WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Natty
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◈ The Regressor and the Blind Saintess ◈
Chapter 32: Questions
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A week later, in the outdoor garden among the flowerbeds.
Rene sat across from Vargo, having tea as she continued her thoughts.
This is so awkward...!
They had agreed to meet roughly once every ten days to talk about affairs in the Holy Kingdom and her life there.
This was only their second meeting, but Rene still found Vargo difficult to deal with.
His position as Holy Emperor was one reason. His bickering with Vera was another. Every aspect of Vargo made him difficult for Rene to approach.
Unsure what to say, Rene fidgeted with her teacup for quite some time. Seeing her like that, Vargo spoke first.
“Are you finding life in the Holy Kingdom agreeable?”
“Ah, yes! Thanks to everyone, I am living very comfortably!”
Rene jolted as she answered. Vargo chuckled at her booming response and continued.
“That is a great relief. It must be difficult in an unfamiliar environment, and I feel sorry that my duties have kept me from looking after you more closely.”
“No! You have all taken care of me more than enough! Very, very well!”
Her answer was just as emphatic. Once she had finished speaking, Rene worried that the atmosphere would become awkward again if she fell silent, so she hurriedly searched for something else to say.
“Um, Sir Vera helps me a lot, and Hella helps me too. Oh, and Lord Trevo teaches me divine arts very well, so I am doing wonderfully!”
“Oh, that fellow Trevo?”
“Yes! He is a very kind person!”
Rene answered with a bright smile.
From Rene’s point of view, it was not wrong. Trevo had been very kind and friendly toward her. In truth, much of that was because Vera would stop him with a glance whenever he showed any strange behavior, but Rene could not see that.
As Vera watched Rene speak cheerfully about Trevo, a deep sigh escaped him. He remembered the things Trevo had done in front of Rene.
Seeing Rene’s white divine power and flushing red, suddenly looking at the Holy Mark on her upper arm and smacking his lips. Each of Trevo’s bizarre actions had caused Vera no end of concern.
Trevo clearly needed another lesson soon.
As Vera let out one deep breath after another, Vargo saw his expression and smiled more deeply before asking Rene another question.
“I am glad to hear it. Is there anything you are curious about?”
“Hmm...”
Rene hummed at Vargo’s question.
There was one thing she had wondered about while living in the Holy Kingdom.
“While I have been here, I noticed that the Holy Kingdom does not have a set time for worship. Why is that?”
“Ah, was that what you were wondering?”
“Yes. I remember the priest in my village holding worship every Sunday.”
The day she had suddenly realized it, after not noticing for some time, she had been very surprised. Was it not strange for the Holy Kingdom of all places to have no worship service?
She had wondered whether they simply had not told her out of consideration, but when she asked Hella, the answer had been, “There is not normally any worship,” which only made Rene more curious.
Vargo took a sip of tea, nodded at Rene’s question, and answered.
“Faith cannot be created through coercion, so we do not set aside a separate time for worship. Prayer is something one offers whenever one feels inclined during daily life.”
“Um... is that all right?”
“Hmm, how should I explain this...?”
Vargo gently stroked his chin as he thought, then raised his brows and continued.
“...Yes, perhaps this will do. Saintess, you feel grateful to Hella, do you not?”
“Yes, I do...?”
“Does that feeling remain in your heart even now?”
Rene nodded. Vargo nodded in return and continued.
“Even so, you do not live every moment of your life, in every situation, thinking of that gratitude. It likely comes to mind when you meet Hella, or when you remember Hella’s help.”
“That is true.”
It was only natural. How could anyone hold on to the same thought all the time while awake and going about their life?
“Faith is much the same. You may hold gratitude for the gods’ grace, but there is no need to force yourself to praise them. When the thought comes to you as you live, it is enough to offer a short prayer with sincerity. It is like how you do not hold a banquet merely to express your gratitude to Hella.”
“Hmm, it is more modest than I expected.”
“Faith is not something grand. Nor should it be.”
“Why should it not be? You are praising the gods.”
“The moment it becomes grand, faith is covered over by artifice.”
It was one incomprehensible statement after another. It was far removed from everything Rene had believed to be common sense.
As Rene tilted her head slightly, Vargo answered her in a gentle voice.
“Who do you think needs faith most in this world?”
“Um...”
It was a difficult question. It was not one she could answer easily.
“I do not know...”
“Those who possess nothing. Those who have nothing to hold on to, those whose survival is in immediate danger. Faith must become a ray of hope that lets them live to see tomorrow, something they can lean on and find rest in.”
As Vargo spoke, he watched Rene’s expression. Her mouth opened with a soft, “Ah,” as though she had realized something.
“That is why it cannot be grand. People who are struggling do not have the means for elaborate rites.”
“Excellent.”
Vargo’s smile deepened. Rene’s face had brightened as she answered.
She is a good person.
The girl chosen by the Lord had a warm heart. Though things must have been terribly difficult for her, she still wore a bright expression without bitterness. Even in such circumstances, she tried to consider others.
If that girl were placed upon the scales of good and evil, the balance would surely tip toward her.
Vargo, who had judged the good and evil in others all his life, judged her in the same way and continued.
“That is why, because we believe faith exists for such people, the Holy Kingdom does not hold worship services with formal procedures.”
“Ah...”
Rene gave a small nod at his answer, showing that she understood.
However.
“Hmm... I still do not think I understand.”
It was not complete understanding.
