WE TRIED TRANSLATIONS

Translator/Editor: Hydrogen B

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

◈ How to Die in the Office Labyrinth ◈

Chapter 33: Games Aren't Meant to Be Won

──────

"Ah. Ah......"

"Yu...... Hyun-jae, Representative-nim?"

Yu Hyun-jae was alive. Just for a moment.

A strange gurgling sound slipped out between those neatly smiling lips, and those sharp, alert eyes rolled and rolled before dropping loose.

With nothing left to hold it up, his neck buckled at an angle it was never meant to bend, and the body that had been sitting so straight went limp, yielding perfectly to the curve of the chair.

"Seon Yu-han-ssi, don't tell me his bones are...... all of them......"

I forgot even to think about moving the body. I just stared blankly at Yu Hyun-jae slumped across the chair.

He looked exactly like a doll.

A doll a small child had sewn together with clumsy hands, using their own blood and flesh. A doll whose maker had forgotten to put the bones in, so it couldn't stand upright, its insides spilling out. A doll that ended up thrown away before anyone ever played with it.

Yu Hyun-jae was dead.

For the first time.

The first time.

Strangely, I found that so...... terrifying.

"I'll move the Representative somewhere and be right back."

Drag, drag.

The whole time I was moving Yu Hyun-jae's body, I had to shake my head to fend off a dread I couldn't name.

I can't keep thinking about it. Not anymore.

【Welcome to the Land of Happiness, Happyland!】

It was my turn now.

* * *

【What is your name?】

【▶ Seon Yu-han】

【▶ binary】

【▶ Hwang】

【▶ Lee Jeong-u】

【▶ I forgot】

The early stages went similarly.

Since every event, including the rides, seemed to be affected by probability, the order and type varied a little each time. The basic flow was the same, though.

Ride an attraction, a stall appears, and then the name question.

【Seon Yu-han!】

【ah】

Ah?

【yo】

Yo?

A glitch? Why is this showing up.

【ieung】

【eu】

Eu?

【ieung】

【yu】

Yu?

What is this supposed to mean.

I was tilting my head, completely baffled, when:

【gi】

【gi gye neun】

【gi gye neun　nam neun ga　ga neun ga　na neun nam ne　neo neun ga ss ne　geu nu gu　na　gi gye neun　nam neun ga　ga neun ga　na neun nam ne　neo neun ga ss ne　geu nu gu　na　gi gye neun　nam neun ga　ga neun ga　na neun nam ne　neo neun ga ss ne　geu nu gu　na　gi gye】

Text that kept expanding until it filled the entire screen.

A mechanical voice followed, chopping and stretching in the same broken cadence.

"......"

Could it be.

Ding!

A pop-up appeared, as if to cover that screen and bury it.

【Hello, Seon Yu-han-nim. This is Labyrinth Software. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience you experienced while playing "Lost In HAPPYLAND."】

An apology meant this wasn't something the game intended, didn't it?

Only another Labyrinth's rules could interfere with any given Labyrinth's rules.

Like how, once the memory of Jeong Ji-ho had vanished inside Chaekbang Ollae, even the goose teacher at Uri Saennal Daycare had forgotten he existed.

【We have taken corrective measures to address the error that occurred, and compensation will be provided through a special event. We once again apologize to Seon Yu-han-nim for any discomfort caused by the in-game error.】

I rubbed my forearm absently and stared at the screen.

For now, this was the time to focus on the game.

【Oh! You've been playing so happily that the hot sun is already shining down on you. It's mealtime!】

A restaurant with a sign reading "Happy Restaurant" appeared in pixel art.

【A meal has already been prepared for you. It smells delicious.】

An illustration appeared showing three dishes.

A pork cutlet drizzled in thick sauce.

Tomato pasta heaped with meatballs.

A heavy, juicy hamburger.

【What a dilemma, having to choose just one! You think hard about what to eat. The chef's recommended dish, apparently, is the "pork cutlet."】

【▶ Pork cutlet】

【▶ Pasta】

【▶ Hamburger】

The chef's recommendation is the pork cutlet?

【Hamburger!】

There was no way I was trusting that.

People who claw and thrash just to survive, or who, if they're going down anyway, want to take at least a piece out of me.

【My goodness! The rich, savory taste of the thick patty and the fresh, crisp crunch of the vegetables form a perfect harmony!】

Crunch, chomp! Crack! Crisp!

【You happily finished your meal.】

I have to survive.

【The chef's eyes are glistening. They seem moved watching you eat with such enjoyment.】

Just as they had wanted to survive.

A pork cutlet made with ingredients of unknown origin.

The chef had almost certainly drizzled some very special secret seasoning on it. Poison, gunpowder, whatever it was.

Just as I could only eat one of the three dishes, the chef could probably only tamper with exactly one, by the rules.

Which is exactly why they went out of their way to recommend it.

【Dinner is something to look forward to. Perhaps that's when you'll finally taste the chef's true craft?】

"......"

Dinner, then.

I'd have to eat that one without letting my guard down. Properly.

【A staff member wearing a lion mask is selling hotdogs. They look delicious. But you're full right now.】

【▶ Eat one】

【▶ Hold back】

Full meant holding back.

What was the point of overeating and getting sick.

【Hold back!】

Crunch!

"Huh."

Chomp, crack!

A splash of vivid red ketchup across the screen, and a wet, unpleasant munching sound.

"Huh? Seon Yu-han-ssi, didn't you just press 'Hold back'?"

