WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Irevi
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With ◈
Chapter 24: I Came to End This War
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For a moment, I was surprised that Pinocchia had Awakened.
Then I explained the Monolith and Players to her.
She immediately started bouncing with joy.
“I can enter the Tower with you, Master! This automaton, Pinocchia, can finally show you what I can really do!”
“Uh, sorry, but you can’t go in with me.”
“What? Why not? We’re a duo bound by the red thread of fate!”
“Our difficulties are different. I’m on Infinity difficulty, and you’re on Hard difficulty. The Tower is basically solo-only.”
“Ah?!”
Pinocchia visibly drooped.
Of course, I felt the same way.
‘Where’s my free clear, free clear, wonderful free clear?’
Difficult challenges had their own appeal.
But an effortless clear had its own fresh appeal too.
‘This is obviously a targeted nerf patch, isn’t it?’
Let’s think about it.
Dundo’s Dagger counted as an item, so it automatically entered the Tower with me.
If that ruling had applied to Pinocchia too, I could have brought this peerless decisive battle weapon, Pinocchia, into Infinity difficulty and cleared floors without regressing.
‘And now she Awakened?’
Now that she had become a Player, there was no way I could climb with Pinocchia, no matter what I tried.
Of course, considering this was Infinity difficulty and everything past Floor 10 was treated as top-secret information, I had no idea what might happen.
‘First, it offers me a Skill Jewel choice. Something about this feels off.’
I needed to activate Split Thought and seriously consider the situation.
“Pinocchia, come here for a moment.”
“Yes...”
I drew some blood with a blood collection syringe and handed it to Pinocchia.
“Analyze my blood. I’ll draw some more later, so tell me immediately if you detect even the slightest change.”
“Understood!”
The gloom vanished from her face the moment I gave her an order.
She poured my blood into her mouth.
Drrrrrrrrr!
Her body shook like an old, worn-out washing machine.
Ding!
“Mmm! Analysis complete! So this is what Master’s blood tastes like!”
“Good. Remember it well, and clean up for now. Don’t break anything, okay?”
“Don’t worry, Master!”
Pinocchia waved her short limbs around as she cleared away the dishes and plastic kimchi containers.
The moment she realized she could not reach the sink, she dragged over a chair and began washing the dishes.
Watching that adorable sight, I activated Split Thought.
‘What do you think, Amor Fati?’
‘We’re the same ego, Lee Han-gyeol. Your thoughts are my thoughts.’
As expected of me.
That meant there was no need to waste time on a pointless introduction.
‘This really is a targeted nerf patch, right?’
‘Most likely.’
‘Well, it doesn’t completely feel like they gave it to us and took it away.’
‘She is on Hard difficulty, after all. Considering the Magic stones and items Han Siyeon brought back from the Hard-difficulty Tower in her first Run, it might be better to think of it as an additional farming route.’
‘True. I only go in once a week.’
‘Should we think of her as an alt? One on an easier difficulty.’
‘There are pros and cons. If I had brought her into Infinity difficulty, clearing it would’ve been easier, but our item supply would’ve slowed down.’
‘But since Pinocchia Awakened on Hard difficulty, there’s no progress in my clears, while our item supply becomes faster.’
‘Good. That settles it for now. Then next comes the obvious part, right?’
‘Exactly.’
I called Pinocchia over after she finished the dishes, drew a second blood sample, and handed it to her.
Drrrrrrrrr!
“Mmm! It tastes exactly the same!”
Whew.
At least there was no immediately observable contamination of my ego. Nice.
After deactivating Split Thought, I put on a carefully selected YouTube playlist for Pinocchia and seated her in front of the computer.
Videos about cooking, cleaning, and other miscellaneous educational subjects.
Pinocchia widened her eyes and eagerly absorbed the videos.
‘Now then.’
I was about to post a question on the Infinite Regression Gallery.
No, I tried to.
Bzzzt.
Noise suddenly flickered before my eyes, and an Infinite Regression Gallery message appeared.
[The Monolith has manipulated causality.]
[50 shop points awarded.]
[The second special function has been partially unlocked.]
[Second special function unlock: 60%.]
“...?”
This was an Infinite Regression Gallery message, right?
The wording felt strangely different.
Weren’t Gallery messages always loud and hectic, ending with exclamation marks?
Seeing periods at the end made it seem like it was insisting, “I’m serious right now.”
I stared blankly into the air for a moment, unable to make sense of words like Monolith and causality.
‘This feels seriously bad.’
The timing was suspicious.
It was like déjà vu.
Just as it had told me not to reveal Infinite Regression right before I was about to do so, it showed me this right before I posted my question?
