I'm the Only Wizard Climbing the Tower - Chapter 98

WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Hydrogen B.

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

Chapter 98: 098

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The next morning.

Over breakfast, I made a declaration to my sister.

“Sis. From now on, you're the vice chairman of the Extreme Lunatic Hell Group.”

“...”

“I'm starting a pharmaceutical company too, so you manage it. We'll hold the inauguration ceremony later, once Hyeji and Iing Iing get here. It doesn't feel right to hold one while just the two of us are eating soybean paste soup.”

“...”

“Anyway, congratulations, sis. As of this moment, you've been promoted from deputy director of the power plant to vice chairman of the group, so keep that in mind!”

It was a one-sided notification to my sister as we ate soybean paste soup together.

She let out a deep sigh and answered.

“Fine...”

“Oh. You're accepting it so easily? I thought you'd complain about having more work.”

“I knew this would happen eventually. And I watched the news last night too...”

“The news?”

“Check the internet. You posted on Hunter Gallery after coming back from the Tower yesterday, didn't you?”

At my sister's words, I pulled out my smartphone and opened the news.

Sure enough.

Had my Hunter Gallery post from yesterday gained attention already?

A whole assortment of articles filled the screen.

[Blue Dot of the ‘Extreme Lunatic Hell Power Plant.’ Pharmaceuticals this time? New pharmaceutical company announced.]

[‘Hair Loss Treatment, Weight-Loss Treatment, sleeping potion...’ Various medicines to be released.]

[“I will cure the President's baldness.” Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals announced.]

[Empty boasting, or confidence?]

[A new pharmaceutical company developing new drugs? Current biotechnology professor says, “Absolutely impossible.”]

...

I let out a small gasp.

“Wow. This already made the news? I thought reporters would dismiss it as nonsense and ignore it.”

“You might not feel it, Jiho, but people in the Republic of Korea are very curious about you and watching what you do. Of course articles would go up quickly.”

“Hooong.”

It seemed there were a lot of people watching my every move.

Reporters were monitoring everything I did.

Every time I posted on Hunter Gallery, it became an article!

With this much attention...

Once I made social media accounts, I could probably hit millions, even tens of millions of followers in no time.

Heh heh.

It felt good to know King Korea's attention was focused on me.

“So this is the life of an influencer. Every post I shit out becomes news! This is the best! My influence has gone beyond Hunter Gallery and reached mass media across the entire country!”

“Jiho, how about you quit Hunter Gallery? You're a hero of the Republic of Korea now, so shouldn't you show people a more serious and admirable side of yourself? Gain their respect...”

“I'm already plenty admirable.”

“...”

Sis still hadn't given up on trying to correct my attention-seeking behavior.

But I could never give up Hunter Gallery either.

After the Tower and magic, it was what gave me the most dopamine.

How could I give that up?

I couldn't lose Hunter Gallery. I couldn't lose baiting people.

“Anyway, news articles... I suppose it was about time something came out.”

I searched through other news articles on my smartphone.

The search terms were exchange rates, currency, and tariffs.

Fresh articles immediately caught my eye.

[(Breaking) Korea-U.S. negotiations for a ‘standing currency swap’ underway.]

[“The exchange rate will fall soon.” Will consumer prices stabilize?]

[U.S. President Trump: “A Hunter from the Republic of Korea has deeply moved me.”]

[Is there a new formally contracted Hunter behind the standing currency swap?]

[The currency swap is only the beginning. Tariff negotiations too?]

[Current exchange rate at 2,600 won. How far will it fall after the currency swap agreement? Predictions?]

[Could the era of a ‘2,300 won’ exchange rate be possible?]

...

The standing currency swap and tariff negotiations Torumph had promised.

Everything was moving along smoothly.

I nodded.

“Good. The foundation for our country's economy to recover is gradually being laid!”

And I was going to make a lot of money too!

I immediately called Hyeji.

-Ring. Ring. Click.

Hyeji answered after just two rings.

I got right to the point.

“Hyeji. It's me. Are the investments going well?”

-Hello, Jiho. You called after seeing the news, right?

-Iing Iing.

Hyeji and Iing Iing's voices came through the phone.

Hyeji sounded very excited.

Well, she had every reason to be.

-The exchange rate started moving quickly after the press reports came out.

“Good.”

-I entered at 2,619 won. It was almost the peak. I took a tenfold leveraged short position from there, so it should easily more than double... Congratulations, Jiho. You're going to make a lot of money, aren't you?

She could effortlessly make money with a click using the information I gave her.

Of course she was smiling as she invested!

She was only getting around 2% of the net profits, but the money I'd entrusted to her was astronomical.

Hyeji would make a lot too.

I spoke to her quietly.

