WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Haruto
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ Even in a Dark Fantasy, You Still Have to Eat ◈
Chapter 50: Dog and Raccoon # 2
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Hermit and I waited in the earthen prison for a long time.
No one came.
‘Is this a trap?’
‘It feels like we got caught in a mouse trap.’
In a situation like this, Hermit sat on the dirt floor and began meditating.
She was completely silent.
“What are you doing?”
“Spell loading.”
“What’s that?”
“I chant the spells I’ll use later ahead of time.”
“What happens if you don’t?”
“It takes longer to activate magic.”
Hermit sank back into her own world.
She muttered spells now and then, but I couldn’t make out a single word.
‘I’m bored.’
I looked away from Hermit and examined the earthen cell.
There was only a bed, a table, and a trash can.
Nothing useful stood out.
‘But if you look under the bed like this...’
‘There’s always at least one coin someone dropped!’
I lay flat on the floor and looked under the bed.
It was dark and dusty underneath.
Then my Black Eyes spotted a glass bottle.
‘A liquor bottle?’
Rattle.
I reached in and pulled it out.
A white scroll was rolled up inside.
Pop.
I removed the cork and took out the scroll.
Tiny writing covered the palm-sized paper.
「I have been imprisoned in the abandoned mine for a very long time.」
「The Thieves are trying to uncover the secret beneath this abandoned mine...」
「But I will never open my mouth.」
「These Thieves have no intention of ever letting me go.」
「You reading this are probably in the same position as me.」
「But the treasure I kept hidden is beneath the bed.」
「If you benefit from it, please tell my wife what happened to me.」
「My wife’s name is...」
The letter ended there.
Had the writer run out of ink?
‘No, so what’s your wife’s name?’
Still, this was a big discovery.
“There’s treasure under the bed.”
I was lucky.
My brain felt like it was frying.
Scrape!
I grabbed the wooden bed and pulled with all my strength.
Hermit opened her eyes and snapped at me.
“...Shh. Be quiet!”
“Hermit, this isn’t the time. Help me move the bed.”
“Why?”
“There’s treasure!”
“Really?”
Hermit rubbed her hands together.
Apparently, mages liked treasure too.
If you were human, you couldn’t resist it.
“Hehehe. I’ll lift this side, so you lift that side.”
“Hngh, heave!”
Hermit and I dragged the bed aside.
But...
“There’s nothing here.”
There was nothing but dust beneath it.
What was this?
As I rubbed the floor with my foot just in case, Hermit crouched down and pressed a palm against the dirt.
“I can sense magic around here...”
Hermit stood and pointed her staff at the floor.
“《Arcane Arrow》.”
Pshoo!
A white magic arrow shot from the tip of her staff.
It was another spell I had never seen before.
But why cast it at the floor?
My question was soon answered.
Crash.
Something shattered, and the scenery changed, like old paint or pigment peeling away.
A large hole appeared in the floor where the bed had been.
“Whoa! What is that?”
A hole that large had suddenly appeared.
When I stared in surprise, Hermit chuckled.
“Arcane magic has high counter-magic power. If your aim is good, breaking someone else’s spell formula isn’t difficult!”
What was she even saying?
Anyway, the open hole seemed to lead somewhere.
“What should we do?”
Hermit asked me.
I didn’t have to think long.
“Was this dog hole the treasure? Or is there treasure at the end of it?”
We had to find out.
Staying in that prison also felt ominous.
# # #
We crawled through the tunnel someone had dug for a long time.
Then we reached a dead end.
More precisely, a flat board blocked the space above our heads.
‘It looks like a manhole cover.’
When I pushed it with all my strength, it scraped open.
I stuck my head through the gap.
A trembling woman saw me and jolted in surprise.
“Th... Thief!”
What?
Who was this woman?
I looked around and saw iron bars.
It looked like a prison.
Did the tunnel lead to the floor of another prison?
‘But the woman in front of me.’
‘She looks familiar.’
