WeTried Translations
Translator: Coughing Baby
Editor: Coughing Baby
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
Chapter 386: Change (3)
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Anne offered a new perspective on the worries Gyeoul had confessed.
“Change is usually frightening. You can’t be certain what comes after it. Ugh...”
She stopped mid-sentence, let out a pained sound, and hunched her neck.
“It feels good, but it hurts a little.”
“That’s because your muscles are really knotted up. You haven’t rested properly in days, have you?”
“Rather than that...”
Anne trailed off and trembled. It was cute. Gyeoul laughed softly and eased up on the pressure as he kneaded her shoulders. He pressed his thumbs firmly between her shoulder blades and pushed upward from below, over and over. Like Anne herself, the feeling beneath his fingertips was firm yet soft.
When Gyeoul said he would give her a massage, Anne had strongly refused at first. No matter how much better his condition was, what kind of person accepted something like that from a patient? But he had asked more than once, and to her, it began to feel like a tempting plea. In the end, wearing the uniquely troubled expression of someone being pushed along by an excited heart, Anne hesitated for a long while before awkwardly nodding.
This moment was the result. The clumsy, stiff tension from the beginning had naturally melted away as the contact went on.
“This is only my personal guess, but I think Captain Park may have felt fear beyond simple greed. The fear of the future so often seen in people from refugee backgrounds. A thirst that keeps chasing stability without end, yet can never be quenched... It’s closer to obsession, really. That itself may have been the true shape of his greed.”
Hoo. Eyes closed, she continued.
“The president will change soon, after all. Kramer’s attitude, critical of refugee relief, has been famous for a long time. At the time the rebellion broke out, augh, his odds were roughly fifty-fifty. It wouldn’t be strange if he felt pressure to prepare for that possible future, to strengthen his position while he still had the chance.”
“I don’t know. I think what they have now is enough.”
“It is enough. Of course it is. Right now, they have you, Gyeoul.”
“...”
“Have you never seen people worried that you might leave?”
Gyeoul had nothing to say.
“He seemed strict with himself and with others. At the Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas, there was something he muttered while drunk as he watched his subordinates. How long will the Little Captain put up with these useless bastards...? Gyeoul, you weren’t there.”
If he had used the title Little Captain, unlike his usual self, he must have been truly drunk. As Gyeoul thought that, he realized something was strange.
“While drunk? Anne, did you ever drink with our Company people back then?”
“Of course not. I was always, mm, by your side.”
“Then?”
“I’m sorry to say this, but surveillance had been assigned as part of the investigation.”
“Surveillance...”
“He was the commander of a Company entering D.C. with its structure intact during this sensitive period. With everyone already on guard, on guard against rebellion, there’s no way they wouldn’t have conducted a preliminary investigation into him. There was also an initial verification of the whole Company. Just as I had already grasped what kind of person you were, ah, to the necessary degree before you were dispatched to San Francisco.”
Once he heard it, it was obvious. Trust in Gyeoul and trust in Alpha Company were separate matters. Jin-seok and the Company members themselves might find it unpleasant, though.
“I don’t know why, but Captain Park didn’t seem to like two of the platoon leaders very much.”
At Anne’s words, Gyeoul swallowed a sigh.
“I think I know who those two are.”
Ensign Seonwoo Joseph and Ensign Cheon So-min. By coincidence, the reason those two had fallen out of Jin-seok’s favor also came from his worry that Gyeoul might leave. It was the moment the saying that there was no such thing as coincidence in the world came to mind.
“Most people judge others by using themselves as the standard. There’s no way to know another person’s heart, after all.”
Anne continued, holding back a groan.
“To say they’re worried you might disappear means, in other words, that they themselves are that unsatisfied with their own situation. They want to escape. From the refugee zone, where everything is lacking. And from their own unstable position, and a life where every single day brings worry.”
“I think I get it. The feeling of, if it were me, I wouldn’t do that.”
“To be more precise, it would be, if it were me, I couldn’t do that. I told you before, didn’t I? There will never be another person like you, Gyeoul. It’s normal that they can’t understand.”
“Are you sure you aren’t seeing me too favorably, Anne?”
“Of course not. Objectively speaking, you’re truly absurdly wonderful...”
Her words cut off. Gyeoul gave a small chuckle.
“Thank you.”
Anne slowly turned red, the color spreading even beneath her hair. Gyeoul liked the change in body heat he felt at his fingertips. That slight rise was the temperature of lovely embarrassment. Anne seemed to be holding back laughter too.
“What’s clear is...”
Anne’s voice cracked, and she cleared her throat.
“What’s clear is that whether it’s the Gyeoul Alliance or the 201st Independent Battalion, it would be hard for them to remain as they are now without the person named Han Gyeoul. It’ll be even more true after Kramer becomes president.”
