WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: ZERO_SUGAR
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
Chapter 174: If I Hear the Dao in the Morning, I Can Die by Evening (14)
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His consciousness was swept far away.
Then he saw clouds.
Clouds shining in the sunlight.
Clouds soaked by rain.
White clouds against a blue sky.
The clouds, each flaunting their own shapes and colors, bloomed and scattered. Then his vision suddenly shook, and he plunged somewhere.
Fwoooosh!
‘This is...’
When he came to his senses, Yeon Sowol was sitting down.
Yet something felt strange.
It was like he had entered someone else’s body.
He saw through that man’s eyes, spoke through that man’s mouth, and felt that man’s emotions, but he could not move a single part of himself.
‘This is...’
The face reflected in a bronze mirror was certainly his own.
But the expression was subtly different.
It looked like him, yet also like someone entirely different.
It felt like he was having a strange dream.
The man sat in the room and muttered.
“In the end, this is not something that can be fixed by changing one or two things.”
Ah.
The instant the man spoke, Yeon Sowol felt his worries.
‘I wanted to live uprightly, even in a world like this. But the world itself is crooked. No matter how much I straighten myself out, no matter how carefully I look after those around me, I only keep tilting. I cannot find stability.’
This was...
Yeon Sowol let out a low groan.
Was this not exactly the sort of worry his future self might have?
He had always thought about it.
This world was far too different from the twenty-first century where he had lived.
How was he meant to live here?
His first answer had been to live as a martial artist.
At first, the thought had been simple. He knew nothing of this world and had no connections here. Living as a martial artist seemed like the only way to avoid being swept along by others while doing what he wanted. Besides, he had obtained a Greater Rejuvenation Pill.
As he lived that way, he had come to like the Jianghu well enough.
By the standards of the twenty-first century, its laws, administration, and common sense were all a complete mess. But the life of a Jianghu martial artist meant walking one’s own path without being bound by such things in the first place.
For Yeon Sowol, who possessed entirely different common sense and sensibilities from those of this world, a martial artist’s life had even come to feel like fate.
But.
But in the end.
‘There is no avoiding conflict.’
No matter how freely a Jianghu martial artist lived, there would inevitably come a moment when they collided with the rules of the world.
He had already collided with them once in Yuezhou.
Yeon Sowol had not wanted to see Yang Hoeam using young orphans as human sacrifices.
He had wanted to avenge Moyong Ha as well.
But that path could easily have brought him into direct conflict with the order of the world.
That would not be the last time.
So long as he lived in this world.
So long as there was something he wished to protect.
He would keep clashing with it, again and again.
What should he do when that happened?
The man in the dream was worrying over exactly that.
“...I cannot turn away. But neither can I simply be dragged along, picking up what is wrong after it is too late.”
Wearing Yeon Sowol’s face, inhabiting Yeon Sowol’s body, he sank into thought as Yeon Sowol would.
Then he reached an answer.
“Perhaps setting the world right would require less effort and cause less harm.”
At that conclusion, Yeon Sowol nodded inwardly.
He could not offer wholehearted support. That would be a little burdensome. Who was he to do that?
‘Set the world right? How? Wouldn’t that be even harder?’
Still, he could understand it.
‘It is one way.’
It felt burdensome, but it was a conclusion he himself might have reached. The man in the dream had reached it while feeling considerable pressure too. Yeon Sowol could sense that.
‘But then... isn’t this not a heart demon after all?’
Yeon Sowol could readily approve of this man. He felt none of the discordance Chungdam True Man had mentioned.
Then the scene changed.
‘...Huh?’
Yeon Sowol was a little flustered.
Flutter.
Flutter. Flutter.
Reform Heaven.
Thus Heaven.
The People as the Foundation.
Flags bearing those words fluttered in the wind.
He stood at their center. No, that man did.
And across from him...
An imperial army numbering at least several million stood in formation.
Yeon Sowol sensed it.
‘He feels pity.’
That man looked upon the millions of imperial soldiers with profound regret.
“Celestial Master, what should we do?”
Someone asked.
But what?
Celestial Master?
A master of heaven?
