WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Haruto
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ Even in a Dark Fantasy, You Still Have to Eat ◈
Chapter 15: Thief! # 1
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Jermain noona took my buttons.
And now she was telling me to find them myself?
My mouth went dry.
Because I saw her tuck one of the buttons between her breasts.
She pulled scrolls out of there, too.
And put buttons in there.
It was practically a magic pouch.
“What are you doing? What if someone comes? Hurry up.”
It was a trap.
Anyone could see it was a trick.
There was no way a beautiful woman like Jermain would let someone touch her chest so easily.
But one thought kept repeating in my head.
What if it was real?
So I slowly reached out and slipped my hand between those two large mounds of flesh.
‘W-What the hell is this...?!’
The two weights pressing against my palm made my brain feel fried.
Warm and soft...
I did not know whether the slight dampness came from my sweat or Jermain’s.
But...
“...There are no buttons.”
“Did you look properly?”
“...I don’t think they’re there.”
Jermain’s blue eyes curved into crescents.
At that moment, I knew I had fallen into a trap.
You stupid bastard. You got fooled.
That was the look on her face.
Then it happened.
Shing.
A sharp metal point touched my neck.
“...Huh!?”
“I’m going to teach you three things. The first lesson is this. Don’t trust any woman in this barrier.”
Prick.
A dagger? A long needle?
Something I could not identify poked my neck.
I had no choice but to pull back, finally escaping the trap of flesh.
It felt like I had been kicked out of heaven.
“The second lesson is not to trust your eyes. Of all the parts of the human body, the eyes lie the most.”
Swish.
Jermain stepped back and opened her palm.
What she held was neither a dagger nor a long needle, but two gleaming gold buttons.
“Huh?”
Hadn’t she put one between her breasts?
What happened?
Why were they in her hand? It really felt as if my eyes had lied to me.
“And the third and final lesson is... Hmm. Maybe it’s still too early for that.”
Jermain returned the two buttons to my hand.
I was thinking about how strange her sleight of hand was when someone shouted from far away.
“Hey, rookie. What are you doing there?”
When I turned my head, I saw Hermit in her pointed hat walking down the corridor.
I could not help but panic.
Hermit obviously would not like me meeting someone from the Thieves’ Guild.
And I was painfully aware that I had been doing something very bad just moments ago.
This was the first time I had ever felt this way.
I had never felt like this when I dined and dashed or robbed jewelers.
What had just happened was definitely something bad, something I should hide from others.
But something even stranger happened next.
Jermain, who had clearly been standing in front of me, had vanished.
What?
Where did she go?
“What are you doing here? It sounded like you were talking to someone.”
Hermit approached and asked me.
Then she looked around, and my eyes fell on her chest.
Maybe it was because I had just explored such an amazing valley.
Compared to that, hers were only small hills, which helped me feel less nervous.
“Talking? What are you talking about?”
Jermain noona’s training was really amazing!
I was calm in front of a woman.
Then Hermit looked at my hand.
“Is that scroll you’re holding... an erotic picture book? Standing in front of the bathroom with an erotic picture book this late at night... What the hell are you...?”
Hermit’s face turned red.
Then she quickly turned her head away.
“W-We’re getting our equipment tomorrow, so go to bed early!”
What was wrong with her all of a sudden?
# # #
“Everyone, listen up! The forecast says the sun will rise over the Great Plains today! Yore, tell me about the Great Plains. You’ve been reading books lately, so you should know this much, right?”
“...Um, a wide plain?”
“That’s right, but why do you seem so out of it today? Get a grip! Did you stay up last night doing something bad? Hahaha!”
Thump!
Hammer slapped my shoulder with his palm.
At that moment, I met Hermit’s eyes. Under her pointed hat, she frowned deeply before quickly looking away.
What was with her?
Not long ago, she had even messed with me while I was training. I thought we had become fairly close.
But she was being so fickle that I could not understand her at all.
