WeTried Translations

Translator: Hydrogen B

Editor: Hydrogen B

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

Chapter 24: The Happy Dog

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『The immortal race is a major threat in itself. They are so unlike ordinary people that they cannot blend in. They do not fear guns, do not avoid fire, and are insensitive to violence. They can laugh off having a finger cut off by a blade and simply reattach it. They do not mind being stabbed, which means they cannot understand why others fear knives. Villages and cities where they blended in were always followed by chaos, so the military authorities eventually prohibited the immortal race from residing within the military state.』

The golem looked down at the wriggling right arm as it spoke.

『Furthermore, this being, which inherited the purest bloodline of the immortal race, does not die even in the Abyss, completely isolated from external forces. This exceeds expectations. They are an exceptionally resilient and dangerous race. I believe it would be difficult for you to handle it.』

"So you're saying it'll be less trouble if we kill it now?"

『Would it not also be troublesome for you if there were one more trainee?』

It really would. I had nearly been folded up by the regressor, and I had almost been torn apart by a vampire. As for Azzy, she didn't attack me, but she was steadily chewing away at the lifespan of my shoulder.

Adding one more person to that? It would definitely be an even greater burden.

Tempted by the golem's suggestion, I cautiously asked, "How would we eliminate it?"

『I cannot disclose the method at present, as it is classified. However, I can promise that it will be expelled from Tantalus for certain. It will never be able to return here.』

"And who would do that?"

『You would.』

Ah. So I was supposed to pick up that body and eliminate it myself.

Here I was wondering what you meant.

I answered decisively.

"I'm not doing it."

『Will you not regret it?』

"Regret what? What kind of cruel idea is eliminating someone who's still alive? We shouldn't do that."

Of course not. Do you know why people shouldn't commit murder? So they don't get retaliated against.

Whether it was the law, the victim's family, or a severed right arm, what if they came for revenge? Would you take responsibility for that?

It was an immortal. It couldn't die. Its limbs had already been torn off, and it was still moving. What if I eliminated it somehow, it revived, and then came after me? No, it didn't even need to revive. I wasn't confident I could win if just one of its severed limbs came looking for revenge.

I was more afraid of a self-moving right arm than a strong person.

"Let's just feed it and revive it. Don't say strange things like elimination or expulsion."

『Unexpected. I did not think you were such a moral person.』

"What do you take me for?"

I was more moral than anyone in the world. That was because I feared retaliation more than anyone in the world.

People who knew fear learned to be careful, and being careful around others was exactly what it meant to observe manners and morality.

That was how I had lived in the back alleys, and it was the principle that had kept me alive.

"The supplies are coming, right? We have another mouth to feed now, so it'll be a problem if the supplies don't arrive."

『The supplies are waiting. They stopped at a waystation because of the prison break, but once we notify them that Tantalus has returned to normal, transport will resume.』

"Great! Resume it right away! When will they get here?"

『Within three hours.』

"That's fast!"

『Do you have a complaint?』

"I mean I like it and have no complaints at all! But is that even possible?"

『The military state's administrative capacity is the finest in the world. Resending supplies already in transit is not even a problem.』

I couldn't read the golem's thoughts, but it somehow felt as though the person controlling the golem was showing off right now. It wasn't even her own achievement, so why was she acting proud? Still, I'd be the one in trouble if she cut off the supplies, so I kept quiet.

"How much are we getting?"

『According to Tantalus's supply plan, three days' worth of food was scheduled to arrive.』

"Are you insane? Who would that be eno..."

『However, that supply plan was established before the prison break. Given the drastic drop in personnel, it should amount to roughly ninety days' worth by simple quantity.』

"That'll be plenty for me! Wow! The military state's administrative capacity really is incredible!"

Then I wouldn't need to ration food anymore. With ninety days' worth, I'd still have plenty left even if I tried making fermented soybean blocks from canned beans.

Ah, this was the Abyss, so that wouldn't work. Still, as long as I had enough ingredients, the number of dishes I could make was practically unlimited.

Good. It had been a while since I'd felt material abundance. Excited, I shouted, "Azzy! Yuck! Don't touch that!"

"Woof?"

Azzy, who had been staring strangely at the bone attached to the right arm, jerked her head up. When I curled my fingers into a circle and waved them, Azzy immediately ran over and rested her chin on my hand. Tickling her chin, I said, "Forget that cheap meat. Let's eat something delicious. The supplies will be here soon, so I'll make you the tasty meal I promised!"

"Woof!"

Azzy barked happily. I scratched her chin and head in turn as I fell into thought.

What should I make? I was tired of stew, so perhaps I could blanch it before frying it in a pan and eating it like a snack. Or I could mince the meat, grind it together with starch and boiled beans, then cook it. It wouldn't be very efficient nutritionally, but perhaps grinding the beans and straining them to make soy milk would be nice too.

As I pictured every culinary luxury I could commit, something tapped my heel.

I turned my head to see what it was, then nearly jumped out of my skin.

It was the right arm.

The right arm had crawled over using only its fingers and finally reached me.

"Looks like we have another mouth to feed."

I took a can from the cupboard, opened it, and tipped the entire contents into the right arm's palm. The compressed beans were hard enough to rival bricks, but the right arm didn't care as it headed toward the main body. After diligently walking all the way over, it dumped the beans into the open mouth like a mother bird bringing food to its chick.

"That right arm is... pretty capable."

