WeTried Translations

Translator: Hydrogen B

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

◈ Omniscient First-Person's Viewpoint

Chapter 574

──────

The Tree That Bears Meat

The rest was brief, but my head was clear. Ever since Tyr's Demon God took root in my body, I could no longer call myself ordinary even in passing. Fatigue, mind, flesh, all of it. Even the shortest rest brought me back to full form.

This time was no different. It was the first proper sleep I had gotten since setting out for the Root Tree, and yet after barely thirty minutes I was up, sharp as ever.

"Great. I can't even sleep in anymore."

I dragged myself upright, mourning the lost luxury of a long sleep, and found the regressor wrapped head to toe in moss. I grabbed the clump that had crept out through her collar and gave it a firm tug. She twitched violently. The moss had spent the better part of an hour moving across her skin, scrubbing away the grime, and her body heat had left it lukewarm.

"Pffh! Hgh. Hgh. You..."

"What? I did exactly what you asked. I didn't lay a finger on you, and you got cleaned up without lifting a finger yourself. Well? Feel better?"

'My body feels great, which makes it so much worse!'

What do you want from me. I gave up and decided to stop worrying about it.

"What do you want to do with the moss? Use it again later?"

"Forget it. Burn it. It's disgusting."

"These little guys gave their all to wash you, and that's what they get? You could at least show some gratitude."

No particular use came to mind, so I just threw them out the window. Nothing beats irresponsible disposal for a clean conscience.

'Watching them get tossed out like that, I almost feel bad...'

Honestly. I couldn't tune her out even when I tried. I scratched my stomach and ambled around the room.

"I'm a little hungry now that I'm up. Should I grab something to eat?"

"...There's the Manhan Quanxi. Just take it from the pocket."

"Let's save that. Why burn through emergency rations when there's food right here? There was a pantry of some kind, wasn't there."

There it was. Near the seed-oil brazier, a branch curved like a fishing rod drooped under the weight of something heavy and ripe, far heavier than its slender frame should have handled.

Gourd bowls, bamboo spigots, moss towels, seed-oil braziers. Of course the pantry would be plant-based too. Food meant crops, in the ordinary sense of the word. I pushed the branch aside, expecting fresh fruit.

"This is the Root Tree, so fruit and grain should be absolutely everywhere..."

I said it, reached for what hung on the branch, and stopped cold.

What dangled there was not fruit. It was an animal, wrapped in a thin, soft skin.

Pigs, rabbits, chickens. Edible creatures, curled up and asleep. Like unborn young, nestled in juice that served as amniotic fluid, each connected to the branch by a cord of wood.

Animals hanging like fruit. I had idly wished, more than once, that meat could just grow on trees, but I never imagined the thing actually existed.

I plucked one of the larger pig-fruits. It took both arms to lift, and something shifted inside. Not alive, exactly, yet it hadn't grown into a pig while already dead. I stared at it and frowned.

"This is..."

[A Root Beast!]

A parrot's voice came from outside. Puzzled, I opened the kitchen window, and a green-feathered parrot swept in as though it had been waiting all along and settled on my shoulder.

"A Root Beast?"

[A beast shaped from wood, a Root Beast. A masterpiece of Nevida and Agartha.]

The parrot puffed up its chest proudly, then immediately bit my ear and shrieked.

[Anyway. Leave the window open! If it's shut I can't fly in whenever I feel like it!]

"The whole point of a window is to stop things like that."

[You'd be better off with me coming in! Like right now, you saw the Root Beast and got scared, and I was here to clear things up with my knowledge!]

"I wasn't scared. Wait, hold on. I had the window closed until a moment ago. How did you know I'd seen the Root Beast?"

[Ah!]

The parrot flailed, caught. She had probably used a rat or an insect as a familiar to peep through, but she couldn't admit that, so she rolled her eyes and scrambled for an excuse.

[Squawk! I saw through a gap in the window!]

"I'm fairly sure it was closed all the way."

[There was a gap!]

"Not even a sliver of light gets through when I close that window."

[If I say there's a gap, there's a gap!]

"You do as you please, don't you. Fine, sure."

Pressing her on it wouldn't stop the peeping anyway. She would just chalk it up to bad luck and hide the familiars better next time. Better to play dumb.

"Can I eat this?"

[Squawk! Of course! That's what it's there for!]

"That's what it's there for? So Root Beasts were made to be eaten from the start?"

[Exactly! Killing precious livestock just for meat is wasteful!]

Fair enough. I hadn't known that Nevida's authority, the Root Beast, was edible. Root Beasts move, and they fight. I had always assumed the power existed for combat.

The parrot, who had been chattering away, covered her beak with one wing.

[Oh dear. Did I say too much? Well, it doesn't matter. There's plenty more to talk about! We can finish the rest at the exchange!]

"The exchange?"

[You said you wanted to have one, didn't you? I'll give you time to eat, so hurry up and come outside when you're done!]

Right, I had said that. Since I couldn't read her mind, I couldn't always follow what she meant straight away.

