Is the inside of that cave blocked off?"
"Yes, it is."
"Then have the lord's soldiers exterminate them. Set it on fire or something."
Gunther said that and turned away without hesitation.
The farmers left behind could only stare blankly at Breath Hollow.
Thousands of snakes swarmed into the cave like a mass of insects.
"We'll have to keep watch here."
"Let's at least start a fire... Does anyone have tinder?"
The hatchlings weren't that dangerous, but the farmers sighed.
One of them pointed at the crawling mass of snakes.
"There's a white one mixed in there."
"Must be white-haired. Heh heh."
* * *
Right, and one of those thousands of thread snakes was me.
I was especially small and weak, the only white one.
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【Little White Snake Lv. 1】
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The Medusa Serpent raised her offspring attached to her head.
Since I had hatched from an egg, I had clung tightly to my mother's body and endured.
Then that monster of a man sent my mother's head flying.
'Fuck, Birth Status included species too?!'
I had prepared myself to be born poor.
I had prepared myself to grow up getting beaten by a nasty orphanage director.
But a snake. The offspring of a monster snake, at that. What the hell was this?
Then my mother's beheaded body thrashed and crushed my siblings.
I nearly died.
I barely slipped past, avoiding my siblings who had been reduced to bloody pulp.
*「You have acquired Quick Crawling Lv. 1.」
*「Your proficiency increases rapidly due to your innate Potential.」
Goddammit, screw Potential.
I crawled desperately.
Footnotes:
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