WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Malfoid
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◈ The Dynamics of Pure Love and Overprotection ◈
Chapter 18
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Kang Uihyeon must have been convinced, because he sat down on the edge of the bed beside me. The hand he had braced against the mattress rested close enough for me to grab at any moment. How could I stay still with such an enticing lure right in front of me? When I lightly tickled Kang Uihyeon's smooth fingernails, the back of his hand twitched. Even so, he didn't pull away.
“What will you do for my birthday?”
I brought up anything that came to mind to keep Kang Uihyeon here. There were still two whole seasons until my birthday.
“I'll make you seaweed soup. We'll blow out cake candles that evening too. Is there anything you want as a present?”
“Buy me flowers. A huge bouquet.”
“What else?”
“Um... buy me a coat.”
“Is that all?”
“A scarf too.”
“Okay. Anything else?”
“When is Ms. Jeong Sujin's birthday?”
As I asked, I covered the back of Kang Uihyeon's hand with my palm. I was trapping it so he couldn't move. Even if this conversation made him uncomfortable, I didn't want him running away.
“June 3rd.”
By coincidence, it was the same date as my parents' death anniversary. Someone was born on the day someone else died. It was only natural, but I couldn't stop the ache in my chest. Kang Uihyeon would obviously go see Ms. Jeong that day, wouldn't he?
Looking at the man's hand, still resting obediently in my grasp, I wondered what kind of birthday present Ms. Jeong would want. Would she want to eat seaweed soup Kang Uihyeon had made for her himself and receive a bouquet of flowers, just as he had always done for me? By then, would Kang Uihyeon have become her official boyfriend? Would my first love finally come to an end?
“Why did you go on that blind date with Ms. Jeong?”
“Seongmin begged me to go just once.”
“You got requests like that all the time. But you never went before.”
“This time, I felt like I should go.”
“Why?”
Kang Uihyeon's fingers moved for the first time. I pressed down on the back of his hand so he couldn't get free. Of course, a grown man as big as him could have easily shaken me off, but he stayed still.
“Maybe I was feeling spring fever.”
Kang Uihyeon's answer was irresponsible and half-hearted. Talking to him had let me push aside the turmoil caused by Mom's sudden absence, but now something else was boiling inside me.
“I just felt like dating. You said you felt that way too.”
“Then it didn't have to be Ms. Jeong.”
I curled the hand I had spread over his and firmly gripped only Kang Uihyeon's thumb. If I had my way, I would have bent it back and tortured the real truth out of him.
“If it had been someone other than Ms. Jeong, and you went on that blind date, you could have ended up dating them too. Right?”
Just as I had decided to give things a try with Han Jio, who had happened to hand me a note at just the right moment, for Kang Uihyeon it had only been a matter of timing.
Kang Uihyeon neither agreed nor denied it. He simply held out his hand to me and calmly accepted my hostile stare.
Ms. Jeong was a very lucky person. It wasn't that her innocent appearance or kind personality had particularly captured Kang Uihyeon's heart. She had simply become his first choice because she went on that blind date with him that day.
But reaching that conclusion didn't make me feel any better. If Kang Uihyeon really wanted to date, and he had gone on a blind date to get involved with a woman he liked well enough, then I hadn't even met the standard of “well enough.” It meant he hadn't even considered me, even though I had clung to his side for over a decade.
In short, I had been out of the running from the start. Out of the running. I hadn't even been someone worth considering.
“Go to sleep. Call me right away if anything happens.”
Kang Uihyeon twisted his wrist and easily slipped out of my grasp. I followed him with my gaze without softening my glare.
“Stop acting like my oppa. I'm sick to death of it.”
Words I didn't mean came out as a sharp complaint. Kang Uihyeon curved his lips as he switched on the small light beside my bed. A passing glance from him was enough to hurt me, yet no matter how harshly I spoke to him, he was never affected. It was only natural. The depth of our feelings for each other had been different from the start.
“If I don't even act like your oppa, you're the one who'll miss it.”
Kang Uihyeon stabbed me in the pit of my stomach with that sharp observation and switched off the ceiling light. There wasn't the slightest hint of regret in his back as he left and shut the door. Regret was a word that only ever suited me.
I stared at the shadows the yellow light cast across the room. It was the first time I wished Mom were hiding somewhere in there. I was afraid that once Kang Uihyeon left this house tomorrow morning, I would be completely alone.
