WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Ceaseless
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ The Northern Grand Duke’s Mad Son-in-Law ◈
Chapter 15: Fart
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“The Fourth Battalion commander keeps glaring at me. Is it just my imagination?”
“They are glaring at you.”
“They must be jealous of my good looks.”
“...The Fourth Battalion commander probably thinks you’re the one who started trouble for no reason. The Monsters’ movements have been a little strange, but not enough to warrant a full-scale investigation.”
Galahad scratched his cheek at Gilbert’s answer.
“They won’t care that the Special Operations Unit is moving, but the problem is that Lady Adrianna is coming with us.”
Gilbert subtly pointed to one side. A large white carriage stood there.
“Lady Adrianna makes no exceptions, not even for battalion commanders. The Fourth Battalion commander will be on edge knowing she is coming.”
“So it’s like bringing a general along for a troop inspection.”
“What are you planning to do? There might be nothing there.”
“If there are no achievements, we’ll just make some.”
Gilbert frowned. Galahad patted him on the shoulder.
“Achievements are made.”
Just then, Tom returned after fetching the carriage. His expression was grim.
“Isn’t this a cargo carriage? How are we supposed to ride this all the way there...?”
Galahad examined the carriage at Tom’s grumbling. It was certainly smaller than the one they had ridden before, and it had no windows.
Still...
“Isn’t it a carriage either way?”
To Galahad, every carriage was the same. They were all primitive means of transport with wheels, pulled by horses.
“This is only natural for a newly established unit with no achievements or history. If you feel wronged, earn some achievements. Then they’ll give you a bigger carriage.”
Gilbert pointed at the Fourth Battalion’s carriage. Compared to theirs, it was larger, with thicker wheels. It was also covered in all sorts of decorations.
Soldiers who appeared to be from the Fourth Battalion openly sneered at them.
“They’re going there in that thing? They’ll die on the way.”
“It doesn’t even have leather covering it. Won’t they freeze to death?”
Galahad was still confused.
Whether it was the Fourth Battalion’s carriage, the First Battalion’s carriage, or this one, in the end...
“Isn’t it a carriage either way?”
Big or small, it was just a carriage to Galahad.
It was no different from making a wooden boat bigger, painting it, and acting proud about it.
“Yes, that’s true.”
“That’s right. A carriage doesn’t define us.”
Tom looked strangely moved, while Gilbert seemed unconvinced. They appeared to have misunderstood him.
What was the point of talking to fools who knew nothing about magic?
Clicking his tongue, Galahad headed toward the carriage.
‘Some warmth and softness should be enough.’
He intended to set up some basic magic. The most important thing was mana...
“Wh-what?!”
“I was only looking.”
“Your gaze was strange! It was so sleazy!”
Gwen covered herself. She was fairly quick to catch on.
Gwen had quite a large mana reservoir, and since she did not use magic anyway, he could make use of her. It would also expose her to mana in the process.
Galahad put a cigarette between his lips and waved a hand. He intended to use the principles behind magical devices.
Magical devices normally used Magic Stones. A spell formula was inscribed, then a Magic Stone with high mana concentration was placed at its center to draw in and use mana from the atmosphere.
This time, Gwen was the Magic Stone. Of course, using a person as a Magic Stone required a somewhat difficult spell.
But Galahad was the caster.
An extremely thin layer of air formed at his fingertips. It was a compressed wind blade spell. He moved it around, carving magic circles throughout the carriage.
“Gwen, sit here.”
“Yes! This feels a little strange! It tickles!”
“Bear with it. Ah, and don’t fart under any circumstances.”
“...I don’t usually fart! But now that you’ve said it, I want to!”
Once Gwen sat down, the magic slowly began to operate.
The frigid interior quickly became warm.
“Wow... So this is magic. It feels like I’m sitting in front of a fireplace.”
“Nice.”
“This feels strange... Ugh...”
Damian slumped into the seat as if he were melting.
“...Tom, do you know how to handle the reins?”
