WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Chen

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◈ Incarnation of the Malevolent Star ◈

Chapter 8: Part 1 - Whispers of the Dark Brother (8)

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While he was out at sea, the only way Yun-beom could hear his wife's voice was through the satellite phone, apart from the occasional stop at a port.

Video calls were out of the question.

This was before Korean shipping companies had any interest in costly benefits like onboard internet, so they had no way to exchange photos, either.

At least the company covered Yun-beom's satellite phone charges.

That wasn't sarcasm. He truly was fortunate. Quite a few small and midsize Korean shipping companies made their sailors pay even for that.

So he didn't know.

He didn't know how his wife was wasting away day by day beneath the weight of her anxiety.

His considerate wife didn't want to burden her husband with worry, while he thought her unease was something that had already passed.

After his crew rotation ended, Yun-beom threw his rust-stained work uniform, discolored a purplish hue, into a trash bin and rushed straight home.

Then, the moment he saw his wife waiting for him, he dropped his bag.

"Dear... What happened to you? Why have you gotten so thin?"

His wife faltered, her lips moving soundlessly as her alarmed husband gripped her shoulders. Deep shadows lay beneath her eyes. Then she closed her mouth.

She forced a smile and rested her forehead against his chest.

Her soft sigh, slipping through a layer of clothing.

Its faint tremor and fragile warmth remained vivid in Yun-beom's memory even now.

"I don't know what's wrong, but let's go to the hospital and get you checked first. All right?"

His mind blank, he spoke in a fluster. Still resting her forehead against him, his wife slowly shook her head.

"I've already been checked."

"And the results?"

"It's a psychological problem. I'm getting treatment, too."

"A psychological problem? What kind?"

Though he asked again, his wife couldn't answer easily this time, either. With a gloomy expression, she hesitated over her words.

It took a while before Yun-beom finally heard his red-eyed wife answer in a quiet voice.

Even then, he wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't waited so stubbornly and urged her on in silence.

"You know... I feel like there's something terribly frightening inside my belly. That's why I'm suffering so much."

Only then did Yun-beom realize that the unease she had spoken of before he left on his voyage was still ongoing.

That it had only grown worse while he was away.

Trying to calm his pounding heart, Yun-beom held his wife tightly.

"Let's get counseling together. I'm your husband, so I need to hear directly from the doctor."

"...Okay. I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for now?"

"I tried to get better before you came back, but it didn't work."

"Don't say such strange things. That isn't something you can control. I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't even know you were suffering, and I couldn't stay by your side."

"You're the one saying strange things, dear. You couldn't control that, either."

At least at that point, his wife still had enough peace of mind to scold her husband.

When Yun-beom went to the hospital with his wife, the doctor told him that her symptoms were highly unusual.

"What exactly do you mean by unusual?"

The doctor, who had apparently been treating his wife for several months, briefly showed an awkward expression before concealing it.

The doctor hid it quickly, but Yun-beom noticed.

"To begin with... it's common for pregnant women to experience depression or severe emotional swings during pregnancy."

"I've heard that."

"Cases accompanied by panic disorder are less common, but not rare enough to be unusual in a hospital. But the symptoms your wife describes... at least as far as I know, similar cases are extremely rare. Starting with the fact that she's afraid of the child in her womb."

The doctor explained that pregnant women usually feared childbirth, the changes it would bring, or tangible and intangible losses. They didn't fear the fetuses themselves.

This was the first patient the doctor had encountered who complained of intense anxiety, saying there was something frightening inside her belly.

The doctor had only heard of similar cases abroad in connection with religion.

"It is also somewhat unusual that she experiences greater fear and shortness of breath when the baby moves... We observed her continuously, and she doesn't react to every fetal movement."

"Then what does she react to?"

"She doesn't show symptoms when the movements are strong. She mainly reacts when the fetal movements are comparatively weak, which differs from an ordinary panic attack."

"...How is it different?"

"If a particular stimulus is the trigger for an attack... then wouldn't it be natural for stronger stimulation to cause more frequent attacks?"

