WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: ZERO_SUGAR
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Chapter 479: That Woman D VI
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The Undertaker's parts down there had been severed.
Who could ever have predicted that, at the very end of the very end, after piling up nearly 500 chapters' worth of material, a physical gender swap would be the thing to cap it all off...
Mercifully, that didn't happen.
Nobody had seen a development like that coming. Not even Oh Dok-seo.
So the Undertaker had, at the very least, dodged the danger of going down in the history books as the byword for the worst drift of all time...
That said, it wasn't as if he'd broken through his current situation with any real flair, either.
"N-no! Seo-rin unni!"
"Let go of me...! I said let go!"
A crashing, banging uproar broke out.
"This, this is the one and only answer that leads to a happy ending!"
"Calm yourself, Dang Seo-rin. I, too, dote upon Mr. Matiz regardless of gender, but performing surgery outdoors without proper equipment is simply not the right way to go about it."
"Th-that's right. Stripping the Guild Leader of that... I mean, he's so good at it. Hehe. It'd be such a waste..."
"?"
"?"
As is usually the case whenever an uproar breaks out in the Regression Alliance, OldManGoryeo the villain drew all the aggro this time too, and thanks to a teammate's insane tanking ability, the support character Undertaker barely managed to flee.
The trouble was that where he'd fled, there was no paradise waiting, only a hotel.
The reserved rooms were different, that was all. The Undertaker's lodging was in the very same hotel as the rest of the party.
'Dangerous. This is genuinely dangerous...!'
Being the lone splash of male on this trip, the Undertaker had a suite all to himself, and for that exact same reason, there was no one he could consult.
Who in the world could he call up to this room to ask, 'What should I do?'
Really, who?
He ran a quick mental simulation.
He might not match Cheon Yo-hwa, but the Undertaker had personally lived through tens of thousands of life simulations himself, so he could picture it well enough.
The first consultation candidate the Undertaker thought of was, naturally, a comrade of tradition and trust.
1. The Management Captain.
「Noh Do-hwa. What should I do? At this rate everything's going to fall apart. You're the only person I can trust!」
「Hmm. Well. I'm not really sure what it is you're so worried about...」
「Pardon?」
「Does it really matter if it all falls apart...?」
「...」
「...」
They just stared at each other in silence for about six seconds, and yet somehow a suffocating mood welled up, and all at once Noh Do-hwa grabbed the Undertaker's necktie and twisted the corner of her mouth...
'Absolutely not!'
The Undertaker recoiled in horror. No matter how he tried to steer the conversation, the only future he could see was the two of them plunging straight down into hell together and reenacting Made in Abyss[1].
'This is a person who, far from solving the problem, would just pour gasoline on the fire!'
In that case, the Undertaker thought, moving on to the next candidate.
In truth, aside from Noh Do-hwa, there was one more consultant the Undertaker had traditionally relied on.
A comrade who, anytime, anywhere, could mimic any character at all, and was therefore, surprisingly, an SSS-rank conversation partner!
2. LiteraryGirl
「Dok-seo. From the way you were talking earlier, it sounded like you were scheming something! Explain just what the situation is, would you! Huh? I'm asking you what I should do here!」
「U-uh-huh. Sorry, Mister. The truth is, I just thought it'd be sad if you and the others were that heartbroken and then remembered nothing at all. A true happy ending has to be an autumn you greet after harvesting every last thing, leaving nothing behind. That's the only reason I wanted the time capsule to open... B-boy. Turned out the memories Cheon Yo-hwa stored away were a bit more than I expected!」
「You knew and left it alone! You little...!」
「No! I'm a victim here too! How was I supposed to know you were the angel reader who'd been cheering me on, front to back, every single day! And, and, on top of that, even something like...!」
「Like what?」
「...」
「...」
「I, I can't say it. More to the point, the one thing I do realize now is that I'd been misunderstanding something about you, Mister.」
「Misunderstanding? Misunderstanding what?」
「Mister... Your, your affection toward me was higher than I thought? So... like... that.」
「...」
「...」
They just avoided each other's gaze in silence for about twelve seconds, and yet astonishingly Oh Dok-seo, flinching, brushed the Undertaker's hand and looked at him with eyes clouded by unease...
"Let's die."
The Undertaker muttered it. Perched on the edge of the bed, head buried in both hands, he soliloquized with utterly genuine feeling.
"Yeah. Rather than witness that spectacle with my own naked eyes, I'd just, I'd sooner die."
Yu Ji-won's earnest advice had been right this time too. Oh Dok-seo? Ohhhhhhh Dok-seo? Oh Dok-seo, seriously?
Even if the whole world were wiped out and only two humans remained, the Undertaker firmly refused to be Adam and Eve. Only now could he truly understand the final line of the Evangelion theatrical cut[2]. It made him sick!
Who on earth would benefit if an Oh Dok-seo-Undertaker route actually came true? And who could possibly depict that situation? The Undertaker? No chance. Oh Dok-seo? Out of the question. Infinite Metagame? Even Infinite Metagame would balk at this one.