‘Okay, okay. I get it.’
Apparently, instead of talking nonsense, I was supposed to tell the Gallery users exactly what had happened.
‘Help me, Infinite Regression Gallery-emon!’
[Guys, what the hell does causality manipulation mean?]
[Author: Amor Fati]
(Screenshot of the Infinite Regression Gallery message)
Pinocchia Awakened on Hard difficulty today.
That means she no longer counts as an item, so she can’t enter the Tower with me.
Yesterday’s Skill Jewel too. Right when I thought I was getting hit with a targeted nerf patch, this message showed up.
It didn’t seem like something I should ignore, so I wanted to hear your opinions.
The responses were immediate.
ㄴSolo Hero*) Ha, this is driving me insane.
ㄴArchmage) I expected it, but of all things...
ㄴMartial God) Newbie. Calm down first, and steel yourself.
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) So that’s why this fucking difficulty felt so awful.
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Brother, please remember that we are always with you!
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Ah...
ㄴVampire Princess) Urgh, I should’ve known from the Magic stone rerolls, those damned Monolith bastards!
ㄴPuppetmaster) It did feel strange.
Judging by their reactions, this was no ordinary problem.
But from that alone, I could not tell exactly what made it so serious.
ㄴAmor Fati) Could someone explain in detail?
ㄴPuppetmaster) Newbie. I assume you know that, in our Infinite Regression Gallery, the Head Mod is the strongest if we only consider combat power.
ㄴPuppetmaster) Do you know why that Head Mod took an indefinite vacation and still hasn’t reached a happy ending?
“That, that’s because of it.”
The betrayed-by-humanity Hero cliché, right?
That was what I had assumed from the general mood of her posts.
But I could not help being shocked when I saw Puppetmaster’s next comment.
ㄴPuppetmaster) It is because the Demon King, the final boss of the Head Mod’s world, is aware of the Head Mod’s Infinite Regression.
“Wha-wha-wha-what?!”
“Gasp! Master! What is wrong?!”
“Ah, sorry. I was lost in thought for a moment. Pinocchia, don’t worry about me and keep concentrating.”
“Understood!”
Pinocchia turned back toward the computer.
I calmed my racing heart and left a comment.
ㄴAmor Fati) Then what happens to things like resetting regression points?
ㄴSolo Hero*) First, the Demon King is not an Infinite Regressor. More precisely, it is an entity capable of controlling causality.
ㄴAmor Fati) Explain it so even newbie-newbie-chan can understand...
ㄴArchmage) Think of it as a resource for altering reality.
ㄴVampire Princess) Do not summarize this in three lines. Explain it properly.
ㄴArchmage) Is that not obvious? Listen carefully, Newbie.
ㄴArchmage) Those who step into transcendent realms all awaken the power to manipulate this thing called causality.
ㄴArchmage) It is a realm beyond even my reach.
ㄴArchmage) I can only explain it theoretically, but one thing is certain.
ㄴArchmage) Whether it is the Monolith, the Tower itself, or the Tower’s administrator, a transcendent being is deliberately interfering with you.
ㄴAmor Fati) So they’re using this resource called causality to screw me over? Through reality alteration and stuff?
ㄴArchmage) Precisely. Your change to Infinity difficulty, as well as your repeated F-rank results while rerolling Magic stones, are likely related.
“Hmm.”
I looked at Pinocchia.
That made sense.
Because I had brought in such an overwhelmingly powerful cheat code, the Tower had apparently used this resource called causality to forcibly Awaken Pinocchia.
So I could not cruise through Infinity difficulty with her.
Then one question naturally arose.
ㄴAmor Fati) But that causality resource isn’t infinite, right?
If reality alteration were some broken kiddie skill with no limits, it could have simply stopped me from Awakening. Or, at worst, said, “Split in half and die.”
ㄴSolo Hero*) Yeah, that’s right. It’s not omnipotent like you think.
ㄴSolo Hero*) For one thing, when causality is tampered with, an equivalent return comes back to me too.
Good.
It was not omnipotent as I had feared. It had restrictions.
ㄴPuppetmaster) There is not much data since, until now, the only final bosses capable of manipulating causality were the Demon King in the Head Mod’s world and the Outer God in my world. But this confirms it.
ㄴPuppetmaster) The Monolith, the final boss of Newbie’s world, is a boss capable of handling causality. And the Infinite Regression Gallery achievement points and unlocked function appear to be the reward for the Monolith tampering with causality.
ㄴAmor Fati) Holy shit, the Infinite Regression Gallery privilege was the return for causality manipulation?? Then what did Puppetmaster and the Head Mod receive as rewards??
