WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Hydrogen B.

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

Chapter 94: 094

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The State Reception House used as the banquet hall was a short distance from the Blue House's main building.

It was about a five-minute walk away if you trudged along.

By the time we entered, the banquet was already underway.

"Oh! Baek Jiho! I'm finally seeing your real face. Earlier, thanks to Holy-Great-Light, I couldn't see your beautiful face! Hahaha!"

Unexpectedly, Torumph greeted me with a rather pleased expression.

Wasn't this guy supposed to be a combative person?

Why was he acting so friendly?

I glanced around the banquet hall.

'Hmm. This is a very small banquet. The building was huge, so I expected it to be packed with people.'

The hall was fairly quiet.

There were only two or three small round tables, and not a single official in sight. The tables held only the Korean President and First Lady, President Trump and his wife, and other relatives.

Usually, Blue House banquets were packed with people.

To think this one was so small.

That probably meant there were things they wanted to discuss in private.

"Come, sit down, Baek Jiho. We have a great deal to talk about."

I took my seat, then looked toward my sister at another table.

She seemed extremely uncomfortable.

"Are you Hunter Baek Jiho's sister? It's lovely to meet you. I'm Milinia Torumph, the First Lady."

"Ah, yes... It's nice to meet you, First Lady Milinia."

"Hello, Ms. Baek Jiye. I'm Song Migyeong. Please, eat comfortably. Don't be too nervous."

"Ah, yes... It's nice to meet you, First Lady Song Migyeong."

"Ms. Baek Jiye? Please relax. Make yourself comfortable."

"Ah, yes..."

Jiye was sitting stiffly between the two First Ladies.

It looked like she was sitting on a bed of nails.

Well, eating between the First Ladies of two presidents couldn't be easy.

Of course, it probably wasn't as difficult as dealing with the presidents themselves, like I was...

Anyway.

As I sat there awkwardly...

"Shall we have a toast first?"

Pssh.

Torumph opened a Diet Coke.

I had heard he was famous for not drinking or smoking.

It seemed the rumors were true.

For reference, there was traditional liquor in front of me.

I didn't like alcohol either.

"I don't like alcohol. Can I have Diet Coke too?"

"Oh! You don't drink? Do you smoke, then?"

"I'm such a loser that I've never even put a cigarette to my lips."

"You don't drink or smoke? Wow!"

Torumph's face brightened at the thought that I hated alcohol and cigarettes too.

"I've never had a drop of alcohol or a puff of smoke in my life either. I'm purity itself! Only idiots get addicted to such bad things. Unlike them, we maintain a perfectly great state in both body and mind."

"..."

"You and I already have something tremendously important in common!"

He was this happy just because I didn't drink or smoke.

Was this what they called lip service?

I just didn't drink or smoke because I was a friendless loser.

I glanced at President Jang Daehan beside me.

"Ahem! Ahem!"

Jang Daehan cleared his throat awkwardly.

For reference, he was famous for being a chain-smoker.

He must have felt indirectly attacked by Torumph.

"Here! Take it, great Hunter. This is Diet Coke personally poured by the President of the United States. Not just anyone gets to drink this."

Glug glug.

He filled my water glass with Zero Coke.

What a fuss over pouring someone a Coke.

"Cheers!"

I raised my glass lightly and drank.

Ah, damn, this was Coca-Cola.

Pepsi Lime was the true king of Zero Cola.

Torumph had no taste.

Anyway.

The small, quiet banquet began like that.

A Korean course meal was served, and I chatted with Jang Daehan and Torumph from time to time.

Talking with Torumph wasn't difficult.

He was wearing a translation artifact.

Thanks to that, even I, who spoke both Korean and the Tower language, could join the conversation without much trouble.

For reference, most of the conversation consisted of miscellaneous small talk.

"What do you think of China, Baek Jiho? You fought with them recently, didn't you?"

"Ah... China? They're incredibly annoying. They're always causing trouble! From the Middle Floors to the High Floors, there haven't been just one or two times when they've gotten on my nerves. Though if I hit them, money comes out, so the farming efficiency is good."