She was the noblewoman the Thieves had mistreated earlier.
The woman who had said something about her daughter.
“...Why is someone coming out of the floor...?”
Fear filled the noblewoman’s eyes as she looked at me.
She looked back and forth between me and the man sleeping soundly outside the bars.
She was probably wondering whether she should alert the guard to my presence.
Before things could get complicated, I climbed out of the tunnel and covered her mouth.
“Shh. I’m different from the Thieves here.”
“...!”
“If you want to get out of here, nod. If you just want to kiss me, shake your head.”
Nod, nod.
I knew it.
Soon, Hermit crawled out after me.
“That woman...!”
Hermit was startled.
First, I reached through the bars and picked the lock.
Clink! Thunk!
Creak.
Compared to the prison we had been in, these bars were completely flimsy.
I quietly stepped through the open door.
Snore.
Snooore.
I carefully looked over the guard sleeping with his head on the desk.
“Look at this guy. He’s completely out cold.”
“Let me borrow this for a moment!”
The noblewoman spat into her palm.
Then she pulled the hand-bone dagger from my waist and drove it into the guard’s back.
Thud!
“Ghk!”
“You bastard. Serves you right.”
The noblewoman was no amateur.
Had she made a living with a blade in her younger days?
The way she struck a vital point at once made it seem like the two had a deep grudge.
I poked Hermit in the side.
“Eek!”
“Hermit, since we’re already doing this, let’s free everyone locked up here.”
“Free them? You said we’d lie low.”
We had already escaped Dambi’s prison.
If we freed the hostages too, it would create even more chaos.
There would surely be a way to use that.
“If you want to go home, don’t make a fuss.”
Clink.
Clank.
Using the ring of keys we took from the guard, we unlocked every hostage’s cell.
“W-Who are you people?”
“You came to save us!”
“They’re righteous Thieves!”
Righteous Thieves.
That made me feel embarrassed.
Hermit shouted.
“We’re Dog and Raccoon, the two-person Thief team!”
“Oh! Dog and Raccoon!”
“Dog and Raccoon!”
Damn. Couldn’t we do something about that nickname?
It had no style.
Anyway, there were about ten hostages.
Since things had come to this, I would use their numbers.
“Does anyone know where the guild leader is?”
If we delayed any longer, someone would notice our escape.
Before that happened, we had to reach Debora as quickly as possible.
With this many people, surely one of them knew where the guild leader was.
Then someone raised a hand.
“I know where that bitch’s office is!”
“Really?”
“I’m a brewer who came to trade with this Thief gang. Debora tried to bargain down the price of my liquor barrels to something ridiculous, so I refused. Then I was taken hostage...”
“Shh! There’s no time, so get to the point!”
“Her office was where we negotiated!”
“Alright, everyone, take off the clothes you’re wearing!”
Clap, clap.
I lightly clapped to get everyone’s attention.
“Our clothes?”
“You didn’t come to save us?”
The people looked confused.
Hermit also jumped in shock.
“Newbie, don’t tell me you want their clothes...!?”
Then the noblewoman casually took off her clothes.
“You seem to have a plan, so we’ll do as you say!”
“Madam Cheperi, the proper lady herself...”
“L-Let’s take them off for now!”
“Cooperate with the young man!”
While everyone changed clothes, I handed Mrs. Cheperi the clothes I had stripped from the guard.
Then I took several more outfits from his chest and threw them to the others.
Rustle.
Once everyone had changed, they looked like proper Thieves.
“From today onward, you’re members of the robber gang. Don’t forget to make vicious faces!”
Everyone scowled fiercely.
Seeing that, Hermit asked me quietly.
“Will this work?”
“To some extent.”
This was a newly formed guild.
Even the members probably didn’t know everyone in it.
They wouldn’t notice if we mixed in with them.
So we wandered through the tunnels as a group of Thieves.
Then a tavern appeared.
“Rum! Bring more rum!”
“What? We’re already out?”
Thump, thump.
Leading a hastily assembled group of ten Thieves past the tavern made me nervous.