Then I remembered Jermain noona’s training.
First lesson. Don’t trust any woman in this barrier.
It was certainly a reasonable lesson.
Women were fickle creatures. They acted as though they were getting close to you, then suddenly got upset.
Maybe all women were natural thieves and bandits.
Once I reached that conclusion, every woman around me suddenly felt untrustworthy.
‘Should I not trust Ms. Ezakiel, who saved me from prison? What about my teacher, Ms. Estelle?’
Wait.
Could I not trust Jermain noona either?
Then should I trust or not trust Jermain noona when she says not to trust women?
I have to trust something I shouldn’t trust, so I shouldn’t trust it...
Fuck, this is confusing as hell!
Anyway, we went to the Great Plains.
As the name suggested, it was an incredibly vast plain. There was not even a small hill in sight, and it made my chest feel open and clear.
It felt like we were on a picnic. I felt good.
Screeeech!
Squeeeal!
However, flaming water deer appeared across the Great Plains, so I could not just stand around admiring the view.
“Yore, try hunting too today. You can easily kill these guys once you’re around Level 5, so they’re perfect for hunting practice. Just be careful not to get bitten by their fangs.”
Today, I would finally hold a knife and cut down monsters.
The elks rushed at me, trying to tear me apart with their fangs.
“Slow.”
Maybe it was because I had reached Level 8, but my body had become much faster.
Hammer whistled as he watched.
“In terms of agility, you’re almost on Felix’s level, and he’s Level 15. But you lack strength, so it would be better to aim for places where you can deal a fatal wound, like the neck, eyes, or heart.”
Stab! Stab, stab!
I hunted the elks by striking their necks, eyes, and hearts as skillfully as I could.
On average, it took two hits to kill them. If I got lucky, I killed one in a single blow.
“Wow, our Yore fights really well. You can definitely serve as combat support now.”
Hammer’s praise made me feel proud.
Do I have talent?
Come to think of it, Ms. Estelle wanted to take me as her student, and Jermain noona also seemed like she wanted to take me on as an apprentice.
Maybe I really did have incredible talent.
A talent for murder.
A talent for becoming a cruel ruler of the night.
Then Hermit shouted.
“《Lightning Shower》!”
Crash!
Lightning rained down from the clear sky in an instant.
Dozens of elks became ashes in the blink of an eye.
“...”
I forgot how to speak at the sight.
All that talk about talent suddenly felt incredibly stupid.
The thief class was trash.
Fuck, I wish I were a mage too.
Without knowing how I felt, Hermit was busy picking up the fangs scattered across the ground.
“Wow, Ether and byproducts really drop every time we kill an elk. Picking this stuff up is harder than dealing with the elks.”
That was true.
「+100 Ether」
「+100 Ether」
「Wild Elk Fang: Completely useless.」
“Mr. Hammer, isn’t there a pet that can pick up Ether and byproducts for us? At this rate, our backs are going to break first.”
“A pet that picks up Ether and byproducts? Yore, you say some very creative things sometimes. If something that convenient existed, we would have brought one along long ago.”
“Rookie, are you talking about a Familiar?”
Hermit asked me.
But when I met her eyes, her face suddenly turned red and she quickly walked away.
She spoke to me, then walked away herself.
What the hell was wrong with her?
Our hunt ended like that.
The Ether we earned came to 1.2 million in total.
Each person received 300,000 Ether.
“Wow! We earned this much Ether by hunting Wild Elks for half a day? If another party found out, they’d go mad with envy. But... it would be best to keep this a secret for a while.”
Hammer patted my shoulder.
“There are plenty of people in this barrier who can’t stand seeing others do well.”
That made sense.
Anyway, I planned to spend the entire 300,000 Ether I earned today on equipment.
“Yore, want me to recommend a reliable blacksmith’s shop?”
Hammer made the kind offer.
But I shook my head.
“I have a place in mind.”
