WeTried Translations

Translator: Hydrogen B

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◈ Omniscient First-Person's Viewpoint

Chapter 339

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By the Name of Azzyberos

Huh. Would you look at that. I was having a dream.

Ordinary people slap the word "stupid" in front of "dream" and do their best to drain any meaning from those chaotic visions. But I know better. Quite often, a dream doesn't end as just a stupid dream.

Sleep is when human consciousness is at its weakest. When the signals running through the nerves grow faint, the noise that seeps through the gaps is what we call dreams. Layers upon layers of paint make it hard to make out, but buried at the very center lies the root of something unconscious, something the dreamer never noticed in waking life.

Well, most people never find it, so it ends up as a stupid dream anyway. My case is a little different, though.

A memory that burrowed into my mind while I slept. Fill a room? Whose memory is that?

"Woof! Woof woof!"

"Wake up! Wake up!"

Dog barking drilled into my ears. I kept my eyes shut and scowled at the noise cutting through my thoughts. A stupid dream beats a dog any day. At least a stupid dream doesn't wake me up.

"Azzy. Try keeping the barking down."

Of course words alone wouldn't stop her. Azzy thumped the bed and cried out.

"Wake up! It's morning!"

"Lazy bones!"

"I am not a lazy bones. I am engaged in a holy struggle against a tyrannical morning that seeks to subjugate all of mankind."

"Lazy bones!"

"Be diligent!"

Not even the King of Roosters, but she wakes me up every single morning without fail. Tch. I was finally going to get a proper night's sleep for once. These animals are worse than people, I swear.

Fine, fine, I'm up. I'll think about that dream later. What was I dreaming about, anyway. Pretty sure it was just a stupid dream.

"Urrgh. By the way, why are you two singing in rounds?"

I said that and opened my eyes, and there were two Azzy heads sitting side by side at my pillow, staring down at me. I nearly leapt out of my skin.

"Cerberus!"

"Woof! I'm Azzy!"

"Cer...? Is it food?"

"That's not Cerberus. It has two heads! Twin-headed dog?"

"I only have one head!"

"Dummy!"

"I don't want to be called a dummy by a puppy with two heads!"

What in the world. I open my eyes and Azzy has doubled. Did some stray King of Dogs wander in. Terrific. One is already more than enough, and now there are two.

I reflexively reached for my mind reading, then paused. Right. The other party is the King of Dogs. The only part of Azzy I can read is whatever she projects outward. Trying isn't going to do much anyway.

'Look at that startled expression. How rare.'

Wait, it's coming through? What's going on? Did she get locked somewhere, eat something funny, and turn human? Or did my mind reading level up?

'Even Father, who never shows a single opening under normal circumstances, looks quite defenseless while asleep. They say the King of Humans has lost all his power, but does he truly have no means of self-protection? I'll need to observe more!'

Oh. The "Azzy" was Hilde.

Tch. I thought maybe I'd finally had a growth spurt too. Well, of course a human can't read a dog's mind. You can still understand without reading, though.

Let me try one more time, just to be sure.

'Wake up! Woof! Wake up! Woof!'

Urrrgh. Yeah, nothing. Can't read her.

I can tell without mind reading that Azzy is trying to wake me up right now. What my mind reading picks up from Azzy is her mood and her impulses, and nothing more. Even that's too jumbled to be worth parsing.

For now it seems like she's trying to do something nice for me. The kind thing to do in a moment like this would be to let me sleep.

"What's going on? Why is it so loud in here, huh?"

The regressor pushed open the curtain with a frown, then her eyes went round at the sight of the doubled Azzy. I propped Azzy's face up with both hands like a chin rest and announced.

"Ta-da. Azeroth."

"It has two heads!"

Does that really matter? Learn to ignore the small stuff.

"Woof woof! You there, stop!"

"Woof woof woof!"

