WeTried Translations

Translator: ZERO_SUGAR

Editor: LiteraryGirl

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

◈ I'm an Infinite Regressor, But I've Got Stories to Tell

Chapter 15

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The Internationalist I

There is hardly anything as crucial as one's mental state.

This has already been emphasized in the anecdotes of Old Man Scho. Even if one knows how to slice the heavens with a single sword, once one's mental state collapses, there are no answers.

I, the Undertaker, have also poured my heart into mental management.

My unique method of management goes as follows:

For about 100 years, or roughly five to seven cycles, I work diligently. I rush about to prevent the destruction of the world.

Then, for the next cycle, I enjoy life.

'World destruction? Why should I care?' I simply abandon such thoughts.

I turn away from the lives I could save. I don't step into the fates I could change. I prioritize only my life, my peace, and my fun.

For about 20 years in one cycle, I focus entirely on healing my mental state and enjoy a pleasant vacation.

It's a brief deviation from the main storyline. A sort of side story, if you will.

Even if I'm accused of being a coward, there is no helping it. The human mind has its limits. If I hadn't employed such a method, I wouldn't have been able to endure the long life of a regressor who reached his 1183rd cycle.

It just so happened that the 90th cycle was one of these 'vacation cycles'.

It was truly good timing. Even if it was only to ascertain where I was mentally, meaning blown away to Mars by Go Yuri, a break was absolutely necessary.

"So I wanted to ask your opinion. How should I take a break if I'm looking to earn lavish praise for resting spectacularly well?"

"Why are you asking this fairy that...?"

The fairy trembled in my grasp.

It was the Tutorial Fairy.

If it had been a normal cycle, she might have quickly dispatched Seo Gyu before he could decimate her. But this 90th cycle was a sabbatical, so to speak, and I could act however I pleased and go wherever my heart's compass pointed.

Well, since I had confined all of the fairies together during the previous 89th cycle and made them participate in a hellish survival program, some long-held grudges of mine had been somewhat washed away... Anyway.

I captured the Tutorial Fairy and dragged her to one side of the hall.

At first, the fairy resisted, but after folding her elf ears twice to make them half-elf ears, she quieted down quite a bit.

"Well, I'm just asking to ask," I answered. "I've barely ever conversed with you seriously before."

"Eurgh, why is there such a lunatic in this assigned area...? Fairy Number 264 is the most unfortunate fairy in the universe..."

"Now now, someone who tries to blow up civilian heads without hesitation could hardly call themselves misfortunate."

"But, but, if we can't make people understand that this is no joke, it will lead to much greater harm and tragedy, you know? From a utilitarian perspective, this fairy's way of handling the situation is not wrong."

"So you were a utilitarian."

I realized something new.

This, too, was the charm of regression.

"Anyway, tell me about your idea of a holiday. You fairies all mortgaged your lives to the Fairy King, correct? You all must spend your days thinking how little you would desire if only you just got to take a holiday."

"Eeep, c-could it be?!" The fairy was startled in my grasp. "Hey! Surely you're not talking about the notorious RePoRe?"[1]

"RePoRe?"

"Regression, possession, reincarnation! Damned protagonists! Them and those blasted prophets throwing a wrench in such a straightforward exam! In our literature, we fairies are treated like early-stage mobs!"

"Oh, do RePoRe people actually exist in the fairy realm?"

"No? They just frequently appear in classic fairy literature."

So it was something special between Old Man Scho and me.

I felt a bit deflated, my hope that there might be others squashed.

"I see. Anyway, don't worry about it. You're not really antagonizing the Fairy King. You just need to give me some advice on my 20-year vacation plan. And if I don't find it satisfactory, I'll turn your head into fairy juice."

"Hiiieeek! What a horrible thing to say! This fairy is confident enough to file with the Fairy Rights Commission and win!"

"There's no such thing on Earth."

"What a barbaric civilization..."

In the end, Fairy Number 264 raised a white flag.

"Um, ummm. So anyway, you're saying you've been given 20 years of free time? And you're feeling like going a bit wild during that period?"

"Yes."

Then the fairy's expression turned determined. "If Number 264 were given freedom and as much power as you, she'd like to plunge a spear of revolution into the belly of the Fairy King!"

"......"

A utilitarian anda revolutionary fighter, I realized.

Whether that, too, was another charm of regression... I'm not quite sure.

I'll mention it later, but the fairies were, in fact, divided into republicans and royalists.

Well, that wasn't important right now.

"Plunge a spear through him? How? Isn't your heart rigged with an explosion engraving? If you rebel against the Fairy King, your heart will burst immediately and your body will melt."

"Uh, how did you know that...? Um, no. Since you already know, that will make the conversation easier. Anyway! The Fairy King is much more terrible than the bourgeoisie! Even if it costs Fairy Number 264 her heart bursting, the Fairy King must be overthrown for the progress of history and the innovation of civilization!"

The fairy flapped her arms.

"Human! Although physically primitive and weak, your kind has made commendable linear progress spiritually! When we learned your histories of beheading absolute monarchs hundreds of years ago, Number 264, no, all of us in the [Fairy Revolution Club] were deeply impressed!"

That club did actually exist.

"Unfortunately, our fairy society is facing desperate times and is unlikely to recover... But if you help us, strong human that you are, salvation through external force might be possible! Human! Join us and lend us your support until the flag is fluttering in the Fairy King's navel!"

If this had been a game, a dingnotification would have sounded, and the message "A new route has been unlocked. Will you help the fairies achieve revolution?" would have appeared.

"Hmm."

I was intrigued.

I had once fought against the Fairy King. This time, I could recreate that episode—not alone, but with a fairy coalition.

