WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Hydrogen B.

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

Chapter 113: 113

──────

"Great...!"

Torumph stared blankly into a hand mirror.

His blond hair now flowed all the way down to his shoulders. It was hard to believe he was the same man whose scalp had been so bare just moments ago.

Torumph's hand trembled.

"Great, beautiful...! My hair has become as great as America! My God...! I've regained my thick Freedom Blonde!"

With tears in his eyes, he inspected himself from every angle in the mirror. His full, flowing hair swayed from side to side whenever he moved his head.

I spoke quietly.

"You seem happy to have your full head of hair back. Looks like all that hard work massaging paid off."

"Thank you, Jiho! Thank you so much! My hair has become great like America again! My God! Holy miracle! I never thought something like this was possible...!"

"That's me."

"Damn...! Jiho! My friend!!!"

Whoosh!

Torumph threw his arms around me, tears flying everywhere.

"The benefactor who saved my hair! You are a true American hero! Make America Hair Great Again...!"

"Ugh, let go. You're getting tears on me."

"Ah! Come to think of it! Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals, the company you're going to create! You said it would make not only Hair Loss Treatment, but aphrodisiacs too, right?! When will those come out? They'll have effects as incredible as this Hair Loss Treatment, won't they? I'm looking forward to it...!"

"...?"

Wasn't this old man in his eighties?

Why was he looking for aphrodisiacs?

What was he planning to do by bringing his dick back at that age?

'Though now that I think about it, he used to get around. He had sex scandals too.'

Thinking back on Torumph's record, it did make sense that he'd want aphrodisiacs.

He was the kind of man who committed sexual assault, then tried to silence revelations about his affairs with money, even falsifying business records. He'd already been in his seventies back then, so he probably wasn't much different now that he was in his eighties.

Anyway, the old man sure had plenty of desires.

I clicked my tongue to myself.

'I really don't get it. I could understand if it were a beautiful woman in a bikini doing Zero Two, but why go searching for some adult film actress?'

A scandal involving a beautiful woman in a bikini doing Zero Two would be understandable enough.

But chasing after a former porn actress was beyond me. I'd seen her photo, and she wasn't even that pretty.

Well, everyone had different tastes.

Anyway, Torumph's hair had grown back.

He even sat face-to-face with President Jang Daehan and talked about hair.

"Daehan. Who has thicker hair now, huh? Look at this. Look at my Freedom Blonde. Isn't it magnificent? It represents the bright future of the United States, so it's truly a wonderful sight!"

"My hair is naturally black."

"Heh heh. Look at the details of this radiant Freedom Blonde. Heh heh heh. Fuhahaha! Uwahahahaha!"

"You seem to be in a very good mood."

It was a conversation between two presidents with flowing hair.

Mostly, Torumph swished his shining, full blond hair, or Freedom Blonde as he called it, while President Jang nodded with a pleased expression as though he understood.

Anyway.

I had saved both presidents' hair roots!

I smiled in satisfaction.

'Hmm. I've treated the hair loss of both the Korean and American presidents. That means the advertising for Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals is finished!'

There was no need to worry about a lack of publicity from now on.

Whenever the two presidents appeared in public, Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals would automatically be advertised.

The company's future was truly bright.

* * *

After treating their hair, it was time for talks.

Calling it a summit sounded grand, but the atmosphere wasn't particularly heavy.

The two presidents simply sat across from each other and chatted, without a single official or staffer present.

It was casual and informal.

Still, the subject matter was anything but light.

"Daehan. I will build a containment network against China. To do that, I'm considering forming an alliance."

That was the card Torumph laid on the table.

A containment network against China.

"I will reclaim the Pacific hegemony we lost. I will push those China bastards out of the Pacific and Southeast Asia, then ultimately complete a military network linking America, Korea, Japan, and Australia. Korea will be the first member."

"...!"

President Jang's eyes widened at Torumph's proposal.

It was completely unexpected.

"If you're talking about restoring a military network, surely...!"

