WeTried Translations
Translator: Goku
Editor: Sty
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ The War Hero in the NTR Game Wants to Die ◈
Chapter 031
──────
Void (5)
I didn't want to ride in a carriage, so I just walked.
Because I didn't want to carry anything that was in the capital.
After passing through the capital's gates and entering the highway, the scent of the wind changed slightly.
The air, which had been steeped in the smell of human sweat, alcohol, and stale water, now carried the scent of earth and grass.
Even with just that, my breathing seemed to lighten somewhat.
Though it might just be my imagination.
The outline of the city behind me gradually grew smaller.
I turned my head to look at it several times, then put my hand in my pocket.
All I had brought with me was a single sword.
Anyway, Mom, mother.
The word clung to my ear like an insect, refusing to leave my mind.
That single word the student uttered when I pressed the blade against them lingered in my mind, not even erased by the sound of the wind on the highway.
Those who were dying always seemed to utter similar words.
They called out to those they loved, those who loved them.
If so, what would I seek when I die?
There's no one who loves me, and no one I love.
Even after long thought, no name came to mind that I might utter before a death that could truly end things, not a false death I would return from.
I don't know if that's fortunate or unfortunate.
Anyway, mother.
Not my mother.
Because the mother I remember isn't mine, but a lingering afterimage in my memory.
Even so, if I could see her, I would like to, just once.
It was, after all, the face and voice I had seen each time I died, hundreds of times.
Because just before my consciousness faded each time I died, warm hands and a low voice would flow into fragments of fleeting memory.
The touch of fingertips sweeping my forehead, or the warmth of a hand tucking in my blanket before sleep.
But in reality, I had never seen them.
So... since I have nothing to do anyway, and no idea where to go, perhaps visiting her tombstone just once wouldn't be so bad.
A single tombstone standing alone on the back hill of the Gryan Ducal House's mansion, a little apart from the family burial ground.
Even in my hazy memory, it remains quite distinct.
And if I go there and it doesn't please me, I can always dig up the tombstone.
Since I killed Arin too.
Everything I don't like, I should just dig it out of my heart, shouldn't I?
Just as I dug out Riehen, I'll dig out everything.
Uproot it, and if it grows back, uproot it again, until nothing remains.
If nothing is left, will I feel a little better?
At least I won't be a better person... but I'll be a little freer.
I couldn't even tell what difference that would make from now.
Anyway, I walked towards the Gryan Ducal House.
What am I going to the Gryan Ducal House for?
And why did I go to The Gryan Ducal House immediately after leaving the battlefield?
I continued to ponder such thoughts... but now that I've killed Arin, my thoughts have become quite clear.
It seems I wanted to kill my father.
More precisely, the family head of the Gryan Ducal House.
'Riehen' was always busy hiding such thoughts and emotions, but now that I've erased that friend from my mind, I've come to realize it.
Why I headed to the place where Rione and my father, whom I so disliked, were.
I wanted to erase them in some way.
Since I can no longer die and disappear, I'll erase the other party from the world instead.
If I think about who pushed 'Riehen' so hard as to make me open my eyes in this world, it seems that person has a rather large share of responsibility.
As for Rione, if we consider her an ignorant orphan who didn't learn how people live together in a family and thus crossed the line, then the family head of the Gryan Ducal House was simply a trashy bastard who pushed the grief of losing his wife onto his son.
Erasing a psychopathic person like him from the world, who made his son that way with his own hands and then chastised him for being born so wretched, wouldn't be such a bad thing.
It would be a much more moral and righteous act than brutally killing a girl who worked hard in the capital, full of dreams, having come up from the countryside.
First, let's see the family head's face.
I think I can only truly know once I see him directly.
Because I know well that right now my head is full of thoughts, and I'm moving impulsively.
That killing Arin, killing that student, and even now, I'm just moving impulsively as if pushed.
There is no grand cause, no meaning, nothing righteous or correct at all.
It's just that after drawing my sword like a person being pushed, I forgot how to stop.
So, I just need to go and find them one by one.
I need to look at each person who was around Riehen, think, and decide whether to cut them off or keep them.
Perhaps even after seeing the family head's face, I might feel unexpectedly indifferent.
I might not feel anger or sadness, and just pass over it indifferently, like looking at a stain on old wallpaper.
If that could happen, it would be better.