In the end, the last consultation partner left to the Undertaker was already decided.
"Seo Gyu. It's your hyung..."
-Huh? Hyung-nim? What's with a call at this hour of the morning? Oh, right. You're in the States. It must be afternoon over there by now.
"Yeah. Did you eat breakfast? Your hyung's got a little something on his mind and wants your opinion. That okay?"
-Uh... Me, hyung-nim? You're asking me? Uh, sure. Of course it's fine. I ate breakfast. But this is making me kind of nervous. What kind of worry could it be that you'd consult me about it?
Explanation skipped.
In dating-sim terms, [CTRL][3].
-Hmm.
On the other end of the phone, Seo Gyu took in the whole explanation and swallowed a deep groan.
It was the most peculiarly icky siren of silence.
"What should I do, Seo Gyu?"
-Hmmmmm...
As the silence stretched on, the Undertaker grew more impatient, but in truth Seo Gyu was simply offering up deep thanks in his heart.
The object of his gratitude was, of course, Oh Dok-seo.
Seo Gyu resolved that the moment Oh Dok-seo returned home, he'd hand her a lifetime free PT membership on the spot.
Considering that these days Seo Gyu was sweeping competitions and pulling in at least 200,000 won an hour, it was an enormous privilege. At least Seo Gyu himself thought so.
(Oh Dok-seo's opinion didn't matter.)
"Still, you spent your life as an SG Net Administrator dealing with all kinds of crazies and crazy situations. I'm begging you on the strength of your experience as an Administrator here."
-No, uh. The three troublemakers I had the hardest time with are all in your party right now, all three of them, so I'm not sure I'll be much help...
"Three? One's Ah-ryeon and another would be Dok-seo. Was there one more here who'd qualify as a troublemaker?"
-It's nothing.
Seo Gyu's tone turned oddly hurried.
-M-more importantly, hyung-nim. The most important thing at times like this is the heart, one on one. The hearts between two people, right?
"Mm."
-I really never thought the day would come when I'd be asking you something like this. So... hyung-nim, what kind of person do you like?
A blunt question.
And the Undertaker was neither lazy nor dull when it came to gauging his own heart. Naturally it was a question he'd thrown at himself plenty of times, so the answer flowed smoothly from his lips.
"I like them all! Obviously!"
-Sorry, but that statement just now was real garbage, hyung-nim.
"No. There's a part you need to understand and get past. My 'liking' is a little different from other people's. I'm just, you know, ready to accept all of them no matter how they live and pull them forward into the future? I like you too, Seo Gyu!"
It was an extraordinarily perilous statement.
Just looking at today alone, the Undertaker had come within a hair of swerving into drift twice already, but fortunately Seo Gyu understood perfectly well what he meant.
-Then is there someone you, uh... want to marry, say. Someone you wouldn't even glance at anyone else for, and would only want to share your body with. Isn't there a person like that?
"As if there would be."
-No, why not? It's a natural feeling.
"Think about it, Seo Gyu. Say there were someone I wanted to monopolize, and wanted to be monopolized by. Then would my life as a regressor have run normally? I'd have spent every day just laughing and playing around with that one person, living however I pleased whether the world ended or not."
-Ah.
"Mine wasn't a life where I could play favorites with any one person. Like them all, love them all, accepting as love only the love that means loving everyone. I had to insure my heart in as many ways as possible like that, so that no matter how hard the unfair garbage rained down, I wouldn't go bankrupt and could keep going as a regressor."
-That part I think I can understand. Hm? Uh, hold on. Hyung-nim.
"Yeah."
-There's some text coming in... Oh no.
The Undertaker sensed something ominous in the uneasy reaction.
"Why? What is it?"
-...No, it's nothing. Mm, no. Actually. Hyung-nim. It looks like they've found out you're on the phone with me right now.
"What?! H-how?!"
-Well, when someone calls your smartphone it shows up as busy, and if none of the members over there is on a call, then the person you're talking to is, at most, either me or Go Yuri noona. They must have figured out it isn't Go Yuri noona.
"..."
The Undertaker grew afraid.
He glanced around without meaning to, but all four sides were just walls. What sort of schemes were being spun right now, beyond the reach of his sight?
-They're basically texting me asking me to slip in some words to you in their favor, that kind of thing. Forget it. Whatever I pull from in the middle, would that really steer your heart?
"Seo Gyu..."
-If anything, this works out better. The way I see it, hyung-nim, you're, uh, kind of waiting around figuring that once a little more time passes the members will stop being attached to you, breeze off, and meet better people...
"Yeah! I just genuinely hope those kids become happy! And if, on top of happiness, their own abilities blossom and they build careers, all the better."
-The way I see it, that's the problem.
"What?"
-First of all, finding a better person than you is hard. Insanely hard.
Seo Gyu's voice came out evenly.
-Let's suppose I hit it off with one of the members and made it all the way to dating and even marriage. That'll never, ever happen, but let's just suppose.