“Good. Work hard and grow my money, Hyeji. This will become the seed money for my Extreme Lunatic Hell Group. Don't lose it under any circumstances. If you lose my money...! I'll make Iing Iing pull out all your hair and turn you bald. Keep that in mind!”

-Iing!

“Iing Iing! I'm counting on you!”

-Bald? That's so cruel... Ah, right. Jiho! When are you giving me a Reverse-Aging Potion? Jiye already drank nine of them. She's completely back to her early twenties now. It's about time I got mine too...

Click.

I hung up.

Now Hyeji would duplicate my money through that FX thing or whatever.

Then I could run the Extreme Lunatic Hell Group with it.

I nodded to myself.

“Hmm. I heard a skyscraper in the middle of Seoul costs around one trillion won? I've entrusted Hyeji with just under 600 billion won right now...”

If it really could double.

Wouldn't my assets surpass one trillion won?

I clenched my fist.

“I'll be able to establish a headquarters for the Extreme Lunatic Hell Group...!”

I'd given up on a penthouse in a high-rise apartment and moved into a house with a yard for the practical reason of handling loot.

My dream of standing by the window of a skyscraper, elegantly sipping wine while looking down on the ordinary masses below.

I hadn't been able to achieve it...

But if I acquired a skyscraper for the company's headquarters.

That would change things!

I'd buy one skyscraper in Seoul and make it the headquarters of the Extreme Lunatic Hell Group.

Then I'd set up a chairman's office on the highest floor and look down on the ordinary masses below...

Wouldn't I finally achieve this body's dream of sipping wine from high above while looking down on ordinary people?

“Heh heh. A noble human like me belongs in a very high place. I look forward to the day I gaze down at the ordinary masses from the chairman's office on the highest floor of the headquarters...!”

“Jiho, you really have awful taste... Do you want a skyscraper just so you can look down on people and feel superior?”

“It's me.”

Honestly, I didn't need some grand headquarters building.

It was called the Extreme Lunatic Hell Group, but all it would do was lease out Magic Stone Reactors, procure Magic Stones, and receive a share of the electricity revenue.

At most, it would produce and sell potions using cottage-scale equipment.

Even if I had a grand headquarters building, most of it would sit empty.

Still, my business might expand in all kinds of ways as I climbed the Tower.

And I wanted a castle of my own.

That was why I planned to buy a building.

An Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard Hunter needed to own at least one skyscraper! Naturally!

Anyway, since that was settled.

“Should I start practicing alchemy?”

It was time for the Extreme Lunatic Hell Alchemist!

* * *

After breakfast, I headed straight to my workshop.

Calling it a workshop was generous.

It was just our basement.

I'd moved some of the items I'd brought back from the Tower into the basement and set it up as my alchemy workshop.

Looking over the recipes I'd copied down in the Tower, I muttered.

“These potions really are incredibly simple.”

Every one of them only needed to be mixed and boiled.

They were about as difficult as cooking instant ramen.

Even the rare ingredients were just higher-level monsters like Trolls and Ogres from the Highest Floors of the Tower, along with a few herbs.

There was probably a reason they were called beginner potions.

Anyway.

“Should I give it a try?”

I looked at the recipe and began brewing potions.

First, the Hair Loss Treatment.

“Ten drops of potion into the beaker with the special dropper, one drop of Aether Extract, then crush up a little of this weird-looking herb leaf and add it in. Boil it hard in the special furnace, and...”

Bubble, bubble.

I boiled it for about three minutes, infusing mana into it from time to time.

The clear liquid in the beaker gradually turned brown.

I nodded.

“They say it's finished once it turns brown. Did it work?”

It probably had.

I'd heard failures turned into black, filthy water.

So it must have succeeded.

Probably.

“It only took three minutes. This is ridiculously easy.”

The Hair Loss Treatment was even easier to make than I'd expected.

It really was on the level of cooking ramen.

Anyone could make this if they had the ingredients.

That was, if they had the ingredients.

‘Other people can't get Aether Extract. It's something only I can bring back.’

Aether Extract was one of the ingredients in every potion.

That clear potion I'd found.

It was Aether Extract.

And Aether Extract was apparently the base additive for every potion.

According to what I'd heard, no potion could be made without it.

On top of that.

“You have to keep infusing mana into it. Even if Aether Extract gets leaked, other people will have a hard time making these.”

I was the only person on Earth who could handle mana.

Even if someone somehow obtained Aether Extract and recipes, they still couldn't make potions.

That was what alchemy was.

Only a noble and great Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard like me could do it.

It was a field utterly impossible for ordinary Muggle masses!

I gazed at the Hair Loss Treatment and muttered quietly.

“Heh heh. I can become the only hope of bald people around the world. What should I name the medicine? Maybe something like ‘Grow, Grow, Hair’?”

Just wait, Bald President!

And all the shiny bald heads of King Korea!

I'll cure your hair loss soon!

