I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With - Chapter 1

WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Irevi

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

◈ I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With ◈

Chapter 1: Infinite Regression Gallery

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Lately, the news and YouTube have been in an uproar.

“Player Han Siyeon! Could you share a few words about extending humanity’s fate by another year?”

The kid who was happiest when rushing off to a PC café was dead.

“The next floor has a boss monster. When do you plan to make your next climb?!”

The boy who played every game under the sun during his school days was dead too.

“Player Han Siyeon! Player Han Siyeon!”

Ever since a black tower had risen in the middle of the Pacific, I, a pro gamer at the height of my career, had died as well.

What did the Tower have to do with my past self?

A whole damn lot.

Because I had contracted a mental illness that twenty-first-century people had an extremely high chance of developing.

Tower Obsession Syndrome.

A mental illness in which ordinary people who failed to awaken as Players felt listless or mildly depressed in their everyday lives.

“Ughhh.”

The problem was that I was severe even among severe cases.

Everything besides the Tower felt meaningless to me.

How bad was it?

Bad enough that I couldn't live a normal life.

Even during important matches.

‘What's happening in the Tower right now?’

“What's wrong with you, hyung? Get it together!”

Even while eating.

‘What are the Players doing right about now?’

Even when I got in an elevator or took a shower.

Thoughts of the Tower never left me.

I was such a terminal case that hospitalization had been recommended.

In the end, I retired from the pro scene and became a “currently resting” pro gamer.

Fortunately, I had enough money saved up to scrape by.

I buried my face in my phone screen and shouted.

“I want to awaken too! Me too!”

A mysterious tower that had appeared right in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Monolith.

After the Tower appeared, the world's genre evolved from modern-day to game fantasy.

The tiny number of Awakened chosen by the Tower had quite literally evolved into a new humanity.

A truly new humanity that could wield lightning and control fire.

The Tower announced to all humanity that unless they cleared floors at set intervals and gathered Clear Points, it would wreck the world.

The chaos didn't last long.

The Awakened, otherwise known as Players, began entering the Tower under government direction to collect Clear Points.

A system where clearing stages made you stronger.

And magic stones and all kinds of bizarre items pouring forth.

It was exactly like a game system.

That was probably why the Awakened were called Players.

The Tower said humanity would perish?

With Players around, what humanity-ending disaster?

Humanity had long since forgotten the word extinction, thanks to the prosperity brought by Players.

The world was in a full-on festival mood.

Up until the tenth floor.

The first floor with a boss monster was the problem.

Players despaired before the wall that was the tenth floor.

Humanity despaired along with them.

But they said even when the sky fell, there was still a way out.

A legendary Player appeared, effortlessly breaking through the tenth-floor wall that everyone had despaired over.

The Thunder Emperor, Han Siyeon.

The strongest Korean Player in Monolith Online.

And yes, she was the Awakened currently on the YouTube livestream.

“Player Han Siyeon! Hard-difficulty bosses are infamous for their brutality. Could you tell us about your resolve?”

And she wasn't even a normal-difficulty Player. She played on Hard difficulty.

Before Han Siyeon revealed herself to the world, no one even knew the Tower had difficulty settings.

When she cleared a Hard-difficulty boss, a huge number of Clear Points piled up, allowing humanity to delay the countdown to extinction by a great deal.

It was only natural that all the wealth and fame in the world gathered around her.

Watching her on the YouTube livestream, I shouted.

“I'm so jealous! So damn jealous!”

Yeah.

I admitted it.

I was kind of pathetic.

A full-grown adult throwing a fit because he wanted to awaken after seeing a Player.

I knew it was pathetic.

But let me say this much. I wasn't doing this out of envy for wealth and fame.

“Seriously! It looks so fucking fun!”

I was someone who had played and cleared every kind of game until I became a pro gamer.

Then Monolith, the greatest surreal game of all time, had appeared.

The most fun game in the world, a game more than worthy of a challenge, was right in front of me, but I couldn't play it.

How was I supposed to stay sane?

It was enough to drive me mad with jealousy.

Wealth? The more the better.

Fame? Sure. Who didn't like it?

But to me, those things weren't that important.

