WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Hydrogen B.
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
Chapter 102: 102
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The next morning.
After demolishing a bowl of soybean paste soup for breakfast, I checked the news as usual.
[The dream Hair Loss Treatment. Is it really possible?]
[“Fraud” or “miracle”?]
[“The president's bald spot has sprouted!” A shocking national address.]
[“A Hair Loss Treatment, if real, could sell better than a cancer cure.”... What would the economic impact be?]
[Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals. What is it really?]
[“Hair loss can be completely cured.” A formally contracted Hunter's bold claim.]
[“Scientifically impossible.” A current biotechnology professor's statement.]
...
Countless articles appeared when I searched for “hair loss.”
I was satisfied.
“Hehe. The fame of Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals is gradually spreading.”
Thanks to the president's national address yesterday, the existence of my Hair Loss Treatment had been revealed.
The prestige of Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals was spreading across the country through the media!
I couldn't let this chance at nationwide attention slip away.
I spoke to my sister, who was doing the dishes.
“Sis! Let's go to Daiso, quick!”
“Daiso? Why Daiso all of a sudden?”
“I'm going to build the workshop of the Extreme Lunatic Hell Alchemist!”
“?”
“I want to practice mass-producing potions in advance. I'm planning to buy what I need at Daiso.”
“Uh... do people normally buy equipment for workshops or medicine-making at Daiso?”
“Sis. Daiso has everything.”
With that, we got into my sister's car and headed to a nearby Daiso.
Then we started shopping.
“Sis! Bring me five of those pots over there!”
“Do you need aluminum pots for alchemy?”
“Yeah, I do. I need as many portable gas stoves as pots too... and a lot of glass bottles to divide the potions into.”
I bought pots, glass bottles, and all sorts of other things without hesitation!
Of course, checking the country of origin was essential.
[Made in China]
“Sis!!! These glass bottles are made in China!!!”
“Geez, you scared me! Why are you suddenly yelling?”
“The containers for medicine made by yours truly, the Extreme Lunatic Hell Alchemist, are made in China? Such a horrifying thing must never happen! We need to switch them to Korean-made ones immediately!”
I inspected everything thoroughly in case there were any Chinese-made products.
The equipment of Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals, a patriotic company, couldn't be made in China.
Absolutely not!
We couldn't act like Korean telecom companies that used Chinese-made communications equipment!
Use anything made in China, and it might get hacked!
Even if it wasn't communications equipment, I had to filter out every Chinese-made pot...!
After buying pots, gas burners, ladles, glass bottles, and other supplies, we returned home.
I immediately began making potions.
-Whoosh!
-Whoosh!
I set up five portable gas stoves and placed pots on top.
Then I tossed in water and ingredients, stirring everything together.
I adjusted the ratios of tap water from the faucet, crushed medicinal herbs, biological tissue from monsters used as ingredients, Aether Extract, and other materials.
After that, I boiled it vigorously like ramen.
If I stirred it while sprinkling mana into it now and then...
“Ta-da! Five pots of Hair Loss Treatment, complete!”
“...What? That didn't even take five minutes. Is that really how simple it is to make that Hair Loss Treatment?”
“It's me.”
“Wow...”
A large amount of Hair Loss Treatment had been completed in an instant.
My sister let out a dumbfounded laugh.
After all, all I'd done was throw in the ingredients like I was cooking ramen and boil them.
Of course, I had stirred it while adding mana now and then.
Still, she probably hadn't expected it to come out this easily.
Anyway.
“Five two-liter pots gave me about ten liters at a time.”
“How much is that?”
“I used 100 milliliters on the president, so... that's a hundred doses each time.”
“You made a hundred doses of Hair Loss Treatment in just five minutes?”
“It's me.”
I had made a hundred doses of Hair Loss Treatment!
And considering how incredible its effects were, it would still work reasonably well even if I used much smaller amounts...
Dilute it twofold, and it could treat two hundred people.
Dilute it tenfold, and it could treat a full thousand people!
‘Making money is so easy.’
Cook ramen for five minutes, and Hair Loss Treatment, in other words, future money, gets copied?
How was I supposed to resist that?
There was one unfortunate part, though.
“Boiling it all one pot at a time in these tiny pots is too troublesome. Sis, when we buy the Extreme Lunatic Hell Tower, let's build a separate alchemy factory there.”
“An alchemy factory?”
“Yeah. We'll install a bunch of enormous cauldrons, like the ones used by the military. We'll hire people to prepare and process the ingredients separately, then I'll just pour in mana and finish the potions. If we run it like a proper factory, I think we could churn out massive amounts of potions.”
“...”
“As far as I know, the cauldrons used by the military hold around 600 liters. If we installed a few of those, couldn't we make potions for tens of thousands of people in no time?”
For now, I was using pots and portable gas stoves from Daiso.
