WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Hydrogen B.
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
Chapter 96: 096
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The Five Stages of Accepting a Prophet.
Stage 1: Denial.
“A Prophet? You’re saying he’s a Prophet?! That’s impossible!”
“The afterlife and gods don’t exist! We proved that beyond doubt by summoning and studying the demons of Hell!”
“That bastard is a fraud!”
Stage 2: Anger.
“Even if gods and an afterlife exist, didn’t Heaven abandon the earth?!”
“Why would there be a Prophet now of all times?!”
“It’s all because of you bastards, who neglected the earth, that I fell into corruption!”
Stage 3: Bargaining.
“I’ll regret and repent for my sins! So please, spare me from the punishment of Hell...!”
“To suffer for eternity after death? No! Please! I’ll do anything!”
Stage 4: Depression.
“Ahh... Why? Why did I commit such terrible acts...?!”
“If I knew this would happen, I never should have touched black magic!”
“I became too intoxicated by black magic’s overwhelming power! I was such a fool...”
Stage 5: Acceptance.
“...So I’m going to Hell in the end.”
“I should have lived a good life from the start.”
“Who can I blame? My evil deeds are the problem...!”
After going through every one of those stages, the Black Mages wore expressions of resignation.
I blinked as I watched their complete mess of a breakdown.
‘Those guys are really putting on a whole show by themselves.’
They convulsed at my declaration that I was a Prophet, got angry, begged, grieved, and finally gave up. Watching it all blankly was kind of funny.
Hyeji asked quietly beside me.
“Jiho, what are those people doing? I don’t understand why they suddenly started shouting, pulling at their hair, crying, then making such empty expressions.”
“Ah, you can’t understand the Black Mages, Hyeji. To put it simply, they realized that I, who descended upon the earth, am the real Prophet. Now they’re regretting their sins, despairing over the punishment awaiting them in Hell, and accepting it.”
“Um... they’re reacting that intensely from one declaration that you’re a Prophet? Isn’t that a little excessive? Even if you can use divine magic or whatever it is... I think I’d suspect you were a fraud instead.”
Hyeji looked bewildered.
She probably couldn’t understand why they were reacting so strongly just because some Prophet, or rather, fraud, had appeared.
That was only natural.
Hyeji and I were both modern people born and raised in a scientific civilization. We couldn’t truly feel the power of religion.
But as an avid fantasy novel reader, I knew.
“Hyeji, religion is incredibly powerful. Especially in a society that’s around the medieval or Renaissance level. Religion is basically an invincible shield there.”
Even in Earth’s history, religion had been an enormous rule that everyone believed without question until only a few centuries ago, in premodern times.
Scientific civilization had weakened religion’s authority, but even now, eighty-four percent of the world’s population believed in a religion.
Religion still held enormous influence.
Didn’t Islamic extremist organizations use religion as an excuse to commit insane acts like suicide bombings without hesitation?
“Besides, this is a world where divine power actually exists. Religion has to be even more powerful than it is on Earth.”
“True... I’m an atheist too, but if priests really gave out blessings and cured diseases in churches, I think I’d believe in religion.”
“Right?”
This was a world within the Tower, where divine power existed.
Religion’s influence would naturally be even stronger than it was on Earth outside the Tower.
Anyway.
“Prophet! What, what should we do?!”
“How can we atone for the evil karma we have accumulated until now?!”
The Black Mages prostrated themselves and wept streams of tears.
I gave them a sacred command.
“My words remain the same. Offer every valuable thing to me! I will put the supplies you offer to good use in the great war called Extreme Lunatic Hell Armageddon!”
As I spread my arms wide and commanded them, they nodded.
“The Prophet has ordered us to find valuable items!”
“Move immediately!”
The ten Black Mages scattered at once, their black robes fluttering behind them.
Despite being old, they were fast and nimble.
They were probably moving desperately to reduce their chances of going to Hell by even a little.
Anyway...
This was fun!
“Hehe. I’m not actually a Prophet, just a Tower climber. I never thought pretending to be a Prophet would work this well. What hypnosis app? This is the real hypnosis app!”
“Jiho, is deceiving people fun?”
“It’s fucking fun.”
Of course it was fun.
They stared at this body with respect, awe, and fear, trembling before me. The moment I gave an order, they forced their old bodies into motion and worked desperately.
The thrill of having people focus their entire attention on every word I said and every small movement I made, then obey quickly!
It was a different kind of fun from stirring up trouble on Hunter Gallery.
I muttered quietly.