"Uh-huh. And?"
-Then I'd... probably go crazy someday because of a being like you, hyung-nim.
"No, why's that?"
-Because from the member's standpoint, the moment one little thing goes wrong, they'd compare me to you.
"Compare?"
-Yes. 'Hyung-nim did it like this.' 'Hyung-nim never did it like that.' That kind of thinking happens all the time in life, so that much I could let slide... but your 'did it like this' is a bit much.
A low murmur of a voice.
-I mean, you 'saved my life,' you 'gave everything you had to pull me out of a failure ending,' you 'treated me, who was originally an anomaly boss, like a human being and let me fight alongside you on humanity's front line,' you 'pressed forward to victory together even in fights that looked hopeless.'
"Uh..."
-Damn, the standard for comparison is too brutal. The bar's set absurdly high. Specs and everything aside, this is just plain impossible, I'm telling you.
"..."
-No matter how hard you push us to go meet someone who fits better and live a happy life, it's impossible! Sure, you could force a meeting. But forcing it just makes it worse, I'm telling you. It's not only our member who ends up miserable. The person they meet ends up miserable too. Damn! What crime did the poor kid who suddenly gets compared to you commit in a past life? It's a nightmare for them!
Seo Gyu's cry.
Astonishingly... it reached the Undertaker's heart.
'I, I guess so.'
It was a perspective he'd never once considered.
'You mean I was on the verge of harming a total stranger too?!'
Even as the shock washed back and forth, Seo Gyu's words went on.
-Hyung-nim. Think it over carefully. The people around you. Our members... Are they people who'll live ordinary lives, meet ordinary people, and love in ordinary ways?
"..."
-They're not, are they. If they were that kind of person they'd never have awakened in the first place, or fallen into corruption. You wouldn't have had to help them to that extent either. The only lives you brought along were ones that were originally just unhappy or tangled up, lives on the verge of dying somewhere, right?
"...Right."
-The world going back to ordinary doesn't mean those people went back to ordinary too. And, uh... what was I trying to say? Ah. Right.
Maybe it was because he'd watched the Regression Alliance's circus up close, longer than anyone.
Seo Gyu seemed to have a lot to say.
-I know your heart's training is at a level the likes of me can't even imagine, hyung-nim. For you, clinging to someone or trying to monopolize them, even having a heart like that at all, must be something from the distant past.
"..."
-Be obsessed.
"What did you say?"
-I'm telling you to be obsessed. With the members, you know. Don't treat them like some enlightened sage, no, of course it's a fact that we leaned on you in our hearts a lot thanks to that. But in a case like this, in a case like right now, just be obsessed as hell.
Seo Gyu's voice was dead serious.
-Then they'll probably all love it, you know?
"...I really don't get it at all."
-A hundred percent, I'm telling you, a hundred percent. Show them you being obsessed and they'll buy it without question, every one of them. Hm. Or not? Is Ji-won somehow different again? I can never figure out what that one feels.
"..."
-Everyone's a child deep down. You'll surely be able to find a child inside your own heart too. Good luck, hyung-nim.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait! Don't hang up!"
-I'm hanging up. If I get any more tangled up in this I'm genuinely screwed. Bow your head and apologize like a man. Oh, right. I figure you probably know this already, but I've been rooting for the Saintess noona since way back.
Click.
The call ended.
"..."
It was already the top-grade suite of a five-star hotel. With the phone gone silent too, it turned deathly quiet in an instant.
'Be obsessed?'
In the middle of a room that had gone utterly silent, the advice Seo Gyu had just handed him spun round and round inside the Undertaker's head.
'Obsession. Obsession? Show them me being obsessed, and they'll all love it and buy it...?'
That was when it happened.
Ding-dong.
The Undertaker jolted in surprise.
You could call the reaction oversensitive, but a person tends to get a bit on edge after living through a crisis where his genitals were nearly cut off.
Going over to the front door, the Undertaker quietly spoke into the door speaker.
"Wh-who is it?"
-Me.
The moment he heard the voice, the Undertaker's complexion drained pale and his pupils contracted.
-It's me. Dang Seo-rin. Let's talk for a bit.
The master of the boat had graced him with her arrival.
Footnotes:
[1] Made in Abyss is a manga/anime by Akihito Tsukushi about explorers descending into a vast, beautiful, and horrifying chasm where the depths inflict escalating bodily curses; the deeper one goes, the worse the suffering. Hence the image of falling "straight down into hell."
[2] Refers to The End of Evangelion (1997), whose closing scene leaves Shinji and Asuka as the apparent last two humans; its famous final line, Asuka's "kimochi warui" ("I feel sick / how disgusting"), is the source of the Undertaker rejecting the "Adam and Eve" framing and feeling sick.
[3] In Korean dating-sim slang, "miyeonsi" abbreviates "beautiful-girl simulation"; holding CTRL in such games fast-forwards or skips dialogue, so the explanation is being skipped over.
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