Of course, hair loss wasn't the only field I'd be entering.

I glanced at the other ingredients piled in one corner of the basement.

Then I muttered quietly.

“After the Hair Loss Treatment comes the Weight-Loss Treatment... an aphrodisiac, Mental Illness Treatment, and a sleeping potion. I should make every one of them.”

Like that, I shut myself in the basement and made the potions one by one.

I dripped solution into beakers with a dropper, crushed herbs and added them, infused mana at regular intervals, and occasionally mixed in monster blood...

It was surprisingly fun.

“I feel like a pill-refining master from a xianxia novel...!”

Was this what those protagonists who refined elixirs in xianxia stories felt like?

I controlled the flame of the gas burner, boiled the liquid, added ingredients one at a time, and watched the potions' colors change.

It was fun because I felt like the protagonist of a xianxia novel making heaven-defying elixirs.

Would a heavenly tribulation come for me too?

In xianxia stories, lightning from heaven struck whenever someone made some insanely powerful spiritual medicine.

I glanced upward.

All I saw was the basement ceiling.

Naturally, there was no sign of heavenly tribulation striking.

These were probably too basic to count as heaven-defying elixirs.

“Bringing dead hair follicles back to life isn't even a heaven-defying elixir...! I still have a long way to go! At this rate, when will I ever reach the realm of the Medicine Immortal?”

Like that, I acted ridiculous while making each potion one by one.

I completed the Hair Loss Treatment, Weight-Loss Treatment, aphrodisiac, Mental Illness Treatment, and sleeping potion in order.

Five potions now sat before me.

Each had its own distinctive color, lined up neatly on the table.

“I think I've made everything in the recipes.”

Now it was time to test their effects.

Normally, I'd need to establish a pharmaceutical corporation and go through clinical trials and all sorts of complicated procedures.

But that could come later.

For now, these were potions I'd made as a trial.

I should at least test them somehow.

I first picked up the purple potion.

“This is the Mental Illness Treatment... Remove Fear. A potion that cures all anxiety, fear, and madness in one go. Hmm...”

On impulse.

-Gulp.

I chugged the Mental Illness Treatment potion.

A sweet grape flavor spread over my tongue.

It was surprisingly good.

Then...

“...Nothing changed?”

Nothing changed.

Even after drinking the Mental Illness Treatment, I didn't feel the slightest change in my mood!

That confirmed it.

“People always call me crazy, so... I was worried there might really be something wrong with my mind. But I really am normal. My mind has always been perfectly healthy and sound!”

Because of the propaganda and lies saying there was something wrong with my mind, I'd thought I might have a problem.

But I'd taken a Mental Illness Treatment potion and nothing had changed.

Which meant I was a perfectly normal person!

Of course, there was a chance the potion I'd made was defective...

But this was a potion painstakingly created by this body's Extreme Lunatic Hell Alchemist.

It probably wasn't defective.

So clearly.

The potion hadn't worked because I didn't have a mental illness!

“This is why people making a fuss is a problem. My personality is a little unique, and people around me keep treating me like I'm insane... I ended up thinking I had a mental illness. When I was actually completely normal.”

Society was really not politically correct.

A person could enjoy attention, be addicted to dopamine, spend all day on online communities, have a strong desire to show off, be full of self-love, enjoy flexing, and be greedy for money.

Yet people saw that and constantly called me an attention seeker and a mental patient, saying all kinds of nasty things.

I wished they'd respect my natural personality.

I'm asking them to be politically correct!

Anyway.

The fact that I had no mental illness had now been proven beyond doubt.

From now on, I could live with my shoulders back and my head held high!

Like that, I brewed the potions one after another and drank them.

“This is the aphrodisiac? Hmm...! I think my dick is getting a little hot. I suddenly want to turn on my computer and watch videos of beautiful women in bikinis!”

“The sleeping potion doesn't feel that strong... Is it just making me a little drowsy? I think it has less effect because I'm a Hunter and my body is too tough...”

“The Weight-Loss Treatment... I shouldn't drink this, right? I already have a lean figure. If I lose more weight, I'll end up looking malnourished.”

The potions I'd made seemed to work well enough.

Even I, an Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard Hunter with an absurdly durable body, could feel their effects to some extent.

For ordinary people, they would probably hit them directly.

After testing or examining them one by one, I looked at the final remaining potion.

The Hair Loss Treatment.

‘How should I test this? I have a full head of hair, so using it on myself would be pointless.’

If someone around me suffered from hair loss, I could just apply it to their head right away.

But me, my sister, Hyeji, and even Han Seonga all had full heads of hair, so it would be difficult to test this medicine right now.

I couldn't exactly grab someone on the street and say, “Excuse me, I made a Hair Loss Treatment. Want to try putting it on your head and see what happens?”