The next day, Mom appeared again. More precisely, she reappeared right after Kang Uihyeon went home. After I was completely alone in this house.
I walked up to Mom, who had gone back to being a fixture on the living room couch. I stood in her line of sight, but instead of looking at me, she was staring somewhere beyond my body.
“Are you scared of Uihyeon oppa?”
I listed the reasons I had come up with the night before.
“Or do you hate seeing me with Uihyeon oppa? Are you worried we'll do something weird? Or is it just a coincidence?”
I sat down on the floor. Mom's hazy toes were close enough to seem as though they might touch me.
“Are you going to keep hiding every time Uihyeon oppa comes over?”
Mom's gaze dropped to me. Her unfocused pupils gave me a chill. She was looking at me, but at the same time, she saw nothing.
“If Uihyeon oppa lived here, would you disappear forever?”
Though I had asked first, my mood sank. Maybe I hadn't only been afraid of Mom. The fact that I wasn't alone in this huge house must have mattered more to me than I realized. Even though she had shoved me hard enough to draw blood, I didn't want her to leave without a word.
“Where do you go when Uihyeon oppa comes? Do you have somewhere to go?”
It was a ridiculous question to ask a ghost. I had put talismans on the front door and even held a shamanic ritual to drive my dead mother away, yet here I was worrying about where she disappeared to.
To prove my theory, I should invite Kang Uihyeon over again soon. But part of me wasn't all that eager to prove it. It wasn't as if Kang Uihyeon would stay at our house every day. What did it matter if Mom disappeared for a little while in the meantime?
“Look at this. This happened because of you, Mom.”
I deliberately whined as I showed her my injured palm and knee.
“Don't ever do that again. Just talk to me. What kind of mother hurts her daughter?”
I wondered what I was doing, clinging to a dead person like this, but I was saying whatever came to mind because I wanted to escape the fear that even Mom's lingering image would leave my side. When had I begged her to please go away? Yet as the number of times she disappeared increased one by one, I was struggling not to be left alone.
“I'm going to school. Don't break anything again.”
I packed my bag and stood up. As I opened the front door, I looked back toward the living room one more time. Mom was quietly looking down at the spot by my feet where I had been sitting.
* * *
[I'm going to the columbarium at four later.]
For the first time in two months, I texted Yu Dogyeom first. He was family in name only to me, but he wasn't the kind of unfilial child who would forget our parents' death anniversary. I knew that, but I contacted him anyway. I had to do my best if I wanted to visit Mom and Dad with a clear conscience.
When my phone vibrated, I thought Yu Dogyeom had replied for once, but the sender was Han Jio. He asked if I wanted to go see a movie if I wasn't busy.
[It's my parents' death anniversary today, so I'm going to the columbarium.]
I didn't hide the fact that I had no parents. Not because I had any grand conviction, but because I didn't see the need to. Making up a mother who didn't exist and lying about it would be more exhausting.
If someone saw me all alone as an easy target and tried to take advantage of me, I would drive my fist, knuckles raised, into their solar plexus. I wasn't stupid enough to open my heart to just anyone because I was lonely.
The number 1 beside my message disappeared at once, but no reply came. Han Jio's fingers were probably hovering over his keypad right now. What would I say if I were Han Jio? I didn't know either.
[Is it far from here? Want me to go with you?]
The reply that arrived after a delay was clearly cautious. Even though he didn't even have a car. A faint smile came to me. Kang Uihyeon had said there was nothing to criticize about him, and Han Jio really was kind. If I dated a man like this, I would probably suffer less heartache.
[It's okay haha. I'm going with family.]
I turned him down and opened a social media app. I searched through Lee Seongmin's following list, since he had arranged that troublesome blind date, and found Jeong Sujin's account. Then I anxiously checked for new posts whenever I had the chance. Kang Uihyeon wouldn't let today pass without doing anything, so there would surely be a photo that proved their relationship. Then I would clutch my aching chest and bury my face in my pillow.
But I didn't need to stalk Jeong Sujin's social media. When I stepped into the hallway after my last class, I came face-to-face with Kang Uihyeon. Learning that he had waited for me here, when he should have been busy taking care of his potential girlfriend's birthday, made my heavy mood begin to bounce.
“You're leaving now, right? Ride in my car.”
Kang Uihyeon already knew where I was going, and he led the way as if it were only natural. Unable to hide the smile spreading across my face, I caught up with him.
“You have class, oppa.”
“Missing it once won't be a problem.”
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