WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Haruto
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ Even in a Dark Fantasy, You Still Have to Eat ◈
Chapter 13: What Kind of Noona Do You Like? # 1
──────
The Thieves’ Guild had refused to open the bathroom door.
Criminal scum this heinous could not be tolerated.
I would not live under the same sky as them!
So, I found Hammer fast asleep after getting completely drunk.
“Hammer, do you know where the Thieves’ Guild hideout is? Please mark it on this map!”
“Uh... Number 3... manhole cover...”
Good.
It was near the training grounds.
Not far, either.
I changed clothes and headed to the training grounds.
A sewer cover marked with a 「3」.
Creak.
When I opened it, I found a ladder leading down into an underground passage that reeked of urine.
Splash!
The sewers were as dark as walking through the mouth of a huge, long snake, but thanks to the 「Black Eyes」 I received from Asibarr, I could see reasonably well.
You know how raising your monitor’s gamma lets you see things you normally can’t?
That was exactly what it felt like.
After walking for a while, I came across a fairly wide open space.
Several people were sitting atop crates and collapsed stone pillars, striking poses.
They had the feel of some villain organization from a comic.
Were they the Phantom Troupe? Akatsuki?
Either way, they were my enemies.
“Which bastard locked the bathroom door for our unit?”
I was the type to speak politely to people whenever possible.
First impressions were important, after all.
But there was no need to make myself look good to animals like these.
When I issued my threat, several figures hidden in the darkness revealed themselves.
Some wore hoods.
Others wore masks over their faces, practically advertising that they were criminals.
One person, however, stood out by openly showing off her face and figure.
“Me.”
Her skin was as translucent as moonlight, and her breasts were large.
She had long hair tied back so it would not get in her way.
Her tight leather outfit clung to her body, and the zipper across her chest was open, leaving her rather exposed.
“Why would you do something so terrible? You nearly trampled on my dignity!”
For some reason, polite speech came out of my mouth.
Damn it. In front of women with big breasts, I naturally became more gentlemanly.
I needed to break that habit somehow.
The woman soon introduced herself.
“I’m Jermain, branch chief of the Thieves’ Guild’s Barrier branch.”
Whoosh!
As soon as she finished speaking, she leaped through the air like a cat and landed lightly beside me.
There was not a single sound from her feet.
‘She’s skilled.’
She might even be a match for Felix. At least level 15.
My hand went for my dagger, but my belt was empty.
My dagger was spinning around in Jermain’s hand.
“I didn’t expect you to make it straight here after getting through the traps and false paths. You’re pretty good, huh? I heard you did in One-Eye. Looks like it was true.”
Traps? False paths?
Were there any?
More importantly, I had done in One-Eye?
That guy was probably swimming freely around the university as seafood right now.
“I don’t know about anything else, but I wasn’t the one who did in One-Eye.”
“Come on, no need to be humble in this line of work! We know exactly how troublesome that raccoon-like bastard was. Right?”
“He was an annoying prick. I wanted to do him in myself, so it’s a shame.”
“You turned One-Eye into fermented seafood? How the hell did you do it?”
“You can tell just by looking at him. That kid’s such a bad seed, so yellow it gleams gold!”
I didn’t really understand, but everyone seemed to be praising me, and my nose started to itch.
When I rubbed it, Jermain asked casually, “You like money, right?”
“Is there anyone who doesn’t?”
“Good. I don’t need to see any more. You pass!”
Jermain handed my dagger back to me.
She held the blade and offered me the handle. It was such rare kindness from a thief that I was almost touched.
“I’ll get straight to the point. Want to go into business with us?”
“Business? What kind?”
“We sell Ether to rich people in the Empire. For cash.”
“You don’t level up?”
“We’re not combat classes, so leveling efficiency is low.”
Jermain shrugged.
“You only need to invest the bare minimum in equipment. Just enough to keep from dying.”
“...Can you do that?”
“Of course. Turn everything you earn into gold and prepare for retirement. Life in the Barrier may be short, but life in the Empire is long, right?”
Instead of using Ether to buy equipment or level up, they turned it into money.
It was a strangely familiar approach.
The people before me began to feel oddly familiar too.
We had only just met, but they felt like neighborhood older brothers and sisters I had known for ages.
Sway.
Jermain bent slightly and whispered, “What do you think? Want to work with us? It’s not a bad offer. Our Thieves’ Guild also sells custom thief equipment and work tools to members.”
It seemed like a good offer in many ways.
Hammer had been telling me that I needed to get proper equipment, too.
Upgrading equipment was the foundation and the best part of hunting.
The Thieves’ Guild dealt in good thief equipment?
It made sense in its own way.
‘Still, it’s better to think about things like this for a long time.’
Offers that seemed too good often left a bad taste afterward.
These terms only benefited me.
What losses and risks would I have to bear?
Then Jermain’s brow furrowed.
“...But Yore, you’ve lived in the back alleys with a habit like that? It’s a wonder you haven’t been knocked flat already.”
“A habit?”