“The Tower! Monolith!”

The greatest surreal game in human history, where you could keep challenging yourself as long as you didn't die.

“I want to play too!”

Now that I knew Monolith, the all-time GOAT game, no other game could catch my eye.

“Let me enter too! Me too! I know I'd be good at it!”

That was when it happened.

Han Siyeon snapped her fingers on-screen, and golden lightning burst forth.

Crackle!

The YouTube livestream I had been watching so intently ended in an instant.

“Ah.”

Had she wrecked the camera with lightning?

Han Siyeon had been especially reluctant to appear in the media lately.

“30th-floor boss on Hard difficulty, huh.”

I understood that feeling completely.

With the boss room right in front of you, how could you pay attention to anything else?

Lying on my bed, I flailed around pathetically.

“Ugh, I'm jealous! It looks fun! I want to awaken too!”

Maybe the Tower would awaken me out of disgust at my record-breaking patheticness?

“...Enter.”

It was the catchphrase of the times, one I had repeated thousands of times already.

Of course, no miracle happened.

“Ugh.”

* * *

Han Siyeon vanished, and the world ended.

It really did end.

The world had been a bastard for refusing to give only me an entry ticket, but I never thought it would actually end.

I hadn't wanted it to end in the first place.

I blankly stared up at the sky.

A translucent window, just like the one I had seen when the Tower first appeared, hung conspicuously overhead.

[The extinction countdown has ended.]

[Clear Points are insufficient.]

[The Tower dismantling process will begin at this time.]

[Damage caused by falling debris and dimensional collapse is the Players' responsibility. The Tower bears no responsibility whatsoever.]

“Ha...”

The worst-case scenario every person in the twenty-first century had imagined at least once.

When I actually reached the end of that scenario, I didn't feel emotions as intense as I expected.

I just felt empty.

“If this was going to happen, you could've given me an entry ticket too.”

I was confident I'd have done well.

If never awakening until the very end was a sin, then that was my sin.

This goddamn luck-based trash game.

Go get review-bombed.

Crack!

Hairline fractures began spreading across the sky, and humanity perished just like that.

That was my first regression.

* * *

I didn't understand how I died.

The sky split apart, and then it felt like everything before my eyes went dark.

Only after opening my eyes in my studio apartment did I truly realize that I had died and come back to life.

“Huh?”

I was confused.

A wave of emotion more intense than anything I had ever felt crashed over me.

I had been calm when the world ended.

But the moment I opened my eyes, my head felt hot.

The confused feeling only lasted a moment.

Once I quickly calmed down, I realized something.

I was an Awakened.

And not only that, I was a Regressor, something I could never have known before dying!

“It's, it's real.”

A translucent window with Monolith's distinctive interface floated before my eyes.

It was the announcement saying that if we didn't gather enough Clear Points, humanity would be wrecked.

I had regressed to the day Monolith officially launched.

“My god.”

Ecstasy.

Overwhelming ecstasy, intense enough to melt my brain!

It felt as if my brain were soaking in a sea of dopamine.

I didn't think I'd ever feel a greater rush of dopamine in my life.

My brain was practically ruined from this moment onward.

“Crazy, this is crazy!”

It was dizzying.

I felt as though I were falling endlessly.

“I'm a Player too...!”

I could enter the Tower.

I could play Monolith.

That fact alone completely cured my mental illness.

Even the stains on my ceiling suddenly looked beautiful.

‘Is this what the world looks like to a Player?’

You guys had been seeing something this wonderful all along!

As though to confirm that I had awakened in addition to regressing, a new message window appeared.

[Awakened Lee Han-gyeol, congratulations on becoming a Player.]

[You have recognized your first regression.]

[Your awakened ability is Infinite Regression.]

[When the first entrant appears, a countdown to extinction visible only to the Awakened will begin.]

I thought that after going through regression, I would never taste dopamine like that again.

I was wrong.

There was no limit to how much dopamine a human brain could handle.

“Uuugh.”

It felt like my brain was melting into mush.

Infinite Regression?

Infinite Regression?!

At that moment, there was only one thought filling my head.

‘Even if I die again and again, I can keep playing Monolith!’