“I understand now. Is this why people become cult leaders? Everyone sees me as an absolute being and follows me. How could anyone quit that...?!”
“Sigh... Then what’s this ‘great war’ supposed to be?”
“I just said it without thinking. It doesn’t sound impressive if I just say, ‘I’m going to make a lot of money, so bring me stuff.’ Giving it an excuse makes it sound better. If I say there’ll be a great war someday, it sounds like something important, right?”
“...”
Hyeji clicked her tongue.
I was simply in a good mood.
Good.
I could clear the floors in the thirties by pretending to be a Prophet and playing cult leader like this, right?
* * *
We settled down in one corner of the laboratory and passed the time comfortably.
I sat there scratching my belly, occasionally petting Iing Iing, and chatting with Hyeji.
“Three, six, nine. One!”
“Two!”
-Iing!
“Iing Iing, you were supposed to clap. One forehead flick as a penalty, but I’ll let it slide because you’re cute.”
-Iing Iing!
We had so much free time that we were holed up in a corner playing the Three Six Nine game.
Hyeji suddenly asked with an uneasy expression.
“Jiho, is it really okay to just waste time like this inside the Tower? It’s still the Tower...”
“It’ll be fine. The Black Mages got caught by my hypnosis app, so they’re completely out of it. I’m tired of Three Six Nine, though. Want to play word chain instead?”
“If we play word chain, I’ll have to keep translating for Iing Iing. It’s too much work.”
“What a shame.”
We continued blankly passing the time.
The laboratory wasn’t burning, there were no Ghouls, and the Black Mages were gathering loot for us.
There wasn’t anything for us to do.
After waiting for several dozen minutes...
“Prophet! We have brought the supplies you requested!”
“We brought some too!”
“Here are the potions...!”
The Black Mages began arriving one after another.
They had cleaned out every valuable item in the laboratory and started offering it all to me.
They brought a wide variety of things.
Potions, reagents, catalysts, Magic Stones, gems, accessories, chunks of metal, herbs, objects that looked like research equipment...
There were even biological tissues from unknown life forms.
My brow furrowed deeply.
‘Why did they bring something like a heart? It’s disgusting.’
They had brought it because they considered it valuable, apparently.
Still, why would they bring that?
I asked quietly.
“Black Mages. Why have you brought me this enormous heart? I have no hobby of eating hearts.”
“...It is a Troll Heart, an ingredient for Full Recovery Potion. It is also a core ingredient in various other potions, so it is quite valuable.”
“I see. Do you have any knowledge of alchemy?”
“We know the basics. The alchemists who are researchers here should have more detailed knowledge.”
“Hmm.”
Most of the things the Black Mages had brought were materials needed for alchemy.
Apparently, if I mixed them together, boiled them, extracted them, and caused all sorts of chaos, they could become potions and other valuable medicines.
But I knew absolutely nothing about alchemy.
Still, it seemed like it could be very useful if I learned it.
Should I give it a try?
“Black Mages. Do you know where the alchemists are?”
“They should be sleeping in their quarters at this hour.”
“Bring me the most capable one among them. I have something to ask.”
“We will!”
The Black Mages rushed outside.
It looked like they were planning to kidnap the alchemists, who were sleeping soundly in their quarters without knowing anything.
Hyeji asked beside me.
“Jiho, why do you need an alchemist?”
“I’m going to try learning alchemy. An Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard needs to have some knowledge of alchemy, not just simple magic!”
“Alchemy... Isn’t that basically pharmacology in the modern world? It sounds difficult.”
“I don’t know. If it’s hard, I’ll just quit.”
Wanting to learn alchemy was only an impulse.
Honestly, I wasn’t confident I could learn it properly.
I possessed an intelligent, intellectual, excellent brain befitting a wizard, but that didn’t mean I was good at everything.
So even as I decided to try learning alchemy, I kept open the possibility that I would give up halfway through.
I would try it first, then drop it right away if it was too difficult.
A little while later...
“We have brought an alchemist! This is the director of Magnus Distillery!”
“Aaagh! Who are you people?! How could Black Mages, evil Black Mages, be here...?!”
“Evil Black Mages? We have repented and now follow the Prophet! Stop your slander!”
“What the hell are you talking about...?!”
Clank. Thump, thump.
The Black Mages dragged over an old man.
They had captured the director of this laboratory.
I nodded and rose to my feet.
“This body is the great and noble Extreme Lunatic Hell Heaven Prophet.”