Unlike the other humans, Azzy showed no wariness at all toward the "Azzy" who looked just like her. If anything, when the "Azzy" started bounding around energetically, Azzy wagged her tail like mad and joined right in. The two of them played a breathless game of tag, teetering just on the edge of knocking the furniture over.

"Is it because there are two of them? The chaos is squared."

"One of them isn't Azzy. It's the phantasm pretending to be Azzy."

The regressor watched the two of them romp around and grumbled.

"What is that person even doing? Putting on dog ears and a tail and then running around like a dog? There's a limit to how strange your hobbies can get. What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"What you just said applies to Azzy word for word, you know. Having dog ears and a tail and acting like a dog is literally what Azzy is."

"What are you talking about? Azzy is the King of Dogs! What's wrong with the King of Dogs acting like a dog!"

"That's odd. Didn't Mr. Shei treat Azzy like a person? You made such a fuss about me playing with her too roughly. Grumbled when I tried to give her my leftovers. And yet you're saying it's perfectly natural for someone to put on dog ears and a tail and act like a dog? That's a contradiction."

Honestly, a human acting like a dog is less of a problem than treating a dog like a human. If you're going to treat a dog like a person, at least make her carry some of the responsibilities that come with it. No work, no purpose, and yet she gets every kind of treatment imaginable. Is that a pet? That's a pampered overlord.

"The King of Dogs represents dogs. Of course she does what dogs do!"

"So you're admitting that Azzy may wear a human form but is, in her essence, a pure dog?"

"Admitting..."

The regressor got that far, swallowed the rest, then raised her voice again.

"...No! That doesn't mean I can treat her exactly like a real dog!"

"Honestly. So stubborn."

When the regressor's voice rose, Azzy stopped her roughhousing, tilted her head, and looked over with interest. The "Azzy" slipped closer too, following along.

Tch. She doesn't plan to drop the disguise until she's been found out. This one has strange tastes as well. If I identify her right away it'll seem suspicious, so let me get her to show her hand first.

"Azzy."

"Woof!"

"Woof!"

Both Azzy and the "Azzy" answered at the same time. I'd checked this before, but there was no telling them apart by voice either. To think she could mimic even the pitch of a dog's bark that precisely.

"Azzy. You've got someone who looks exactly like you right in front of you. Doesn't that make you feel anything?"

"Woof? Same?"

"Same how?"

Azzy and the "Azzy" tilted their heads in unison. Ah, right. I hadn't thought of that. Azzy's a dog, so she doesn't spend much time in front of mirrors or think about what she looks like from the outside. And their smells would be different from the start. To Azzy right now, the "Azzy" was just some human doing similar things to what she does.

"Now then. Both Azzys. I'm going to run a simple test to figure out which one of you is the real Azzy."

"Woof? Toast?"

"Food?"

I sighed. Expecting a dog to have a sense of dignity and uniqueness is a tall order. Don't try to explain it, just get it done fast.

Among the food the regressor had brought out, there were dried fruits. I grabbed a dried persimmon and tore off a piece. Big and fragrant, the kind of quality you'd expect from the regressor's supplies, it caught Azzy's attention right away. I swung it left and right, and both pairs of eyes tracked my hand.

I called out.

"Azzy. Sit!"

"Woof!"

"Stand!"

"Woof!"

"Good girl! Here, eat up!"

"Woof woof woof!"

I tossed the piece of persimmon into the air, and Azzy and the "Azzy" both leaped. The one who won the aerial contest was Azzy.

She chewed it with little smacking sounds, eyes wide, then licked her lips. She swallowed it in an instant and started jumping up and down with gleaming eyes.

"Tasty! Sweet! Tasty!"

"Good, right? It's dried persimmon. I hid it because I was afraid I'd lose my share the moment you tasted it."

Every time I eat fruit from now on, Azzy's going to steal it. I turned that sad fact over in my mind and looked at the "Azzy."

'Ugh. The King of Dogs is genuinely a high-difficulty target. How am I supposed to snatch that away. I'm going to get caught too easily at this rate.'

