WE TRIED TRANSLATIONS

Translator/Editor: Hydrogen B

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

◈ How to Die in the Office Labyrinth ◈

Chapter 34: Let There Be Carnival

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【Be happy!】

【Be happy!】

【Seon Yu-han!】

【Eat!】

【Be happy!】

【CONTINUE!】

【If it were possible to turn back time, what would you do, Seon Yu-han-ssi!】

【Eat!】

【Seon Yu-han!】

【Be happy!】

【CONTINUE!】

【If it were possible to turn back time, what would you do, Seon Yu-han-ssi!】

【Be happy!】

【Prayer Room!】

【Seon Yu-han!】

【Be happy!】

【CONTINUE!】

【If it were possible to turn back time, what would you do, Seon Yu-han-ssi!】

【Be happy!】

【Eat!】

【Seon Yu-han!】

【Be happy!】

【Be happy!】

【CONTINUE!】

【CONTINUE!】

【CONTINUE!】

【Seon Yu-han?】

* * *

【You've finished resting and stood back up. Now, it's time to be happy again!】

My vision was a little blurry, but I wasn't dead.

I could still keep going.

【Your name is?】

【▶ Kim Min-jun】

【▶ Hyeonje】

【▶ Seon Yu-han】

【▶ binary】

【▶ I forgot】

I really wish it would stop asking me this.

【Seon Yu-han!】

【Correct. You are Seon Yu-han.】

"Seon Yu-han-ssi, you don't look well. Why don't you take one of these?"

"No. I'm fine."

This wasn't the time to take any pills.

【A vendor wearing a rabbit mask is selling churros. They look delicious. You can't resist your hunger.】

【▶ Eat】

【▶ Resist】

If it were real food, maybe.

【Eat!】

Crunch! Crack, crackle!

【A crispy, warm churro dusted with sugar, plunged deep into hot, moist dipping sauce! You pat your full belly with satisfaction. You won't be hungry for a while.】

"Hmm, Seon Yu-han-ssi. Seon Yu-han-ssi?"

"......Yes? What is it?"

"Ah. Never mind. Nothing."

Hyeonje shook their head.

CJH, Hwang, and Jo had been in the daycare and came down late, so by now they were probably dead in the parking garage.

Not that it particularly mattered.

【Who will be fastest? Hold on tight so you don't fall off, and enjoy the speed! Be happy!】

【▶ Be happy】

【▶ Be unhappy】

It wasn't like I'd ever had any intention of giving them a chance to be happy, anyway.

【Be happy!】

* * *

【After a lifetime of deliberation, you have chosen the bulgogi pizza.】

Crack, swish! Crunch, crunch!

【Truly the chef's recommended dish! A chewy, tender dough, cheese with that perfect bite, and sweet stir-fried bulgogi topping!】

【You finished your meal happily. The only regret is knowing you'll never taste this chef's cooking again.】

Dinner had gone nicely, too.

The parade would be starting soon.

【Do you remember your name?】

【▶ Remember it】

【▶ I forgot】

【Remember it!】

Why does it keep asking.

【Your name is?】

【▶ Lee Si-woon】

【▶ ■■■】

【▶ Hyeonje】

【▶ Seon Yu-han】

【▶ I forgot】

You already know.

What my name is.

I selected the right answer.

【Correct. You are"

The moment the sentence was still forming.

"Ha."

I lowered the screen and turned around. Hyeonje drew a small breath, eyes going wide.

Well. Humans do tend to find what's under the skin repulsive.

A left eye cleanly halved so the vitreous was fully visible, upper and lower teeth showing through a missing right cheek.

"Please, relax. Don't worry."

Muffled words leaked out through the hole in the cheek.

"I will not be passing the turn to you.】

I clicked my tongue and walked past the empty stall.

Nobody was selling snacks anymore.

There was the Haunted House.

Right, I hadn't had the chance to go during the day.

This time I'd play happily.

A dark corridor. With each step, faint sounds of breathing. The raw, metallic smell of fear drifting on that breath.

【Where are you? Where are you hiding?】

The first-floor kitchen had no crisp, apple-like ghost. Only one that had gone soft as a ripe persimmon.

Seemed like it had spoiled on its own.

The food waste needed clearing away promptly. But since I'd gotten rid of the cleaning cast, there was nothing to be done.

【Are you here?】

The first-floor living room was empty. No toy, either.

I'd been looking forward to that.

I stood still and listened.

Slowly making a lap around the living room at a leisurely pace.

【Found you.】

I leapt upward.

Crack! Crunch, smash!

The ghost was on the second floor, right above my head.

Ah. Gone now.

