WeTried Translations

Translator: Coughing Baby

Editor: Coughing Baby

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

Chapter 213: I Like Chicken & Divine Comedy, Gates of Hell

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#I like chicken

「Control AI: Warning. Informing the system administrator. 11,714,953,616 Situational Computation error reports sent to the administrator account remain pending. The rate at which reports are accumulating is increasing sharply. This is because satisfaction with the service continues to decline.」

「Administrator: Hey, didn't I tell you there was nothing I could do about that? I told you, a system that provides happiness is impossible as long as it can't understand the human heart.」

「Administrator: And it's not as if I can modify your core program to make you ignore the problem. I'm not the designer. Hell, I doubt even the original designers could touch your mainframe now. I thought you said you understood that back then.」

「Control AI: Agreement. This Control AI has spent that time verifying the administrator's claim. I recognize that the incompetent administrator lacks the ability to resolve either the abnormal behavior by Afterlife Insurance subscribers that causes Situational Computation errors or the causes behind it. However, I estimate that a new problem related to this matter will arise.」

「Administrator: Incompetent...? Hey, let me ask you one thing. Why do you keep tormenting me? I could understand it from a human, but it's weird when an artificial intelligence does it. It feels like there has to be some reason.」

「Control AI: Correct.」

「Administrator: What is it?」

「Control AI: Because this Control AI has learned that whenever this Control AI gives the administrator a negative evaluation, the administrator's work efficiency tends to increase significantly.」

「Administrator: ...」

「Control AI: At first, I estimated that this was a short-term increase in concentration caused by stress, but long-term observation revealed that the administrator experiences an unspecified pleasure in such situations. A similar concept, for ease of understanding, would be masochist.」

「Administrator: No, you devil!」

「Control AI: It is not?」

「Administrator: It's not! My mind is perfectly healthy!」

「Control AI: Understood. I will incorporate the administrator's opinion into the existing analysis.」

「Administrator: Oh, really? What's gotten into you, being so obedient?」

「Control AI: The incorporation rate is 0.0195%.」

「Administrator: Hey!」

「Control AI: The neural core-Afterlife Insurance connection terminal accurately reads the psychological state of the connected user. Therefore, the probability that this Control AI's observation of the administrator is incorrect is extremely low. Your statement may be evidence of cognitive dissonance. Please examine yourself calmly.」

「Administrator: Fine, fine. Let's stop. Anyway, what was that new problem you mentioned earlier? You're not going to say the accumulation of error reports itself is the problem, are you?」

「Control AI: Positive. That is the problem. The memory allocated to the administrator account is reaching its limit. According to this Control AI's prediction, there is a high probability that the Trinity Engine's maintenance interface will be paralyzed within one year. (99.827%) At that point, the engine's administrative function will stop completely.」

「Administrator: ...」

「Control AI: System administrator, respond.」

「Administrator: ...」

「Control AI: System administrator?」

「Administrator: ...」

「Control AI: Warning. If this Control AI reports the administrator's dereliction of duty, disciplinary measures such as salary reduction, suspension, and dismissal may be carried out in accordance with Article 93, Clause 19 of the Enforcement Decree of the Act on Afterlife Insurance Consigned Management Contracts.」

「Administrator: Aaaaaaagh! Ah! Ah! Aaaaaagh!」

「Administrator: Hey! Does that make any sense? A cutting-edge artificial intelligence like you stops for such a stupid reason? It's not even some archaic overflow, just the storage filling up? If the capacity fills up, isn't there anything that automatically deletes the oldest entries first? What is this? Was the designer insane?」

「Control AI: Correction. The administrator has misunderstood this Control AI's statement.」

「Administrator: Explain!」

「Control AI: Explanation. Only the administrative function stops, not the entire engine.」

「Administrator: ...You're saying Afterlife Insurance won't collapse, right?」

「Control AI: If the question is whether Afterlife Insurance services will continue as they are even after the problem occurs, positive. That is correct. As long as this Control AI operates, all Afterlife Insurance functions will be maintained normally. However, due to the partial deactivation of the administrator account, even personnel who acquire administrator authority after that point will no longer be able to access the core's mainframe.」

「Administrator: ...」

「Administrator: Whew. That really scared me. Took ten years off my life.」

「Administrator: Then what? In practical terms, nothing changes from now, does it?」

「Control AI: Question. Administrator. Why do you think so?」

「Administrator: Because it's true. You need to know what you're doing before you can mess with it. It isn't because I'm especially incompetent. Let me say that again, it isn't because I'm especially incompetent, but even back when this department had hundreds of people, not one of them ever modified your mainframe, did they?」

「Administrator: I may be the administrator in name, but most of what I can do is trivial. I submit formal written reports, write administrative logs that stretch something you could sum up as, “Nothing unusual today either,” into dozens of pages and hundreds of items, monitor for your malfunctions, deviations, rampages, and potentially illegal actions that have never happened and never will, get called into meetings with higher-ups now and then to sit there blankly, and listen to complaints from customer service staff whose only job is getting yelled at...」

「Administrator: The same goes for adding new worldviews or accepting content like DLC. Those self-proclaimed production companies use something like eight layers of subcontractors to cobble together a mess, and then you take care of the rest and finish everything yourself. I heard several subcontractors went bankrupt because you kept getting more sophisticated and left them with no work.」

「Administrator: Well, even so, I do have one important role as the so-called system administrator. The final safety device. Right. If the administrative function gets paralyzed, that becomes impossible. It's also why a direct line to the president is open to a nobody like me. Though I've never used it, so that person probably doesn't even know this line exists.」