Now that he heard it, it certainly was strange. Yun-beom asked the doctor again.

"What could be causing it? Stress?"

"Well... This was the opinion reached through collaborative consultations, but we believe your wife may be excessively concerned that one of the two fetuses is developing more slowly."

After a short pause, the doctor continued.

"It may be that, in your wife's subconscious, the stress over that issue has become entwined with another specific bad memory, amplifying the effect... That is our speculation. From our counseling sessions, she appears deeply fixated on that memory."

Yun-beom could easily guess what that other bad memory referred to.

It had to be the nightmare of the ominous night sky and the sinister star that had first filled his wife with anxiety.

Yet the doctor's words contained something Yun-beom had never heard before.

"What did you say? One of the two fetuses is developing more slowly? What do you mean?"

Asked repeatedly, the doctor turned to his wife in confusion.

It was a silent question. Why did her husband know so little about the circumstances?

His wife defended him.

"I told you before that my husband is a sailor, didn't I? I didn't tell him because I didn't want to worry him. He came straight here as soon as he returned to Korea."

"I see."

Understanding, the doctor looked back at Yun-beom.

"There's no need to be too alarmed. It isn't a good thing, but delayed physical development in one twin can occur quite easily in multiple pregnancies. The likelihood is higher with identical twins."

"If it's not good, how bad is it? Is it serious?"

"No. It isn't serious at this point. One child has simply grown more, while the other has grown a little less. But we will need to monitor them continuously."

"Why would there be such a difference when they're twins?"

"Well... Usually, it happens because the nutrients supplied through the umbilical cords aren't distributed evenly. Especially with identical twins, the vascular connections in the umbilical cords or placenta can be more unbalanced than with fraternal twins. It is a little strange that we haven't found a particular cause so far, though."

The doctor explained in the plainest tone possible, making it sound as though it were nothing serious so as not to alarm the guardian.

Even so, Yun-beom repeatedly rubbed his face, his heart heavy.

He had already been shocked by how thin his wife had become, and now one piece of troubling news after another kept piling up.

There was no sailor here, hardened by sun and waves.

There was only an ordinary father, restless with worry for his wife and unborn children.

"If..."

Yun-beom swallowed once before speaking again.

"If the delayed development gets worse, what will happen to the children?"

It wasn't a question the doctor wanted to hear. At a glance, it was obvious that the couple wasn't psychologically stable.

Still, since the question had been asked, the doctor couldn't simply refuse to answer.

Especially because this wasn't a question only a doctor could answer. If Yun-beom's trust in the doctor broke, it would have an extremely negative effect on future counseling and treatment.

"In most cases, the smaller child is simply born premature."

"And if it isn't most cases?"

"Then the child may be born needing intensive treatment. Or an invasive procedure may be necessary while the child is still in the womb."

Of course, there was a chance that the situation could become worse than that.

The smaller child could be stillborn, or could even be absorbed by the other sibling and disappear.

But as she had already entered the middle stage of pregnancy, the latter possibility was extremely unlikely.

Rather than mention those possibilities, the doctor gently reassured Yun-beom.

"Sir, I'm telling you this as a doctor. Please don't think only of the worst possibilities."

"..."

"I understand that you were shocked to see your wife's condition. She has lost a great deal of weight. But your wife's problem is psychological, after all."

The doctor's words were slow, meant to give the patient and her guardian a sense of calm.

"As I have already said, the children's current condition is far from serious. I can say that with certainty as a doctor."

"Yes..."

"A guardian's emotional state greatly affects the patient's emotional state. For your wife's treatment to go smoothly, you, her husband and guardian, must first remain calm. Please don't worry so much about things that haven't even happened yet."

"Ah."

The doctor finished with a kind smile.

"You two seem especially close. Your wife's psychological treatment may not have shown much improvement so far, but things could change if her beloved husband stays by her side. As her doctor, I have high hopes for you as well."

Realizing how poorly he had behaved, Yun-beom nodded, trying to strengthen his resolve.

What value could a husband have if his suffering wife couldn't lean on him?