Hadn’t the leader of the fallen Daoists in Hengyang been called that too...?
In any case, it sounded unbearably embarrassing to him.
Yet the man with his face accepted the title calmly and answered.
“Kill them all.”
What?
“But there may be people among them who have sincere intentions. They obey the emperor’s command now, but once they learn the teachings of our Way of the Celestial Masters, there may be those who follow us from their hearts.”
“I know. But kill them all. We must kill every last one to deal them a crushing blow. They will become afraid. Only then will the blood that must be shed afterward be reduced.”
“Celestial Master...”
“My heart aches, but it cannot be helped. I will lead the way.”
A chill ran down Yeon Sowol’s spine.
‘What the hell is wrong with this bastard?’
It was because the man’s feelings were conveyed to him in full.
‘He really does feel sorry for them. He is even grieving for them.’
That was why it felt alien.
Why it made him uneasy.
‘This is absolutely not something I would do.’
Yeon Sowol had no intention of simply standing by and ignoring what was rotten. That much was the same.
But to lead the charge in killing several million people for something he believed was right?
To endure pity and grief while doing it?
‘This is not me.’
He was not that passionate.
He was not that grimly resolute.
Then scenes flashed past.
Rivers and mountains dyed red.
“The old order must be eliminated. The distinctions of emperor, noble, and high minister did not exist from the beginning. They were created by those people for their own benefit.”
Himself, killing countless people.
“Even without an emperor, the realm can be governed. Gather the will of the people, establish new laws and institutions so no one can move the realm unilaterally, and make them check one another. That is all.”
Himself, leading countless people.
Massacring people, then massacring more.
Teaching them.
Teaching them again.
At last, cutting off the emperor’s head...
And then.
“In this premodern society, not an information society, maintaining law and order is difficult. Therefore, people must become good of their own accord. Then laws will become unnecessary. That must be the Daoist tradition’s Nonaction and the Confucian tradition’s virtue.”
He sorted people.
“Those who are not good will be killed. Repeat that for only a few generations, and people will become good.”
Even livestock began to show meaningful traits after being selectively bred for several generations.
“Fortunately, my cultivation is deep, so I will live a long time. I can make all the people of the realm good before I leave.”
You crazy bastard!
Unable to bear it any longer, Yeon Sowol screamed. No sound came out, but his chest felt too tight to endure.
You lunatic. What are you saying? You want to breed people like livestock?
Get a grip. Wearing my face, how can you possibly...
But what truly left him speechless was that the man suffered and agonized over it the entire time.
“My sins are many...”
Then do not do it!
“But this is the only path to prevent greater sacrifice and misery. If a smaller price can buy something greater...”
Do not do it, you crazy bastard!
He killed while suffering.
Killed.
Killed.
And killed again.
In that blood-red dream, Yeon Sowol finally opened his eyes.
* * *
Bleeaaargh!
The first thing Yeon Sowol did after escaping the medicinal effects of the Cloud-Dream Elixir was vomit.
He felt sick.
At every word that bastard had said.
At every expression that bastard had made.
Uurk! Bleeagh!
Tears clung to the corners of his eyes as he turned toward Chungdam True Man.
He felt as though he had lived through an entire lifetime, but Chungdam True Man’s bearing had not changed at all. It was as if no time had passed.
“M-Master. Was what I saw real? Is a heart demon like that growing inside me?”
“If you saw it, then it must exist.”
“That cannot be...”
It felt as though his blood had gone cold.
Something like that was inside him?
He was going to become that?
“Find it.”
Chungdam True Man’s voice sank low.
“Find it, and defeat it.”
“How... How am I supposed to find it?”
Even as he asked, Yeon Sowol did not expect an answer.
‘He’ll probably speak in riddles again...’
He always had. There had even been times when Yeon Sowol believed he had learned and reached enlightenment through that.
‘But please. At least this time.’
He was afraid now.
That lunatic who wore his face and killed millions, tens of millions, without hesitation.
The thought that he might become that person made him feel as though he would go mad.
He wanted a proper answer.
Chungdam True Man spoke.
“Do not become a coward.”
“...What?”
“I still think the same. You must put down and forget everything you have achieved. That is the path our Wudang follows.”