Gilbert, who normally never handed over the reins, asked in an awkward voice. The warmth seemed to be making him want to come inside.
“You can’t fit in here. Your armor’s too big.”
Galahad clicked his tongue at Gilbert’s obvious disappointment.
“If you show me some respect, I’ll install it on the driver’s seat too.”
“Ah, our admirable Captain Galahad...”
“Good.”
Once he drew a magic circle on the driver’s seat as well, Gilbert smiled, something he rarely did.
“So northern knights do feel the cold.”
“I’m still human. This is quite nice. My backside’s warm...”
“The technical term is a butt warmer.”
* * *
‘Butt warmer...’
Gilbert grinned at his warm backside. Only his backside had warmed up, but in weather this cold, it made a huge difference.
With Monster hide draped over him as well, he was as warm as could be.
Someone approached from beside him. It was Hartna, a woman riding a brown horse with a white saddle and his old comrade from the First Battalion.
“Oh, it suits you quite well.”
Hartna spoke with a mocking tone. She had always been especially jealous of Gilbert. She had probably come to tease him after hearing he had gone to the Special Operations Unit.
Normally, it would have annoyed him a little, but after spending time with Galahad, this much barely registered.
“Does it? That’s a relief.”
Hartna’s face immediately crumpled. So this was how it felt. Gilbert was quietly impressed.
“How does it feel to be kicked from the First Battalion into the Strike Force? You acted so high and mighty after getting into the First Battalion, then got thrown out in one shot.”
“It’s not the Strike Force. It’s the Special Operations Unit. You still can’t even remember three syllables properly.”
“What?!”
Hartna shouted. Gilbert felt a strange thrill. So this was why Galahad kept needling people with every word.
“Hah, getting sent to the Strike Force has made you prickly. Was the shock that great?”
“It’s the Special Operations Unit.”
“Fine! Special Operations Unit! You’re making a damn fuss over a name that isn’t even worth remembering!”
Special Operations Unit did not exactly roll off the tongue.
“Your stupid decision is why you’re driving that shabby carriage.”
‘A shabby carriage... I suppose that’s how it must look.’
The carriage was more comfortable now than when he had driven Adrianna’s carriage. The only difference was a warm backside, but it was a bigger difference than he had expected. He had never driven such a comfortable carriage before.
“Enough. Lady Adrianna ordered me to collect your identification tag.”
Gilbert looked toward the white carriage ahead.
He did feel a little disappointed, but Adrianna had always been that kind of person.
She held herself to the same standards.
Bang!
Just then, the door flew open.
“Oh no! Sir Gilbert! Gwen farted!”
“I told you I didn’t! It wasn’t meee!”
“It was actually me.”
At the noisy commotion behind him, Gilbert snorted with laughter.
“Here. Take it.”
He tossed over his worn First Battalion identification tag.
“You’ll regret this.”
Hartna sneered, and Gilbert laughed out loud.
He had always had regrets.
* * *
It was a dark night, the kind when the sharp howl of the wind kept battering the carriage.
‘Hm...’
Galahad frowned at the strange sensation.
Gwen jolted and shook her head.
“It wasn’t me this time! I really didn’t fart!”
For an instant, he felt something strange. It had only brushed past his senses, but he had definitely felt it.
Galahad was not stupid enough to doubt what he had sensed. He kicked the carriage door open.
Bang!
The door flew open, revealing the scenery outside.
The forest around them was filled with white. Long, bare trees rushed past. Cold air flooded in at once.
“Did Gwen fart again?!”
“...I didn’t! Really!”
Narrowing his eyes, Galahad gripped the carriage door and twisted his other hand outward. The wind was so cold that it felt as though his hand would freeze.
The trees were packed so densely that the forest beyond was nearly impossible to see. It was dark enough to feel as though a Monster might be lurking within it...
Galahad lightly snapped his fingers. Small sparks jumped between them in succession, forming a large flame. The massive fire pushed back the darkness.
What it revealed was...
“Monsters.”
Wolves with red eyes.
Without hesitation, Galahad threw a fireball. Just before it struck a wolf, the wolf caught it.
