WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Coughing Baby

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◈ Surviving in the Magic Academy

Chapter 103

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Mauro told me this. Before loving a puppet, I should first look for a clear reason why I had to.

The more I thought about his words, the more sense they made. It was also something I had failed to consider.

Only after No. 0 pulled me outside by the hand did I become aware of the passage of time. I quietly looked at the mirror bug. Several days had already passed since I returned from the city.

I had not realized so much time had gone by while I was holed up in the workshop, racking my brain. Of course, there had not been much of a harvest. I had only come to understand a little more about something I had not known.

I had not found the clear reason why I had to love puppets, the way Mauro had advised. That was still nothing but a blank wall.

What I realized instead was something on the opposite side. I realized there was a reason I could not love, not a reason I had to.

Love was worthless to me.

No, not just to me. Other mages were the same. Anyone of the species called mages would hear me and nod along.

A mage's life was completed alone. They stole, were stolen from, wandered, and died. That was the whole of a mage's life. Living like that, who would turn their eyes toward another person?

Of course, those called mage families were a little different. They had a slightly grander goal. To produce, within the group called a family, a mage who would rise to the same great realm as the archmage who created the university. That was their goal.

That was why they brought many capable mages into the family and mixed bloodlines, trying to create better mages. It was also why the university was held up as an object of longing for wandering mages.

After all, even graduating from the university's basic course allowed one to join a small or mid-sized family. It could be called a stepping stone that let them cross the wall of realm, cross the wall of status, and climb higher.

But could the relationships formed within that truly be called love? Probably not. It was no different from the entire family becoming a single mage.

A family could be called a massive colony-type magical system that moved by using individual mages as parts. That was something Professor Irian had once told me. Just like that, there was no love among them. Only benefit existed.

In the world of mages, the emotion called love was worthless. That was why I could not create a puppet I loved. I was also a mage, and the mage's way of thinking had not left me.

Naturally, when I was young, I had sometimes felt lust. It had been that way when I wandered the continent. The body sometimes acted beyond my expectations. I used to mistake that physical reaction for love.

But before entering the university, when I reached the Sapling realm, that feeling disappeared. As the tree spread completely through my body, my body came fully under my control. Lust was the same.

After that, I no longer mistook lust for love. I quietly looked at Mira. Mira, who had been lightly holding my arm, seemed to notice my gaze and looked up at me. She smiled gently with her eyes.

"My, if you stare at me so intently, I will feel a little embarrassed."

The faint scent of roses coming from her made my heart beat slightly faster. That bewitching fragrance flowed along the mist she had woven and traveled over my body. Along with it, I felt a light pull toward her.

I moved my magical power and naturally cut off that flow. This was desire. Something that created a kind of physical reaction. All of Mira's teasing toward me was based on stirring that sort of desire.

Her pranks kept making me ask myself what love was. That was probably why she kept prodding me. I gave Mira a small greeting with my eyes and thanked her.

She had once told me that I did not seem to know much about love. She had been right. As a mage, I did not know much about love.

Then did I have anyone precious to me now? I needed to think about the people closest to me first. That was also something I had been agonizing over during the past few days.

First, there was Professor. I was drawn to her. That was probably because my body had taken in the magical power of treasures and was changing. But even aside from that, she was the most important person to me.

I respected Professor. I was also deeply grateful to her. She had led me to the place called the university, and even now, she was like a pillar supporting me.

Mira was the same. I was grateful to her. If not for her, I would probably still be floundering in place without even thinking of moving. She had made me move again.

What about Cassian? Less than the first two, but I trusted Cassian. If not for Cassian, I would have continued thinking like a mage. If that had happened, I would not have been able to agonize over things the way I was now.

Mm. Somehow, they were all women. I quietly scratched my cheek. This was not something I had intended. Things had simply ended up flowing this way somehow....

In any case, I wanted them not to leave me, to move forward with me, and to always be a reliable support on the road ahead of me.

Then could this be called love? I quietly shook my head. This was trust formed through accumulated experience. Since they had been that way until now, it was nothing more than a kind of expectation that I hoped they would continue being that way.

That was why, while I trusted them, I also doubted them. I calculated their actions and prepared for their betrayal.

In any case, they could be called outsiders. Since I did not know what would happen in the future, there was no harm in preparing beforehand. That was my way of thinking as a mage. Thinking back, everyone had been like that after I became a mage.

But even in a life like that, there had been one time when I remembered loving someone.

It came from my childhood self. It was my love for my nanny. Rin, such a simple name. To me, there had existed a woman I remembered only as Nanny.