But reality moved in the opposite direction from what Yun-beom and the doctor had hoped.

"I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared...!"

His wife woke struggling from nightmares late at night more and more often.

They were grotesque nightmares in which there was nothing but his wife herself.

The object of terror in those dreams was lodged inside her own belly.

An ominous presence she couldn't see with her eyes, but could feel with her senses.

When Yun-beom returned from his voyage, his wife's mind had still been relatively whole. Yet day by day, it cracked and shattered further.

Dread and terror, mounting exponentially, pressed down on her mind.

"Dear..."

Whenever his wife had just awakened from a nightmare and was still dazed, she would gasp for breath in her husband's arms and repeat the same whispered words.

"What's inside me... must not come into this world alive..."

Hearing that exhausted whisper made Yun-beom feel as though his heart were being scorched black.

He had the impression that his wife wasn't simply crushed beneath nightmares, but desperately fighting the source of both the nightmares and her disturbed mind, the thing she called "what's inside me."

At the time, Yun-beom didn't believe that thing inside her had any separate existence. He thought it was only a fantasy rooted in mental illness.

Still, he couldn't stop superstitious doubts from gradually staining his heart.

As his wife's illness deepened with each passing day, the twins' uneven growth also continued to worsen.

And so his doubts fed on his anxiety.

The fear that there might be some connection between the delayed physical development of one twin and his wife's lonely, agonizing struggle.

During that time, Yun-beom firmly steadied himself whenever he wavered.

'I can't become strange, too. I have to be the one she can lean on until the end.'

Yun-beom tried to make bright memories for his wife.

Gifts, walks, trips to places with beautiful scenery, special events.

None of it helped.

The treatment his wife received at the hospital could solve neither her psychological problems nor the twins' uneven development.

Even after doctors at one of the country's top hospitals repeatedly held joint consultations for his wife alone, they failed to find any effective treatment.

"If there are no more medications to try because she's pregnant, and you can't do anything because you don't know why one child isn't growing as much... what exactly can you do for her?"

When the husband asked in a voice that restrained his pent-up anger, with his wife absent, the doctor answered evenly.

"If the two of you consent, at this point, it appears that attempting an early delivery through a Caesarean section is effectively our only option, depending on how things progress."

"Early delivery?"

"Yes. The original date was already fairly early because they are twins, but if we wait until then, your wife's health may deteriorate seriously."

"Mm..."

"Of course, even if we move the schedule forward, we should gain as much time as possible. We need to reduce the likelihood of disabilities or complications in the children... especially in the child whose development is delayed."

Yun-beom was somewhat relieved to hear there was still a way.

Yet his uneasiness remained, and after some hesitation, he asked. As his wife's guardian, he felt he had to at least confirm the possibility.

"If... in the worst case, if my wife's life is in grave danger... can the children be aborted?"

If he had to choose between his wife and the children, Yun-beom would choose his wife.

"Pardon?"

The doctor blinked blankly at the question, then recoiled in horror.

"What a terrible thing to say! The period when an abortion is possible due to the mother's health has long passed! No matter how serious her health problems are now, it is our duty to strive to save both children!"

"..."

"I fully understand that you are distraught, but please don't think such dreadful thoughts... Your children are already people. Even the smaller one has developed as much as an ordinary twenty-four-week fetus. There is a high chance we can save them even if they are born right now!"

"I under... I understand. I'm sorry, that was inappropriate of me."

At the time, abortion was still a criminal offense. That was likely another reason the doctor had been so horrified.

In the end, Yun-beom had lost one option the moment he left his wife in the early stages of her pregnancy and went to sea.

It was a dreadful choice he would never have wanted to make, but one he would have had no choice but to make if he had known beforehand that his wife's life would be at stake.

Of course, even if he hadn't gone to sea, his wife would have opposed that choice. At the time, she had still been in her right mind.

But the regrets of those who outlived someone they loved were always this futile.

In later years, Yun-beom believed that, if he returned to the past, he could somehow persuade his wife then.

It was a sorrowful longing for a road he had not taken in the past...

Footnotes:

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