Maybe it was because my brain had turned half to dough.

I opened my mouth with clumsy pronunciation.

“I, I have infinite regr-”

At that instant.

Flash!

The Tower's message vanished, and a translucent window sprang up before my eyes with lightning speed.

[Do not ever say “Infinite Regression” aloud!]

“Hup?”

I hadn't shut my mouth because I understood the warning.

I had merely been startled and clamped my mouth shut on instinct.

Only afterward did I regain my senses.

“What is this?”

I pulled my brain out of the sea of dopamine and slowly read through the second window.

This wasn't Monolith's usual interface.

It was an entirely unfamiliar type of interface.

More importantly, it said I shouldn't say Infinite Regression aloud?

I had been about to enter the Tower above all else, so the timing was awfully cruel.

“What would've happened if I'd said it?”

I was curious.

I read the contents of the new window.

[You are an Infinite Regressor.]

[You can enter the Infinite Regression Gallery.]

[Be sure to make a habit of thinking in abbreviations and speaking in abbreviations.]

Infinite Regression Gallery...

IRG for short?

The instant I thought that, a new window appeared.

Flash!

[Welcome to the Infinite Regression Gallery.]

It had the familiar interface of a website I had seen somewhere many times before.

The words Infinite Regression Gallery, the name of the gallery, hung like a banner at the top, with several posts below.

[Infinite Regression <- if it's the GOAT of curses, hit recommend lol][12]

[I've been a hero around a thousand times. Now I'll live for myself][10]

[Give up lol. It's easier if you give up][7]

[MyregressionpointismessedupIregresswithin5minutesofwakingupitsreallyreallyhardpleaseanyonesaveme][20]

This was incredibly confusing.

Why was the atmosphere here like this?

Why was everyone steeped in misery?

As I blankly looked over the gallery and tried to make sense of the situation, a new post soon appeared.

[Quit whining, all of you, and check out the Finger-Flicking Art I developed]

It had a completely different mood from the other posts.

I found myself wanting to click it as though possessed.

Then, amazingly, the post opened on its own.

[Quit whining, all of you, and check out the Finger-Flicking Art I developed]

[Author: Martial God]

(A video where a ball of light launched with a flick of the fingers erases an entire mountain.)

I got enlightenment while picking my nose and made this. It's stronger than I thought lol.

I couldn't hide my amazement as I watched the video.

Even the Thunder Emperor Han Siyeon's lightning wasn't that powerful.

But what?

Made it while picking their nose?

The video and the tone of the post didn't match at all.

Just as I thought that, comments appeared.

ㄴArchmage) A shallow enlightenment indeed.

ㄴMartial God) Old man, did you miss the part where I said I made it while picking my nose?

ㄴPoisoned My Blade) So can this kill the Heavenly Demon?

ㄴMartial God) Screw you.

After that, the comments became flooded with a keyboard war.

It was so absurd that I let out a hollow laugh and read the other posts.

[I've been a hero around a thousand times. Now I'll live for myself]

[Author: Solo Hero*]

Ah, lol. It's about time I started a vacation run, lol.

ㄴVampire Princess) Repetitive posts are to be downvoted.

ㄴSolo Hero*) Want to get banned?

ㄴVampire Princess) I was wrong! I was wrong!

ㄴDungeon Rogue) (A meme image about praising the head mod from now on.)

ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Does this vacation ever end? lol

Seeing the orange star next to the fixed username Solo Hero, I figured that person was the gallery's administrator, the head mod with the orange badge.

“This really is strangely similar to that site...”

And what was a vacation run?

I considered leaving a comment, then gave up and continued reading other posts.

Newbies were supposed to keep quiet and lurk for three months.

[MyregressionpointismessedupIregresswithin5minutesofwakingupitsreallyreallyhardpleaseanyonesaveme]

[Author: Dungeon Rogue]

Don'tsayInfiniteRegressionoutloud.

(A meme image of a strange character smoking.)

ㄴHeretic Exterminator) May salvation be with you, sister.

ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Idiot lol.

ㄴMartial God) Ah, I seriously can't laugh at this;;

ㄴPuppetmaster) The odds are higher than you'd think.