WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Irevi
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With ◈
Chapter 8: Regression Button
──────
When people are pushed into extreme situations, they instinctively search for a way out.
They say that’s the principle behind life flashing before your eyes.
Puppetmaster’s and Martial God’s comments suddenly coming to mind must have been the same thing.
With barely a second left in the settlement, my subconscious presented me with a single escape route.
It was Archmage’s comment about the regression button, from when I had been sorting supplements to make my core.
ㄴArchmage) As you make it, engrave this in your mind. I’ll tell you one way to kill yourself immediately.
ㄴAmor Fati) Out of nowhere?
ㄴSolo Hero*) Not out of nowhere. It’s common sense in the Infinite Regression Gallery to make a regression button as soon as you finish laying the groundwork.
ㄴArchmage) You never know. There’s no such thing as being too prepared.
.
.
.
.
[Settlement in progress...(1)]
Archmage had taught me two methods.
The first was to forcibly send the core into a rampage and blow up my head.
I had concentrated the tidal wave of mana in my arm, but normally, if left alone, it would make my body explode on its own.
Honestly, if I’d known it would be this powerful, I would’ve just regressed right then.
Who could have guessed that the Orc Chieftain, who had driven humanity into despair, would get one-shot?
What was done couldn’t be undone.
What mattered was now, this very moment.
My core was currently shattered.
I was losing control of mana by the second.
So what I needed now was the second method.
ㄴArchmage) The second method can be used in the worst-case scenario, when the core has shattered.
ㄴArchmage) First, you must understand how regression works. Does it activate merely because one dies? Then what defines death? What about someone who dies and is revived?
ㄴArchmage) According to my research, regression activates the instant one completely loses the continuity and recoverability of the self.
ㄴArchmage) That is why simple unconsciousness or becoming a vegetable does not activate regression.
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Old man, don’t you know how to give a three-line summary?
ㄴArchmage) So while destroying the head generally activates regression, if you want to regress more quickly and accurately, you only need to destroy the frontal lobe and cerebral cortex.
ㄴArchmage) ...In one sentence, you only need to precisely remove certain parts of the brain.
ㄴPuppetmaster) Newbie. I made a new post, so check it out.
[This Is the Newbie’s Brain]
[Author: Puppetmaster]
(Thumbnail of a doll resembling me with its head opened up)
I attached a video, so use it as reference.
It’s the part colored green.
The circuit Archmage designed already has a regression function built in, so make sure you remember both the circuit and those brain regions.
ㄴAmor Fati) Fuck, that’s a gross pic;;
ㄴArchmage) You will grow used to it with time.
ㄴAmor Fati) But the core is the organ that handles mana. What am I supposed to do when I don’t have one?
ㄴArchmage) Hoho. There is such a thing as residual mana.
ㄴVampire Princess) Didst thou not hear Dungeon Rogue ask for a three-line summary?
ㄴArchmage) ...It means I designed it to activate automatically using the mana residue accumulated during the circuit-making process.
ㄴArchmage) I made it usable as a temporary substitute for the core, so it should work if you picture the part of the brain to destroy and focus on the circuit itself.
‘Thank you, Master!!!!!’
Just before the sentence could be completed.
I immediately pressed the regression button through the circuits I had drawn on my temples and philtrum.
Slice!
Along with the sensation of a sharp scalpel cutting through my brain, I completely lost consciousness.
When the Orc Chieftain blew up my head, it felt as though my consciousness had lasted for a fraction of a second.
This method was a cold, swift death.
* * *
“Gahhh!”
I woke up screaming in my studio apartment.
“Gasp, gasp!”
My studio.
My studio apartment.
I regressed!
“I almost died, you bastard!”
I didn’t mean I had almost died in the ordinary sense.
I meant I had nearly died as an infinite regressor.
After calming my racing heart with deep breaths, I realized my body felt unusually heavy.
Everything felt stiff.
It was like there was a delay whenever I moved.
My nose felt blocked when I breathed, my ears felt plugged, and my vision was blurry.
Maybe modern people’s bodies were the problem.
Or maybe the body in which I’d made a core had absurdly good specs.
It could have been both, but the contrast was no joke.
Still, this was unbelievably fortunate.
This sensation of wearing clothes that didn’t fit.
It was definitive proof that I had regressed.
I immediately opened the Infinite Regression Gallery and made a post.
[Newbie Nearly Messed Up a Regression Just Now]
[Author: Amor Fati]
(Thumbnail of the tutorial grassland after its destruction)
Fuck, things were going fine, then my core suddenly went wild and one-shot the Orc Chieftain;;
My body was totally wrecked, and I seriously freaked out when the settlement message appeared in front of me.