“But... I do not know what I must put down.”
“Everything.”
“Then will the heart demon retreat? And how am I supposed to put down everything?”
“Yes. You do not know, so you need not put it down. But do not become a coward. If you intend to examine and uncover every matter one by one, then see it through to the end.”
“To the end...?”
“I mean you must do the same to yourself. Do not become intoxicated with yourself. Apply the same standard to yourself, rigorously examine and uncover what you truly are. What you know. What you possess.”
Master.
Did that mean he was not doing that now?
Did it mean he was a coward?
Chungdam True Man merely looked silently into Yeon Sowol’s blank eyes.
* * *
After Chungdam True Man withdrew, Yeon Sowol sat alone in the bamboo grove.
His mind was a mess.
‘Put it down?’
How was he supposed to do that?
Did declaring, I have put it down, mean he had put it down?
Being told to put it down without any explanation was no different from being told to apologize first when he did not even know what he had done wrong. There was no way he could sincerely apologize.
Still, Yeon Sowol thought.
‘What could it mean to tell me to put it down? It must be connected to my heart demon...’
He sank deeply into thought.
As if he had lost himself.
Then Chungdam True Man’s voice suddenly echoed in his ears.
“Then does your universe exist even without you?”
Something tickled at the edge of his awareness.
Yeon Sowol shaped it into words.
“In the end... was I trying to become the center of everything...?”
Until now, he had tried to create a universe with his own qi.
To make it more intricate, he had granted it autonomy, complexity, and uncertainty.
But he had done all of that himself in the end.
He had been the center of that universe, its fundamental cause.
“The universe I was creating... was it a universe where I became absolute order?”
The thought sent a chill through him.
“So that is why... my heart demon became like that.”
Himself, trying to complete the universe by becoming its center.
Himself, trying to set the world right by becoming the realm itself.
It seemed plausible.
This felt like the source of his heart demon.
If so.
‘All I need to do is step down from the center.’
An enlightenment struck him like lightning.
‘Would it not be enough to step down from the position of master to that of observer? Let this universe move even without me. I will merely watch it.’
It felt as though the entire world had brightened.
It was profoundly familiar.
Like the moment he discovered the Eight Extraordinary Vessels during his first closed-door seclusion.
Like the moment he became certain during his second closed-door seclusion that this world could not be a dream.
The very enlightenment that had always saved and guided Yeon Sowol shone brightly within him.
‘Ah... This is it.’
Only now did he understand.
Everything Chungdam had told him.
The meaning behind everything Chungdam had made him do.
That was what a universe was.
Something that existed whether he was there or not.
Something that remained there on its own, even if he was not its center.
‘I should have put down more.’
He should have put down even the barest order, left things as they were by nature, merely watched them, and come to know them.
‘I should never have touched the stones in the first place.’
So that was why Chungdam had told him to return them to where they belonged.
Everything brightened.
The trembling of enlightenment soaked through his entire body.
He felt drunk.
Then, then had he overcome the heart demon?
‘Yes. If I nurture this enlightenment, then the heart demon...’
At that moment, another voice struck through his mind like lightning.
“There is no place in your world for nameless things to live.”
He still did not fully understand those words.
But.
‘There is no need to worry about that. Master said it himself. My method of trying to name everything could also be one path.’
Yes.
Chungdam True Man had already acknowledged it.
‘Besides, saying that we cannot know everything... is rather superstitious, isn’t it?’
It felt like a premodern idea from before scientific thinking had properly taken root.
Why could something not be known?
If one had the proper method, should one not naturally be able to know it?
To say that one should give up trying to know something because it was difficult to understand, was that not a kind of anti-intellectualism?
Yeon Sowol could not help but feel repulsed by it.
But.
Then...
There was another statement he did not understand.
“Do not become a coward.”
“Apply the same standard to yourself.”
“What you truly are. What you know...”
Those words were strange.
They ran contrary to everything Chungdam True Man had said until now.
Rather, they told him to see things clearly and properly.
Yeon Sowol examined himself.
Had he been a coward?
Had he applied a different standard to himself?
