Even in a Dark Fantasy, You Still Have to Eat - Chapter 14

WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Haruto

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

◈ Even in a Dark Fantasy, You Still Have to Eat ◈

Chapter 14: What Kind of Noona Do You Like? # 2

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Ms. Ezakiel popped a button off the front of her uniform.

It was round and gold, with an eagle engraved on it.

Anyone could tell it was valuable.

“Yore, you have an excellent eye to covet this button. It’s custom-made. There aren’t even ten like it in the world.”

“You’re just giving something like that to me?”

It was incredible.

I’d been racking my brains over how to steal that button, but if this happened, didn’t that mean I didn’t need to bother anymore?

Still...

My hand didn’t move right away.

“Are you going to ask me to do something in exchange for the button?”

If you went around picking up and eating all sorts of free things, it would make you sick later.

It was a rule I’d learned while shitting blood, so I’d better follow it whenever possible.

“This is a reward for performing better than expected on your first expedition. You’re receiving fair payment.”

“Oooooh!”

Only then could I take the button without worry.

It was round.

Yellow and shiny.

Everyone liked things like this.

The fact that it had been attached to Ms. Ezakiel’s chest made it seem even more special.

It looked like it would smell nice.

As I admired it, Ms. Ezakiel finished eating and elegantly wiped her lips with a handkerchief.

“It’s very enjoyable to exchange goods through fair payment, isn’t it? But there are evil people in the Empire who interfere with that enjoyment.”

“They really are terrible people.”

I hurriedly agreed.

Agreeing with Ms. Ezakiel was more fun than I’d expected.

And if she smiled at my response?

My luck might hold for the whole day.

Sure enough, Ms. Ezakiel gave me a gentle smile.

“It’s about time. Shall we go?”

“Huh? Go where?”

Ah, I hadn’t finished eating yet.

Still, holding Ms. Ezakiel’s golden button made me feel full even without food.

So I followed her.

We climbed the high wall. Just as I was admiring the wide-open view again, I heard a sound like boiling water from somewhere nearby.

“Grrrk, grrk...!”

When I turned my head, a man drenched in blood was being held down by uniformed soldiers, panting heavily.

Ms. Ezakiel calmly gestured toward him.

“There he is.”

What could that mean?

The fresh mood from moments ago instantly gave way to tension.

“People who secretly sell Ether for gold keep appearing. Does the lesson of death not work? Even foolish monkeys should understand after this much.”

Ms. Ezakiel knelt and met the man’s eyes.

That was when I got a closer look at him.

He was unfamiliar.

Even if I’d known him, he’d been beaten into such a bloody mess that I might not have recognized him.

But the sight of his severed fingers suddenly reminded me of what had happened the night before.

His hand looked exactly like the one belonging to the man who’d supposedly had his fingers cut off for trying to grope Jermain’s breasts.

When I looked puzzled, Ms. Ezakiel asked me a question.

“Yore, do you know him?”

The man with the severed fingers answered before I could.

“Khehehe. Look at this. What a tender-looking little thing. Ezakiel, you bitch, is this your new gigolo lover? Our general has such refined tastes.”

“...”

“You slept with filthy old men to climb so high, and now you want a taste of young men too? What a shame. If it were me, in bed I would...”

His words stopped.

The man lunged at Ms. Ezakiel as if he meant to bite out her throat.

“Nobody move!”

Before anyone knew it, the man had a blade in his hand and was holding it to Brigadier General Ezakiel’s neck.

Everyone could only stare in shock.

“When did that bastard hide a knife like that...?!”

“We searched him thoroughly!”

“Get a carriage ready! Now! Unless you want to see a hole in this bitch’s neck! Hurry!”

It was a sudden hostage situation.

I was terribly flustered, but the most surprising thing was that Ms. Ezakiel looked as calm as if she’d merely come out for a walk.

“Hangman, wasting such a rare opportunity. There’s no fool like you.”

“What does that...?”

Thud.

Splash.

The man’s head suddenly rolled across the floor, while Ms. Ezakiel straightened her disheveled clothes.

Then she casually wiped the blood from her lips with her white-gloved hand.

Her already striking lips had gained a coat of red and drew the eye even more.

What on earth had happened?

There was still so much about this world that I didn’t know.

# # #

Back in my room, I thought about what had just happened.

Then a thought suddenly came to me.

‘Did he cover for me?’

The man who’d been beheaded earlier.

Had he perhaps glossed over his connection to me in front of Ms. Ezakiel?

What would have happened if I’d said I knew him?

Would my head have rolled across the floor too?

That thought suddenly made me very depressed.

“Why do you look so down?”

Felix asked after returning from a shower following training.

I told him what had happened.

“Ms. Ezakiel didn’t even blink when someone died. I didn’t know this, but is she actually a very scary and cruel person...?”

“As far as I know, at least thirty-two people were killed.”

“...Ms. Ezakiel did!?”

“I mean the man whose head came off today. His name was Hangman. Want to know why? His hobby was tying ropes around his victims’ necks, fastening them to ceiling beams, then pulling with all his strength until they died.”