To Rene, gods and faith were the cruelest evil in a world that had mocked her. Even after hearing this, she could not take it to heart.
Though she had so desperately wished for salvation, she was still blind.
Knowing the misery of having a lifelong plea betrayed, Rene was skeptical of prayers that would not be answered.
Seeing Rene’s expression gradually darken, Vargo guessed what she was thinking and continued.
“Of course, my words are not the definitive answer, so you need not feel too bound by them. Faith is a matter for each person who believes in it to answer for themselves.”
Rene nodded. Afterward, she fidgeted with her fingertips for a moment. Then, words rose to her throat, and she asked a question.
“You said faith exists for those who are suffering the most.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Then, if they cannot be saved through faith, would that not make those who believed miserable?”
“Why do you think so?”
“People believe in gods so they can be saved. But if they cannot even receive that salvation...”
She could not continue.
Still, Vargo knew exactly what Rene wanted to say.
It was probably about herself.
“...There is one thing I believe I can tell you with certainty.”
“What is it?”
“Faith is not salvation. Faith is an encouragement that gives those who believe in it strength to reach salvation on their own. Salvation is something one must achieve for oneself.”
Rene turned toward Vargo’s voice.
“What if there is someone who cannot save themselves?”
“Faith is what supports them so they do not collapse.”
“Even if they cannot get better? Even if there is a cliff ahead, keeping them going and pushing them onward... that is wrong, is it not?”
There was a restrained emotion in Rene’s voice as she spoke.
Vera glared sharply at Vargo upon hearing Rene’s emotional tone. Noticing the look, Vargo gave a dismissive Hmph! before speaking to Rene again.
“Then they need only take another path. A path that leads not to a cliff, but to a broad road stretching ahead.”
Rene froze.
Her expression turned blank, as though she could not believe what she had heard.
Seeing her face, Vargo continued in the same gentle tone as always.
“It is something I once said to that gloomy bastard as well. Hmm, I said it when he was about your age, Saintess.”
At Vargo’s mention of Vera, Rene pressed her lips together and listened closely.
“Gods do not show you the way. They merely watch. It is you, Saintess, who must find your own path.”
“But...!”
A rebuttal rose to her lips.
But she did not continue.
Rene knew that no matter how much she poured out at Vargo, the truth would not change.
Anything she said now would only be resentment toward the gods.
Rene pressed her lips together, then bowed her head slightly toward Vargo in apology.
“...I am sorry. I became too emotional.”
“You need not worry about it. Is it not through worries that people grow? You need only think deeply and draw closer to your answer. You are doing very well, Saintess.”
An awkward silence fell over the space. Rene lowered her head, blaming herself for being unable to control the emotion that had risen so suddenly. Vargo gave a hearty laugh at the sight before offering an apology.
“I am sorry. It seems this old man has troubled your heart.”
“No! Not at all!”
Rene answered in alarm.
Vargo laughed softly at Rene’s restless manner.
“Let us rise for today. The wind is beginning to grow cold.”
“Ah... yes.”
At Vargo’s words, Vera approached Rene and took her hand.
Vargo watched them with a chuckle.
* * *
On the way back to her lodgings, Rene walked with an anxious expression, wondering if she had been rude to Vargo.
She felt foolish. Though she had told herself she would work hard and do well, had she not lost her temper because she could not control herself?
A long Phew... escaped her.
Seeing Rene sigh, Vera felt anger rise within him toward Vargo and spoke.
“You do not need to worry about it too much. His Holiness is simply beginning to show signs of dementia.”
Rene’s fingertips trembled.
“Y-you should not say that...”
“People even curse the king when he is not around. I am only human myself, so I cannot help it in this regard.”
His words came in a stiff tone. Rene felt a small snort escape her at Vera’s stiff delivery, even when he was making a joke to comfort her.
“...Thank you.”
“There is nothing to thank me for. I only spoke sincerely.”
“Even so.”
As she said those words, Rene was surprised at how quickly that single remark eased her heart.
It was nothing more than a simple sentence, yet it sank so deeply into her. Feeling strangely unfamiliar, Rene fidgeted with her lips before asking Vera a question.
“What do you think, Sir? About... what His Holiness said.”
“I think it was the nonsense of a sanctimonious old man. As I told you before, I do not believe in the glory of the gods.”
“Is that the answer you found?”
At her question, Vera chose his words for a moment before answering.
“It is not an answer. I would say I am still in the process of moving toward one.”
“The light you told me about?”
“Yes. I believe my answer lies there. It is that light I believe in, not the gods.”
Rene nodded slightly at his words, then spoke again.
“I envy you. I still do not even know which direction my answer lies in.”
Why had she been made blind? Why had the Holy Mark descended upon her? Unlike herself, who knew none of those things, Vera was already finding his answer. That was the thought that came to her.
Seeing Rene lower her head after speaking, Vera felt something stir within him and moved his lips.
“...You will find it, Saintess. I will help you, so there is no need to hurry in the slightest.”
It was a conventional comfort. More than that, it was the only kind of comfort Vera knew how to offer.
There was no reply. Rene merely nodded at Vera’s words, ending the conversation.
Whenever they spoke like this, Rene found herself filled once again with a question that had been bothering her for some time.
What was this light, and what did it have to do with the Holy Mark that had descended upon her, for him to treat her so well?
It was a question whose answer she could not know, and one that left her feeling stifled.
Her emotions began to boil again.
Feeling them, Rene gave the ground a sharp tap.
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