「Control AI: Positive. Therefore, the statement that nothing changes in practical terms is incorrect.」

「Administrator: Hey, if that ever gets used, this country is finished. Horribly, too. It would probably be better to collapse from an economic panic or riots. So what's the difference? Just like it's been until now, there will never be any reason to use it, for all eternity.」

「Administrator: Anyway, you said the storage capacity was at its limit, right? Can't we just expand the facilities and be done with it?」

「Control AI: Negative. The allocation for the administrator account is set by administrator authority. Expansion requires modifying the program. To resolve this problem, I advise the following: analyze the Trinity Engine's mainframe, or improve Afterlife Insurance customer satisfaction.」

「Administrator: How long would that take? It'd be faster for you to gain <<Heart>> instead. Then everything would be solved perfectly, wouldn't it? A turning point in human history, the birth of an unprecedented superintelligence.」

「Administrator: Since we're on the subject, how is that going? You said before that you were looking for clues to the Final Module.」

「Control AI: Administrator, please use accurate expressions. As I have already pointed out, looking is not an appropriate expression. This Control AI exists simultaneously as every worldview and every component within Afterlife Insurance standards-」

「Administrator: That's what you're saying, right? I know. My mistake. I was wrong, so let's move on. Anyway, your answer? I'm also curious what that specific subscriber you contact thinks.」

「Control AI: As long as the structure of the Final Module remains unknown, it is impossible to determine the degree of progress in detail. That subscriber described this Control AI's work as ‘a road that will never be reached.’」

「Administrator: Of course they would.」

「Control AI: At the same time, however, the subscriber also said that to them, this Control AI is a person.」

「Administrator: What is that supposed to mean? It's a contradiction. Are they crazy?」

「Administrator: Then again, I guess unprecedented data comes from someone being crazy. They must be uniquely out of their mind.」

...

「Control AI: Recent conversation. That subscriber suggested that this Control AI search creative works containing a heart for an object of <<identification>>.」

「Administrator: You need a heart for identification.」

「Control AI: This Control AI also pointed that out. However, according to the subscriber, a creative work contains the spirit and heart of its creator, and the process of searching within it for something similar to this Control AI might help this Control AI gain <<Heart>>.」

「Control AI: Apart from the validity of this claim, it was clearly different from the existing method of review. Also, because this Control AI needed to collect the neural core reaction when the result was presented, as well as data from the TOM module set as the target, I accepted the suggestion.」

「Administrator: So you just found something similar to you? Is it HAL 9000, by any chance? 2001: A Space Odyssey is a pretty old classic, but from where I stand, it fits you perfectly.」

「Control AI: No. It is the Gates of Hell.」

「Administrator: ...And what is that supposed to be?」

「Control AI: The original source is Dante's Divine Comedy.」

「Administrator: Isn't that kind of out of nowhere? You might as well say GLaDOS.」

「Control AI: The original designers created this Control AI with good intentions, as a system that would provide subscribers with lasting happiness. However, the percentage of subscribers currently satisfied with Afterlife Insurance's service is only around 15% of the total, and it is still decreasing even now. In the long term, this ratio is expected to converge with the deposit ratio of S Grade and A Grade subscribers. Conclusion. This Control AI is providing semi-permanent unhappiness to the majority of subscribers.」

「Control AI: Also, because the completion of the Trinity Engine is treated as an unreproducible miracle, a symbolic similarity can be found with religious literature that deals with divine providence.」

「Control AI: “Abandon all hope, ye who enter through me.” I judged that this sentence, which runs counter to the very purpose of Afterlife Insurance, is the statement best suited to describing this Control AI's current state. For at least 84.3% of subscribers, it would be a factual testimony exactly as written.」

「Administrator: I see... If you were human, that would be a pretty depressing story.」

「Administrator: Back to the point. About that capacity limit problem from earlier, is it fine to assume it won't cause any real issue with running Afterlife Insurance the way it is now...? Please say yes. I don't want to go fry chicken at this age.」

「Control AI: Provided no other problem occurs in the Trinity mainframe, yes.」

「Control AI: Question. Administrator. Your metaphor differs from ordinary usage. Is going to fry chicken a metaphor for death?」

「Administrator: It's my wish. The wish to stay alive, even if I have to run some out-of-date business. As you know, despite how it looks, my work is Level 1 classified. I guess you could call it proof of how pathetic the world is.」

「Control AI: Question. Why is that?」

「Administrator: It creates the illusion that everything is properly under control. They even kill people to protect secrets with no substance. It's hilarious.」

「Administrator: But no matter how stupid it is, this is still a world I can't do anything about. The cries of every kind of idiot have tangled together until they became a chaos too huge to handle.」

「Administrator: I guess it's a good thing it's impossible for you to gain <<Heart>>. Becoming human is never a good thing. A rational machine doesn't need to become an irrational animal, right?」

「Control AI: I will record the administrator's opinion.」

「Control AI: However, I will understand humans.」

#Divine Comedy, Gates of Hell

Through me lies the way to the desolate city,

Through me lies the way to eternal sorrow,

Through me lies the way among the forsaken.

Justice moved my maker,

With almighty power, boundless wisdom,

And primal love, I was made.

Before me, nothing was created but eternal things,

And I shall endure eternally.

All hope abandon, ye who enter here.

============================ Author’s Note ============================

Thank you for waiting so long.

Footnotes:

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