“What?”

“There are too many rapes, arsons, and robberies he committed to count.”

Fuck, he was completely evil.

All my sympathy disappeared.

“I think Ms. Ezakiel is too soft and merciful for giving such trash a second chance. You should know that well too, since you received her kindness.”

That was true. I’d been locked in prison, waiting for the day I would die.

Then Ms. Ezakiel had taken me out, given me food, and even brought me to the wall.

A rapist and murderer who had killed thirty-two people.

Ms. Ezakiel, who had killed that rapist and murderer.

Wasn’t it rude to compare the two in the first place?

Come to think of it, people died anyway.

They died here and they died there.

Someone could end up hanging from a rope just for getting the dice right several times.

So I didn’t think I could hate Ms. Ezakiel merely because she’d punished a violent criminal.

‘Ah, stop overthinking it.’

Conclusion.

I should sleep.

That night, I had an extremely lewd dream.

I didn’t remember who was in it, but I woke in the dark before dawn and had to change my underwear and pants.

“It always happens when I see someone die.”

Since I was already awake, should I take a shower?

I’d sweated a lot in my sleep and felt sticky.

As I wandered through the dark hallway looking for the bathhouse, I spotted a restroom.

I knocked on its door and asked.

“Jermain-noona, are you there?”

“Do you think I live in the bathroom?”

Gasp.

When had she appeared behind me?

Seeing me jump, Jermain-noona let out a soft laugh.

“You think you can notice the presence of the Thieves’ Guild’s barrier branch chief after a little beer-glass training? So, why did you call me?”

“I saw someone get his head cut off today. If you get caught exchanging Ether for gold, does your head really get cut off? You never told me that!”

“Yore, the Thieves’ Guild itself is illegal. The Empire strictly prohibits private Blessed organizations other than the Barrier Exploration Battalion.”

...What?

This was a world where selling Ether for gold could get you killed.

My dream of gathering piles of gold and enjoying a luxurious retirement one day was fading away...

“So, is that all you wanted?”

“Hehehe, of course not. I brought the button we agreed on. Here.”

Gulp.

With trembling hands, I took a button from my pocket.

Jermain-noona accepted it and examined it from every angle.

“You really brought it? Honestly, this is beyond my expectations.”

“You said you’d give me the next training if I brought this. You’ll keep your promise, right?”

“But Ezakiel just gave you this, didn’t she? You didn’t steal it.”

“Gasp.”

How did she know that?

Still, I had no choice but to make excuses.

“You only told me to bring a button. You never said I had to steal it.”

“Where does a brat who’s still wet behind the ears get off talking back? Still, I’ll admit it. I never told you to steal it. How was I supposed to know Ezakiel would simply hand you a button?”

“So, what about the training?”

Training to improve my resistance to women.

It was a process I desperately needed to become a better thief.

As I trembled with anticipation, Jermain-noona sighed.

“Fine. A promise is a promise.”

She lowered the zipper of her top.

Then she reached between her sweat-dampened breasts and pulled out a scroll.

“Ta-da.”

It was a picture.

A woman’s body was drawn on it.

“Look at this every night and build up your resistance to women’s bodies. Don’t stare too long, though. It may be too stimulating for a virgin!”

What was this?

I felt completely cheated.

One golden button for a single crude scroll with a woman drawn on it?

As I frowned, Jermain-noona spoke.

“A button Ezakiel gave you as payment is only worth this much. We’re thieves. Something acquired fairly has no value at all.”

“It has no value?”

“Yore, if you do labor worth one hundred Ether and receive one hundred Ether as payment, it essentially cancels out to zero.”

“...That’s true, I guess.”

“On the other hand, stealing takes twenty Ether worth of work and gets you two hundred Ether in payment. That feels amazing!”

Oh, that sounded convincing.

It made perfect sense!

“So next time, try stealing something proper. There’s no time limit, so take it easy. Until then, your big sis will hold onto this button for you, okay?”

Jermain-noona slipped the golden button between her breasts.

It felt like a light suddenly flashed in my head.

So I reached into my pocket and took out another button.

“Then what about this one? I secretly swiped it when Hangman caused a scene before his head got cut off. Hehehe!”

It was the golden button that had been attached to the left sleeve of Ms. Ezakiel’s uniform.

The second button.

Originally, I’d wanted to keep it for myself, but I had no choice but to bring it out after Jermain-noona acted like that!

Jermain-noona narrowed her eyes.

“...You little squirrel bastard. You’re trying to swindle your big sis? You’re not just a bad seed, you’re shining gold. From now on, I’ll call you Golden Yore.”

Golden Yore?

That didn’t matter.

My face was burning for several reasons.

“Then go find your button yourself.”

Jermain-noona thrust out her chest.

Author’s Note

August 11...!!! A reader has sent me a donation...!!!

Thank you for the donation, marvel****_504...!!!

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As an aside...

I’m considering changing the title...

To something more reader-friendly...