WeTried Translations

Translator: Hydrogen B

Editor: Hydrogen B

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

Chapter 545: The Hardest Place to Flee Is the Bedroom

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The regressor was sleeping on top of me as though she would not notice even if the ground collapsed beneath her. It was not even an exaggeration, since her hammock had actually given way.

When I reflexively flinched after suddenly becoming a bed, the regressor frowned and let out a groan.

"Mmm..."

My first thought was simply, I'm fucked.

This emotional, unreasonable regressor was exactly the kind of person who would crawl into my bed herself, then kill me without a moment's hesitation.

The thing that was supposed to visit at night was a fairy, not a murderer who randomly chopped off people's right arms. What the hell happened? Why was there a bomb in my arms?

I glanced upward. The rope securing the hammock had loosened and sagged limply. The hammock had been pulled taut in this long-abandoned camp, and its tension had given out when the regressor climbed in. Somehow, it had not snapped but slid loose instead, so she must have settled down onto me while still asleep.

Damn it. What a ridiculous coincidence.

The regressor was a bomb right now. Wake her up? She explodes. Don't wake her? She wakes up eventually. Then she explodes anyway. This situation could only end with me being blown to pieces, even though none of this was my fault!

Still, I was a magician. I had to escape calmly, no matter how difficult the situation was. I immediately reviewed the cards at my disposal. A few Demon Gods, this body, and the hammock that had been supporting the regressor.

Good. That was it.

Levitation magic.

Most levitation tricks relied on thin strings. Whether the trick succeeded depended on how smoothly and naturally you could move the object suspended from them.

I had never lifted someone over fifty kilograms before, but maybe I could manage it now that I was stronger.

All right, let me feel out her center of gravity. Her face was pressed against my chest, her body curled up like a shrimp. I fixed the rope on one side to the wall with my left foot, then wrapped the rope on the other side around my right foot and pulled. The hammock tightened slightly.

Taking a small breath, I adjusted the balance and lifted the hammock's ropes.

"...!"

Even after growing stronger, pulling on a hammock to lift a person was difficult. I was pulling its upper and lower ends with my limbs, and pain spread through my entire body as though I were being wrung out.

Still, the fear of death gave me monstrous strength. The regressor's hammock slowly rose.

Good. I would lift her like this, secure the ropes to the wall with earth magic and alchemy, then slip out from beneath her.

So my life as a magician had not been pointless after all. I was pulling off a stunt like this while somehow keeping the regressor from falling.

The regressor rose about ten centimeters above me. That was enough space. After fusing the wall and rope together with alchemy, I supported the rope on the other side and tried to wriggle free. All I had to do was slide out, then tie the rope again.

I was saved.

Just as I breathed a sigh of relief, I met Azzy's eyes.

"Woof?"

Why were you standing there watching me?

I froze like a guilty man, and Azzy began to open her mouth, then stopped and innocently asked,

"Up? You up?"

"Shh. Can't you see? I'm up, so don't bark."

"Woof? That one's still sleeping! Me, wake him good!"

"Shut up! Don't light the fuse! Let Mr. Shei sleep!"

Of all times...! Move! I needed to get out of here!

"Mmm..."

Yet I had overlooked one fact.

Humans move. When they move, their center of gravity shifts too. If that balance slips while suspended precariously on strings, everything flips over.

The hammock suddenly overturned. The regressor, who had been floating, experienced a brief fall.

In that instant, the regressor's eyes flew open. She gripped Skywarbler and swung.

The Heaven-Reversing Boundary always prepared an appropriate defense and counterattack, no matter the situation. Even while unconscious and deeply asleep, the Heaven-Reversing Boundary swiftly and precisely targeted an approaching enemy.

Without accounting for the fact that the regressor herself was the one approaching!

Skywarbler aimed for my neck. If the regressor had consciously swung at me, I could have responded with mind-reading. This, though, was an attack etched into her body.

I could not read it with mind-reading. It was hard to deflect or respond to. All I could do was pray I would regenerate.

"Huh? Hughes?"

Then it happened. The regressor, awakened from sleep, stopped herself just before swinging Skywarbler. Her balance immediately gave out, and the hammock swayed and flipped over. The world spun two or three times.

"Ah!"

As a result, the regressor and I ended up wrapped tightly in the hammock like a pair of cocoons.

I had watched this entire mess unfold, so I understood how things had become so tangled. The regressor, who had only just woken up, knew nothing and shouted,

"W-What?! Why are you in my bed?!"

"Your bed? That's what I should be asking! You're the one who fell into my bed!"

"What are you talking about? There's no way I wouldn't notice myself falling!"

"Exactly! If I had crawled into your bed, there's no way you wouldn't have noticed! I had no reason to crawl into your bed in the first place!"

"Then why are you here with me?!"

"That's what I want to know! Why didn't you wake up while crawling all the way over here? If you'd woken up sooner, neither of us would have to be embarrassed right now!"