The King of Dogs is still a king, no matter how easygoing she seems. Hard to match her in raw agility. Either way, I've laid the groundwork. From here on, spotting Hilde won't look suspicious.

"Want some? Come on. Take it if you can."

I tore the persimmon into small pieces and hid them in both palms. Then I spread my fingers just slightly, leaving small gaps, and held both hands out toward the two of them.

"Woof woof! Woof woof woof! 'Simmon!"

"Persimmon, I said."

Azzy pushed her muzzle into the gap between my fingers without a moment's hesitation. When the gap was too small for her whole mouth to fit, she stuck out her tongue and tried to pull the persimmon out that way. When that wasn't working either, she just licked at it.

'...Well, it's not something I can't do.'

Right in front of her is the original, demonstrating the model answer. Go ahead, Hilde. You'll have to follow along.

There was a brief hesitation, but Hilde stuck out her tongue into my palm without much visible difference. From the outside you couldn't tell, but the feel through my fingers was completely distinct. Azzy was uninhibited; there was a hint of reluctance in Hilde's tongue.

'It's not a feeling an actor should have, but... just a little, maybe I'm embarrassed?'

Think about it-it really is a strange thing. Same animals, but humans feel this bizarre emotion called embarrassment.

"...You have genuinely strange hobbies too."

I'll ignore the regressor's mutter. If you don't like watching, close your own eyes.

While both my hands were growing damp, Azzy's patience ran out and she started clicking her teeth. Alarmed, I opened my hands and revealed the persimmon pieces. Azzy and the "Azzy" devoured them in an instant.

"Sweet! Tasty!"

"Tasty! Tasty! Tasty!"

Look at that reaction. Worth feeding them. Both of them swallowed every last bit of persimmon, and their eyes naturally drifted toward what remained. I held up the persimmon, now down to about half.

"Want more?"

"Woof! I'm hungry!"

"I'm hungry now!"

"Ha. Well, what do we do?"

In the brief moment of crossing my hands, I slipped the persimmon up into my sleeve. Then after a few meaningless gestures, I spread both palms wide and showed them.

"Ta-da! The persimmon is gone!"

"Woof?!"

Azzy looked like her whole world had collapsed. Even a small child would know it was a hand trick, but Azzy the King of Dogs had no immunity to this kind of magic. If something vanishes in front of her eyes, she believes it's really gone.

Hilde, who didn't know that and was a beat late with her performance, read the situation coldly.

'The King of Dogs would smell that the persimmon hasn't disappeared. I was too slow this time, so I'll get ahead of it.'

The "Azzy" lifted her nose and sniffed. Azzy heard the sound and started sniffing too.

Then both of them looked at me at the same moment, as if they'd made a pact.

"It's there! It didn't disappear!"

"Persimmon smell!"

The "Azzy," following what Azzy had done earlier, immediately pushed her head into my sleeve. Of course, a face wasn't going to fit in there. She tried slipping her hand in to pull it out instead.

But the persimmon was already tucked in deep. The lump in my sleeve was completely obvious. The "Azzy" pretended to track it by smell, sniffing as she worked her way up my forearm. She got closer and closer to the persimmon, but a single thin layer of fabric stood between her and it.

'It's in too deep. I'd have to tear the clothing to get it out. What would the King of Dogs do in a situation like this?'

Stuck, the "Azzy" glanced sideways at Azzy. Hoping for a hint.

Azzy was currently holding one whole persimmon in her mouth and enjoying a happy little feast.

'...Huh?'

"Ta-da. There were actually two persimmons."

I'd slipped one into my pocket ahead of time.

If the premise is false, every proposition that follows is false as well. A magician's trick always starts by breaking the premise. There had never been just one persimmon, and Azzy with her sharp nose had figured it out immediately. While the "Azzy" was preoccupied, Azzy had already fished the one from my pocket and was happily eating it.

Which meant, in short, that the one who had practically climbed onto me and buried her face in my chest right now was proof that she was Hilde.