For thief equipment, I had to go to the Thieves’ Guild.
So I secretly entered the barrier’s sewers and contacted the Thieves’ Guild.
The smell of mold was terrible, but for some reason, it felt addictive.
“Excuse me.”
I found a shop full of assorted junk.
“Do you have thief equipment?”
“No. Get lost.”
A man with one hand replaced by a hook looked at me, and I trusted him right away just from his face.
It was an unwritten rule that proper robbers were missing a hand or foot.
“Just remember that everything here costs 100,000 Ether each.”
The place was filled with all kinds of junk.
Most of it was probably stolen goods lifted from somewhere.
That was probably why there were so many things that looked fairly good.
They could not sell them through normal channels, so they were putting them out cheaply in a place like this.
‘As expected, I came to the right place.’
At 100,000 Ether per item, I could use today’s 300,000 Ether to buy gloves to protect my fingers, shin guards, and a chest protector.
As I shopped, a pair of fingerless leather gloves caught my eye.
They looked familiar.
Hadn’t there been an item like that in the game?
I was interested.
“Kid, I think this item is still beyond your level.”
Grab.
Someone firmly grabbed my wrist as I reached for it.
“Clothes that don’t fit will only hang loose. Sorry, but I’ll take this.”
“What did you say?”
It was a man wearing a black robe.
He was about my height. Who was he calling a kid?
“Instead, I’ll give you an address. Go find the Old Man. His goods will suit you better.”
“Hey, I saw that first. What kind of bullshit trick are you trying to pull...?”
Huh?
I was about to argue when the man had already disappeared with the gloves I wanted.
“Fuck, thief!”
The resentment of having my target item snatched away made me shout.
Then criminals all around the place raised their heads.
“Who, me?”
“Did someone call me?”
“Was it me?”
Right. This was a den of thieves!
I ended up losing interest after missing out on the item I wanted.
Then I noticed the note in my hand.
The glove thief had left it there.
「Sewer No. 5」
Was he telling me to go there?
I felt like I was being tricked.
What if I went there and got hit in the back of the head by men carrying clubs?
But according to my thief teacher, Jermain noona, I should doubt every woman. She never said I should doubt men, so maybe I could trust him.
So I headed to Sewer No. 5, where I found only an old man reeking of alcohol lying sprawled on the ground.
“Are you the Old Man? Some thief sent me here and told me to find you.”
“...Hehehe! I am indeed that Old Man! Looks like a newcomer has come for new equipment? You look weak, but it is quite something that you caught that person’s eye!”
“You sell equipment here?”
“What is with that clueless look? Did he send you here without telling you anything? Boy, do you know who you met?”
“The thief who stole the item I wanted.”
“A thief? That is very accurate.”
A shadow fell over the Old Man’s face.
“That person is Lord Baine, the Emperor of the Sewers and Abyss! You have caught his eye!”
“O-Oh...!? Is that good luck?”
“Ehehe, who knows? Anyway, I will show you the equipment. These are items the Emperor of the Abyss personally used, so their effects are guaranteed. They only cost 100 Ether too.”
Equipment used by a Level 20 thief for 100 Ether?
That was incredibly cheap!
Just as my brain felt like it was going to explode, the Old Man added something.
“However, you can only buy one item. That is the sole rule the Emperor of the Abyss gave me when he entrusted these items to me. So you should choose carefully.”
Author’s Note
August 11...!!! A reader has sent a donation...!!!
Thank you for the donation, marvel****_504...!!!
Please check the notice for the full details of my thanks...!!!
I am thinking very hard about the title...!!!
<Even in a Dark Fantasy, You Still Have to Eat?>...
This Michuri... rather likes that title, but...
It might make people think this is a story about cooking in a dark fantasy...
If the title suddenly changes to “The Dark Fantasy Thief Emperor Is Fucking Cool,” please do not be surprised...!!!
Footnotes:
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