WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Haruto
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ Even in a Dark Fantasy, You Still Have to Eat ◈
Chapter 16: Thief! # 2
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“You’re really selling an item belonging to the Emperor of the Abyss for just 100 Ether?”
“Hey! I told you I am! Honestly, you really don’t trust people.”
How could I?
He looked like a sewer rat.
He had no belongings to speak of, just a straw mat and empty liquor bottles scattered across the floor.
A man this shabby had an item belonging to the self-proclaimed Emperor of the Abyss?
Anyone would think it was a scam.
Still, when I thought about it calmly, an old man like him could be considered upper class among back-alley dwellers.
Most people from the back alleys died trying to make one big score before they grew old.
‘Surviving means you’re strong.’
Beware children and the elderly.
There was a saying like that.
So even if the old man looked careless, he could not possibly be an easy opponent.
‘Does that make him more trustworthy instead?’
As I was thinking that, the old man rummaged through a corner and laid several things out on his mat.
A single shoe with loose laces. A glove with holes in it.
A compass without a needle, a rusty shuriken, and more.
The old man grinned.
“Anything useful was sold to the people who came before you. This is all that’s left. Still, these aren’t things you can easily find anywhere else. They’re only sold here.”
“Isn’t all of this junk? This shoe doesn’t even have a matching pair.”
“You looked at the shoe first? You’ve got a good eye. That shoe was worn by the Emperor of the Abyss when he was still a rookie. It has powerful magic on it, so it lets you climb walls upside down!”
“Really?”
I tried it on, just in case.
It fit my foot perfectly.
“Wow, it fits exactly. Maybe it stayed here all this time because it was meant to be yours.”
“Then let’s see.”
Wall climbing.
The kind of thing ninjas did in comics and movies.
To see if I could do it too, I dashed at the wall.
Sliiiide.
I slipped while climbing it.
“Damn it, it doesn’t work well because there’s only one.”
The right foot wearing the shoe really did stick to the wall.
But the moment I moved my left foot, I fell.
“Useless.”
“You idiot, it depends on how you use it! Try finding something like that for 100 Ether anywhere else!”
That was true.
It was hard to use, but selling it for 100 Ether was incredibly cheap.
My eyes turned to the glove with holes in it.
“What’s this?”
“What do you think it is? You tell me.”
It was a fairly thick leather glove.
Its fingers were exposed, and it had a metal plate around the wrist, so it seemed reasonably durable.
But it was terribly worn out.
It also seemed to smell strange.
And it was only for the left hand.
Nothing here was normal.
“It looks like an ordinary glove, even if it is fairly sturdy.”
“It looks that way when you see it alone. It’s a set with this shuriken. Put on that glove and throw this shuriken. Aim for that empty bottle over there.”
The shuriken was a square, diamond-shaped ninja tool with a handle.
I had seen one in Naruto.
I picked it up and threw it.
Crash!
The glass bottle shattered.
“Wow, you hit it in one try?”
“Hehe, I’m pretty good at throwing rocks.”
Getting praised still felt good.
As I scratched the bridge of my nose, the old man grinned, showing his missing teeth.
“A shuriken and a rock differ in everything from their center of gravity to how they fly. Looks like you trained under a pretty good teacher. What’s your teacher’s name?”
“Hey, let’s not dig too much into each other’s business.”
The foundation of phishing scams was asking for personal details and private information.
I still suspected this old man.
At my words, he clicked his tongue.
“Then open the palm of the hand wearing the glove.”
My palm?
I opened it, wondering what he meant.
Whoosh, snap!
The shuriken that had shattered the bottle flew back into the glove as if a yo-yo were pulling it in.
The feeling of catching it was incredible.
Was this how a catcher felt when catching a pitcher’s superball?
“Oh? Ooooooh!”
“What do you think? Amazing, right?”
I didn’t need to look at the other items.
This one was enough.
It had limitless potential.
“You’re really selling this for 100 Ether?”
“Yeah. That was the promise.”
I felt great.
Until I heard his next words.
“However, if you buy the glove, I won’t sell you the shuriken.”
“What?”
“The opposite is true too. I’ll sell the shuriken for 100 Ether, but then I won’t sell you the glove. If I were to sell it, it'd cost around 100 million Ether.”
Fuck, 100 million what?
With that much money...
Wow, my head was steaming.
Of course.
So this was the trick.
The old man chuckled.
“The Thunder Bracer and the Lightning Shuriken. That’s why such fine items are still here. Neither is very useful on its own.”
“What if I want to take both?”
“Go ahead and try. I’m curious what’ll happen too.”
The old man casually picked his nose.
A chill ran down my spine, and I had no choice but to put down the shuriken and bracer in my hands.
“Man, this is a real headache.”
He was telling me to buy something else in the end.
But after seeing items that awesome, how could any of the others catch my eye?
“...What’s this!?”
It was a black bundle with a star drawn on it.
Was that kind of star called a pentagram?
It looked familiar.
“Is this the Black Bundle?”
“Oh, you recognize it? As you said, it’s the Black Bundle. You can put all sorts of things inside. If I remember right, it could hold up to two bulls.”
Oh! Ooooooh!
Wasn’t this similar to Hermit’s pointed hat?
Still, as far as I knew, that wasn’t the Black Bundle’s original purpose.
“Fairy City!!!! Someone unleashed a Black Bundle!!!! Fucking bastard!!!! Who was it!!!!”
In the game, the Black Bundle was a consumable item containing a powerful monster.