ㄴPuppetmaster) Uh, my case is a little different.
ㄴPuppetmaster) The Outer God is indeed an entity capable of causality manipulation. But it does not go out of its way to manipulate causality. It’s more like it passes by and flings shit everywhere...
ㄴSolo Hero*) I just got stronger in pure combat ability.
“Ah-ha.”
So there was a reason the Head Mod’s level seemed exceptionally high.
ㄴArchmage) Good heavens, this is serious. Did even the Demon King not use causality manipulation until the Head Mod reached the final stage?
ㄴArchmage) How could this be...
A silence passed through the Infinite Regression Gallery after Archmage’s comment.
Soon afterward, the Gallery users each offered words of encouragement and comfort.
ㄴSolo Hero*) Newbie... I know because I got screwed over by that bastard Demon King plenty of times too, but it’s okay to rest in the middle. Just don’t push yourself too hard. Never forget that we’re always with you. I’ll teach you how to make the most of a vacation Run.
ㄴArchmage) That is right. Before a great trial, there is no harm in resting for a while. Time is a resource we have in abundance. Newbie, please do not break. Let us move forward together.
ㄴPuppetmaster) Newbie. It’s okay to rely on Pinocchia when things get hard. She will surely be a great help.
ㄴMartial God) Sigh, why does the newbie’s final boss have to be the same difficulty as the Head Mod’s? Newbie. Just say the word. Whenever Trade opens, I’ll find you anything you need.
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) I will pray every dawn with the Paladins of our order for you, Brother.
ㄴVampire Princess) It feels as though a stake has been driven through my heart because there is nothing I can do for you...
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Hang in there. That’s all I can say.
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Newbie, waaaaaah...
And as I received their comfort, I could only fill my mind with question marks.
‘Why is the mood like this?’
For a moment, I wondered whether I had misread the post, so I read through the Gallery again.
‘No? I read it right.’
Why were the Gallery users reacting like this?
Before I could think about it for long, the Gallery began filling with their fussing. Apparently, comments had not been enough.
[Hmm. Just wait and see. With the newbie’s personality, I don’t think he’ll be discouraged.] [27]
[Brother will need time as well.] [7]
[Everyone except Dundo and Vampire Princess, make sure you prepare your items properly.] [10]
[This will not do. Should we not all do something for the newbie?] [16]
[NewbiewhynoreplyingwhatdoIdo sob sob sob] [13]
“...?”
As expected, Puppetmaster was the one who understood what kind of person I was.
Anyway, one thing I sometimes realized while using the Infinite Regression Gallery was that once these people began fussing, there was no end to it.
Of course, as the one receiving their obsession, I could not help smiling.
After enjoying their reaction for a while, I made a post.
[Stop Overthinking, Muppippi]
[Author: Amor Fati]
(A reaction image of a bearded alpha male in a towering rage)
Damn it, Muppippi!
Please, stop!
What the hell is wrong with all of you?
My life is shining more brightly than ever, Muppippi!
Does overcoming unfair interference not mean a “reward” is coming?
There’s no reason to take this “negatively.”
We all already know the answer.
To make flowers bloom, you must endure wind and rain.
Harder trials and unfair interference?
Trials that cannot kill me only make me stronger, Muppippi.
Think about it.
Picture me breaking through countless unfair obstacles and unlocking the dimensional travel privilege.
Oh, that’s right.
A miraculous future awaits us.
ㄴSolo Hero*) How shocked must he have been for the newbie to lose it like this...
ㄴSolo Hero*) I understand, Newbie. When I first learned that fact, I spent nearly a hundred years going insane too...
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Ah, Brother! Please come to your senses!
ㄴArchmage) ...I can only apologize that we cannot share your pain, Newbie. Who besides the Head Mod and you could dare understand the terror of a transcendent being manipulating causality?
ㄴMartial God) It has truly been a long time since I got emotional enough to tear up at this age.
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) This does not even compare to when a bounty was placed on my head and elite fixers came after me...
ㄴDungeon Rogue) I cannot even imagine how sad you are behind this joking tone, Newbie ㅠㅠ
ㄴVampire Princess) Seeing the incoherent sentence structure, it feels as though my own heart is being torn apart...
ㄴPuppetmaster) ...No, I think Newbie genuinely thinks this is better...
No way.
My killer GigaChad joke was having the opposite effect?
At least Puppetmaster understood me, so that was fortunate.
ㄴAmor Fati) Yeah, Puppetmaster is right. I don’t understand why the mood is like this.
ㄴSolo Hero*) ?
ㄴArchmage) ?
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) ?