“A Prophet? What kind of bullshit is that all of a sudden... Don’t tell me, you insane evil Black Mages are trying to found a new religion with a fake Prophet...! You have truly betrayed Heaven and sold your souls to demons! You disgusting bastards!”
“How dare you! You dare call this body, the true Prophet standing before you, a fake Prophet! Your eyes are open, yet you cannot see the truth. You are no different from a blind man with open eyes! I shall open your eyes!”
Then I repeated what I had done earlier.
Magic crackled in my right hand.
Black magic rumbled in my left.
Divine magic shimmered around my body.
The laboratory director’s eyes opened so wide they looked ready to pop out.
“Magic, black magic, and even divine power all at once...?! Just like the Prophets in the holy scriptures. My goodness! Has a real Prophet descended upon the earth...?! Oh, Heaven!!!”
The laboratory director made a huge fuss in shock.
The hypnosis app had definitely worked.
He threw himself flat on the floor and said,
“I, Hugo Basford, will do anything you command! I will serve you in any way, Prophet!”
The old man cried out with devout faith.
I asked him,
“Before that, there’s something I’m curious about.”
“Ask anything!”
“How many types of potion can alchemy make?”
It had been seven years since the Tower appeared.
Humanity had not yet discovered many kinds of potions.
Healing Potion, which quickly healed injuries.
Reverse-Aging Potion, which reversed someone’s age by one year.
panacea, which cured every disease.
Complete Recovery Potion, which instantly healed all injuries.
Physical Enhancement Elixir, which raised physical ability.
Even if I added every potion type together, there were fewer than ten.
But this was Floor 36, the Laboratory Floor.
Unlike the other floors, it had not burned yet. It was fully intact, and the alchemists were still alive rather than turned into Ghouls.
So perhaps I could gain knowledge of potion types humanity had never discovered before.
There was no way such a huge building could only make fewer than ten types of potions.
The old man answered.
“The kinds of potions we can make... There are too many to count.”
“Then roughly how many are there?”
“There are hundreds with established official recipes alone... and countless new recipes are discovered every month. It is literally impossible to count them all.”
“Oh-ho.”
It seemed there were far more types of potions inside the Tower than I had imagined.
Then maybe?
“Can you make a treatment for hair loss?”
“Ah. That is a basic potion. It is easy.”
“Oh... treating hair loss is easy? Then what about a weight-loss potion? One without side effects.”
“That is also a very basic potion...”
“...What about an aphrodisiac? Something that makes a man’s thing all firm and throbbing.”
“A few drops of Aether Extract mixed with Ogre blood should do it...”
“Do you have Mental Illness Treatment?”
“Do you mean Remove Fear? It is an inexpensive potion. It is regularly supplied to knights and mages on the battlefield.”
“What about sleeping potion...?”
“You mean Deep Sleep Potion.”
“...”
These guys were a gold mine.
Hair-loss medicine, diet drugs, aphrodisiacs, Mental Illness Treatment, sleeping potions, and more.
Everything I asked about was possible.
They were even easy to make, with no side effects.
The desired effects appeared immediately, without addiction or harm.
Was this the power of magical civilization...?
Magic really was the best.
“Hyeji!”
I quickly turned to look at her.
Since she could not understand the people inside the Tower, Hyeji was just standing there blankly.
I said quietly,
“Hyeji, could you call me the chairman of Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals from now on?”
“What?”
“Our Extreme Lunatic Hell Group can’t stay in the power generation sector forever! I’ll follow the example of the major conglomerates in our country and expand into every field! The first step of that expansion will be biotech and medical!”
“???”
“Nubo Nudisk’s Wegoppi? Hyza’s Piagra? Uganon’s Proppesia? Get lost! From now on, it’s the age of Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals!”
This body had stabilized our country’s power supply.
As befitted the Extreme Lunatic Hell Patriotic Chungmugong Hunter, I had saved the country’s industry!
But a true savior had to take responsibility not only for the people’s lives, industry, and national defense, but also for their health and quality of life!
I planned to establish Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals and take responsibility for the health of the people as well.
The laboratory director had said that the medicines I asked about were basic potions that were easy to make.
They should not be difficult to produce, right?
“Laboratory Director. Teach me the recipes for the medicines I mentioned.”
It was time for Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals!
That was how I obtained several beginner alchemy recipes.
After finishing everything I needed to do, Hyeji and I headed for the Escape Portal outside the laboratory, escorted by the Black Mages.
[Baek Jiho (Republic of Korea: Floor 36)]
[You have completed Tower Floor 36.]
[Tower Floor 37 has been unlocked.]
[Returning.]
Footnotes:
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