WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: ZERO_SUGAR
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
Chapter 52: Father's Dwelling (2)
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You can take down even a ghost if you have overwhelming physical force.
That statement was half right and half wrong.
“There’s a rite called the beating rite, and it’s a proper exorcism method with a long history.”
“Pastor, does that mean if you’re good at fighting, you can beat up ghosts too?”
“Well, having the right equipment and conditions certainly helps.”
Anyway, as Pastor said, physical force worked on ghosts too.
There just had to be certain conditions in place.
For example, consecrated rounds with the power to fight demons.
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat!!
A storm had swept through the bathroom. It felt like the firing had gone on for around fifteen seconds, so by simple calculation, it must have been about two thousand rounds.
At twenty-five thousand won a round, fifty million won had vanished.
【Devour!】
After unleashing two hundred cannon shells, Eight-Foot Sister looked proud of herself, as if asking, Didn’t I do well?
“Hmm...”
I knew she was trying to protect me from the ghost, but... what was I supposed to do about the bathroom?
It had been completely wrecked.
【Devouuuur!!】
“Eight-Foot Sister, go kneel over there and hold your hands up.”
【Devour?!】
* * *
“One hundred one, one hundred two, one hundred three...”
That night, dawn came as I picked up shell casings.
Two thousand two hundred and three. Hmm, that was fifty-five million and seventy-five thousand won.
Pastor said I could save a considerable amount on ammunition if I collected and recycled the casings, so from now on, I should make the Gugu Legion pick them up too.
Chirp chirp?!
Gugu?!
“Was the evil spirit exorcised?”
I hadn’t been able to check because Eight-Foot Sister had opened fire without hesitation.
Twenty-millimeter rounds produced smoke on the level of a chemical warfare drill.
“Let’s just renovate the bathroom later. Better to look on the bright side...”
The move-in cleaning continued.
Eight-Foot Sister had spent the night kneeling with her hands up as punishment, but she worked hard afterward, so we finished quickly.
We kept the place ventilated all day, and the smell seemed to be gradually fading. After spraying the mold with cleaner and scrubbing hard, it was coming off somehow too.
“Hey, it actually looks decent now that it’s clean!”
There was still some weeding and yard work left, but we could take our time with that.
Aside from one bathroom being destroyed, the inside of the house was finally in good shape.
“It still smells kind of musty... Is the well really the culprit?”
One of the victims had supposedly thrown herself into that well.
Maybe the well was what had turned this land into an Ill-Omened Site.
So I poured holy oil and holy water into it without hesitation.
I heard them patter into the water below, though I had no idea whether it would do anything.
Then came the second night in my new home.
“Ugh... bathroom.”
This felt a lot like deja vu from yesterday, but people used the bathroom every day, didn’t they?
I was about to use the first-floor bathroom when I remembered that even the toilet had been shredded by Eight-Foot Sister’s Magdalene’s Chainsaw. So I headed to the master bathroom instead.
“Phew... It looks pretty decent now that it’s clean.”
After throwing out the bloodstained mattress, only a bare frame remained in the master bedroom.
Still, most of the room had been cleaned up, so the old gloomy atmosphere had faded a lot.
“Ooh, this master bathroom is great.”
The master bathroom had a large window overlooking the quiet garden.
Originally, there must have been a nice view of the landscaped garden, with the stone wall providing just the right amount of privacy.
“I should clean up the garden next.”
Should I call a landscaping company too? This place would look amazing if I got it fixed up properly.
Just as I sat on the toilet and started doing my business, a male ghost was staring right at me from inches away.
He wasn’t the female ghost from yesterday.
“More importantly, sir... showing up while I’m taking a leak is seriously bad manners...”
【Get oooouuut...】
“Damn it! I’m not even finished yet!”
I hurriedly zipped up and stood, but the bastard turned his head to follow me.
【M... my house! Get oooouuuut!!】
“Calm down! Calm down, I said! No, no, no! It’s fine! You’re still in the safe zone, so calm down!”
The more I yelled, the fiercer the evil spirit became.
Its ghostly energy was intense, but I wasn’t yelling at the male ghost.
“Gari! I said I’m fine!”
【???】
The evil spirit turned around and came face-to-face with Gari, whose mouth was stretched wide open outside the window.
Crash!
The window and wall leading to the garden shattered as the male evil spirit was swallowed whole.
The toilet got smashed by the impact too.
Pshhhhh!
Water shot up where the shattered toilet had been.
The water was pouring everywhere, but I watched Gari chew the ghost with a loud crunch.
Crunch, crunch!
“...Yeah. Good job.”
* * *
This was really the last bathroom.
The bathroom on the second floor. If this one got wrecked too, my dignity would be ruined.
I scattered holy water and holy oil everywhere as I built an absolute defensive fortress around this final bastion.
I sprayed holy oil over the vent, windows, and doorway to create a defensive formation that kept evil things out. Then I poured holy water into the toilet and made the sign of the cross.
“Lord God the Father, protect my toilet from disasters such as red toilet paper and blue toilet paper...”
Just in case, I liberally splashed holy water around the tank too.
Every time I flushed, I replenished the holy water.
Then that night...
“Ha! Hahahahahaha!”
No evil spirit appeared.
I’d succeeded!
“Yohan! We came for your housewarming!”
Pastor Go and the church members came to visit.
They had brought plenty of pork belly, beef, and even outdoor grills. Apparently, all of it was a housewarming gift.
“You’ve got a yard, so you should grill some meat. You’ve got a big household too, so I bought a few extra grills.”