【There's always room for a snack, no matter how full you are! You contentedly lick the ketchup from the corner of your mouth. You don't think you'll be hungry for a while.】

"Ha, this is absolutely unbeliev-"

Hwang Ju-yeon started raising her voice, then saw the child sleeping exhausted beside her and pressed her lips shut.

"It seems that even when you hold back, there's a chance you eat anyway."

"Unbelievable......"

【There's the Twist Train! A hidden snack hunt aboard a chugging, spinning train! Be happy!】

【▶ Be happy】

【▶ Be unhappy】

The illustrated attraction was a three-car electric train, shaped like a small subway, being shaken up and down and side to side in place.

【Be happy!】

Rumble, screech!

【The train has stopped. Which car should we open?】

【▶ No. 1】

【▶ No. 2】

【▶ No. 3】

A shell game. Or a nose-work puzzle.

No real clues, so I decided to just pick the top option.

【No. 1!】

Bang! Crunch!

【Ding dong! Your senses precisely pinpointed the location of a snack sneaking between the rocking train cars.】

The sound of something hard and chewy like a dog treat being chomped, chomped, then gulped down followed.

Eating happily. Making even me hungry.

【There's some graffiti on the wall over there. Doodling while waiting for happiness is one of the charms of an amusement park, after all!】

This was an event I hadn't seen before.

Probably because this was the first time I'd made it past lunchtime alive.

【Looking at the mischievous graffiti, you have a feeling there's a treasure hunt coming.】

A treasure hunt?

Come to think of it, when the error popped up earlier, it said compensation would be provided through a special event.

This must be it.

Either way, this game really didn't make it easy to get a reward.

【You look at the graffiti.】

[↓come this way

●●

▼▲

heer kum bi trayshur morp selby]

【They expected you not to be able to read it. But you can. Where will you go?】

【▶ Restroom】

【▶ Ticket booth】

【▶ Prayer Room】

...... Right. I can read it. I can.

【Ticket booth!】

【Strange. There's nothing at the ticket booth. Has someone already picked the treasure clean? You look around the ticket booth.】

[　　Admission

Adults: 10,000 won

Children: ⑦,000 won]

【Someone seems to like the number "7." They even drew a circle around it. You open the cash register. Will the treasure be inside?】

【There's a note inside.】

[Can't run away but you can kill them come to the management office there'll be a human corpse just walk past it calmly go inside open the paper tray the key is in the top slot don't be scared come pray]

Grammatically fine, but given the circumstances, the writing was weirdly wordy and awkward.

"This is......"

"It looks like a cipher."

Still, there were enough hints, and it wasn't that hard to crack.

"A cipher? So how do you...... Oh! Is the '7' the hint?"

"Most likely......"

I copied the note exactly into my diary, then circled every seventh word.

The same way a circle had been drawn around the number "7" on the price board.

[Can't run away but you can kill (them) come to the (management) office there'll be a (human) corpse just walk (past) it calmly go (inside) open the pa(per) tray the key is in the (top) slot don't be (scared) come (pray)]

"Them...... management...... human...... past...... inside...... per...... top...... scared...... pray."

Ferris Wheel pig car weapon.

There's a weapon in the Ferris Wheel's pig car.

I wasn't sure exactly what a "pig car" meant, but it probably had a pig drawn on it.

That would be obvious enough to spot, which was probably why they'd written it into the cipher rather than spelling it out.

【Where will you go?】

【▶ Management office】

【▶ Ferris Wheel】

【▶ Prayer Room】

Reading the note at face value, the management office would be a stopover and the prayer room the final destination.

But reading only the seventh words:

【Ferris Wheel!】

I was going to the Ferris Wheel to destroy everything there.

Their treasure.

The weapon meant to kill me.

【There's the Ferris Wheel! Twelve cars decorated with cute little animal pictures. Which animal catches your eye?】

【▶ Rat】

【▶ Ox】

...

【▶ Dog】

【▶ Pig】

The twelve zodiac animals.

【Pig!】

【Without a moment's hesitation, you leap up, open the door of the car with the adorable little piglet painted on it, and climb inside.】

Thud, boom! Rattle rattle rattle! Kaboom!

"Ah."

The screen strobed and shuddered wildly through yet another endless explosion.

【Oh dear! Even pirates sometimes misread a treasure map and come up empty-handed. You are no longer in a state to enjoy happiness. Even so, you can continue to be happy.】

【CONTINUE】

【EXIT】

"What the hell, why did that happen? Was this a trap too?"

"Ha......"

They got me.

I'd thought it seemed too easy. The hints were practically handed over.

Which was exactly why I'd made it more complicated than it was.

Or rather, they had made me make it more complicated.

Those people.

Thinking back now......

[↓come this way

●●

▼▲

heer kum bi trayshur morp selby]

'Someone with enough language ability to ignore the restroom and go to the ticket booth instead will obviously not take that note at face value either.'

That's what they would have concluded. Those people.

Especially if the system was tracking my earlier choices, like not trusting the chef's recommendation at the restaurant, and feeding that into how the game read me going forward.

...... They're studying me.

【CONTINUE!】

【You are wise enough not to let a chance at happiness slip by.】

"Seon Yu-han-ssi, are you continuing......?"

"Yes."

【However, happiness always comes at a price!】

【Don't worry! It won't hurt. A small contribution will make you happy: appendix】

"So we are continuing."

Footnotes:

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