She had spent her whole life with me. From when I was born until I left the island. From when she was a maiden, through middle age, until she grew old.

She devoted that life only to me. She was nothing but weeds. That meant she was probably dead by now. Perhaps she had died not long after I left the island. She had been of an age where that would not have been strange.

I slightly raised my hand and looked at it. It was the hand I had held with Nanny in childhood. The tiny hand from those days was no longer there. Only thick calluses and countless scars contained the years between then and now.

She was my only family. She was my mother, my older sister, and my one and only guardian. Nanny had been everything to me back then. That was why I loved her. Even now, I could remember her face.

This memory that had surfaced again might perhaps remain until the day I died. It could be called a trace and original shape of me as a human before I became a mage.

I thought of Professor On and that puppet. Their love had a different shape, but this too could be called love.

There was a reason the memory buried deep in my chest had surfaced.

It was because, before my eyes now, that devoted love from back then had taken form once more.

I looked at the huge stone statue before me. No. 0 was sitting on its shoulder with a very pleased smile.

"My, look at those exhaustion-soaked eyes. It looks exactly like Mr. Evron."

Mira said. She let go of me and approached the statue. I followed behind her. She was right. The statue's face looked very much like me.

"I see...."

I quietly nodded. Then I stared at the statue. Just as No. 0 had been confident, the little one had made a truly perfect puppet. A puppet that looked exactly like me.

In truth, I had not expected No. 0 to make this kind of puppet. The little one always made bizarre things, after all. I remembered the sight of the first floor. There had been no better objects for checking contamination.

That was why I had thought this puppet would be the same. Because that was the form the little one desired and wanted.

Before, while agonizing over love, I had only created the form I wanted. Hari was one such case. She was the result of me thinking that love was something gained at the end of stretching out in the direction I desired. Of course, I failed.

But No. 0 went beyond my expectations. I had never thought the little one would make me. Its eyes sparkled, and its magical power flowed out. Riding that flow, the statue began to move.

Along with it, No. 0's flow toward me began to connect even more firmly. The little one had grown even more than before while making that puppet. I could feel the stars that made up its ego shining brilliantly.

No. 0 had an extremely upright will. Simply because the little one loved, it had placed my shape into the puppet. Wearing the form of a shadow that looked exactly like me, the little one smiled lightly. That unshakable, firm belief flowed through the connection.

"Can it move too?"

Mira's eyes sparkled. At those words, No. 0 nodded and controlled the statue. It rested its chin on its hand and stroked its eyelids. They were things I usually did.

Mira watched that and lightly clapped her hands. Excited by that, No. 0 began moving the statue with even greater precision. I stared blankly at the statue.

From that statue, I could feel a faint connection to me. It was something I had not expected. To think a connection would form like this even though I had not made it. That must mean the little one had worked that hard to contain me within it.

As soon as No. 0 heard Professor On's assignment, the little one carved stone without hesitation. What it created at the end was No. 0's answer. The puppet the little one loved most and would love. That was me.

No. 0 looked at me with a very proud smile. Seeing that smile made my chest tremble a little. It came from the tree. That boundless faith. That was what could be called love. It was something I did not have.

Come to think of it, I had recently seen something similar.

I quietly sank into thought. Where had I seen it? The answer came quickly. Hao's faith in the Ring of the Sky.

Hao believed in the Ring of the Sky. Hao filled that mind with faith until it rose endlessly. In a way, could that not also be called love?

Hao had formed the existence called Hari through such fanaticism. Yes, faith strong enough to fix the other person in place. That kind of faith was also love. A will like that was flowing from No. 0's puppet as well.

Mauro told me this. Before loving something, I should first look for a clear reason why I had to. Then where did their love come from?

I did not know Hao's reason. That was probably something unique that only Hao held. But I could clearly understand No. 0's reason. The little one's will was being vividly transmitted through the connection.

To the little one, loving me was not something that belonged to the realm of choice.

From the moment it was made, an extremely clear reason had been engraved into the little one. It was almost like an imprint that came from the little one's very existence.

That was why the little one had made the statue without any hesitation. The form of me, its creator and father. Yes, the little one's love contained gratitude toward the one who made it.

That resembled the mindset I had once held toward Nanny.

"...Thank you for showing me something good."

I said that to No. 0. The little one moved the statue and lightly bowed its head. My chest was swaying. I felt the need to focus a little more on this sensation.

"Then I will head to the workshop first. I think I have caught a bit of the feeling."

I said that to Mira. She looked at the statue, then lightly waved her hand at me. Leaving her behind, I headed to my workshop.