But I shook my head. "Sorry, but I must decline that offer."

"What...? Why, human?!"

"Right now, I'm a bit worn out, so combat routes aren't appealing. I'm feeling drawn to support routes. What I need is a warm cup of coffee as a lonely, urban man, not the tears and blood of a revolutionary waving a red flag and charging towards victory."

"What a petit-bourgeois thought! Even now, fairies are killing humans under the evil orders of the King, despite not wanting to! Do you not see them? Do you not feel the blood, sweat, and tears of your kin? Are you not afraid of Marx's rebuke?"

"I'm sorry, but my country is fundamentally anti-communist in its national spirit..."

"Capitalist dog! Traitor of the people! This fairy shall curse you!"

"However, I might consider hiring just you separately."

"Fairy Number 264 swears her undying loyalty, master."

Of course, around cycle 210, I actually did become a guest member of the [Fairy Revolution Club] and sparked the beginning of the revolution, but that's another cycle's story.

I succeeded in employing the Tutorial Fairy.

“Uh, excuse me… hyung?”

Ah. Right.

By the way, Seo Gyu had been eavesdropping on our conversation the whole time. After all, I had saved him from getting his head almost blown off by the fairy.

For some reason, Seo Gyu stared at me as if he were looking at a madman.

“What should I do from now on…?”

“Your ability is to operate an internet community, and anyone who is an Awakener can access this community even without a network.”

“Huh?”

“I think 'SG Net' would be a good name for the community. Good luck.”

“Huh?”

I parted ways with Seo Gyu.

I then farmed some Silver Bells at a souvenir shop and piggybacked the fairy. I could feel the fairy tilting her head in confusion behind me.

“But what are you planning to use Number 264 for after hiring her, human master? World domination? Revolution? Dictatorship? Are you planning to ‘ice pick’ this fairy? After successfully revolutionizing your own country, do you plan to export the overly credited second-in-command under the pretext of internationalism?”

I have no idea what kind of distorted research on Earth Fairy Number 264 had read to have such skewed prejudices.

But as the fairy said, I am indeed a dog of capitalism.

I was thinking of dipping my toes into the forefront of modern consumer culture.

“No.”

“Then?”

“We're going to open a convenience store.”

24-hour convenience store.

Before the Gate catastrophe, these small shops were easy to find across Korea.

Though it didn't evoke as much nostalgia as the neighborhood corner stores, in a world accelerating toward destruction, convenience stores fell proudly under the list of ‘items of nostalgia’.

-Newbie, go to the convenience store and buy some Dunhill.

-Huh?

It was a common joke among Awakeners used to tease the youngest.

Based on my regression experiences, there were a surprising number of Awakeners who did not discard their wallets even when the value of currency collapsed. Paradoxically, people who used to only use debit cards found themselves carrying cash after civilization went to ruin—partly because the cards had stopped working, but also because to them, money was like a talisman.

A stubborn belief that the world hadn’t yet ended. Or a hope that it wouldn't.

It was quite the strange thing, but when multinational Awakeners gathered to carry out operations, there was even a custom of exchanging currencies from their respective countries. Koreans exchanged won, and Americans exchanged dollars, like soccer players swapping jerseys after a match.

Thus, at one point in time, more than 30 types of bills had been collected in my wallet.

Why am I saying this all of a sudden?

To emphasize the point that in a world bound for destruction, people not only hold on to money but also assign tremendous value to ‘memories’.

“We are going to create the only convenience store in the world that operates normally.”

“Hoeh.”

An ambition full of grandeur!

So I proclaimed as I forcibly occupied a convenience store in Seoul (the owner had fled anyway), the very same convenience store where I first met the Saintess.

Fairy Number 264, no— Our Store Employee Number 1 blinked upon hearing my plan, one as heart-stirring as conquering the world itself.

“What kind of dog-grass-eating talk is that?”

“What’s dog-grass?”

“If this fairy had to choose the most appropriate term on Earth, it would be ‘puppy’.”

Ah, it was total nonsense.

But I was someone who has lived life nearly 100 times. I had become skilled at persuading others.

“264, there is a major flaw in your world revolution theory.”

“Gah?”

“The world is wide and filled with many people. Going to each person and asking them to join the cause of revolution is what novices do.” I declared solemnly, “A true master doesn't seek out people. He makes them come to him.”

“...!”

“We will create a convenience store that the workers of all nations will visit on their own. This place will be the revolutionary base of the Sixth International! You are the first flag of this avant-garde, and our proud store clerk. The rise and fall of our International depends on how earnestly you serve the customers.”

“Comrade Manager...!”

The fairy lay on the floor of the store, which had yet to be fully cleaned, and wept great, big tears. Her tears smelled of flowers, making the store suddenly fragrantly sweet.

We'd save on air fresheners.

“This fairy had greatly misunderstood you, Comrade Manager! She swears eternal loyalty!”

“Good. As this is a business for the revolution, I hope you’ll commit to 365 days of unpaid work managing customer service at the headquarters.”

“Yes! Unpaid!”

Though Fairy Number 264 had merely switched from being a slave of the Fairy King to my slave, she seemed happy.

Isn’t that what matters?

I stole a political banner from a nearby intersection, flipped the banner upside down, and, with calligraphic painting skills, wrote the proper letters.

Then I hung it in front of the store.

[Our store is open for regular business.]

It was a historic moment when The Sixth International, humanity’s last convenience store, opened at the Jamsu Bridge in Seoul.

Footnotes:

[1] A play on words using the letters used in regressor, possessor and reincarnator since these genres are so oversaturated in Korea.

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