‘No. I was merely trying earnestly to understand and learn about the world... To replicate it as perfectly as possible...’
Then, suddenly.
His blood.
Went cold.
“No. Wait.”
Yeon Sowol shook his head.
“Wait. Wait. Just wait.”
A chill crawled up his back.
Everything suddenly felt unfamiliar.
He.
Who was he, really?
“Since when... did I think I knew?”
Did he think that because he had come from the twenty-first century, he understood the universe while these people did not, and that was where their difference in understanding came from?
But.
That was strange.
“Did people in the twenty-first century... know everything about the universe?”
No. They did not.
Even scientists in the twenty-first century had countless things they did not know about the universe. They had no idea what dark matter or dark energy truly were, and endlessly argued among themselves.
“Then did I... even know all the knowledge of the twenty-first century...?”
Of course not.
That was absurd.
He had only been a high school student who had not even gone to college.
What did he know?
“Then why... did I think I knew?”
He invoked the maxim that a Dao that can be spoken is not the eternal Dao while incorporating quantum uncertainty into the universe.
But.
“Did I properly understand what that Daoist saying meant?”
No.
Yeon Sowol had not known, but his understanding had been mistaken.
The moment one called the Dao “Dao,” it was no longer the original Dao?
That understanding was inaccurate.
It was better understood as saying that the Dao as a whole could never be fully expressed in words. That no matter how many words were used, there would always be something left unsaid.
“Did I... properly understand the uncertainty principle?”
No.
He had been wrong about that too.
If one understood uncertainty as meaning a quantum state changed because of observation, then its meaning changed.
In truth, it was closer to saying that a quantum state could not be fully grasped within an intuitive framework of understanding.
In ordinary intuition, position and momentum were separately fixed values. But in the quantum world, the two were strangely connected.
When position became precise, momentum became uncertain.
When momentum became precise, position became uncertain.
The more certain one became, the more obscure the other became.
A structural uncertainty inherent to the universe itself.
A hint that this universe, like an elaborate fortress, might in fact be built upon some kind of wave.
Yet Yeon Sowol had acted as though he understood its meaning.
“What was I...?”
For the first time, Yeon Sowol began looking at what he did not know.
Until now, he had subtly turned away from it.
Previously, it had looked like empty space that needed to be filled.
But what if this was...
“If this had been empty space the world left from the beginning...”
What if there were things not merely undefined yet, but inherently impossible to define?
Then what did his attempts to fill them mean?
And this was only about his previous universe.
‘...But this is not even the world I lived in. This is not a universe where the scientific laws I knew apply, is it?’
This was a world where people flew through the air and released sword qi.
Then.
He truly did not know.
He knew nothing about this universe.
Only then did Yeon Sowol instinctively realize it.
“It could never all be exhausted...”
The moment one grasped it through enlightenment, it was no longer the whole. A model could never become the object itself.
“How arrogant... I had been.”
Yeon Sowol calmed his heart.
As if he had lost himself.
He merely looked upon the world.
He tried to see it as it was, without arbitrarily naming it.
Then a voice suddenly rose from within him.
“Then get rid of the position of privileged observer too.”
“From a relativistic perspective, you only need to see yourself as a small part of that universe. Become small, then learn everything again.”
“From the beginning, fill things in step by step and humbly.”
It was enlightenment.
The enlightenment that had guided him until now.
The enlightenment that had kept him alive until now.
But now it sounded unfamiliar.
It continued speaking to him.
“This is a new universe? Even better. If you add the knowledge of this universe to the knowledge of the previous one, an even greater universe will be born.”
“We cannot be perfect. But we must pursue perfection.”
What was this?
What was this enlightenment?
“Do not stop. Do not start doubting now. That is the heart demon.”
“Humbly. Steadily move forward.”
“I have to do it. Father said so too. That I have to become strong. So those bastards cannot become strong.”
“I survived until now because I struggled like this, didn’t I?”
His heart sank endlessly.
Yet amid that depth, some enlightenment kept floating upward.
Alone, it felt unfamiliar.
At last, Yeon Sowol asked.
“Who... are you?”
“...”
The voice of that thing abruptly stopped.
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