“Pastor Go, you’re the best!”
“By the way... what happened to that wall over there? Why’s it covered with a curtain?”
“...Well.”
I confessed everything that had happened over the past three days to Pastor Go.
“Hmm... Ghosts appeared only in the bathroom, twice?”
“Yes. Why do they only come out in the bathroom? Do they have some kind of toilet fetish?”
“You said the evil spirits stopped appearing once you set up a barrier with holy oil?”
“Yes. Do you think they were coming in through the toilet?”
“That’s possible. Didn’t you say someone drowned in the well here?”
The wife had supposedly fallen into the well. Her body was never found.
“But I poured some into the well too.”
“A well has flowing water. Even if you pour holy water and holy oil into it, they’ll quickly wash away.”
Toilet water was different.
As long as I didn’t flush, the holy water would remain.
“Then are evil spirits still inside the well?”
“I don’t think Eight-Foot Sister or Gari would have missed one, but... that distinctive smell is still there, right?”
“Yes, the musty smell is still overwhelming.”
“Hmm... Wells usually aren’t connected to water pipes, but just in case, let’s purify the well. I happened to bring something we need.”
What Pastor brought was a stake.
It was an iron stake, and seeing it reminded me of something.
“It reminds me of when the magicians tried to make an Ill-Omened Site with stakes. Those were iron stakes too.”
“Ah, that incident? Well, a stake’s meaning depends on the stake.”
The stake Pastor took out was a large iron stake, nearly half the length of a person’s body.
It looked quite heavy as he continued explaining.
“From an exorcism perspective, stakes are used to sever flowing spiritual energy and inscribe seals. That’s why they’re used to seal vampires or cut off the earth’s energy. But Christianity gives them a somewhat different meaning.”
“What’s different about it?”
“In Christian exorcism, a stake fixes the Tabernacle in place and establishes a holy boundary. Later, it became the holy nail driven through His hands and feet to wash away our original sin.”
They called it Helena’s Holy Nail.
“This is a replica. It’s nothing compared to the three true Holy Nails, but with your power, you may be able to do something similar.”
“Where are the real ones?”
“One was used to make the Iron Crown of Lombardy, one is in the Vatican, and the last one... Well, let’s just say it was lost in Korea.”
“...”
I decided not to ask about the remaining Helena’s Holy Nail.
It felt like I shouldn’t ask.
Pastor Go had probably stolen it from somewhere too.
“Let’s drive this into the well and purify it.”
I left the barbecue party behind and approached the well.
Eight-Foot Sister, who had been grilling meat, and Gari, who was chewing through enough meat for two grills, followed after me. I stopped them.
“I’ll be right back. Hold the rope tight.”
Crunch, crunch!
【Devour!】
Holding the replica of Helena’s Holy Nail Pastor had given me, I slowly descended into the well.
I should not have been able to see an inch ahead of me, but Pastor Go shone a lantern down from above, making the bottom clearly visible.
The well was deeper than I expected.
Several dozen meters, at least by feel. People used to draw water from wells to drink, so maybe this had once been one of those wells.
“Huh? This is...”
I looked at something hard beneath my feet and found a water supply pipe.
That was strange. Even if the house was old, wouldn’t the pipes have been routed around the well when they connected the water supply?
Why was the well connected to the water pipes?
It was too deliberate, like someone had intentionally linked them.
“This isn’t the time to worry about that.”
I drove the replica of Helena’s Holy Nail into the bottom of the well.
As I struck it with a hammer, I began to pray.
I prayed that the Holy Nail would purify this polluted land.
Clang!
“God the Father. Is this land cursed? I do not know. But blood flows here, and lamentations linger every night. There is a prodigal child who cannot return to Your embrace.”
Clang! Clang!
“I consecrate this place and make it the Father’s dwelling, so please receive it gladly.”
Clang! Clang! Clang!
“Amen.”
At that moment, light burst from the Holy Nail.
No, it wasn’t just light.
The water in the well began to churn with terrifying force.
Whoooooosh!!
“Uh, uh? Father! God?!”
Th-this wasn’t what I wanted!
The raging water surged upward like a waterfall... no, like a fountain bursting from the earth.
Naturally, I was launched out of the well with it.
“Uh, uh?!”
“Pastor! Pastor, catch me!”
“Good heavens!”
He dodged?!
I saw it! I saw Pastor dodge my hand!
Riding the waterfall-like surge, I shot up into the air and saw the sunset over the city.
That really hit me right in the feelings.
A pillar of light rose into the sky with the water, as if it had punched a hole through the clouds.
Seeing it, Christians below closed their eyes and prayed, and I felt certain gazes upon me.
“Gari?”
The moment I felt those familiar gazes, I began falling back to the ground under the perfectly ordinary law of gravity.
“Aaaah! I’m falling!!”
【Devour!】
Thankfully, Eight-Foot Sister caught me before it was too late.
“Phew... I almost died!!”
But I survived, right?
Just as I let out a sigh of relief, a water bomb exploded inside the house.
Whoooooosh!!
The backflow had rushed through the pipes and burst out of the bathrooms.
The first floor... the master bathroom... and then...
“Ah, no.”
Whoooooooooosh!!
The second floor burst too, wrecking it completely.
“No... My dignity...”
I stood there shedding a few tears as I watched my final bastion get destroyed.
Then an old man appeared behind me, surrounded by a pale light.
【Thank you, my benefactor. How could I ever repay this grace...】
“Wait a second.”
【Yes, anything... Huh?】
How was I supposed to use the bathroom now...?
Footnotes:
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