I examined the ghost's toy carefully.

How do ghosts even play with something like this?

Weren't those little arms and legs too short to manage something this big?

Click, clank.

Ah. A familiar sound.

So that's how you use it.

As I fiddled around with it, a good smell drifted in through the gap under the door.

Creeak......

【Hello? I've been waiting.】

Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat! Bang, thud!

Ugh.

This toy doesn't smell great after you use it.

I should throw it away.

Smash! Crack!

But I didn't want anyone else using it, either.

"Happyland's final festival, the Happy Carnival parade, will begin shortly! Please gather in the plaza in front of the Merry-Go-Round!"

I followed Pipi's announcement and walked toward the plaza.

"Your name is"

"▶ Forget it"

"▶ Forget it"

"▶ Forget it"

"▶ Forget it"

"▶ Forget it"

I know the right answer now.

【Forget it!】

A bright fanfare sounded.

"Correct. You forget. All of that sorrow"

Three riders, of red liberation, black freedom, and white joy, sang the end of suffering and led a legion of the dead.

Everyone looked happy.

"This is the land of happiness we have always dreamed of. A place where no one is in pain. A place where no one is bound. A place where no one cries. A place where all are freely set free......"

They were no longer afraid of footsteps opening a door to come inside, no longer afraid of laughter and weeping for no reason, no longer afraid of the weight of bodies long dead.

I would become that, too.

"Look up above. We all rise high into the sky, becoming stars, and in a single voice......"

Bang! Bang, bang!

Those who had soared skyward poured down in brilliant flashes of light.

Tap, tap, drop.

Red tears ran down my cheeks.

I danced and sang in the middle of it all.

I savored the liberation, closed my eyes drunk on happiness.

Becoming one.

Becoming eternity......

"Seon Yu-han!"

【Shut up. Don't ruin the festival.】

"Seon Yu-han!"

【Quiet. Am I not allowed to be happy?】

"▶ Seon Yu-han"

"▶ Seon Yu-han"

"▶ Seon Yu-han"

【You know. That's not my name.】

"Your name is"

【It's no use.】

"▶ Lee Hyeon-seon"

【......What are you doing?】

"▶ Kim Je-yu"

【What exactly are you trying to pull.】

"▶ Kim Byeong-han"

【That's not my name. You know that.】

"▶ Did you forget?"

【No. No. No.】

"▶ Seon Yu-han"

【I. It's not that, I.】

"Hello,"

"Seon Yu-han!"

"-nim. This is Labyrinth Software. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused during your gameplay. Corrective measures for the error that occurred have been implemented immediately, and we once again extend our apologies to ■■■-nim for any discomfort experienced due to the in-game error."

Peace arrived at last.

There was nothing left to make me sad.

No one blamed me. No one called my name. No one made me unhappy.

What was dead was dead. And what was dead was therefore gone.

What was dead and gone could not make me unhappy.

Quiet.

So quiet I couldn't even understand why I had ever been in such pain.

Beautiful.

"That is what happiness is!"

Pipi said.

"Aren't you happy?"

【Yes.】

I spoke toward Pipi.

【I'm happy. I can't feel anything else.】

"That's right, isn't it?"

Pipi smiled wide and bright.

I stared at Pipi blankly.

A gentle, wistful melody played, like a signal that this was the end.

"Then the time has come to close the gates of Happyland! Now, shall we do one last check?"

【Yes.】

I knew what I was going to do to myself.

"Do you remember your name?"

"▶ Remember it"

"▶ I forgot"

【Remember it!】

"Your name is"

"▶ ■■■"

Beneath the six-syllable signpost there was a single happy road I was supposed to take.

【Seon Yu-han!】

And I knew I would willingly choose to be unhappy.

"I beg your pardon?"

Pipi's face twisted into something ugly.

【Seon Yu-han!】

I repeated my name to myself. Again and again, without end.

"Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong! You are ■■■! Not that dreary piece of trash! A happy ■■■!"

【Why should I have to be happy?】

Pipi's round face went red enough to burst.

"Because happiness is the ultimate aspiration of every living thing! You're happy right now. Why do you want to leave? You said you were happy. You did.】

【Yes. That's exactly why I don't feel like myself anymore."

A version of me who feels nothing when I think of the things that make me unhappy.

A version of me not crushed under the weight of my own name.

A version of me who forgot myself and is happy.

"How is that still me."

That's the real monster.

"All right, it's time to close up now."

【Hahahahahahahahahaha】

Happyland's mascot laughed until its grin split wide.

【You think you beat me.】

"Because I did."

I was still myself.

I hadn't forgotten.