The "Azzy" looked at herself. At the shape she'd gotten into, climbing onto me, pushing her nose in, sniffing away.

She froze like something had broken. I pulled the persimmon back out of my sleeve and said.

"Hilde."

"...Woof."

"Even for you, this is a bit embarrassing, isn't it?"

"...Yes."

"Come on. Come back."

The "Azzy", no, Hilde, slowly straightened up. This one seemed to hit harder than usual, because the tips of her ears had gone slightly pink.

Hilde scratched the back of her neck with an awkward smile.

"Ahaha. You got me completely. I really can't beat Father."

"Don't be too disappointed. The person who sets a quiz is at an overwhelming disadvantage against the person who solves it. You were a very convincing puppy."

"That's a compliment, right?"

"It is. Here, a gift. The persimmon you wanted so badly."

I pushed the persimmon, the one I felt a little odd eating now, into Hilde's mouth. She shot me a sideways look and tasted it with a sulky expression. Hiding it in a sleeve hadn't done anything to the taste, so she got over her mood quickly.

"I thought the King of Dogs would make it easy. That was my miscalculation."

"Hold your head up. Getting found out by me is nothing to be ashamed of. Anyone else wouldn't have caught it. Right, Mr. Shei?"

The regressor, who had been watching in silence, flinched and answered.

"...No, I figured it out a while ago too."

'It's confusing at a glance, but if I use the Seven-Colored Eyes I can see it clearly. Seven-Colored Eyes, Green Eye, open.'

The regressor looked at Hilde with green eyes. The Green Eye sees through things. She couldn't see through a body packed full of energy, but she had found another use for it.

'Right. Just as I thought. The Green Eye can't see through the body's interior, but... it can see the material of clothing. Azzy's clothes are plain standard-issue shirts, but the phantasm's clothes are special clothing packets. The phantasm changing her outfit really is thanks to specially manufactured clothing packets.'

Well, even if you change your form, you can't do the same with your clothes. When Hilde transformed into Tyr before, Tyr had made her clothes out of darkness herself, but Azzy doesn't even know what she's wearing.

Hilde can't carry every type of clothing in the world around with her. Instead, she uses special clothing packets that can become any type of clothing in the world. Clothes, obviously, but also weapons, equipment, or even puppy ears and a tail depending on how you craft them, an alchemical device that changes a thousand ways in a thousand forms.

General-grade gear. Myriad Forms.

It looked like a superior version of my cards, but Hilde using energy to shape a mold and work from there was the unusual part. If I tried the same thing, I'd burn through all my energy and mana with every single change.

'Even the ears and tail are attached directly to the skin. She seems to be using a biometric terminal too. That transformation technique really is something to admire... Though with the Mask of Agartha, there's no particular reason for me to learn it.'

Even now, the regressor was eyeing up whether she could acquire it, then shook her head.

"Anyway, why do you keep setting these quizzes when you always get found out?"

Why does she set quizzes. Does she really not know something so obvious?

"Mr. Shei really doesn't understand."

"Understand what?"

"The reason for setting a quiz is fixed. You set it so someone will solve it."

Because she wants someone to notice.

No matter how she changes shape. No matter who she imitates. She keeps running these tests because she wants to be found. The fact that I have to spell out something this obvious means there's still a long road ahead.

The regressor heard my patient explanation and tilted her head, still not satisfied.

"But why do we need to find her out?"

Regression must cost you your sense of feeling. I didn't feel like explaining any further, so I ignored the regressor and went to eat my persimmon. I ought to taste it myself, after all.

I pulled the stem off one and tore it in half. A sweet smell rose from the long strip of pulled fruit. I savored it with my eyes and nose, and just before I put it in my mouth, a thought reached me from across the room.

'I see. I was hoping someone would understand me.'

It was Hilde's thought. She had stopped chewing her persimmon mid-bite and fallen into her own mind, turning over what I had said.

'That I am here.'

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