Even in a Dark Fantasy, You Still Have to Eat - Chapter 55

WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Haruto

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

◈ Even in a Dark Fantasy, You Still Have to Eat ◈

Chapter 55: Kerning Town, Party Quest # 1

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Lord Gale was a generous noble.

He even gave us a carriage.

“It was Windia’s personal carriage. She’ll be ‘recovering’ at home for a while, so she won’t need it.”

Hermit looked impressed.

“Wow, it has 《Heating and Cooling Magic》 on it.”

“What kind of magic is that?”

“It keeps things cool in summer and warm in winter.”

“Whoa, isn’t that better than our lodging?”

“It requires delicate adjustments, so it’s quite difficult to enchant an object with it.”

The ride was smooth, and the luggage compartment was spacious.

There was even enough room for four people to stretch out their legs.

The problem was that none of us knew how to drive a carriage.

“Hermit, do you know how to drive one?”

“I was usually the one sitting comfortably in the back.”

“That’s the problem with ladies raised so delicately.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“You’d be surprised how little you know how to do.”

“Rookie, do you know how to drive a carriage?”

“I was usually the one stealing horses. I wasn’t the one driving the carriage.”

Puhahaha.

We laughed over such stupid talk.

We had received a generous reward, so we were in high spirits.

Then Moltma the horse snorted as if mocking us.

Clop, clop.

Moltma began pulling the carriage on its own.

“Huh? It’s just leaving!”

“Rookie, get on first!”

Moltma headed toward the Wall, where we had to return, without any guidance.

Hermit looked impressed.

“Wow, this horse is really smart! It must understand everything we say!”

“Hehe, I told you!”

A heater, an air conditioner, and even a cruise-control system.

This was the perfect carriage, one I could proudly show off anywhere.

That gave me some time to relax.

As I looked out the window, I thought back on everything that had happened until yesterday.

We caught Debora and opened the Black Bundle.

“Do you think that demon died?”

The abandoned mine had completely collapsed. Even its entrance had vanished.

Had Demon General Valdruk been crushed to death inside?

Hermit shook her head at my question.

“It’s an ancient demon, so that wouldn’t be enough to kill it. I think it would take someone on the level of the Empire’s Four Stars to subjugate it.”

The Empire’s Four Stars were incredibly powerful people like Lieutenant General Raiden.

They were Level 20.

Superhumans who had surpassed the limits of humanity.

‘Super-whales who dumped 5.2 billion Ether into levels alone!’

Those people might actually be able to defeat a demon.

Still, Hermit was pessimistic.

“They’re busy people, so they probably can’t even gather together.”

“Really?”

Baine, once one of the Four Stars, had fled and become a pretender emperor.

Lieutenant General Raiden was missing.

What about the other two?

Come to think of it, I didn’t know who the Empire’s Four Stars were.

I had thought they had nothing to do with me, so I had never been curious.

‘But things are different now.’

‘If they can kill Valdruk...’

I needed to learn about them in advance.

The item Valdruk would drop was sure to be extremely useful to me.

‘There was an essential item for Thieves in that drop table.’

The problem was that the Four Stars had a much higher chance of getting it.

One day, I might have to target their pockets.

“Are all the Empire’s Four Stars busy people?”

I asked casually.

Hermit would probably be horrified if I said I was planning to rob them.

Without knowing what I was thinking, Hermit proudly showed off her knowledge.

“I heard the Massacre Monk never leaves the Imperial Capital. And the Butcher hardly ever leaves their workshop either!”

Massacre Monk.

Butcher.

“Why do the heroes’ nicknames sound like those of armed robbers and murderers?”

“They’re derogatory names given by other races like the Erdari.”

Ah, from the Erdari’s perspective, the Empire’s Four Stars must be butchers as monstrous as demons.

Suddenly, I became incredibly jealous of their titles.

I wanted the Erdari to call me by a nickname that made them shudder too.

I wanted my very existence to become their fear.

‘Yore the Indiscriminate Killer.’

