WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: ZERO_SUGAR
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
Chapter 484: That Woman D XI
──────
* * *
Time passed and passed, and then one day.
A rookie struck the VTuber streaming scene, which had already turned into a red ocean, like a bolt from the blue.
Not in a good way.
『Goryeojang』
goryeochan_ra_vtuber
The center of the Regression Alliance! The rightful master of Pyongyang, the Saintess of the North, everyone's lover, Goryeojang♡
『(●LIVE) Hawawa, I saved the world from world annihilation and woke up a super-bishoujo genius painter?!』
A thunderbolt really was a thunderbolt.
It carried the implication that everything where it landed would burn to the ground.
“H, hello! I’m the Saintess who saved a world that nearly fell into ruin. A, and. I’m also Goryeojang, the guardian of Pyongyang and the North...”
“A, also, I’m the best artist in the universe. Me. Anyone acting all cocky because they can draw should get under me and lick my toes...”
-?
The viewers could not hide their confusion at this rookie who had shown up with such a bizarre concept.
Sure, this scene had turned into a red ocean fast, but even concepts had their limits.
A Saintess? Fine. There were plenty of streamers everywhere, regardless of nationality, who came out with a Saintess concept.
A genius painter? Also fine. Plenty of streamers sold themselves on their drawing skills.
The master of Pyongyang? The guardian of the North? The center of the Regression Alliance? What even is that, you weeb?
-Excuse me, streamer, but could you maybe settle on one concept?
-fr saintess, painter, Pyongyang citizen, I have no clue what’s going on here;
“B, but... Hng. This is me.”
It was some truly shameless bullshit.
And it did not stop there.
-guess streamers have a hard time making money these days too
“Huh? N, no? I’m rich, though. I live off spending money and it still never runs dry...”
“H, here. I’ll show you my bankbook!”
-?
An internet first. A VTuber who started broadcasting and immediately proved she was rich by showing her bank account had appeared.
The viewers were stunned by a bankbook showing not tens of billions, but hundreds of billions of won.
That shock spread through the communities like wildfire, and the beasts startled by that wildfire slowly began gathering around the rookie’s stream.
-is this real???
-obviously fake lol do you know how easy it is to fake screenshots like that these days lol
-fr if you trade stocks you see fake proof posts like that every day
“I, I figured you wouldn’t believe me. So if you go post something praising me in your community right now and send me the link and your account number by DM, I’ll give you a million won...”
-?
-?
-?
-wow this girl’s actually insane;;
-until just now I just thought she was weird, but that got creepy fast...
-the avatar quality’s decent, but the person inside is deranged
Of course, nobody believed the rookie liar’s wild claim.
However, the time minimalists who had devoted their lives to the internet were the sort who would happily act for the fun of it even without believing.
Two or three viewers really did post praise for the “Saintess” in the communities they used, then verified it, and,
-???
-holy shit
-guys jackpot
-why what happened?
-I literally just got one million won deposited into my account
-?????
Something.
Something had started happening.
-what? did she hire shills?
-no I’m serious it actually got deposited!!
-?? I got one million won too?
-what the fuck
Even the “sensible people” who had first assumed the streamer must have hired part-time workers herself,
once the witnesses saying they had gotten a million won stopped being one or two people and started reaching the dozens, then the hundreds, had no choice but to doubt their own common sense for a moment.
Otherwise, the only explanation was that every single one of these people, chatting and posting proof in every community under the sun, was a paid shill.
Then what, she had hired over a hundred of them? A rookie on her very first stream? Did that make any sense either?
“S, so. Today I’ll just keep it simple and hand out one billion won. Posts I don’t personally see don’t count...”
“I’ll come back tomorrow too, at the same time!”
The next day.
-openupopenupopenupopenup
-Saintess, I wrote a proof post! I sent you a DM too! Please check it, Saintess!
-My dog is starving, Saintess. If your grace can save my dog, I’ll become the dog instead
-ugh all the beggars in the world gathered in this room;;
-and you’re saying I’m supposed to resist a million won??
A mere two days after debut, thousands of viewers flooded in.
It was a comedy born from this insane stunt sweeping through every community overnight.
And what did the culprit behind all this chaos, the VTuber who had shown up with the ridiculous nickname “Goryeojang,” say?
“T, today I’m giving away ten billion won.”