There’s no proof that regression points get saved just because you clear one floor, but you never know.
Archmage is the all-time GOAT. I can only worship him.
After posting, I waited for a moment and held a surprise worship session.
Seriously, if it hadn’t been for Archmage, my life as an infinite regressor would have ended right there.
‘From now on, I should always speak politely to him.’
Anyway.
The Infinite Regression Gallery users’ reactions after watching the video were explosive.
ㄴMartial God) You fucking had a qi deviation.
ㄴPuppetmaster) What a relief. Seriously. And you made the right call.
ㄴArchmage) No, how can this be? You concentrated mana in your arm even while the core was running wild?
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Old man, is that really what you’re focused on right now? The newbie almost got fucked over.
ㄴArchmage) Oh dear, forgive me. It is such an impossible case. I was simply so relieved that you seemed to have regressed safely that I lost myself for a moment.
ㄴAmor Fati) No... I’m simply grateful.
ㄴArchmage) What a relief. Truly, what a relief.
ㄴSolo Hero*) I was more scared than during my first final battle with the Demon King;;; Newbie, are you okay mentally?
ㄴAmor Fati) Honestly, I’m having a hard time...
ㄴAmor Fati) Thinking about having to redo the magic stone pull...
ㄴSolo Hero*) ?
ㄴVampire Princess) What a relief! Truly, what a relief!
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) We should offer prayers of thanks.
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Your judgment is insane. Guess you’re one of the lucky ones lol
The Infinite Regression Gallery users’ fuss swept through the board.
Once things calmed down a little, I called for Puppetmaster.
[Puppetmaster, You Here?]
[Author: Amor Fati]
I need to redo the magic stone pull. If I watch that winning video and follow along, do you think it’ll show up again?
ㄴPuppetmaster) I uploaded the video again.
ㄴPuppetmaster) 70% chance.
“Then it’s basically guaranteed.”
After entering the Tower, I ripped up the magic stone ticket while following Puppetmaster’s video.
For the record, the nonsense I did during the round where I won the S-rank mana stone had been my victory ceremony.
Baam para baam!
Toot-toot-toot!
Pewww!
Boom!
[S-rank mana stone Won!]
The flashy effect was beyond comparison with the F-rank magic stone winning effect.
I was a little nervous.
But the Infinite Regression Gallery was invincible, and Puppetmaster was a god.
After leaving Puppetmaster a comment of thanks, I took the magic stone and left the Tower.
Then, with Archmage’s help, I drew circuits on my body again and drank the elixir-
ㄴArchmage) This time, be sure to drink it outside.
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) So close lol
“Ah!”
Right! I couldn’t drink it at home!
Was it because I’d gone through something so terrifying?
I had almost drunk it as naturally as before!
In the middle of summer, I put on long sleeves, long pants, a hoodie, a mask, and sunglasses, then headed for the mountain behind my neighborhood.
People didn’t look at me kindly, but what could I do?
This was better than looking like some lunatic covered in red tattoos.
‘More importantly, I’d feel way too sorry for the public workers if I used a park restroom.’
Nature would probably cleanse itself somehow, right?
After filling my lungs with fresh mountain air, I downed the elixir.
The terrible pain returned.
“Ghh.”
There weren’t even any paths people used here.
And the only wild animals on this mountain were cute things like cats and squirrels, so there was nothing to worry about.
I let go of consciousness and fainted.
.
.
.
.
Caw! Caw!
Hissss!
Yip! Yip!
Chirp chirp chirp! Chirp! Chirp!
“Ugh...”
A terrible stench assaulted my nose, and the wild animals began fleeing with screams.
“Humanity is sorry.”
But if I didn’t make a core, the world would end.
So you could call it a small sacrifice for the greater good.
Apparently, the Infinite Regression Gallery users each developed their own regression routines.
After beating the Orc Chieftain, I should find some way to deal with this smell.
‘Well, if my regression point gets saved after I kill it, that’ll be unfortunate.’
I took in the world, now a layer sharper, then shouted my entry command and sprang into the Tower.
“Enter!”
* * *
The pure-white space I faced again.
“Sniff, sniff.”
I hadn’t noticed when I made my core the first time, but the smell had seeped into my body a little.
Had my nose been messed up because I’d been left in an enclosed space during my first try?
I scrunched up my face at the lingering odor and opened the Infinite Regression Gallery.
I needed a strategy meeting.
I had absolutely no intention of letting my core run wild and retry every time I faced an unavoidable attack.
[Guys, What Should I Do About This?]
[Author: Amor Fati]
Whenever it looks impossible to dodge, I think my core will keep running wild. What do I do?