Another of Gyeoul’s worries. She spoke of Kramer’s election as though it were already decided. The situation warranted it. According to the media and polling agencies over the past few days, his approval rating was generally around 60 percent. It was even still rising. Defeatism had already spread through the Democratic Party.
“Isn’t Lieutenant Park looking at the current mood and feeling certain that he made the right judgment?”
“...”
Gyeoul mulled over everything Anne had told him so far. She had prefaced it as a personal guess, but she was a Bureau supervisor with experience as a profiler. If someone like her was speaking based on investigation results, it was more accurate to call it analysis.
Thinking back, Jin-seok did have many fears. He was someone with many fears, and someone desperate to overcome them. Had he not confessed it to Gyeoul too? That he suffered from nightmares every night. That this was why he pushed himself even harder. And that people who only tried to lean on Gyeoul were terribly pathetic.
“The decision is yours, Gyeoul, but.”
Anne opened a new topic.
“Even if you submit a disciplinary recommendation beyond the discretion given to you, it won’t be accepted anyway, you know? The people involved are already troubled enough by the fact that you’ve decided not to deny the torture, hoo.”
“I know. They don’t want to give the traitors anything to cling to, no matter how small the excuse.”
“Yes. From the perspective of the government and the citizens, they have to be absolute evil.”
That meant if Gyeoul imposed any punishment, he had to resolve it within his own authority. And that could never become a heavy punishment. Gyeoul had never intended to give a severe punishment in the first place. After listening to Anne, that feeling only grew stronger.
“That’s enough. Stop now.”
Anne took Gyeoul’s hand, pulled it forward, kissed the back of it, then gently set it down. Gyeoul felt disappointed.
“I want to do more.”
“I’ll let you do it again next time. It really was good, but this is enough for today. Okay?”
As she looked back with a bright smile, a small piece of happiness hung at the corner of Anne’s mouth.
“Do you have any other worries?”
Gyeoul shook his head at her question.
“No.”
Right now was Anne’s rest time. Even if her basic duty was to guard Gyeoul, she had been called here and there often ever since the hospital became the Eagle’s Nest. So Gyeoul meant to wrap up the troublesome topic here, but...
“Liar.”
Anne smiled again.
“I know there’s something you haven’t told me.”
“...How did you know?”
“It hurt a little more when I mentioned Kramer.”
Meaning, his hand had tightened.
“Are you worried about him?”
After receiving the question, Gyeoul hesitated, then slowly nodded.
“I honestly can’t say I’m not.”
Anne wore a tentative smile.
“Kramer himself would feel hurt if he heard that. He even came to see you in person and defended himself. He asked you not to misunderstand him. And he’s been very favorable toward you since the rescue. If he were a woman or gay, I might have lost sleep over it.”
It was a mischievous joke. Gyeoul laughed under his breath.
“I don’t misunderstand him. I’m not deciding that he’s a bad person either. If anything, I learned that he’s a pretty decent person. He fought prepared to sacrifice himself. Even so, I’m worried. Anne, you know why, right?”
“Of course I do. His pledges haven’t changed. If he enters the White House, most refugees will likely be driven into a harsher struggle for survival than now. Except for exceptional cases like the Gyeoul Alliance. You’re not the kind of person who only cares that you’re all right.”
After nodding, Gyeoul drew out the concern he had buried for a long time.
“To tell the truth, there was a time when I thought of him as a possible apocalypse. I still do, a little.”
Anne seemed puzzled by Gyeoul’s strong expression.
“A possible apocalypse... That’s quite poetic. But isn’t that too much? At the very least, he isn’t incompetent. I don’t particularly like him either, but I don’t believe there will be an apocalypse in America’s future under his leadership. Tell me. Why are you so wary of him? You’re not someone who would do this for no reason... Is there something I don’t know?”
It was a difficult question to answer. Anne was a resident of this world. Gyeoul muttered inwardly.
‘How am I supposed to say that his beliefs feel like the road to the outside world?’
Kramer regarded all citizens as comrades in arms. Casualties were natural in war. He stressed that what mattered was swift action and decision-making, and even if a lack of caution created innocent victims, they should be mourned as unavoidable losses. He argued that short-term injustice and inequality as a means could be repaid with long-term justice and equality as a result. That was what he had poured out in a speech before his supporters. They had to focus on America’s victory and survival.
This belief must have been the reason Clarissa Chadwick was so obsessed with his survival.
“I know he has his own good intentions.”
Gyeoul spoke indirectly.
“But there’s also a saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
“...”
“When I created the alliance, I made an inaugural speech about everyone surviving like human beings. I had seen too many people who made others unhappy so they could become happy themselves. In any form, if people ate people, I wondered how they were any different from mutants. Even if they looked like people, they would become things that weren’t people. A world of things like that... I hate it.”
He was speaking of both before and after death. The weight leaned more toward before death. The audience in the outside world, infinitely close to things that were not human, proved that fact. Gyeoul’s experience was still valid.