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Are you serious?
ㄴAmor Fati) Isn’t this obvious? You said the Trade feature opened and dimensional travel became possible because the Monolith screwed me over with causality.
ㄴSolo Hero*) No, a transcendent being is deliberately screwing you over in exchange. Aren’t you scared?
ㄴAmor Fati) Not really?
ㄴAmor Fati) As long as the Continue button exists, the happy ending is guaranteed, right?
ㄴSolo Hero*) Wow...
ㄴPuppetmaster) Hahahahahaha As expected of Newbie, I believed in you.
ㄴPuppetmaster) Great Newbie God Newbie.
ㄴMartial God) ...This is truly the first time I have ever felt this pathetic about myself.
ㄴArchmage) You make me reflect on myself...
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) How noble you are!!!
ㄴVampire Princess) I-I believed in you as well, Newbie!
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Is Positive Man insane? I like it. Bring on the Trade feature, hahaha.
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Itoreopenachocolatebarwrapperineverydirectionandcried, I cried.
I grinned as I watched the Infinite Regression Gallery users fuss in an entirely different way.
‘As expected, angst stories do not suit me.’
First, I took a deep breath.
“Whew.”
Dense mana flowed through my lungs and into my core.
In other words, I felt incredibly refreshed.
‘Monolith, I really do like you!’
The slit-mouthed clown villain from that bat-hero movie.
I completely understood that villain.
‘You are the only one who can complete me, Monolith!’
Being barred from entering for a week?
There was no reason to be depressed about that anymore.
The posts on the Infinite Regression Gallery wiped away my gloomy mood.
I had learned that the tug-of-war between the Monolith and me was not limited to the Tower.
Outside the Tower too, the Monolith and I could wage a battle of wits over a massive go board!
Now I could enjoy the Monolith without even entering the Tower!
‘They’re definitely giving us an expansion DLC too.’
It felt like the final boss’s information, previously displayed as question marks, had been unlocked.
Feeling resolute again, I called Pinocchia.
“Pinocchia!”
“Yes, Master!”
My cute and adorable first real-world companion.
With a solemn expression, I opened my mouth.
“From now on, I am assigning you an extremely important mission.”
“Gasp! I will complete any mission perfectly!”
Snap!
Pinocchia had even perfectly absorbed the salute posture.
Good.
The foolish version of her that hunted down cockroaches and put them in her mouth was nowhere to be seen now.
“Enter the Monolith and retrieve my weapon!”
“The Monolith! Master’s weapon!”
“Yes! Pinocchia, Player of Hard difficulty! Can you do it?!”
“Yes! This automaton belonging to Master, Pinocchia, Player of Hard difficulty! I can do it!”
“That’s the attitude. Listen carefully, Pinocchia. When you enter, the Tutorial will assign you a mission.”
I explained everything I knew about the Tower to Pinocchia in as much detail as possible.
Han Siyeon, the Thunder Emperor, had used the mythic-rank Heavenly Thunderwood Wand until the end.
It was common knowledge that she had acquired that weapon during the Hard-difficulty Tutorial.
It was future information I could not use because Infinity difficulty did not have an armory, but Hard difficulty was a different story.
“So it’s a sword. No matter what, choose a sword from the armory. And don’t forget to record video.”
“Mission received!”
After answering, Pinocchia struck a cool pose.
More specifically, she clenched her fist, held it toward the sky in a hero-flight pose, and shouted, “Enter!”
Whoosh!
Pinocchia was sucked into the Tower in an instant.
I watched her proudly, then immediately opened the Infinite Regression Gallery.
‘Hmm.’
The mood of the Gallery was...
‘Ambiguous.’
Outwardly, they were still fussing and doting on me.
But their emotions were subtly coming through in their posts.
‘Everyone is worried sick that I might secretly be scared.’
Well.
It was understandable.
Even the Head Mod had grown endlessly strong from causality’s backlash, yet had ultimately given up and was enjoying an indefinite vacation.
Since I had nothing to do until Pinocchia cleared the Tutorial and brought back a weapon, I decided to drop the bomb I had been saving.
To change the Gallery’s topic, there was no better remedy than the never-ending debate between the martial arts faction and the mage faction.
[Everyone, stop fussing and focus.]
[Author: Amor Fati]
(A photo of me concentrating with my eyes closed and index fingers pressed against both temples)
Today’s main subject is even more important than causality and all that.
This Infinite Regressor, Amor Fati, has come to end the long war between the mage faction and the martial arts faction.
After much consideration, I have decided to learn both magic and swordsmanship.
The answer is a magic swordsman.
Take note, Gallery users.
Footnotes:
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