Was it an immortal because it had an arm that worked so hard even when the main body was in suspended animation, or did it have an arm like that because it was an immortal?

Either way, I'd definitely made the right choice by not tearing apart its limbs. I wasn't confident I could win if that right arm teamed up with the left arm and both legs to come after me. It was extremely irritating that a body practically no different from a corpse had devoured an entire can, though.

It was a little grotesque, but I should leave the golem and that h u m a n in the cafeteria for the time being.

"Woof! Woof!"

"You can't even wait that long, can you? Fine. I'll do it."

I took out the beans and meat from the compressed can. The military state's special compressed cans were as effective as ever, boasting rock-like hardness without a trace of moisture. Even jerky, once compared to bricks, couldn't compete with this. It would take ages to eat it without water.

I cut the fatty parts from the compressed meat and placed them on a pan. Once I lit the fire, the fat began to melt and run.

I soaked the remaining meat and beans in water. Since I wasn't making stew this time, I adjusted the water so it only covered them halfway.

While the dried compressed beans and meat absorbed moisture, I took out the flour dough I had made earlier. I lifted it slightly and checked inside. The white, round dough, like an ostrich egg, looked exactly as it had when I first made it.

"Hmm. Just as I thought. It isn't fermenting."

Far from rising, it hadn't even changed color, as if it had been preserved. This land was cursed by Mother Earth, so nothing could rot and return to the earth.

"But this is the bottom of the Abyss, isn't it? If the place where I stand is land, there should be some workers of the earth around here..."

Something was bothering me, but I didn't know what it was. Ugh, frustrating. I couldn't read Mother Earth's thoughts, either.

I scratched my head irritably, but knowledge I didn't have wasn't going to appear. My head wasn't a rice bin.

"Whatever. People with great power can take care of big things like that."

It would be better not to expect soft bread here. I should hope the supplies included rice instead.

I put the hard flour dough into the oven and increased the heat. At the same time, I brought over the beans and meat, which had been soaked until they were still a little firm, and set them in front of Azzy.

"Food!"

"Not yet. Wait. It'll taste better this way."

I carefully wiped Azzy's paws with a towel. Her body twisted as the clean cloth brushed her paws, apparently because it tickled, but she somehow didn't run away. I patted her head once in praise, then gave her an order.

"Azzy. Punch it with your fist."

"No! The meat will hurt!"

"The more you torment meat, the better it tastes."

"Woof?"

"It became much tastier when we grilled it over the fire last time, right? Meat brings out its flavor the more it hurts."

That's why people supposedly beat dogs so much on the dog days of summer. Good grief.

I swallowed those last words and persuaded Azzy.

"Woof! That's true!"

Convinced, Azzy immediately threw a punch. It was so fast that I couldn't even see her fist. Each time a thump sounded, a deep dent appeared in the minced meat.

The meat and beans, still somewhat dry because they lacked moisture, were minced in an instant by Azzy's doggy punches. A human, no, dog grinder.

You said the meat would hurt. Yet you showed not a shred of mercy in the face of good food.

While Azzy minced them, I kneaded in starch little by little. Since beans were going in instead of eggs, it lacked stickiness. It would fall apart without mercy when I put it in the pan.

Unlike human society, though, the world of cooking valued the inside more than appearances. It didn't matter how ugly it looked as long as it tasted good.

"All right, we have enough oil. Here it goes."

The round lump of beans and meat, a meat-and-bean patty, dropped onto the pan. A sizzle rose at once as it began to cook. The smell of protein charring. The sound of meat lightly frying in oil. It sounded like monsoon rain striking wet ground.

"Wo... woof."

Azzy seemed so overwhelmed by the atmosphere that she forgot how to bark and only stared up at the pan. Even a religious devotee receiving an angel wouldn't have had eyes like that. I snickered and hummed.

"La la la."

Fire and heat took away every color. Insisting that vivid colors should exist only as light, they dyed the brazen red juices that coveted their own hue a charred brown.

What they gained in place of color was savoriness and flavor. It was a welcome change for humans, though the meat over the fire probably didn't want to become tastier.

I used the spatula to neaten its slightly misshapen form and placed it on a plate. I drizzled some of the glistening meat fat over it as well. There, one plate. Normally, people came before dogs, but Azzy would go first today.

"Woooof."

I set the patty down in front of Azzy. Unable to bring herself to eat this masterpiece, Azzy looked up at me instead. While she waited, I prepared my own portion, set it on the table, and sat down.

As I placed my spoon beside my share, I spoke to the golem sitting on the table.

"Captain AB. Would you like to come down and have a bite?"

『Do not concern yourself with me. A watcher is not swayed by desire.』

"All right! Then enjoy it with your eyes!"

『....』

I left the golem on the table and picked up my spoon. Azzy's body was wound tight with tension. Like a sprinter at the starting line, she was ready to leap forward the instant she got the signal.

Something couldn't be left out at a time like this. It was a chance to teach her.

I took out the chime bell. Expectation filled Azzy's eyes. What would I do? What would happen next? Her body remembered.

Jingle.

I shook the bell. At that moment, Azzy's salivary glands erupted. Her mouth hung wide open, drool streamed down, and her eyes glittered as though she might fall into the meat.

Even so, she waited for me. She really was a good girl. Hmm. I shouldn't be suspicious when it came to food from now on.

Setting down the chime bell, I declared, "Let's eat!"

"Woof!"

Azzy immediately buried her face in the plate.

At that moment, Azzy was the happiest dog in the world.

Footnotes:

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