"First, we'll restore the Korea-US alliance as it was before. We'll station U.S. Forces Korea again. Ah, and don't worry about cost-sharing. There will be none."

"...!"

Jang Daehan sucked in a breath.

As I sipped Zero Cola, I thought to myself.

'Restoring the military alliance? That's unexpected. Torumph, the wall-loving villain who loves walls, walls, walls, is trying to expand American influence again.'

Torumph had originally pushed American isolationism.

He was the wall-loving villain who built the Mexican border wall and trade barriers. He withdrew from every international organization he could, pulled out U.S. Forces Korea and overseas troops, and reduced American influence abroad.

That was Torumph, the man who pushed America First.

But now he wanted to expand American influence again.

Why?

Torumph spoke.

"Many people have told me, Jiho. They say you will soon become the greatest Hunter. They say you will ‘conquer’ the Tower and become the center of the new world order."

Torumph glanced at me.

He continued.

"The world situation has changed greatly since the Tower appeared. Points became the center of everything. With the emergence of Points, an absolutely irreplaceable resource, the dollar weakened and international trade declined. Many nations collapsed and disappeared. America did not have the strength to save all those countries... To be honest, we had to devote everything we had just to save the people of our great America. It was a truly horrible era."

"..."

"So we declared isolationism. And in that opening, the China bastards attacked. Those pest-like creatures with nothing but sheer numbers...! To borrow your expression, Jiho, was it Fake News-China? Chinks? Those horrible things kidnapped Hunters from India and Southeast Asia, waged wars, and ran Point farms! They expanded their influence with the Points they earned that way!"

The India-China War.

The Southeast Asia-China War.

They had been the two great wars that took place in East Asia during the Tower's chaotic era.

As a result, many Southeast Asian nations had collapsed.

Countless Hunters had been abducted.

China had gained India and several other colonies.

That's right.

China was running colonies in the twenty-first century!

Not metaphorical colonies, either. Real colonies, East India Company style!

They lent India and Southeast Asia, whose populations had been largely decimated, just enough Points to keep them barely alive, at exorbitant rates.

Then, periodically, they abducted Hunters and extorted every kind of resource.

Torumph continued.

"But Jiho. Your appearance changed the situation."

"Why me?"

"Our officials say that with you, America can become great again. We tried to recruit you, but... since that was impossible, we concluded that our next best option was to cooperate as closely as possible with Korea, where you are."

"Ohh."

Because I, the Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard Hunter, existed, Torumph wanted to abandon his previous stance and pursue international cooperation with Korea.

Still, I was puzzled.

'But is there really a reason to go this far? It's true that I'm a Hunter who earns a lot of Points, but a country as large as America wouldn't change its policy over a single Hunter.'

I earned a lot of Points.

But weren't Points only really useful for keeping people alive and powering artifacts?

America had probably earned plenty of Points too.

There was no reason to overturn its foreign policy over just one Hunter.

Perhaps he noticed my doubt, because Torumph tapped the table with a finger as he spoke.

"Jiho. Do you think great America gave up Pacific hegemony because we lacked a few Points?"

"Wasn't that why?"

"No. That was true when we first withdrew from the Pacific, but America now has an enormous surplus of Points. If we wanted, we could save several allied nations."

During the Tower's chaotic era, America had struggled just to save its own citizens.

But time had passed.

America's Hunter system had stabilized, and it had even accumulated an immense stockpile of Points.

If it truly wanted to, present-day America could save its allies.

"Then why didn't you?"

At my question, Torumph's expression turned serious.

"Those Points are not surplus."

"...?"

"They are reserves for America to survive the Great Upheaval that will arrive in the near future."

"The Great Upheaval?"

What the hell was a Great Upheaval, you fucking nerd?

Was Deathwing going to show up or something?

"Jiho. And Daehan. You will both soon challenge the Highest Floors, so you will learn before long... Points are not only for sustaining the lives of many people and activating artifacts. They have an extremely important use."

"What use?"

"If you want to know, become an American and make the United States great."

"What the hell! Just tell me straight!"