Just.
“This time it’s not one million, it’s 100 million each. No more, no less, e, exactly one hundred people. I’ll pick them starting now and send each of you 100 million won...”
That day.
Every community was annihilated.
* * *
After gaining fame as “the lunatic who burned ten billion won on her own debut stream,”
Goryeojang kept streaming with surprising ease.
“T, today. I’ll draw an anomaly called Udumbara. It’ll get auto-filtered a little on its own, so please keep that in mind...”
Because of the early ragebait, chats begging please just 100 million or no, please, even just one million kept popping up every now and then for more than half a year.
Even after that period passed, however, Goryeojang’s stream kept cruising along, boasting an average viewership of around 5,000.
Why did people even watch this kind of stream?
The reason was simple.
-Saintess! Tell us about what happened in Sinuiju today!
“A, the b, battle for Sinuiju? That place was always the same. But when the aliens invaded, even I got a little scared.”
The occasional stories she told from her days as the Saintess were unexpectedly, no, genuinely, strangely,
full of realism.
“Mo Gwang-seo Christ Cathedral... Ah. It’s Kumsusan Palace of the Sun now, right? Hehe.”
“T, they really layer the defensive lines around that palace tight, one after another. But then the aliens invaded from Sinuiju in less than thirty minutes while we let our guard down for just a second!”
“I, I was still fighting the defensive battle in Sinuiju with the Paladins back then... It sent a chill down my spine, seriously.”
“At least it was raining, thank goodness. I, if it hadn’t, the northern front would’ve collapsed that very day.”
On and on.
Once she got going, her lips twisted and her tongue stumbled, but she kept forcing the story out, and some parts were so vivid it almost felt like she had experienced them herself.
There was even one viewer working in the National Intelligence Service who fell into serious thought over, Wait, why is this girl’s information on North Korean geography so accurate?
Then one day,
-hey
-but you’ve got tons of money
-and it doesn’t even seem like you need to stream
-so why do you work this hard at it?
one viewer asked out of simple curiosity.
Then an ah slipped out from beyond the speaker.
“Sooo. U, um, everyone. You’re almost all guys, right...?”
-nope?
-I’m not a guy
-hawawa I’m a 15-year-old bishoujo-jang
-graduated from an all-boys high school, graduated college, did my military service, but I’m still a bishoujo anyway deal with it
“A, anyway!”
Goryeojang spoke before five thousand viewers.
“I’m doing this stream b, because. Most of you are probably men...”
The viewers tilted their heads. The viewer listening to the stream through earbuds while bench-pressing only twitched an eyebrow.
She was streaming because we were men?
What did that mean? Did she just enjoy drawing broth out of us that much?
“U, um... I, I have a b, boyfriend.”
?
“But my boyfriend’s possessiveness is. Hwaaa, i, insane. He’s suuuper possessive.”
??
“I’m secretly streaming with all of you without telling my boyfriend... Because, hehe. Becauseee...!”
“If he finds out I’ve been secretly chatting away all lovey-dovey with men for over half a year! Then my boyfriend will get r, really, really really!”
“Jealous...”
???
At that moment, about five thousand viewers briefly got confused over whether they were really human, or maybe Protoss.
All their hearts were connected through the Khala and displaying a single word, a question mark.
For the record, the viewer bench-pressing got pinned under the barbell. The gym erupted into chaos.
-no
-what the hell is this
-a VTuber just openly admitting she has a boyfriend like this??
“W, what? Y, yes. Yes!”
“Actually, calling him my boyfriend is only technically true... Since we’re going to live together forever, he’s basically my husband anyway, isn’t he?”
-???
What the hell was this nonsense?
When people saw something beyond the limits of imagination, they could only freeze up.
And so, astonishingly, the number of viewers watching Goryeojang’s stream neither increased nor decreased.
Everyone was glued to the screen.
“Hwak! T, the boat rocked again...”
“Mmm. Yachts are nice and all, but sometimes the boat sways and it makes my stomach churn. I changed the antenna to an expensive one too, but it still lags sometimes.”
-?
-Saintess, are you streaming from a boat?
“Ah, yes. I guess I never mentioned that until now.”
“U, um. My husband is seeing quite a few people. So while we’re at it, we’re traveling together on a yacht...”
-?
-?