At least everyone was drunk and having a wild time.
“Hey, you! Go to the storage room and bring more liquor barrels!”
Someone grabbed the arm of one of our group.
It was a large man with a hook for a hand.
The tavern owner.
He seemed about as capable as me.
Everyone tensed.
Clink.
Hands went to weapons.
“I’ll go.”
We couldn’t be discovered yet.
So I volunteered to go to the storage room where the liquor barrels were kept.
The man who had guided me there followed behind.
“I’ll come too!”
When we reached the storage room, the bald man looked at the liquor barrels and shed tears.
“Oh, my liquor!”
“Sir, instead of sniveling, open some barrels.”
“Open them?”
I cut my palm with a dagger.
Slash.
The bald man was startled.
“Why are you cutting your hand?”
“My blood is poison. If we mix it into the liquor and give it to the Thieves...”
“...Not that!”
The brewer hurriedly stopped me.
Could he not bear to let poison be mixed into his liquor?
“The stronger the taste, the better it will hide the poison. Use this Flame Rum!”
“Oh!”
As expected of a brewer.
Following his advice, I mixed my blood into the strong liquor.
“Hehehe. This is premium snake wine.”
Then I carried the poisoned barrel to the tavern.
The tavern owner opened the barrel’s tap and poured drinks into cups.
“Get these drinks out there, now!”
“Damn, this is good liquor.”
“Ah, it feels like my mouth is on fire!”
“Ugh, I’m getting drunk.”
Idiots.
This was the poison of Sabranik, the cunning serpent.
It wouldn’t end with an upset stomach.
We left the tavern.
Now we had reached a fork in the tunnels.
“Hermit, you know the way out from here too, right? Take these people and get out. I’m going with the brewer.”
There were about three guards at the exit.
Hermit could handle three people by herself.
“What about you?”
“I’m going to catch Debora.”
“Her office isn’t far from here!”
Ding, ding, ding, ding.
Then bells began ringing.
“The mage escaped!”
“Catch her! Catch her!”
What impeccable timing.
Hermit looked back and forth between the hostages and me, then put a hand on my shoulder.
“I’ll get everyone out, then come back!”
“Then go.”
I pointed in the opposite direction from where Hermit needed to go and shouted.
“She went that way! The mage went that way!”
# # #
“Ghk. My... My stomach...”
“Ugh, the toilet...!”
“Cough!”
Thieves began vomiting blood all around us.
Ding, ding, ding.
Bells rang from every direction.
Chaos swept through the mine in an instant.
The brewer and I ran to the office.
“Hehe, Thief sir, this feels incredible! If I get home safely this time, maybe I’ll try my hand at thieving too!”
We finally reached the office.
It was a tent that looked like an outdoor barracks.
“This is it. I’m getting out of here now! Good luck!”
The brewer ran away.
I crept up to the tent and spoke.
“Boss, we have a problem!”
“What is it? What’s all that noise outside?”
Ahem.
I cleared my throat.
“The mage we had locked up escaped.”
“You fucking idiots!”
“I told you to cut the tendons in her legs!”
“Magic only needs a tongue and hands anyway!”
So they had never planned to treat us well.
We had been right to escape the prison.
‘I was lucky.’
The Thieves in the mine had left their posts to search for the escaped mage.
If I was going to subdue Debora and take her away, now was my only chance.
‘Debora is a Thief with a higher level and more experience than me.’
‘I can’t beat her fairly.’
I took an 「Anesthetic Potion」 from my bundle.
Then I slightly opened the tent entrance and scattered its contents inside.
Pour.
I would enter one minute later.
By then, the vaporized potion’s effects would have spread properly.
At that moment, laughter came from inside the tent.
“You think I’d fall for a potion I made myself?”
“But it was a good attempt.”
Flap.
A hand shot out from the tent, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me inside.
Author’s Note
*I revised the content to make what happened between Mrs. Cheperi and the Thief guard ambiguous...!!!
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