"Oh! So you have ill feelings toward China as well! I hate those Chinese bastards too. Because of them, my plan to make America great was disrupted! Before the Tower, they created the China Virus and made the whole world miserable. After the Tower, they damaged the Pacific hegemony of our great America! They're horrible people...!"

Still, unexpectedly...

"How do you think the media should be handled?"

"They're supposed to be the ones bashing me."

"Oh? What do you mean by that?"

"Hoon-ah hyung, the Emperor of Trot in Korea, said it. A true superstar has to drive both their haters and fans crazy."

"Could it be that you..."

"Mr. Torumph. You're always cursing CMM for fake news, and drawing attention with all sorts of crazy stunts. Isn't that a strategy to drive both your haters and fans crazy? You provoke the opposing side so your own side gets excited. It's impressive."

"Hahaha! Great! Very beautiful! Have you seen through my strategy?"

"Same here."

Torumph and I had a lot in common.

"Don't you use social media?"

"For now, I'm only going to use Hunter Gallery. I'll do social media later. Once Hunter Gallery stops giving me enough dopamine, I'll try social media too."

"You should try it sometime when you have the time. The fun of getting attention from the whole world is quite satisfying. Do you know how great it feels when hundreds or thousands of reactions appear to a single word from me, and the world's news is covered with my face? It's truly the best!"

"Oh..."

We both hated drinking and smoking.

We both disliked China.

We had similar views on the media.

We were both attention seekers obsessed with views.

And even...

"Baek Jiho. I will make America great again. Make America Great Again! I, Torumph, am the best! Only I can make America as great as it was before the Tower! Because I am the best!"

"Hehe. I'll make King Korea great too. I'll climb the Tower, scrape up Points, save the citizens of the Republic of Korea, and revive our industry, national defense, economy, and culture. I'll make this country the best at everything. Because I'm the Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard Hunter...! I can do it, if it's me...!"

Even our desire to make our countries great overlapped.

A thought suddenly occurred to me.

'This Torumph guy. We actually click pretty well.'

It was like we could talk while sharing equal values.

Thinking about it, I had never met someone who truly understood me before.

Whenever Han Seonga saw me posting on Hunter Gallery and drawing attention, she couldn't understand it.

Hyeji only sighed like she found it frustrating.

Jiye clicked her tongue like she thought I was pathetic.

Of course, I did have cute Iing Iing.

But our Iing Iing just liked everything I did, so she was a special case...

Like this, there had never been a single person who truly understood me.

There was nobody who understood my attention-seeking values, so I had no choice but to be treated as a freak.

But Torumph was different.

He was undeniably one of the greatest attention seekers on Earth!

On top of that, he wanted honor, power, and achievements that would save his country.

His overall goals were similar to mine!

The difference was that I wanted to achieve those goals as the Republic of Korea's Extreme Lunatic Hell Patriotic Chungmugong Hunter.

He only wanted to achieve them as Earth's head moderator and a politician in the United States.

Our countries and areas of activity were different, but we were people driven by similar principles and desires.

The more Torumph and I talked, the stranger the sense of familiarity we felt toward each other became.

"Hehe. Baek Jiho, you're a truly decent man. It's almost a shame you were born in Korea instead of great America. Why were you born on the Korean Peninsula? The place that suits you is the yuuuuuge North American continent...!"

"Hey! What kind of rootless land with barely 250 years of history dares talk like that? Our King Korea is a civilization with five thousand years of history, and if you go back to the Hwanguk era, it began in 67,079 BCE! It's a civilization with real roots! It once ruled all of the Middle East, Western Europe, and even Egypt! For reference, it's written in the Subak painting in Goguryeo tomb murals too."

"What?! Sixty-seven thousand years BCE...?! What an incredible civilization..."

"Never disrespect Korea again. Sniff! If it weren't for the Dinosaur Five Traitors, we could have won the Hwan-Fin War! Damn you, Dinosaur Five Traitors!"