-?
What the hell was this nonsense?
The viewers’ heads, already suffering from setting overload, started exploding by the dozen.
-so she’s rich and doesn’t need money at all
-and she just threw ten billion won into thin air purely for attention
-and she goes live diligently every day on the dot, draws, tells stories, and built herself up to mid-tier size
-and all of that was purely to drag out her boyfriend’s? husband’s? obsession and jealousy
-and that boyfriend or husband is dating other people besides you?
-and all this is happening on a yacht??
It was torture to link together even a single sentence without a question mark.
The moment it got expressed in human language, it felt as if the brain itself might become contaminated.
“Yep!”
And yet Goryeojang’s voice was utterly bright as she answered the viewers’ questions.
“Hauuu. The Guild Leader... Ah. Guild Leader is what I call my boyfriend. A, anyway.”
“It’s nice when the Guild Leader gets all possessive over me, but what I really want is for that person to get the most j, jealous over me.”
“So fooling around with other men would probably work best. But this is our private yacht. There’s nobody else here.”
“And if I try to go ashore at a port, the Guild Leader will figure out exactly where I went and who I met. So I can’t make the operation succeed...”
“S, so! Internet streaming!”
“I’m usually just holed up in my room surfing the internet anyway. So the Guild Leader never touches what I do on the computer, and lets the guard down... Hehee.”
“So... I’m having a secret affair with all of you. I’m cheating...”
“E, even if! It’s online romance!”
“Romance is still romance.”
“And cheating is still cheating.”
“R, right?”
“Answer me.”
By this point, the viewers’ heads had already exploded, and yet they were still somehow exploding further.
A secret affair? Wasn’t that usually what VTubers hid from “us” and then carried out in “reality” behind the screen?
Why were we the secret affair?
Why were we the objects of the cheating?
How did this logic even exist? How was this mindset possible?
“I, I should stream on Christmas too. And it’d be nice if I got caught having a secret affair on Christmas...”
The viewers realized.
This.
Had.
Transcended.
Humanity.
-we’ve never dated someone like you in our lives, fuck
“Eh. Th, that’s mean. Why are you being like that? You sent huge superchats before too... Chat messages are that, you know? They’re like the love letters you and I keep exchanging.”
“I, I saved every single one.”
“I’m going to show them to the Guild Leader...”
-hwaaaaaaaaah
-crazycrazycrazy
-run holy shit
There was no escaping.
On Christmas Day,
“T, ta-daaaaaan!”
“Oh. What’s this, Ah-ryeon?”
a man’s voice the viewers had never heard before came out of the speakers.
Even though a real man’s voice appearing on a VTuber stream was the kind of event that could burn related communities to the ground,
the chat was silent.
Perfectly silent.
It was not normal.
But then again, if anyone wanted to talk about what was normal, the very title of today’s broadcast was already not normal.
『Goryeojang』
goryeochan_ra_vtuber
The center of the Regression Alliance! The rightful master of Pyongyang, the Saintess of the North, everyone's lover, Goryeojang♡
『(●LIVE) Christmas Boyfriend Grand Reveal』
A stream title so soaked in dopamine that it felt like some substance that should never be secreted by the brain was being squeezed out like juice.
Pure entertainment. No, pure violence.
All the viewers became one and clasped their hands in desperate prayer. Mister nameless boyfriend, Mister Guild Leader, please run!
Someone might ask, if that was the case, why not just turn off the stream and ignore it?
That was impossible.
Miss this huge premium event? Resist this?
-the Guild Leader has a nice voice...
-runrunrunrunrun
-nice to meet you, your girlfriend threatens us with a knife all the time, so if it wouldn’t be too much trouble could you please take her away
-so your name was Ah-ryeon, Saintess
The current viewer count was a whopping 160,000.
It was a record-breaking number.
Truly a fitting finale for the greatest villain of the year, who had started with the shocking “ten-billion debut” and set countless communities and shorts vultures on fire all year long.
“It’s my stream!”
“A stream?”
“Yes! I, actually. I’ve really been streaming for a whole year. A, a VTuber. Guild Leader, you’re an o, otaku too, so you know all about it, right?”
“...”
“Hehe. Look at this! I have 160,000 viewers! I’m super popular. Just a second, Guild Leader. I’m going to greet the Paladins watching right now!”