ㄴArchmage) I originally wished to recommend the path of magic until you had experienced proper combat more than a hundred times, but circumstances have changed. For now, focus on martial combat.
ㄴArchmage) As you handle the core and grow accustomed to its sensations, it will run wild far less often, but that would take too long.
ㄴArchmage) So simply don’t put yourself in situations where you can’t dodge.
ㄴMartial God) Oh, this is the first time I’ve seen the old man concede like this.
ㄴArchmage) Of course! Do you think I would cling to my stubbornness after the newbie went through this?!
“Master...!”
As expected, Archmage truly loved newbies.
Anyway, there were two solutions.
One was spending a long time getting used to the core, and the other was never putting myself in an unavoidable situation.
As a pro gamer, the method I chose was obvious.
‘It’s a non-targeted skill. I just have to dodge it, right?’
The Infinite Regression Gallery’s martial combat faction seemed to think the same way, and each of them began uploading videos.
The head mod went first.
[Newbie, Use This as Reference First]
[Author: Solo Hero*]
(Thumbnail of a blonde older sister in a bikini)
I filmed this assuming there’s an Orc in front of me, and I tried to make it as suited to your level as possible.
By the way, your field of vision is genuinely gifted.
That’s probably why the way you use your body is completely different before and after making the core.
Like some blocked channels got opened up?
At first, I thought you had no talent for using your body, but that wasn’t it.
So watch my movements and use them as reference.
ㄴAmor Fati) Noona...
ㄴSolo Hero*) Yeah, I’m your big sis lol
ㄴVampire Princess) (A cone of a vampire character covering their eyes and squealing)
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) H-hey, lewd stuff is forbidden!
I studied the video for a long time.
‘What even is this video?’
I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
If Venus, the goddess of beauty, saw this, she’d cry and run away.
I had already replayed it more than ten times, but somehow it never got old.
“Ah!”
Get a grip, Han-gyeol.
Is this really the time to drool and get distracted?
I saved the video and decided to study another martial combat user’s video.
[Why Did the Head Mod Upload Porn?;;]
[Author: Martial God]
(Thumbnail of a muscular, wild-haired monster filmed from an old-man angle)
Are you trying to kill the newbie with qi deviation again?
At least put on some clothes before you film.
Also, her level is still way too high.
It’d be better for the newbie to use my movements as reference.
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Head!!! Mod!!! Ban the gross pic!!!!
ㄴMartial God) What’s wrong with my body?
ㄴSolo Hero*) Lol, I told you to compress your muscles like me.
ㄴMartial God) I don’t want to live with a scrawny body;;
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) I regressed after watching this video.
“Holy shit, that body.”
I exclaimed for the complete opposite reason from the head mod’s video.
How was that a human body?
Still, Martial God’s video was the one that helped me.
Throughout the video, Martial God moved against an imaginary Orc Chieftain and added explanations. How should I put it?
“This is beginner-friendly instruction.”
In other words, it was incredibly easy to understand.
ㄴAmor Fati) I can see it... I can see the Orc Chieftain!
ㄴSolo Hero*) Are you saying you can’t see the Orc Chieftain in my video?
ㄴAmor Fati) How would I see the Orc Chieftain......
ㄴMartial God) Hahahaha
There were several reasons I couldn’t see the Orc Chieftain, but the biggest reason was something else.
Solo Hero’s movements made me wonder, ‘How are they moving like that from there?’
Martial God’s movements, on the other hand, were incredibly intuitive.
They showed consideration for a beginner.
‘More than anything, their gaze.’
I had kept my eyes on the Orc Chieftain’s upper body, wary of its club, but Martial God’s gaze stayed fixed on the Orc Chieftain’s feet.
ㄴMartial God) You can roughly see its next move just by watching its feet. If its left leg suddenly tenses up? That’s a signal it’ll use it as a support leg and attack with its right arm.
ㄴMartial God) Now that you know the regression button works properly, just go for it.
ㄴArchmage) If there is any sign that the core is about to run wild, press it without hesitation.
For a long time, I drilled Martial God’s movements into my head.
Movements that would have been impossible for Lee Han-gyeol as an ordinary person.
But now that I had a core and could control my body like a game character, there was no reason I couldn’t do it.
No, it would be stranger if I couldn’t imitate them.
In the pure-white space, I copied Martial God’s movements over and over. I also ran combat simulations against the Orc Chieftain in my head through image training.
The moment I decided I could do this.
I stepped out of the safe zone.
“Good. This time, I’m really doing it properly.”
The second round of a proper battle against the Orc Chieftain.
Starts now.
Flash!
Footnotes:
“Qi deviation” is a martial-arts fantasy term for an internal-energy backlash that causes loss of control or madness.
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