At some point, I had unconsciously started speaking casually to him.

I was beginning to feel comfortable around him, like I had met an old buddy.

"...Mr. Baek Jiho? I trust you won't go to America. I trust you, Mr. Baek Jiho."

Was that why President Jang Daehan, who had somehow shrunk into himself, cautiously spoke up?

Seeing Torumph and I getting along so well, he probably worried that I might leave for America.

What did he take me for?

I'm the Extreme Lunatic Hell Patriotic Chungmugong Hunter.

I wasn't going to run off to America just because I met one person who understood my soul.

Then President Trump suddenly said,

"Baek Jiho. Do you really have no intention of coming to America? You said you like Bikini Zero Two, right? I can let you see it until you're sick of it. Just say the word. If you come to America, I will immediately present you with a bikini corps of beautiful women with great bodies."

"Oh... A bikini corps of beauties!"

"M-Mr. Baek Jiho? Surely you're not really going to America?!"

President Jang Daehan jumped in, startled.

A mischievous thought came to mind.

"Those are pretty tempting conditions. Should I just go to America? Should I go to America? I'm going to America! Bikini corps, wait for me! Baek Jiho, the Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard Hunter, is coming!"

"!!!!!!"

Thud.

President Jang Daehan looked utterly devastated.

He looked like Kim Gu after losing his country.

It reminded me of Han Seonga, whom I had teased with a similar joke before.

Maybe I had gone a little too far.

I felt a little sorry for the President.

He was already going bald from stress...

What if he lost even more hair because of me?

I chuckled and said,

"I'm joking, I'm joking. There's no way the Extreme Lunatic Hell Patriotic Chungmugong Hunter would abandon the Republic of Korea."

"Whew...! That's a relief."

"What a shame. I was completely serious, though. Is there really no way I can persuade you to come? I could give you anything you want, anything at all."

"Unfortunately, there are citizens I need to save."

"That's a shame. A real shame."

President Trump grinned.

Though he had failed to recruit me, he surprisingly didn't look very disappointed.

He had probably expected the recruitment attempt to fail.

After the chaos he caused at the press conference earlier, he had no choice but to consider that possibility.

Scrape.

Torumph rose from his seat.

"It was a good time, Jiho, and Daehan. I should be going now. There's a mountain of damned work waiting for me in the Oval Office."

"Are you leaving? I'll arrange the departure protocol."

"Let's get it done quickly. Ah, right."

He pulled a red cap low over his head and spoke.

"The standing currency swap we agreed on. Officials will be dispatched tomorrow to proceed with it. And the tariff rates will be discussed again soon."

"...The tariffs, you mean?"

Jang Daehan asked with a dazed expression.

Torumph.

A man obsessed with walls.

He had built not only the Mexican border wall, but tariff barriers too.

He was basically a wall-loving villain.

The most extreme American isolationist.

Yet Torumph suddenly proposed lowering tariffs.

Why?

It was too early to be surprised.

"And Daehan. You've had friction with the Japanese government recently over the Hunter kidnappings, right? I'll resolve it for you."

"...Are you saying you'll mediate the conflict with Japan?"

"No. Resolve it. Within a week, I'll make sure the Hunters who were kidnapped can return to their homeland."

"...!"

President Jang Daehan jumped in surprise at Torumph's words.

It was an even more drastic measure than the tariffs.

The Republic of Korea had recently been in conflict with Japan.

It had been revealed that Japan had kidnapped around a hundred Korean Normal Hunters in the past using a Mind Control Artifact.

Korea was pursuing diplomatic procedures through London, but...

There had been little progress.

The Republic of Korea was a weak country with only two months left before its destruction, while Japan was a mid-level power that could still endure for years.

London had been subtly uncooperative because of that.

But President Trump was suddenly offering to help?

Why?

Even for the United States, pressuring an ally that much would consume considerable diplomatic resources.