Until now, I had only thought about the things I could love. But I had not been able to contain that in a puppet. To me, love had been worthless. I had only come to understand the reason I could not love.

I quietly took out a piece of wood. Then I gently carved it. Each time the golden blade brushed past, the flow of the wood connected lightly, and its grain was beautifully revealed.

What emerged at the end was a statue that resembled me. I quietly looked at it. This was not me. This was the form of No. 0 that I had imagined. The little one that resembled me, yet was endlessly different.

What kind of love did I feel for this? No, there was nothing like that. This was nothing but a block of wood. But the little one had carved my form over the span of a month, loved it, and even created a connection with me, the target of that love.

How had that been possible?

Professor On had said this. Things other than magical power could flow through a puppet's circuit. The most effective thing for a puppet was affection.

I had understood that as a kind of metaphor. But what if it was not? What if emotions literally flowed through the circuit? They flowed through the puppet's circuit, and through the little one's connection, until they reached me.

There was an existence that loved me, not an existence I loved. And it had come from me. Only by seeing No. 0's puppet could I finally realize that fact.

I toyed with the carving in my hand.

I quietly closed my eyes. The name No. 0 held exactly that meaning. The little one was the first ego that began from me. Even after that, I had created many stars based on the little one. They were contained in puppets and decorated my shadow tree.

They were the same as No. 0 as well. Through the shadow tree, I could feel the egos' connection toward me. I was their parent, their pillar, and their everything.

That was why, no matter what situation I threw them into, they did not complain. They simply held blind devotion toward me, believed my words, and followed me.

Until now, I had seen them as tools. They were beings that came from me. I thought it was only natural for them to follow my words, and because of that, I freely stamped them out and used them as a means to raise my realm.

But had they truly not known that?

They had faint souls too. Their minds existed as well. They made the new stars they had created sparkle and gave off vivid light.

Even knowing that following my orders would put them in danger, they threw themselves forward without hesitation. At the center of that was love. A heart that existed only for me.

They did not ask for my understanding either. Even if I used them as tools, even if I used them as disposable pieces, they simply loved me as I was.

That was what love was. Only now could I understand it.

I lightly stroked my chest. Beyond it, I felt a heavy torrent of emotion. It was a flow I had not thought of before. It traveled along the shadow tree, quietly flowed into me, and quietly flowed back out.

That flow of emotion did not simply remain with me. It filled the shadow tree, gradually expanded its domain, and supported it.

Within that flow, I could tell. I had thought they were not growing as much as I expected. But that was not true. They only wished for my growth more than their own.

I had also thought I was the only one supporting the shadow tree. But that was not true either. As much as I supported it, no, more than that, they were protecting that domain.

The shadow tree, which I had thought was only empty, was filled with the love they poured toward me. That warmth filled my chest.

Mauro had said this. Before loving a puppet, I should first look for a clear reason why I had to. Was I giving them as much love as they were giving me? Not at all.

Then that alone could be reason enough. Even if it was not as much as I received, I had to love them as well. That would be my duty as the one who made them, and as one indebted to them.

As a human and as a mage, that could be called the proper choice. Since I felt the love they sent me, a love almost like faith, the stars that made them up began to feel closer to me as well.

This could not be called insight. I had only finally recognized something that had existed, but that I had not perceived.

Even so, that alone changed my world. Once I knew there were beings who looked only at me and existed only for me, the world began to look clearer.

Ah, in that moment, I finally understood the meaning behind Professor On's assignment too.

The reason he gave this assignment was to teach us what kind of existence the puppets we made were.

I felt like I could understand where the talent called puppetry came from too. Aside from the one who made it, a puppet did not allow anyone else's magical power. I remembered having quite a hard time because of that too.

But until now, I had not known the exact reason. I had only thought that it must be that sort of magic. But while submerged in this flow of emotion, I could naturally understand.

There was only one reason for it. From the moment of their birth, the puppets made by a puppeteer followed only their creator. That was why they rejected another person's magical power. That was the talent called puppetry.

They said old puppeteers became absorbed in the puppets they made. It was a widely spread story. Professor On was like that too. I could now understand how they felt.

Like the egos I had created, puppeteers must interact with their puppets in their own ways. And they must have noticed the things I had realized as well. How could one not love an existence that followed only oneself like this?

In my chest, I could feel love, faint as it was, being scattered toward the egos I had created, and toward those puppets. And within that exchange of emotions, I felt the connection toward them grow even firmer.

Within that circulation of emotion, my shadow tree slowly expanded its domain.

Only now did I know. What kind of puppet I had to make. It was already contained within my chest.

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