Hehehe. Just thinking about it made my frontal lobe melt.

# # #

“Hermit, what about Yore the Vicious? That could be my nickname!”

“Rookie, your enemies are supposed to give you a nickname! You don’t make one yourself!”

By the time we finished chatting, we had reached the Wall.

“Moltma. Good work.”

I stroked Moltma’s neck and held a carrot to its mouth.

But perhaps it wasn’t hungry. It shook its head and headed for the stable.

Neigh!

The mares in the stable made a fuss.

They pushed their heads toward Moltma. It seemed Moltma was very popular.

“Hermit, by next year, there might be a whole bunch of horses born with cruise control.”

“What? What’s cruise control?”

“It means even in the world of horses, capable horses get recognized.”

Animals and humans were the same.

Capable and handsome men were popular with women.

‘Which means I need to earn even more Ether.’

Kya, Ether!

The answer to every problem!

Was there anything else in the world this amazing?

“Anyway, Hermit, I’m going to deliver Debora now.”

To earn Ether, I had to deliver Debora to the Thieves’ Guild.

That would also settle the problem between our party and the guild.

“Don’t get too close to Thieves. They’re on the level of goblins!”

Hermit frowned.

She hated Thieves.

Probably because she had already been stabbed in the back by Thieves twice.

“Goblins?”

“Yeah! They’re monsters named after the ancient word kobalos. Did you know kobalos means ‘thief’ in the old language?”

Was Hermit’s ancient-language lecture starting again?

Yawn. I was already getting sleepy.

“Goblins betray humans, steal things, sneak into villages, and kidnap women! Thieves are the same!”

I see.

Goblins seemed to be something like cousins of Thieves.

Even to me, what they did sounded similar.

“Anyway, Hermit, report to Mr. Hammer for me.”

I headed to the Wall’s restroom.

Knock, knock.

There was no response when I knocked on the door.

“Is Sister Jermain here?”

I opened the door a little and saw Jermain hanging upside down on the restroom wall.

She was hanging upside down on the wall!

That was seriously awesome!

“Sister Jermain, what are you doing?”

“Breathing.”

“Hehehe. You aren’t very good at jokes either.”

I reached for the Black Bundle.

Then I pulled out Debora.

“You crazy bastard!”

I had prepared myself, but she was still loud.

“Aaaaaaah!”

She screamed her head off.

Jermain shook her head in amazement as she looked at Debora.

“You’re quite skilled. I thought it would take you at least a month.”

“It nearly did. Why didn’t you tell me this bitch was Baine’s disciple?”

I had almost been completely screwed.

Jermain laughed.

“If I had told you, you would’ve gotten scared stiff and messed it up.”

Now that she said it, that was true.

If I had known Debora was Baine’s disciple?

I wouldn’t have been able to make such a reckless plan.

I would have become extremely careful.

And then I would have been dragged into Debora’s pace and probably failed.

“Kid, I heard the Night Thieves Guild is in ruins too. How did you do it?”

“Well, a lot happened.”

“Hehehe. Your accomplishments are incredible. The guild elders said they won’t be hostile toward your party.”

“Oh! Nice!”

Everything had gone as planned.

But Jermain still looked troubled.

“Still, the guild remains unstable. Now that things have come to this, there are opinions that we should establish a new guild branch.”

“A new branch?”

“We would send the dissatisfied ones far away while keeping them under our control.”

Poke.

Jermain poked me in the side.

“Do you want to take charge of a branch and become its guildmaster?”

Me? The leader of the Thieves’ Guild?

Guildmaster Yore of the Thieves’ Guild.

Just thinking about it was cool as hell.

But Debora burst out laughing.

“You want to make a Blessed brat with barely any fuzz under his nose a guildmaster? The guild’s traditions and reputation have really hit rock bottom! Puhahaha!”

“Oh my. Who was it that got caught by that brat?”

Smack.

Jermain struck Debora on the neck.

Debora’s eyes rolled back until only the whites showed, and she collapsed.