Just like with Reimu before, Torumph hinted that there was something special about Points but refused to properly explain it.

I'm disappointed, Torumph.

How could there be secrets between spiritual friends like us?

Why be so stingy?

'Anyway... a Great Upheaval. There must be something that will require an enormous number of Points later.'

Apparently, in the near future, a Great Upheaval would come that required an unimaginable amount of Points compared to now.

America had been accumulating as many Points as possible in preparation.

"Every allied nation we save reduces the time America can endure later. So we had to choose. Save our current allies, or save America's future."

"So you chose America?"

"America First."

That was also why America had abandoned allies such as Korea and Japan.

Torumph continued.

"China expanded while we withdrew from the Pacific. They abducted Hunters from their colonies and operated Point farms, so they could keep growing without reducing their future Point reserves. But... the situation is different now."

Torumph pointed at me.

"Because you appeared."

"Me?"

"Even now, you earn hundreds of thousands of Points in a single climb. Once you reach the Highest Floors, the Points you earn will become far greater than they are now."

"..."

"You only earn hundreds of thousands a day for now. But at the Highest Floors, you may earn millions... perhaps tens of millions of Points a day. No, judging by your progress so far, it will certainly happen. You alone will surpass America's total Point earnings."

"Oh."

Torumph had an incredibly high estimate of my future Point income.

Millions a day.

Maybe tens of millions.

Wasn't that an unbelievable amount of Points?

Still, it was highly likely.

From the Highest Floors onward, the maps would be far larger, the number of monsters would increase immensely, and the Points they dropped would be enormous too.

Considering my climbing pattern of clearing every monster on each floor without leaving a single one alive, I was likely to make money on a completely different level from now.

As expected of me, the Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard Hunter.

I could acquire Points on the scale of a major power all by myself!

I wanted to reach the Highest Floors as soon as possible...!

Then Torumph suddenly spoke.

"Therefore, I propose the creation of a Pacific Alliance."

"A Pacific Alliance?"

"Korea, or more accurately, a future Korea that has become an enormous Point-surplus nation thanks to you, supplies Points. America provides military strength and intelligence."

America had immense reserves and military power.

But it couldn't use them for foreign policy because it needed to prepare for whatever Great Upheaval was coming.

On the other hand, King Korea had me, someone who earned huge amounts of Points every time I entered the Tower.

It had the potential to become a future Point-surplus nation.

"China and Russia are near Korea. The Pacific Alliance can become your umbrella. We will liberate China's Point colonies, restore the Pacific allies, drive the China bastards from the Pacific, and force them back into Asia!"

Torumph's argument was that future Korea's Points and America's military strength should be combined to restrain China.

"...A Pacific Alliance."

President Jang's face filled with concern.

It wasn't a bad offer.

China and Russia, after all, bordered our country.

Our nearby neighbors were completely insane thug states.

Every time I thought about the Korean Peninsula's geopolitical location, it was legendary.

Joining the Pacific Alliance and having America protect us in that situation...

It could bring enormous security benefits.

We would have to pay a large amount of Points in return, but access to American military strength was an attractive condition.

Of course President Jang had to consider it.

That was when I shouted.

"I object to this marriage!!!"

"What?"

Torumph blinked.

President Jang looked horrified.

But I calmly sipped my Zero Cola.

No, think about it.

Why should I hand over the Points I earned through blood, sweat, and tears to a team America made?

And above all else.

"Why would I join a team someone else made?"

"..."

"If you want in, you come to us. Once I grow stronger, I'll make that Pacific Alliance thing myself."

"...!"

Would King Korea, saved by me, the Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard Hunter, crawl under an American-led order?

No.

That would be embarrassing.

Come to think of it, Korean history had always been a history of being pushed around by others.

We had grovelled under foreign influence.

The Chinese, our owners before the previous owners.

The Japanese, our previous owners.

Then the Americans, our most recent owners.

The forms and phrasing had changed, but the history of our Korean people was one of being thoroughly used under someone's shadow.