‘Caught it?’
Galahad realized the source of his unease.
‘That wolf is walking on two legs.’
It looked so natural that he almost wondered whether wolves had always walked on two legs.
“Ambush!!”
A long shout rang out.
“Wh-what is it?!”
“Your fart smell attracted the wolves. I told you not to fart.”
“Whaaat?! I’m sorry! You told me not to, so I wanted to even more...!”
Instead of replying, Galahad moved his fingers. Flames gathered again, faster than before. The corner of his mouth rose.
He had become stronger.
“They’re Two-Legged Wolves! They’re weak to fire! They chew people’s heads off, so protect your heads!”
Tom shouted, having already pulled out his shield. Damian stood beside him, looking like a puppy just before a walk.
“Bad Monsters are waiting for us. Want to go?”
“Sure.”
Galahad grabbed Damian by the back and threw him outside. Gwen let out a long scream.
Damian rolled across the ground.
Pop!
A wolf that had opened its jaws toward Damian was torn apart. Damian emerged through the gap with a wide smile.
“Your skills are amazing every time I see them, Damian! Sir Gilbert, are you all right?”
“Yes! I’m fine!”
Gilbert held the reins in one hand and swung his sword with the other. The wolves split apart easily beneath that brilliant aura.
“No! Pick up some hides!”
“What?!”
“I said collect the hides! I’m going to make a coat! Tom! Do you know how to make a coat?”
“What do you take me for?! Of course I can!”
“Good! Gwen, don’t lift your backside off that seat! There’s barrier magic there too!”
“Yeeees!”
Gwen shouted as she pressed one hand against the ceiling and pushed against the floor.
Laughing, Galahad grabbed the carriage roof. He pulled himself up and kicked off the floor, and the world flipped upside down for an instant.
Tap!
Galahad landed on the roof in one motion, unfastened his coat buttons, and shook out his hands.
“That’s quite a stunt.”
“There’s one behind you.”
“I know.”
Gilbert answered lightly and swung his sword at an angle. A wolf rushing at him was split apart by the straight blue line.
Wolves charged from all directions, but the knights and soldiers reacted well. It seemed this happened more often than Galahad had expected.
Then a pale blue light erupted from behind them.
The wolves’ corpses floated into the air. There was no blood anywhere on them. They looked like dried-out carcasses.
Adrianna stood at the center.
Covered from head to toe in pale blue light, she looked like a god descended from the heavens.
Adrianna quietly swept her sword.
A long line was carved through the air.
For an instant, it felt as if space itself had been split apart.
‘She burned mana with her sword...’
How was that possible?
Galahad could not believe it even as he watched.
The Monsters could not even touch Adrianna.
No, they could not even stand before her.
It had taken only one swing of her sword. The wolves crumbled along the line it drew.
‘Her martial prowess is absurd.’
It was proof of why she was the Demon King’s greatest enemy.
There was not even the slightest trace of strain on her face. It looked as though she had simply swung her sword casually.
He had once wondered how the north had held back the Monsters, but now his question had changed.
‘How have the Monsters been holding back Adrianna?’
That was the level of her strength.
‘I have no idea.’
Out of habit, Galahad imagined how he might kill Adrianna, then clicked his tongue. No matter what method he considered, he could not see it working.
She was the natural enemy of anything that possessed mana.
Those indifferent eyes showed no emotion.
The wolf ambush ended after only two swings of her sword.
Everyone cleaned up as though nothing had happened.
‘This is a rough place.’
Galahad wiped the blood from his face and clicked his tongue.
“Two-Legged Wolves show up whenever they feel like it. Their fur is quite warm, so their hides are the most popular for coats.”
Gilbert explained as he shook blood from his sword. While Gilbert remained neat and clean, Damian was red as if he had rolled around in blood.
‘A Monster attack right after I felt that strange sensation...’
Galahad snapped his fingers and created a Mana Arrow. It was magic used to measure mana concentration.