Unleashing it in a beginner village would cause a disaster.
So here, it was being used as a mysterious magic bag.
Either way, I knew what I was buying.
“I’ll take the Black Bundle.”
“Alright. That’s 100 Ether.”
Rummage, rummage.
I searched my pocket for a coin, when the old man’s eyes suddenly widened.
Then he grabbed my wrist.
“W-W-W-Wait! That thing in your pocket. Is that Eidelbite’s Erotic Picture Collection? You had that? Let me see it! Just let me look! Let me see, you brat! Let me see!”
“What’s wrong with you? That’s creepy!”
The old man’s hands rummaging through my pants were so disgusting that I recoiled.
In the end, he pulled a scroll with a naked woman drawn on it from my pants.
“Wow, it’s genuine. The real thing! I never thought I’d get to see this before I died! Woooow!”
“Seriously, what’s so special about that thing?”
“It’s Eidelbite’s Erotic Picture Collection! If you fall asleep while looking at it, you can have an incredibly lewd dream. That’s what it does. To see it here... hehehe.”
The old man stared intently at the crude drawing of a woman.
Desire gleamed in his eyes.
His tongue was even darting out. He looked ready to lick the picture!
“Hey, give it back! Give it back! Damn it, you got spit on it!”
Whoosh.
I snatched the erotic picture collection from the old man.
Then I threw him a 100-Ether coin, grabbed the Black Bundle, and left.
I didn’t forget to run far away in case that horny old man came after me!
# # #
“I never knew it was such an amazing item.”
I stared at the scroll of erotic pictures Jermain had given me in admiration.
Big Sis Jermain had thought of everything.
“Anyway, it was a good experience.”
I examined the Black Bundle from every angle.
With this, I wouldn’t have to struggle around carrying bundles of Ether in the future.
That alone made me happy, but this made me even happier.
Swish.
I pulled the Thunder Bracer and Lightning Shuriken out of the Black Bundle.
“The second lesson is, don’t trust your eyes. Hehehe, it’s true.”
The old man was clearly no ordinary person.
He had sold items thieves would go crazy for, yet grown old without a single injury. That was proof enough.
What would happen if someone tried to take or steal his items?
‘I don’t even want to think about it.’
But thanks to that erotic picture collection, even that terrifying old man had left an opening.
I used that opening and swiped them.
‘He said I could only buy one item. He never said I couldn’t steal more than that, did he?’
In other words, I had followed the rules.
I was whistling happily as I headed back to the unit when...
Rustle.
Footsteps.
I sensed an ominous presence behind me.
For a moment, I thought that furious old man had come to kill me.
But it was different.
These footsteps were heavier.
Come to think of it, the old man was so light on his feet that I hadn’t heard a single splash even when he walked across the wet floor.
“Why don’t you come out?”
“You’ve got good instincts.”
“No wonder Jermain took an interest in you.”
“You just met the old man, right?”
They were people wearing masks over their faces.
They couldn’t be decent men.
That was what it meant to hide your face.
“I did meet a booze-smelling old man. So what?”
“Don’t play dumb. If you met the former guildmaster, there’s only one reason.”
“The item you bought for 100 Ether.”
“Hand it over to us and get lost.”
Fuck, all three of them spoke in perfect rhythm.
Proof that they had worked together for a long time.
This was getting incredibly annoying.
What should I do?
As I thought it over, the men seemed to think they had the advantage and started snickering.
“Look at that brat freezing up.”
“This snot-nosed kid is the sewer emperor’s successor?”
“If we take the item he bought, we’ll get our chance too.”
This wasn’t good.
Those men talked too much.
Normally, thieves or robbers who hid their faces behind masks didn’t say much.
They didn’t want to expose their identities for no reason.
But if they were talking this much?
They planned to kill me.
They didn’t care if I heard them.
‘Even if I hand over the Black Bundle, they have no intention of letting me go.’
The worst-case scenario.
But there were things I could do precisely because of this situation.
Those men would probably answer whatever I asked them.
Why?
The dead didn’t talk.
They thought I wouldn’t be able to spread anything I heard.
“Does having this make me the sewer emperor’s successor?”
“You don’t need to know that.”
“...”
“...”
Oh?
They kept their mouths shut even now.
Still, I had bought some time.
I had quickly looked over all the terrain around me.
The beer glass training Jermain had given me was proving very useful.
Whoosh!
I quickly threw the shuriken in my hand.
“Watch out! That bastard has a throwing weapon!”
“Ah!”
“...Hah...!”
The men moved nimbly.
But they weren’t my target.
Clang!
The shuriken hit the stone wall and fell.
Instead, a candle went out.
No sunlight reached this sewer, so we relied on the candles attached to the walls for light.
There had been around five candles burning nearby.
I had just extinguished one, so now there were four.
Swish.
I opened my palm.
The shuriken snapped back into my hand.
‘This is seriously awesome.’
“Fuck, what’s that? Is that the Thunder Bracer and Lightning Shuriken?”
“Weren’t they limited to one per person?”
“G-Get him! Take them no matter what!”
Whoosh, whoosh whoosh. Whoosh.
I played catch by myself, putting out every nearby candle.
Darkness came in an instant.
“Fuck!”
“Light it up! Get the lights on!”
“Wait!”
Whiiine.
At that moment, my “Black Eyes” lit up the darkness.
“Hand over everything you have, you thief bastards.”
A Word from the Author (Author’s Afterword)
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Footnotes:
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