And my patience wasn't long enough to establish a pharmaceutical corporation and wait through official clinical trials.

I wanted to confirm the effect immediately...

How should I do this?

Then, a thought suddenly came to me.

“Should I just apply it to the President right away? I'm sure this works. And if I cure the President's hair loss, the publicity effect will be huge too. Should I just mindlessly storm the Blue House and rub it onto the President's scalp?”

Should I storm the Blue House right now and dump the Hair Loss Treatment on the President's head?

The urge came over me, but I hesitated.

No matter how much of an attention-seeking bastard I was, using the President as a clinical test subject felt like crossing the line a little.

Then I recalled something the President had said before.

‘Hunter Choi Yejin, you see. When she gets excessively drunk, she sometimes comes to the Blue House at dawn and grabs me by the collar. She pressures me to get Points as quickly as possible... Ha ha. The Presidential Security Service employees have a hard time because of it.’

Choi Yejin.

That crazy woman.

Apparently, she sometimes got drunk, stormed the Blue House, grabbed the President by the collar, and shook him around.

Compared to that crazy woman...

Would suddenly pouring Hair Loss Treatment onto the President's head really be so bad?

I shot to my feet.

“That's it. I'm going to the Blue House!”

President Jang Daehan had laughed off even Choi Yejin grabbing him by the collar.

He was such a good-natured person.

He would probably regard suddenly pouring some unknown liquid on his head under the excuse of curing his hair loss as a harmless prank and let it slide, right?

And I was curing his hair loss.

Far from being offended.

He should be grateful!

“The fame of Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals will soon spread far and wide...!”

If I cured the President's hair loss.

The technology of Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals would become known in an instant!

I could cure the President's hair loss.

I could get publicity too.

There was no reason not to do it!

I headed straight for the Blue House.

* * *

Recently, President Jang Daehan had been in a good mood.

“Ha ha. The negotiations with the United States are going smoothly?”

“Yes, sir. The terms favor us as well, and as for the tariffs... Torumph's side has made significant concessions. We should be able to lower them by at least 5% from the current level, and at most 8% if things go well.”

The negotiations with the United States were progressing well.

The standing currency swap and tariff negotiations that the Republic of Korea's government was currently conducting with the United States.

“The American diplomat says pressure on Japan will begin soon. They say we should be able to get Korea's Normal Hunters back in no more than a week...”

There was diplomatic support on top of that.

The United States was even lending a hand in the Hunter dispute with Japan.

Good news was arriving one after another.

It was all thanks to Baek Jiho.

“Hunter Baek Jiho truly is a treasure of the Republic of Korea. Not only are we receiving enormous amounts of Points, we're gaining this kind of diplomatic help too...!”

“Perhaps the Republic of Korea has not fallen yet, Mr. President. It is all thanks to you enduring until now.”

“Ha ha ha! No. It is thanks to the efforts of the people, and true patriots like Hunter Baek Jiho. Would we have gained any of this if not for Hunter Baek Jiho?”

Thanks to Baek Jiho's dedication.

The United States had made numerous concessions to Korea.

The country had been able to secure many things that benefited its national interests.

For the first time in a long while, the Blue House was filled with a bright mood.

It was lively and full of hope, enough that it was hard to believe the country faced destruction in two months.

Then, sometime in the afternoon just after lunch.

“Mr. President. Hunter Baek Jiho has arrived. He says he has a gift for you...”

“Oh. Let him in at once! This is perfect. The government has gained so much thanks to Mr. Baek Jiho. I should thank him properly.”

“Understood.”

Baek Jiho had come to visit.

The President could not help but feel touched.

Points, industry, diplomacy, national defense.

Baek Jiho had helped his country in so many ways, and now he had even brought the President a gift.

What a warmhearted patriot he was!

If only his personality and conduct were a little more serious.

There would be nothing more to ask for...

But wanting even that would be greedy.

Anyway.

President Jang Daehan met Baek Jiho in the Blue House reception room.

Looking at Baek Jiho, he offered a quiet greeting.

“It's good to see you, Hunter Baek Jiho. Was your journey here comfortable? Thanks to you, Hunter Baek Jiho, our negotiations with the United States are proceeding smoothly. On behalf of the government and the people, I offer my gratitude.”

“It's me.”

“By the way, Mr. Baek Jiho. What is that brown glass bottle? You keep touching it...”

Jang Daehan and Baek Jiho sat facing each other across a small table.

Baek Jiho lifted the glass bottle and spoke quietly.

“Mr. President. Your scalp looks a little cold.”

“Pardon?”

“I'll warm it up for you right away.”

As President Jang Daehan wore a puzzled expression, Baek Jiho had already completely removed the bottle cap.

Pop.

-Trickle.

He tilted the bottle over President Jang Daehan's head.

Brown liquid soaked the President's scalp and ran down.