“Good intentions don’t always lead to good results. I feel like Candidate Kramer’s beliefs are easy for selfish people to exploit for their own gain. Even if this country achieves final victory in the quarantine war through his efforts, I’m worried that there will be people-eating monsters there again. That’s why I’m worried. Because I won’t be able to kill those monsters.”
The silence did not last long.
“Gyeoul, come here for a moment.”
Anne rose from her seat, took Gyeoul’s hand, and led him to the window. Then she spread the blinds enough to show the night view of Washington. At the center of the radial roads, the circular plaza with the statue of the first president, and the sidewalks around it were filled with all kinds of people. Most of the signs and banners they held prayed for President MacMillan and Gyeoul’s complete recovery.
“Do you see? There are that many people who like you.”
Anne smiled lightly and continued.
“As the person who likes you more than anyone else, I’m certain of this. Those people don’t like you only because you’re good at killing mutants. If you hadn’t had the courage to risk death, half of them would vanish, and if you hadn’t devoted yourself to others, half of the remainder would vanish again. Do you understand? They like not only your actions, but also the noble spirit that led to those actions. The person named Han Gyeoul himself.”
She intertwined her fingers with Gyeoul’s hand.
“Fortunately, we still live in a democratic country. The president has a duty to listen to the voice of the people. In other words, no matter who becomes president, they’ll have to listen to the voices of those people too. The president himself will also be one of the people who likes Gyeoul. Who in the world could dislike you?”
So, her tone took on a slight shade of concern.
“Don’t do anything rash, even by chance.”
“Anything rash?”
“I mean there’s no need to create people who would dislike you.”
“...”
“Citizen support for Lieutenant Colonel Han Gyeoul will be strongest when you don’t belong to any political faction. President Washington said this. Virtue is the source of popular government. I believe Gyeoul is already a virtue dwelling in the hearts of many people. A virtue that gives a positive influence simply by being there.”
Gyeoul gave a bitter smile.
“I wasn’t planning to openly oppose Kramer.”
“Then that’s good.”
“A large part of his popularity is something he earned himself. No matter how well I do, all I could manage would be returning things to the old balance that looked like a close race. There’s no way I’d take such an uncertain risk over vague anxiety alone. Still.”
“Still?”
“Thank you for the advice. It’s comforting. Though the things you said are pretty embarrassing.”
At those words, Anne also wore a faint smile.
Gyeoul felt the urge to kiss those lips.
It was not the first time. To tell the truth, this was the conflict that had been tormenting him more than any other worry lately. It was getting harder and harder to hold back, and that was a problem. Even while giving her a massage, his heart had pounded as he looked down at the pale nape of her neck, flushed with color. If not for the calmness that remained like inertia from days past, he would have crossed the line long ago.
There were two reasons Gyeoul was holding back with such effort.
First.
‘Once I cross the line, I’m not confident I can put on the brakes.’
That was only natural, since Anne was Gyeoul’s first love. He had no immunity to such intense emotion. He had not expected love as a romantic feeling to be like this. So after crossing the line, for a while, it felt as though he would know nothing but Anne. It felt as though he would be unable to do anything. Considering the time she had waited and the desperation she had carried, he was certain Anne would be the same. Considering the state of the times, that was not appropriate. Even considering the future of this world.
That was related to the next reason as well.
The gaze of the invisible audience bothered him.
The fact that neither Anne nor Gyeoul would be able to stop meant, in the end, that they would sleep together out of love. Even if he shared every other part of his life after death, that alone was something he did not want to show the audience. Gyeoul had experience being stripped as merchandise before strangers. He did not want to repeat that experience in any similar way.
But cutting off sharing altogether made him think of SALHAE’s suicide. The name Cheon Jong-hun was nailed deep into his mind.
“What are you thinking so hard about while looking at me?”
Anne’s shy words brought Gyeoul back to his senses, but he was flustered and could not answer right away.
It was a different side of him. Anne enjoyed that reaction from Gyeoul.
“There’s a passage like this in The Little Prince.”
“Yes?”
“Listen. I memorized it on purpose. It’s something the fox says to the little prince.”
“...”
Anne read in a calm voice.
“「If I know you’ll come at four in the afternoon, I’ll begin to be happy from three. The closer it gets to four, the happier I’ll become. At four, I’ll be so excited I won’t be able to sit still.」”
Then she smiled.
“Can you guess why I’m telling you this?”
“I’m not sure...”
“My time right now is somewhere between three and four.”
Of course, she was not talking about the actual current time. Gyeoul finally understood her intent. Anne continued in a dreamy tone.
“What’s certain is that someday, four o’clock will definitely come. Before, I often felt anxious that time might have stopped, but now it’s different. I’m no longer afraid, and I’m not impatient either. All that remains is happiness that only grows as time passes. My fate is decided.”
She kissed Gyeoul’s flushed cheek.
“I told you, I know you.”
Footnotes:
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