“...”
“H, hello, my beloved Paladins? Today is Christmas. Even on this most holy of days, you came here to love me, so I’m sincerely th, thankful.”
The viewers had no idea when this streamer had started referring to them as “my beloved Paladins.”
They truly had no idea.
Wasn’t her daily routine just mocking this bastard and that bastard all day long?
Even the hardcore viewers who had been there since the ten-billion debut were only just now learning for the first time that their fan name was “Paladins.”
“And to show my gratitude to you all in that spirit... I specially prepared an ASMR microphone!”
“Just a second. I had everything ready in advance, but I, um, need to change the settings a little. Ah. There.”
“E, everyone.”
“Hwaaaa.”
“I love you...”
Before she could even finish saying I love you,
“Ah.”
somehow, that sounded delighted.
“Ah. Ahaha, aha. G, Guild Leader. Your face right now. Y, your faaaace... Hwak.”
Then the sound of something crashing around.
“M, Merry Christmas! This is my present, Guild Leadeeer... W, were you surprised? Right? Right?”
And then.
A moment later.
『This broadcast has been terminated for violating community guidelines.』
Everything fell silent.
And that was the “Christmas retirement live” of the rookie VTuber Goryeojang, who had appeared like a thunderbolt.
For some reason, from the very next day onward, videos and recordings related to it started disappearing one by one,
and so it became the end of a streamer whose fate remained only in legend.
* * *
“Ah-ryeon.”
“Yeees, Great Witch...”
“Undertaker.”
“...”
“Answer.”
“Yes.”
“Right. The only Undertaker I need is the one kneeling in front of me, but goodness me. This time you went and hired hundreds of internet Undertakers?”
“I’m sorry...”
“I have to deal with this starting on Christmas? Huh? Do you know how busy Yo-hwa and I have been?”
“I’m sorry...”
“That’s enough, so drop that ridiculous obsession concept already! I know! I get it! I know how much you love us, so do it in moderation! For once!”
“Yes.”
“Ah-ryeon, you’re banned from the internet for one year.”
“Hieeeeeeeeeek!”
Sim Ah-ryeon, internet confiscated.
This too must be Great Witch’s grace.
“Hoo.”
Dang Seo-rin, worn out from erasing traces from the internet over the last few days, let her shoulders droop.
This damn household, no, this damn ship-hold, really never had a quiet day.
From an outsider’s point of view, this “Goryeojang fiasco” might have looked like some kind of grand incident.
Of course, it really was grand. If a person had to experience something like this in life, that event would usually occupy the place of a final battle.
But in this godforsaken ship-hold, it was only around the level of the first Cooper trial.
Just the week before last, Dang Seo-rin had needed to suppress an incident called Riot of a Hundred Flowers, and the week before the week before that, she had been forced through that damned event called Great Debate! Philosophy Battle, and the week before the week before the week before the week before the week before that...
Dang Seo-rin pressed a hand to her forehead. She had poured this much mental energy into it, yet she did not feel in the slightest that anything had ended.
The only thing that somehow felt rock-solid was the certainty that this kind of bullshit would keep repeating forever.
If this were a novel, it was the kind of absurd uproar that would consume nearly 200 chapters, yet nobody would want to describe it.
“Hey. Undertaker. We’ll reach the northern Mediterranean around January or February, right?”
“Yeah. R, right. We were planning to stop by Venice then too.”
Undertaker’s voice shrank. Even a once-in-an-age obsessive lunatic became subdued in a situation like this.
“So, about that... Mm.”
Dang Seo-rin quietly ran the numbers.
At present, the Mobile Land-Based Aircraft Carrier Fortress Humanity’s Final Defense Ark City BusaN was continuing its voyage in full swing.
Sometimes the members split up into one group traveling by land and another by sea.
In any case, the world tour was proceeding smoothly.
“When that time comes, set aside some time just for me.”
“Hm? You mean the two of us should go around together?”
“Yeah. Honestly, I’ve been through a lot lately, so even if I tell the others, they’ll probably let...”
“No.”
Undertaker said it. His voice was still quiet, but there was a bitter smile mixed into it as well.
“I can’t keep making only you suffer. I’ll handle getting permission from the others myself.”
Venice, between January and February.
Right in time for Carnival season.
It was winter.
Footnotes:
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