WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Irevi

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Chapter 66: Will and Heart

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I sat cross-legged and focused my mind.

I kept my breathing steady, pausing for a set count each time.

I cast aside every stray thought that surfaced and focused solely on feeling the mana inside my body.

As time passed, the pounding of my heart rang loudly in my ears. I could feel my muscles trembling beyond my control.

But no matter how much time passed, I couldn't feel a damn thing that might have been mana. What the hell was it supposed to be in the first place?

"Fuck."

I cursed and got to my feet. Every time I did this meditation crap, it only piled on more stress.

It had already been a week since I started learning how to sense mana from Eleanor, and I'd meditated as hard as I could the entire time.

Yet this was the result. Forget awakening mana sensitivity, I was just building up stress every single day.

Maybe the elf training method, made for elves born with an affinity for mana, didn't suit me.

No, maybe meditation itself just didn't suit me.

The problem started with the part where I had to sit still and concentrate.

How was I supposed to stay completely motionless and focus only my mind? I didn't even know what I was meant to focus on.

Eleanor told me to focus on the mana flowing through my body, but how was I supposed to focus on something I couldn't even feel?

Besides, I was bad at concentrating in the first place.

How much concentration could a total unemployed loser who sat in his room clicking through community jokes and short videos possibly have?

The only time I could concentrate was in battle, when my blood naturally started boiling.

Unless I forced my body into a situation where it was being pushed so hard I couldn't focus on anything else, stray thoughts kept surfacing.

Should I really try waterfall training or something?

Maybe if I got blasted nonstop by ice-cold water, the useless thoughts would disappear. I might even raise a relevant resistance.

Or instead of a waterfall, what if I built a fire and meditated inside it?

It could raise my Fire Resistance, and maybe the extreme pain would wipe away my stray thoughts.

The problem was that my Fire Resistance was already so high that normal flames couldn't hurt me even if I sat in them all day.

Floor 7 was set in a forest, so there weren't any fire-attribute monsters. Did any Dark Elves know fire magic?

If I stayed inside magical flames, maybe I could get a better feel for what mana even was.

Since I'd thought of it, I put it into action right away and started looking for someone who could use elemental magic.

A few hours later.

Most Dark Elves used Shadow Magic, so it was extremely difficult to find someone who used elemental magic.

"Oh my, you're the human guest everyone's been talking about? You're looking for a Mage who can use fire magic?"

Still, there was someone. I barely managed to find a member of the Reconnaissance Team who knew fire magic.

"Yeah. I want you to make a fire for me, as strong and long-lasting as possible."

The member of the Reconnaissance Team gladly agreed to my request, and I immediately stepped inside the wall of flames they created.

"Hey, what are you doing?!"

Then I got dragged back out five seconds later.

* * *

Word that I'd tried to meditate in a fire quickly reached Eleanor.

"You're probably the only person in the entire world who's ever tried to feel mana that way. It's absurd."

I didn't agree with Eleanor.

There probably weren't many, but surely there had to be at least one person.

"No. There isn't a single one."

Eleanor flatly cut me off. Unlike usual, she sounded extremely firm.

"I don't think a method like that would help you feel mana particularly well, but you truly are stubborn."

I couldn't help being stubborn. Including Sensory Enhancement, this was how I'd always learned skills.

"I had no idea you were so weak at meditation. I never thought you lacked concentration."

"Really? I thought I obviously did."

"You think far too little of yourself. Anyone who saw you fight would think the same thing."

I appreciated the high opinion, but that didn't help me get stronger. If anything, it got in the way.

"And I still don't think you lack concentration. Perhaps the problem lies with your heart?"

"My heart?"

"Didn't I once say that the way you fought looked extremely precarious?"

She had. It was the day I'd returned after defeating the Crystal Spider with Rizmel.

She'd said it looked as though my sword and I were thinking different things.

It was such an abstract thing to say that I remembered brushing it off.

Besides, what could a sword possibly think on its own?

"A sword is a tool. And a tool is wielded with a person's will."

"If so, what do you think it means when the sword and its owner appear to be thinking different things?"

"It means the reason you wield the sword and the feelings you have when wielding it don't match."

As she said that, Eleanor took a large step toward me and placed a hand against my chest.

"More than anything, I think your heart is in a precarious state."

Eleanor's words hit the mark so precisely that it was almost shocking.

Just as she said, my heart and mind were clearly unstable.

I was always drawn to simple desires, then despised myself for it.

Even though I had hunger, the desire to sleep, and sexual desire, I'd cut myself off from all three.

I threw myself into danger hoping to die, yet struggled desperately to survive and escape this Tower.

I'd only become aware of this unstable state of mind recently.

Yet Eleanor had noticed from the beginning that my heart was in a terribly precarious state.

"You act in ways completely opposite to what you desire in your heart. That shows remarkable willpower in its own way, but I don't think it's a good thing."

Eleanor removed her hand from my chest and placed it over her own.

"I always act according to my desires. My will always runs in the same direction as my heart. Have you ever heard this saying?"

"Will is the arrow, and the heart is the flame. When the two come together, they become a flaming arrow that can pierce even the sky as it flies forward."

"Instead of meditating in fire, shouldn't you be rekindling the flame that's dying inside you?"

As Eleanor spoke, her eyes shone with the same light I'd seen before.

A light only dreamers could possess, like stars in the night sky.

* * *

Eleanor's words had certainly struck me deeply, but they didn't give me any practical strength.

I understood that the conflict between my will and heart was creating stray thoughts and interfering with meditation.

The problem was that I had no idea how to solve it. It didn't seem like something I'd find an answer to just by thinking about it.

Wouldn't it still be better to enter a fire and erase my useless thoughts through pain?

Or maybe I could find a cushion covered in thorns to sit on, or actually try waterfall training.

When I said that, Eleanor smiled bitterly.

"Yes, I knew you'd say that. Well, I wasn't saying it because I expected you to change."

She added that it would be enough if I remembered what she'd said someday, when my thoughts changed.

I definitely didn't think I'd be able to forget what happened here anytime soon.

"All right, that's enough advice... shall we move on to a practical solution this time?"

"A solution? There's one?"

"Of course. I've spent the past week looking into all sorts of methods for you."

Eleanor looked proud as she said that. I kept getting distracted by the way she thrust out her chest.

Still, I'd thought she just taught me how to meditate and left me to it. She'd actually been looking for a solution in her own way.

For some reason, I found myself seeing Eleanor differently in several ways today. A Dark Elf princess really was different.

"I searched the archives and found an old Night Elf secret technique. With this, you'll probably get the hang of it quickly."

Eleanor said that and took a small scrap of paper from her pocket.

It was written in the Elven language, so I couldn't tell what it said. I immediately asked Eleanor.

"What is this secret technique? Can I feel mana if I use it?"

Eleanor shook her head and replied that it wasn't anything that convenient, but it could convey the sensation indirectly.

"It's a secret technique that links two minds and transmits thoughts. I tested its effects myself yesterday, and it worked quite well."

From the explanation alone, it sounded like telepathy. How was that supposed to help?

"I plan to directly convey the sensation of feeling mana to you. Then you'll be able to get the hang of it too, won't you?"

Ah, I got it. That would definitely help.

The biggest reason I couldn't focus on meditation was because I couldn't feel mana at all.

If I could indirectly experience mana once through that secret technique, I'd know what to focus on and how.

"Hehe, I'm looking forward to it."

For some reason, Eleanor's laugh sounded a little suggestive.

Nothing strange would happen, right?

Footnotes:

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