Torumph said,

"Jiho. You nearly came into conflict with CIA SAC/SOG, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"I'm repaying that debt."

It was Torumph's way of making up for the American special forces team, CIA SAC/SOG, that had nearly kidnapped me in the past.

I nodded.

'Hmm. This is a good deal for casting Dispel on their spatial jump magic once. Lower tariffs on top of diplomatic support.'

His compensation was as generous as his enormous capital.

To think he was offering this much in return for a single wave of my staff.

This guy sure knew how to do business.

"Then I'll be on my way. Jiho, come to America anytime you change your mind. The bikini corps of great bodies will always welcome you."

"Ah, tempting..."

"Mr. Baek Jiho...!"

"Hehe. I know you're only saying that, Jiho. You can't fool my great eyes. You're not the kind of man who would abandon his country just because of women. A man like that couldn't have eyes like yours."

"Oh, you caught me."

"I really must go. Hey! Aide! Prepare Air Force One immediately!"

Thump thump thump.

Torumph strode out of the State Reception House.

Watching his back quickly disappear, I scratched my head.

Didn't going home require diplomatic procedures and all that?

I had heard Torumph had become even more reckless since the Tower appeared.

It seemed that was true.

He said everything he wanted to say, then suddenly left.

Anyway...

'Hmm. President Trump... Maybe he's not as bad a guy as I thought?'

He was someone I quietly clicked with.

His head was half a screw loose, but he didn't seem like complete trash.

No, it was still unforgivable that he didn't lend Korea Points and withdrew the U.S. Forces Korea.

Still, person to person, he and I got along well.

The national leader and the individual must have been different.

In any case, my schedule at the Blue House was finally over.

I muttered softly.

"Should I go home now?"

I wanted to return to my Extreme Lunatic Hell Sweet Home as soon as possible.

Because I had to get home and use Hunter Gallery!

I still hadn't written a post!

That was the day I signed my formal contract.

* * *

That evening.

Above the Pacific Ocean.

Inside Air Force One VC-25B, the presidential aircraft of the United States.

The presidential office inside the plane.

"It was a good result, Mr. President."

Simon Scott, the Minister of the Climber Management Department, stood before the desk in the presidential office as he spoke.

He continued.

"Although it is unfortunate that we failed to recruit Baek Jiho... we obtained the next best result."

"..."

"We established a relationship with Baek Jiho and showed him goodwill. If the Republic of Korea is destroyed, Baek Jiho will come to the United States. Even if Korea does not fall, we have gained grounds to request Baek Jiho's cooperation in an emergency."

"Hmm."

Torumph nodded.

Minister Scott began buttering him up.

"You worked hard, sir. It must have been difficult to indulge Baek Jiho's whims."

"No. It wasn't difficult at all."

"...?"

"It was actually very comfortable. Like I had met an old buddy...!"

Minister Scott couldn't understand Torumph's words for a moment.

Dealing with Baek Jiho wasn't difficult?

Based on the videos from Korea and the information about him...

Wasn't he completely insane?

Yet it had been comfortable?

Why?

Torumph continued.

"I'm happy because I think I made a good friend."

"A friend...?"

"Baek Jiho, of course! To think there was such a Holy-Smart-Strong young man in this horrible world! Korea is truly fortunate. Why was such a great friend not born in great America...! What a pity...!"

"???"

"On a happy day when I make a new friend, I should record it on my social media."

Torumph took out his smartphone.

Then he quickly wrote a post.

[Donald Torumph]

[170 million followers]

[Today I met my new friend! The Republic of Korea's Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard Hunter!!! He is very, very! Strong! And a smart guy! He is the best of the best! He will become the greatest Hunter! For sure! The fake news will say all kinds of nonsense about our meeting, but we will accomplish great things. Truly amazing!!!]

[Replies: 3.2K]

...

Replies rapidly poured in the moment he posted.

His attention really was fitting for Earth's head moderator.

He put the smartphone in his pocket and muttered,

"Baek Jiho. We can have a good relationship. My friend."

Footnotes:

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