【This is Happyland, the land of happiness. You, who are not happy, have no right to exist here. The only choice left to you is to be happy.】

"Ah."

Pipi was telling me I only had one option.

If I wasn't happy, I couldn't stay in Happyland.

【Or die by Pipi's hand hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha】

【▶ Be happy】

【▶ Die】

"So that's how it is."

Then all I had to do was not be happy.

【H?】

Pipi's laughter stopped.

【Die!】

And then Pipi began to thrash and rage.

Shrinking tiny as an ant, then swelling enormous as a building, over and over, trampling Happyland underfoot.

【You are a fool! You are an idiot! There is only one path, and it leads to happiness!】

"No."

A labyrinth always has countless paths.

The ways out of a labyrinth are never just one road.

Even if it looks like there's only one.

"There's a path I've never taken."

I'd eaten and resisted and ridden this and ridden that throughout Happyland.

But there was exactly one thing I had never chosen.

【You stupid fool will die.】

I stared at the enormous hand closing around my body like I was an insect, and thought.

If it were possible to turn back time......

* * *

"If it were possible to turn back time, what would you do, Seon Yu-han-ssi?"

I would be unhappy.

* * *

【Be unhappy!】

"Hey. Seon Yu-han-ssi, are you sure about this?"

"Exactly. I know it says so in the diary, but I'm not feeling great about it."

After coming back this time, I had gone to Chaekbang Ollae, crossed out all the script notes I'd been jotting down, and scrawled just one line in their place.

[Be unhappy!]

【You have taken a step of your own accord into the shadow of unhappiness. Pipi will remember this choice. You must be happy. This is the land of happiness.】

"Don't worry too much. We don't know how it'll turn out."

"I mean, we're going to become unhappy......!"

Chae Jae-ha was looking at me with that familiar expression of his, the one that said this guy has genuinely lost it.

I'd seen it enough times that I could read it without him saying a word.

"Is being unhappy not allowed?"

"I'd say it probably is......!"

Ignoring the accountant, who was on the verge of losing his mind, I found myself thinking back to the conversation I'd had with the co-representative of Uiwi Guild beside him.

'Seon Yu-han-ssi. Is there any need to hold back?'

'There's no need to eat, either.'

'And yet you don't want to be unhappy?'

'Then why would I go out of my way to be unhappy?'

Turned out I'd been wrong.

I needed to go out of my way to be unhappy.

【Over there is the 'Happy Swing'! The fun of grabbing the spinning pole on the hill and stepping forward one space at a time! Be happy! You must be happy.】

【▶ Be happy】

【▶ Be unhappy】

【Be unhappy!】

I now knew that what I truly wanted was not happiness.

"Well, there must be a reason it's written that way."

【You have taken yet another step of your own into the pit of unhappiness. Pipi asks you: why won't you be happy? You can be happy.】

"And besides...... why would I need to blindly follow whatever a suspicious labyrinth calls happiness?"

Of course, saying that was a bit like spitting in my own face.

But only I knew that, so it was fine.

【Be unhappy!】

【You are kicking away the happiness you've been given. What a pitiful, foolish, sorry creature.】

...

【Be unhappy!】

【How long do you think you can keep refusing happiness? You could become a more complete happiness.】

...

【Be unhappy!】

【Correct. You are unhappy.】

"Ha. There it is."

The breath I'd been holding finally broke free.

After however many repetitions, the script had at last relented and acknowledged my stubbornness.

【One who does not know how to wish for happiness has no right to exist in the land of happiness. Please leave.】

【EXIT】

"This is insane. It's...... actually working......?"

【EXIT!】

【You stupid fool missed your chance at happiness.】

【However, even that foolishness comes at a price.】

What?

Wait, hold on.

【Don't worry! It will hurt. A minor curse will make you unhappy: blood】

"Gh, ugh......!"

Like a machine running out of power, my limbs seized up. A horrible, bone-scraping ringing hammered at my ears. A hollow heartbeat thudded inside my chest from a heart that was nothing but a shell. The familiar pain of being unable to breathe closed in around me. My entire body screamed at the cellular level, like I'd been stabbed with a red-hot iron skewer.

All of it happened at once, in no more than the blink of an eye.

"Seon Yu-han-ssi!"

The world, flickering in and out, finally sank into darkness.

【Lost In HAPPYLAND】

Just before my memory cut out.

The last thing I saw was that damned game screen.

【CLOSED】

That rotten, luck-cursed trash of a game.

Next time, I absolutely will not die.

* * *

11. Do not be happy. Unlike unhappiness, happiness is not satisfied with a single price.

Footnotes:

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