“What? You didn’t know? Then trust me and try just one thing. From now on, carry this beer glass around for one day.”
Pourrrrr.
Jermain handed me a glass filled with beer almost to the brim.
“But you cannot spill even a single drop.”
“Why should I do that?”
“You don’t want to do it for free, is that it? Fine. Then I’ll pay you in advance.”
Jermain wrapped herself around my arm.
Then she planted a loud kiss on my cheek.
“Uh, uh, uh...”
“How’s that? Enough payment for you?”
She smelled faintly of oil.
There was also the scent of metal and sweat from tense moments.
Yet it felt more thrilling than the scent of cosmetics I had once caught from a noble young lady.
The thieves laughed at the sight of me.
“Well, well. Looks like that brat caught Jermain’s eye. Fickle Jermain must be thinking of taking on a disciple for once.”
“Kid, ask if you can touch her breasts. She might even let you!”
“Pwahaha! Want your fingers cut off? Like mine?”
Everyone was having a great time.
It made me embarrassed for no reason.
Still, I was somewhat familiar with this kind of atmosphere.
I didn’t want to admit it, but I felt comfortable here.
And honestly, the idea of selling Ether for hard cash interested me too.
Maybe Jermain-noona was not such a bad person.
Even if she had locked the bathroom door.
There might have been a reason for it.
“But what if I fail this strange training?”
“Then you’re the only one who loses out.”
What exactly would I lose out on?
# # #
Our party had met its quota, so our schedule was relaxed.
In other words, we were taking a day off.
“Ugh, my head. How much did I drink yesterday? But Yore, what are you doing with a beer glass?”
“Hey, Hammer, don’t come any closer!”
I couldn’t properly rest because I had to make sure the beer did not spill.
I had to avoid people approaching me and other variables. Even while eating, I focused so hard on the beer glass in my hand that I barely knew where my food was going.
My brain was about to split in two.
No, was the brain originally split in two?
Anyway, it felt like I was being tricked somehow.
But with a glimmer of hope, I diligently carried out this beer-glass training.
One hour, then two.
The longer I held the glass, the more I could feel the trembling in my arm settle down.
The ripples that had seemed ready to spill over at any moment gradually became still.
“Boo!”
Even when Hermit suddenly jumped out and startled me, I did not panic.
“What? You weren’t startled?”
“Your pointed hat was visible from far away.”
“Tch, no fun. So what kind of training are you doing?”
“I don’t know either.”
“...What kind of answer is that...?”
And so, before I knew it, evening came.
While relieving myself in the bathroom, I felt something cool approach my waist.
I reached out and caught Jermain-noona by the wrist. She smiled slyly at me.
“Oh? You’re not so easy to catch this time. And you didn’t even spill the beer.”
“Whoa, what was that just now? It felt like I had eyes on my back!”
“Huh? It’s nothing special. Yore, you were paying so much attention to your surroundings that your concentration had become scattered. I just corrected it a little through training.”
“My concentration?”
People often told me I was easily distracted.
Back in school, I used to run all over the top of my desk and get scolded by my teacher.
“It is training that lets you focus on yourself while still sensing changes outside you. It is a basic skill you need to learn if you want to live as a thief in the unpredictable back alleys and the Land of Night. Practice it whenever you can.”
“Yes!”
“Then shall we move right into practical training? Brigadier General Ezakiel will be meeting your unit soon, right? Bring me one of Ezakiel’s buttons. Then I’ll fix your bigger habit too.”
“I have a bigger habit?”
“You’re weak around women.”
Jermain pulled down the zipper on her leather outfit.
My eyes were drawn there at once, and my beer glass sloshed.
“See?”
“Ah! How are you supposed to fix that?”
“That’s even simpler. The way is...”
.....
....
...
..
.
“Yore, is there something wrong with my clothes?”
Brigadier General Ezakiel’s voice snapped me back to my senses.
Maybe because of Jermain-noona’s offer yesterday, I couldn’t help staring at Brigadier General Ezakiel’s clothes and buttons.
Ezakiel narrowed her eyes at me.
“You are only a recruit, yet you are not paying attention to what I say. That is a little disrespectful.”
“How could I possibly let Ms. Ezakiel’s words go in one ear and out the other? I heard everything.”
“Really? Then do you remember what I just said?”
“Of course I do. You said you came to commend me for my achievements this time, and that you were treating me to a delicious lunch.”
“You remember better than I expected.”
Jermain’s special training was really effective.
Maybe it was because I could use my concentration more efficiently, making it easier to notice changes around me even while thinking about something else.
The problem was how to steal a button from the flawless Brigadier General Ezakiel.
No matter how I concentrated and made plans, I couldn’t see an answer.
“Yore, do you want one of my buttons?”
“Pardon?”
“Then I’ll give you one.”
What!?
Could I really be this lucky?
Author’s Note
August 10...!!! A reader sent me a donation...!!!
Thank you for the donation, marvel****_504...!!!
Please check the announcements for the detailed thank-you notice!
Footnotes:
Join our discord at https://dsc.gg/wetried