Holding it, he headed toward the direction that had bothered him earlier. The Mana Arrow trembled slightly, then shrank.
‘The mana concentration is higher than elsewhere.’
Of course, mana concentration could vary, but there was no reason for the difference to be this obvious within the same area.
‘There’s something here.’
The corner of Galahad’s mouth rose.
“We need to go this way.”
“The road is that way.”
“I’m a pioneer. Follow me.”
“There’ll be strong opposition.”
Gilbert pointed behind them. The people from the First and Fourth Battalions were preparing to board their carriages.
To go where Galahad pointed, they would have to abandon the carriages and proceed on foot. They would not follow willingly.
“Does that matter? Our superior is His Grace the Grand Duke.”
Gilbert snorted, apparently thinking it was a joke.
Galahad hid his trembling hand behind his back and approached Adrianna. She sat still with her eyes closed.
Was she reviewing the battle? That perfect battle from just now? Galahad clicked his tongue in amazement.
“What is it?”
Adrianna asked in an indifferent voice.
“There’s something over there.”
“Over there?”
“The mana concentration is high. If the mana concentration is high, it means there’s something artificial there. And... Could I borrow the map for a moment? Thank you.”
Galahad borrowed the map from the knight beside Adrianna and spread it open.
“We should be around here right now.”
“How did you know?”
“There’s a map in my head.”
The knight beside Adrianna snorted, apparently thinking it was a joke.
“The watchtowers attacked by Monsters are here, here, here, and here. But the watchtower in the center is untouched. Isn’t that strange?”
“It is strange.”
“And even if we visit the collapsed watchtowers, they’ll already be repairing them, so we won’t gain anything. There must be more to find if we go this way.”
“There’s no road that way, so the carriages cannot go. It will take half a day on foot.”
The knight beside Adrianna spoke up again. She was a beautiful woman with a gentle impression. When their eyes met, she dipped her head slightly.
“That is a reasonable opinion.”
Adrianna nodded.
“That direction is opposite from where the Monsters attacked. Going there would only waste time. It also goes against the plan, doesn’t it?”
At that moment, the Fourth Battalion commander approached. Red blood was caked all over them. Galahad analyzed the commander by the bloodstains.
They liked to stab their targets.
Adrianna nodded again.
“The Special Operations Unit captain’s opinion is a fairly plausible deduction, but it is not enough evidence to alter the plan. I apologize because the reasoning comes from a mage, and there are parts I do not understand. Still, each battalion commander has the authority to deploy their own troops, so I cannot stop you if you wish to go. We will investigate the collapsed watchtowers according to plan, then join you there afterward.”
Adrianna’s decision was exactly what Galahad had expected.
He had wanted to move separately from the beginning. If he traveled with Adrianna, all the credit would go to that radiant woman...
The reason he had still spoken to Adrianna was for the support she mentioned afterward. If something seemed suspicious, Adrianna would not simply pass it by. She would definitely return.
If they encountered an overwhelmingly powerful enemy, he planned to wait for Adrianna.
An agent always dug two escape holes.
“Hmph. Special Operations Unit... They’ll suffer because they have such a stupid captain.”
The Fourth Battalion commander, unaware of this, snorted and laughed. They seemed to think Adrianna had taken their side.
Sadly, she had not taken anyone’s side.
She had simply made a judgment.
The cleanup took no time at all. Before long, only they remained.
Galahad silently looked over his unit.
Damian licking the blood around his lips, Tom with a tense expression, Gilbert looking relaxed, and Gwen holding a rag and broom with a serious face...
What a complete mess.
“Let’s move.”
Galahad smiled faintly.
“...I’m sorry! I only let out a tiny one! I didn’t know wolves would come!”
Gwen hurriedly apologized.
* * *
“Hey, Karl! Someone’s coming!”
“Who would come to a place like this? Get back to work! We’re almost finished!”
“No, someone really is coming! There are five of them!”
“Five?! We’re almost done. There’s no benefit in getting caught over nothing.”
“Then what do we do?”
“Kill them, you idiot!”
Footnotes:
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