Honestly, if someone says it's just a crazy person whose screws are loose lashing out, I don't really have an excuse... but since there's no one to tell me what to do or what not to do, perhaps I can just act as I please?
Though even if there was, I probably wouldn't have listened.
Even if I were to wander aimlessly through this world like this, then suddenly, just as I opened my eyes here, suddenly escape from here one day... that is, even if I suddenly returned to reality one day, I wouldn't be particularly happy in this state.
If I carry these memories and emotions, happiness and freedom won't come.
Because memories will always shackle me.
Even if I escape from here, the things that burrowed into my mind will still be living perfectly fine, unconcerned.
The word revenge seems too grand.
I'm just going to untangle what's entangled.
By cutting it away.
The problem will be solved somehow.
If you don't know how to untie a knot, you just cut it.
Whether the string is damaged or becomes unusable, the tangle will be undone nonetheless.
I rode neither carriage nor horse. Slowly, I walked wherever my feet took me.
The highway gradually changed its appearance.
The neatly arranged farmlands around the capital disappeared, and low hills and small villages appeared.
When a village appeared, I stopped at an inn.
I ate, sought sleep, and when the sun rose, I walked again.
Lying on the inn bed, I could see the wood grain on the ceiling.
It was just wood grain instead of the torn canvas I used to look up at in a front-line tent, but the act of staring blankly upwards was the same.
In the end, waking up to morning with open eyes was no different from those days.
It still feels like I'm on the front lines.
Because nothing has ended.
Even if the non-humans bowed their heads, it doesn't really affect me much.
Though they are the kind of people who shouldn't be left alive.
However, it does seem better than when I was dragged around by Riehen's emotions.
My tobacco ran out, so I stopped at a general store in a rural village.
They had none of what I used to smoke in the capital, only cheap stuff that left a bitter taste on my tongue.
Still, as I smoked it, I got somewhat used to it.
Is there anything in this world that one doesn't get used to?
Killing people, the taste of cheap tobacco, the days that drift by blankly.
All of it eventually becomes commonplace with time.
The feelings I had when I first killed Arin, and when I cut down a student who might or might not have been a cultist, were slowly fading.
Everything, even the things that shouldn't fade.
There's no one by my side.
Neither beside me nor in front. Since I pushed them away, drove them off, and cut them down, I had no right to complain.
It's just how it is.
Only after striving to be alone, does one find they cannot endure the fact of being alone.
It was then, after several days of walking.
Lately, I had felt a presence following me... but because I was too bothered to deal with it, it seems they've finally caught up.
Five knights in pristine white breastplates, riding horses, rode onto the highway and blocked my path. A rather rustic-looking church emblem was emblazoned in the center of their chests.
"Commander Gryan. Her Holiness summons you."
I didn't answer and tried to pass by them.
Then, one knight turned his horse's head and blocked my way.
He didn't draw his weapon, but he didn't seem inclined to move either.
"Her Holiness?"
"Yes. There were indeed whispers within the Church that you were excessively violent, but Her Holiness says you handled this matter well and wishes to see the Commander."
"By the way, what on earth is the Commander suddenly..."
I dropped the tobacco I was holding in my mouth onto the ground and crushed it.
The ash mixed with the dirt.
That sight somehow resembled me.
"Anyway, the horse for the Commander is prepared in a nearby village."
"Lead the way."
The village was not far.
I slowly walked behind the knights.
The horse they had prepared was a docile black horse.
I took the reins and looked into its eyes for a moment.
"Tell Her Holiness. I have business at the family estate first, so if she has something to say, she should come find me directly."
The knight made a troubled face and his lips moved as if to dissuade me, but he eventually bowed his head.
"...Understood."
"Quite readily accepting, aren't you?"
"Her Holiness said. That if you do not wish to come, your wishes should be respected."
Coming from someone who had split my head open twice, I didn't feel particularly grateful, but well, it is what it is.
Anyway, I mounted the horse and slowly rode forward... but the knights followed behind me.
"But why are you following?"
"Her Holiness commanded us to follow the Commander, no matter what."
"Not to bring me?"
"You may lead our Punisher unit wherever you go. As someone who showed a resolute attitude against that disgusting Dean, who merely pretended to be human, without fear of repercussions, you are fully qualified to lead us."
"......."
Join our discord at https://dsc.gg/wetried