But this was the era of the Tower now!

Korea no longer had to follow behind anyone else like a puppy.

I would make our country lead the international order itself!

Of course, it was still impossible right now...

But someday, I would make it happen myself.

Because I was Extreme Lunatic Hell Patriotic Admiral Yi Hunter!

Make Korea Great Again!!!

A short while later.

"Kuahahaha!"

"Why are you laughing?"

"Great! Very great!"

Torumph laughed as he slapped his knee.

"Great America reached out its hand, and you're telling us to join you instead? Your ambition is great, at least...!"

"So America should consider itself honored."

"Such incredible confidence. I like it!"

That aside, Torumph showed no sign of withdrawing his proposal.

"I understand what you think. But negotiations between nations are more complicated than that."

"You two head mods can work that out yourselves."

I looked at President Jang.

"But don't promise America can use the Points I earn however it wants."

"Do not worry."

President Jang nodded.

Had he been moved by my ambition?

There was a certain sense of duty on his face.

"Your wording was somewhat rough, but I also agree with much of Hunter Baek Jiho's opinion. We must carefully consider any arrangement where Korea is unilaterally incorporated into an American-led order."

"Daehan."

"That said, I agree that we must restrain China's expansion and cooperate with America. Let us discuss the specific terms."

With that, the two presidents began their real negotiations.

The size of U.S. Forces Korea.

Command authority and Point-sharing.

The terms and price of bringing Japan and Australia in.

It was enough to give anyone a headache just listening.

"Then you two can talk. I'm going home."

"Jiho. This is still an important national summit."

"Sis. I'm not a diplomat. I'm Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard Hunter."

I'd conveyed my opinion clearly enough.

From now on, our country would not go under anyone else.

That was the King Korea I wanted.

* * *

Vrooom.

On the way home in my sister's car, I sat in the passenger seat and looked through Torumph's social media.

He had made a post.

[Donald Torumph]

[170 million followers]

[MY GREAT FRIEND SAVED MY HAIR!]

[THE KOREA-US RELATIONSHIP IS NOW MORE BEAUTIFUL AND STRONGER THAN EVER!]

(My great friend saved my hair!)

(The Korea-US relationship is now more beautiful and stronger than ever!)

[Replies: 4,800]

The attached photo showed Torumph giving a thumbs-up as his shoulder-length Freedom Blonde flowed around him.

President Jang was beside him, showing off his thick black hair.

And between them, I was radiating light from my entire body.

"My holy appearance came out well. I'm happy."

"Jiho, are you really planning to keep hiding your face forever? Well... it is easier to live normally when you hide it."

"That's not it. Heroes reveal their faces for the first time during an important moment. It's a cliché."

"That cliché of yours, seriously..."

Peter and Stark had both revealed their faces for the first time during decisive, thrilling moments.

Since I was a hero no less impressive than them, I had a duty not to reveal my face unless it was a moment just as thrilling!

Anyone who disagreed didn't understand clichés.

Anyway, I looked at Torumph's social media and muttered.

"There are so many comments. Thousands of them, even. I'm jealous... I normally only get a few hundred comments on Hunter Gallery. Is this the power of the world's head-mod attention seeker?"

"What are people saying in the comments? Aren't they asking why you're glowing?"

"Hmm. Mostly Americans are asking where they can buy the hair loss medicine. Heh heh. Once the company goes public, I'll conquer America first!"

If Torumph wanted to reclaim Pacific hegemony, I would conquer the American pharmaceutical market with hair loss medicine.

Wasn't that the true Korea-US alliance?

As I thought that, my sister's car emerged from the tunnel.

Then, at that moment.

Flash.

Far in the distance, an odd reflection glinted at the edge of my vision.

Instinctively, I drew up mana.

"Sis! Duck!"

I pulled my confused sister into my arms.

Then I immediately cast defensive magic.

At almost the same instant.

Boooom!

A massive roar rang out.

It was a gunshot.

Footnotes:

Join our discord at https://dsc.gg/wetried