Thankfully, my head had not been cut off. So she had developed enough patience to ask what happened before cutting my neck. How very generous of her. I was the victim here, though.

"Get off me first!"

The regressor reached outside and swung Skywarbler. Slash. The rope was cut, and the regressor and I, still bound in the hammock, hit the ground with a thud. The regressor looked startled by the ground, which had arrived far sooner than expected.

'This really is the lower bunk? I slept in the upper one. What? Does that mean I really did end up in Hughes's bed? Why? How?'

Don't ask why. If you're getting out, get out quickly! At this rate...

"It is rather noisy inside. Have you awakened?"

At that moment, Rashy flung the door open and stopped dead.

In front of him were the regressor and me, wrapped together in the hammock as one lump. The regressor had struggled to pull herself free, leaving her nearly pressed against me.

Wow. So this was how it looked from a third party's perspective. We practically looked like people caught cheating.

Neither the regressor nor I knew what to say, and we froze in place. Rashy scratched his chin, awkwardly looked outside, and muttered,

"My, my. It appears the night was cold."

Rashy pretended not to see and spoke to himself. Azzy answered with a bark.

"Woof? Not cold! Kind of hot!"

Contrary to my expectation that she would make a scene, the regressor stayed quiet. She finished her meal with a sulky expression and hurried us along without saying much.

I explained the situation with several clues and circumstantial pieces of evidence, and the regressor could not find a single hole in my story. With difficulty, she admitted that this had been an accident.

It was not even a big deal. A hammock had slipped and fallen, that was all. It could be unpleasant, but nothing more. Once we moved past it, there would be no problem.

'No, that makes no sense! I learned the Heaven-Reversing Boundary. Even if I was asleep, how could I fail to notice someone so close to me?!'

The regressor was still full of confusion and anger. So this had been the calm before the storm. Watching her carefully, I read her thoughts.

'Have I gotten too close to him? None of my companions have ever entered the Heaven-Reversing Boundary's range before... Was it because I was the one who moved? Or because Hughes is too weak?'

I was the victim, yet I had to explain myself. Such was the sorrow of the weak.

'It makes no sense. It must be because of the blessing. I let my guard down too much because I received the Holy Maiden's blessing. Everything has been going smoothly, so I relaxed...'

Then the regressor suddenly realized something and tilted her head.

'...If everything is supposed to go smoothly, why did the hammock slip while I was sleeping? That is not a good thing, though?'

"Sir."

"Yes, Rashy."

Exhausted, I walked on for a while. Rashy approached me as I peeked at the regressor's thoughts and whispered quietly.

"I too crossed many trials before finding love. Differences in culture, customs, territoriality, even physical conditions. We faced countless hardships and overcame them by adapting to one another. We could do so because we both had our own abilities and resolve."

"Why are you suddenly saying something so random? You're scaring me."

Rashy was obviously misunderstanding something badly. He spoke in a worried tone.

"But the boy is still young. He likely does not yet know how high and harsh those trials can be. Since you are his teacher, I believe you should first teach him about those difficulties. All the more so when age, gender, and everything else are barriers."

Something must have happened while we were apart. Rashy offered me advice with a mature attitude. Advice that seemed steeped in the depth of his whole life...

My ass.

"What are you talking about? Didn't you hear earlier? Mr. Shei came into my bed. I didn't do anything! Until I opened my eyes this morning, I was stuck under him and groaning like I had sleep paralysis!"

If she had at least thought it through before coming in, that would have been one thing. This had been an accident for me too! The regressor was not on guard against me, but she would not let herself grow attached to this iteration, which she would eventually have to discard. If I carelessly approached her, I might get stabbed before I could even read her thoughts.

"So it was the boy's one-sided affection?"

"No, in the first place..."

The regressor was a woman and had no feelings for me. Yet she kept creating misunderstandings, making it difficult to even mention that fact.

Still, why should I care? If she wanted to clear up the misunderstanding, she could do it herself. It had nothing to do with me.

"What else could it be? I'm an ordinary man who likes women. I don't know what he was thinking when he came in, but I'm the more uncomfortable one here."

"Hmm. I see. The boy has had it rough too."

"That's not it!"

Unable to listen any longer, the regressor shouted and approached us.

"It was an accident! The rope simply loosened! It was nothing..."

Yet the question piercing through the regressor still remained, tormenting her. She had been shouting in agitation, but an unexpected thought came to her and she fell silent.

'Why did something that meant nothing happen at this exact moment...? What is this? What does it mean? How is this supposed to help?'

Lost in thought, the regressor stopped talking and began walking again, as though walking itself were her purpose.

What was that? React a little. If you keep acting so strangely...

"Hm. I apologize, sir. I did not expect him to be so seriously hurt. Since you are the adult, please consider the boy's feelings carefully."

You're making me look strange!

Footnotes:

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