“But it seems the elders think like this bitch. I recommended you as the new guildmaster, but the elders had already selected someone else.”

No way.

Someone who could beat me out?

“Who is it?”

“He’s someone whose reputation has risen frighteningly over the past few years. His name is Weasel. He’s fairly famous among young Thieves as a promising prospect.”

“Weasel!”

I was glad to hear that name.

He was becoming the new branch’s guildmaster?

Despite being a Thief, he had quickly gotten along with people. Maybe he really did have the talent and aptitude for it.

As I came to accept it, Jermain hugged me as if to comfort me.

“Don’t be too disappointed. Being a guildmaster isn’t that fun!”

Soft.

Though it was tightly compressed beneath her leather clothes, Sister Jermain’s chest was still big.

Come to think of it, was this the first time anyone had hugged me?

This warmth.

It felt unfamiliar and embarrassing, but it also made me want to stay like this forever.

It made me feel stupid too.

So I quickly pulled away in embarrassment.

“What’s wrong? Did you get hard or something?”

“No, not at all! Sister Jermain, you’re from Kerning Town, right?”

“A very long time ago.”

“I’m thinking of going there. At least give me some information.”

Wouldn’t Jermain know the way there?

Or she could tell me how to act there, or what I should watch out for.

Jermain burst out laughing.

“Don’t go there.”

“What?”

“Not setting foot in that place in the first place is the best way to survive!”

With those final words, she scrambled up into the ventilation shaft.

She even dragged Debora along, but none of her movements made a sound.

# # #

“Yore! You crazy bastard!”

When I returned to the party, Mr. Hammer hugged me fiercely.

My face was squashed against the hard armor, but this was nice in its own way.

“Argh, that hurts!”

“You summoned a demon and brought down an abandoned mine? It wouldn’t have been strange if you all died!”

“But we lived, right?”

“Yeah! You’re one goddamned lucky bastard!”

Mr. Hammer messed up my hair.

I showed Mr. Hammer the serpent scales we had obtained during the journey.

“Look at this!”

“Oho! What kind of material is this? It looks incredibly difficult to work with!”

“Hehehe. If we make armor from these, it’ll be light and sturdy. Wouldn’t that be amazing?”

“It’ll take a huge amount of Ether just to process them!”

Smack.

Mr. Hammer slapped my back.

“Then get ready to head out!”

“Head out? Where?”

“Our hostility with the Thieves’ Guild is resolved, so it’s time to go earn Ether!”

“Oh!”

I set out with the party.

Our destination was the Great Plains.

Squeeeal!

Flaming water deer appeared everywhere.

Last time, I had been thrown off by those things.

“Thunderbolt Shuriken!”

Whoosh!

The moment I threw the lightning-wreathed shuriken, the water deer were roasted in an instant.

「+500 Ether」

「Water Deer Fangs: Completely useless.」

Ether and byproducts rained down.

In just half a day, we earned around 2 million Ether.

That was 500,000 Ether each.

What a fantastic feeling.

Mr. Hammer was happy too.

“There’s probably no other party besides ours that can earn Ether just by killing a bunch of small fry like this!”

We returned in high spirits and soon arrived at the Strategy Room.

“Sergeant Hammer!”

Just as we were about to rest after our journey, Major General Jeremiah came to find us.

Then she opened a scroll and read it aloud before Mr. Hammer.

“An order is hereby issued to Hammer and the party members under his command. From this moment onward, proceed to Kerning Town and retrieve a certain ‘object.’”

“Kerning Town?”

Oh!

I got a chance to go to Kerning Town.

I had been wondering how to persuade the party members to go there with me.

‘My luck really is with me at the perfect time!’

But Mr. Hammer crossed his arms and shook his head.

“Even so, isn’t that practically an order to charge into certain death? You want us to retrieve something from a city without rules or laws?”

“I know.”

“The road to that city alone is dangerous. We’ll have to camp in the Land of Night.”

“But you have to go.”

“Why?”

“It’s a direct order from the Imperial Council.”