I tore open the pig-fruit and pulled the pig out. The pig inside did not open its eyes and start moving. I drew a card and slit the skin open. Branch-grown or not, the anatomy was identical to a real pig.

Even as the meat sizzled in the pan, the question lingered.

"An animal grown on a tree. Is it really all right to eat?"

It was a needless worry. Meat is meat. Whatever misgivings I had, it tasted good. There was a faint bean-like flavor, but coming from a military state, that was the least of my concerns.

[Hurry up! How long are you going to make me wait?]

"Whatever happened to the parrot who said she'd give me time to eat."

The parrot badgered me without pause, her patience no better than a real parrot's despite having taken one as her vessel. I grumbled, started getting ready, and asked:

"I'm heading out now. Show me the way."

[I already sent Walpurgisnacht! She'll be waiting at the door!]

"What? You've been keeping her waiting this whole time? You could have sent her once I was done eating. I feel bad."

[Oh, it's fine!]

"I said that for Walpurgisnacht's sake, not yours."

[If I say it's fine, it's fine for her too!]

"You really do as you please."

At least she asks, which made her a step above Nevida, I supposed. Still an impressively inconvenient person either way. I asked:

"Oh, can I bring Mr. Shei to the exchange?"

[Squawk? Shei? Who's that?]

"The one who lost an arm."

[Oh, them?]

The parrot glanced toward the regressor and stroked the underside of her beak with one wing, thinking it over.

[Is that fine? Is it not? Squawk. The Holy Maiden will know everything anyway, so I suppose it doesn't matter?]

"If it's something you'd tell me, there's no real harm in it being known, is there?"

[Squawk. But I might let a secret slip by accident!]

Points for knowing your own weaknesses. Though the option of simply not letting secrets slip seemed to be off the table.

[I might be able to keep your mouth shut, but keeping that one quiet is harder. That's the Holy Maiden for you. Light looks down upon all things, so there are no secrets beneath the sun. If you want to hide something from the Holy Maiden, the only way is not to say it out loud.]

Too late for that. The regressor already knows your whole plan. She came back from the future knowing.

"Then in exchange, let's hear some information about Mr. Shei."

[I don't particularly have anything to ask...]

"I think you do. That mask."

[Oh!]

The Mask of Agartha. How she got it, what its origins were, even I hadn't been able to read that. Here was a chance to hear the story from the regressor's own mouth.

[Squawk! All right! I'll generously permit it!]

"Then I'll need to bring Mr. Shei along. As you can see, Shei is too weak to even wash without help."

[Oh, I saw! You were something else, weren't you? Using plants like animals to pull off a stunt like that! Even I never thought of that!]

"What? A stunt? What do you mean?"

It was not a stunt. It was assistance. I adjusted the moss towels a little and they did the work, and she appreciated the service just fine.

Actually, when did you see that? Have you been watching every single moment without a break? Does a great witch really have so little to do?

The parrot seemed to realize her slip and flapped about.

[...Squawk! Just let it go!]

"Let what go? Get over here."

[I'll tell Walpurgisnacht to bring a cart! Walpurgisnaaacht!]

The parrot shot out the window to escape my reach. A wingless human had no way to follow. I clicked my tongue and turned to the regressor.

"You heard all that, Mr. Shei. Everything you do and say is probably being watched. Mind yourself from here on."

"...Ugh. Being watched is the last thing I want."

"You're one to talk. Who spent all that time tailing and surveilling someone back in Tantalus?"

"Th-that was because you were suspicious! And if you think about it, my instincts were right! You lying King of Humanity!"

Lying? Me? I may have concealed, minimized, or exaggerated things on occasion, but I've almost never outright lied. And if we're counting liars, you've got me beat by a wide margin.

"Says the person who kept up a male disguise so long they got mistaken for fancying men?"

"You think I wanted to dress like a man?! I had no choice! If I had looked like a woman from the start, you and Tyrkanzyaka would definitely have kept your guard up! The trip never could have been this comfortable otherwise...!"

"Is that so? Then you're not hiding anything right now?"

Still hiding that you're the regressor, aren't you.

Squarely hit, she clamped her mouth shut and looked away, stubborn about that one thing, as if she could never bring herself to say it. Good grief. Moments like this made it hard to feel any inclination to take her side. She really does have the upper hand, every single time.

"Forget it. Let's just go to the exchange."

"...Fine."

"They said they were sending a cart. We'll load you up like cargo and be on our way."

"Don't treat people like cargo!"

"Excuse me. Did the cart arrive?"

I finished getting ready and opened the door. A witch was standing there, breathing hard as though she had run somewhere and back. Walpurgisnacht held out the cart she had brought and said:

"I've brought the cart. Shall we go?"

"...Hm. Wait."

I tilted my head at a cart that looked strangely familiar. What appeared to be a wheelchair was made from top to bottom, wheels to body, entirely out of gears.

Join our discord at https://dsc.gg/wetried