But with proper facilities, I'd be able to produce hundreds of liters at a time.
One large cauldron held 600 liters.
If I diluted the Hair Loss Treatment tenfold before selling it, each dose would be 10 milliliters...
That meant one large cauldron could produce enough medicine for sixty thousand people!
With just a few of those cauldrons, I could quickly make medicine for millions of people, right?
If I spent more time, I could produce even greater quantities.
“Hehe. Hair Loss Treatment pouring out of giant cauldrons...”
Before long, I'd be able to vacuum up all the wealth in the world.
Then something suddenly occurred to me.
‘But how much should I sell this for?’
Until now, I'd only thought about making as much potion as possible.
Pricing had been an afterthought.
Since I thought of it, I discussed it with my sister.
“Sis. How much should I sell each dose of Hair Loss Treatment for? I don't really have a sense for medicine prices.”
“Well, I don't know either. It's not like I have hair loss... Hmm... how about ten million won? I looked it up online, and hair-transplant surgery seems to cost around ten million won. Wouldn't matching that price be a decent policy?”
“Oh.”
Ten million won.
A price similar to hair-transplant surgery!
Consumers would probably consider that a reasonable price.
‘But I should sell it a little cheaper to the citizens of King Korea, right? As the Extreme Lunatic Hell Patriotic Chungmugong Hunter, I can't take the hard-earned money of Koreans suffering from hair loss... I'll sell it to Koreans for exactly half price, no more and no less.’
As the Extreme Lunatic Hell Patriotic Chungmugong Hunter who worried about the nation and its citizens day and night...
Even while thinking about how to make money, I had to consider the state of my country's citizens' wallets.
Well, I could sell it at half price only to Koreans.
As a conscientious businessman, I didn't discriminate against domestic consumers!
So I hoped the citizens of King Korea would thank me, respect me, love me, praise me, and worship me.
Anyway.
“All told, I've made sixty liters of Hair Loss Treatment for now...”
I began dividing the full sixty-liter batch into glass bottles.
-Trickle. Trickle.
The Hair Loss Treatment was poured one bottle at a time into more than a hundred bottles.
Watching me, my sister asked, “Jiho, why did you make so much Hair Loss Treatment? Didn't you say you were only giving it to ten people?”
It was a reasonable question.
Just yesterday, I'd made a post on Hunter Gallery.
I'd said I would send Hair Loss Treatment to exactly ten people.
But the potion I'd made now was enough for a hundred people.
Of course my sister was confused.
I answered quietly.
“Sis, did you know? Korea actually has a relatively low number of hair-loss sufferers. Only 25 percent of the population has hair loss. On the other hand, hair-loss sufferers among white people in Western countries can approach 50 percent. Unlike Asians like us, white Westerners are more vulnerable to hair loss because their androgen receptors are more sensitive. The androgen receptor gene contains a CAG repeat region, and white people have fewer CAG repeats, which makes their receptors highly sensitive to DHT. That's why hair loss comes much faster and more severely for them.”
“Jiho, you're scaring me because this isn't like you. Why do you suddenly sound so smart? You're not Jiho, are you? Did someone use a disguise artifact to pretend to be Jiho?! Who are you? Give me back my little brother!”
“As a wizard, I've always been intelligent and smart. What are you talking about now?”
Anyway.
The Hair Loss Treatment I made would clearly have overwhelmingly greater demand overseas.
So I had never planned to start selling Hair Loss Treatment only in Korea.
I planned to sell it around the world at the same time.
A simultaneous global launch!
That was the plan I had in mind, and this was the groundwork for it.
“I'm planning to send samples abroad too, for promotion.”
“Abroad?”
“I'll send them to the United States first, and I should try Europe too. If I'm going to sell worldwide at the same time, shouldn't I advertise ahead of time?”
“Uh, do you really need to? You're planning to sell it worldwide from the start?”
My sister wore a subtle expression at my words.
It was the kind of expression that said there was no need to make things that big.
It made sense that she would think that way.
I hadn't even properly started domestic sales yet, but I was already considering global sales.
It probably seemed like I was going too big from the beginning.
Still, even if it was a little excessive, I absolutely wanted a simultaneous worldwide launch.
The reason was simple.
“If I start distributing it around the world at the same time, won't they all lose their minds and compete with each other?”
I had set the official price of the Hair Loss Treatment at ten million won.
But Koreans were a people of price hikes!
The moment a war broke out in the Middle East, Korean companies immediately used it as an excuse to collude and raise oil prices...!
They were evil businessmen who, if given even the slightest excuse, rushed to raise prices faster than anyone else!
The enemies of Korean prices!
The businessmen of King Korea had capitalist values so selfish they put Jews to shame!
‘And I too am a businessman of King Korea!’
Of course, I was a patriot.
I would sell it cheaply to Koreans, but I wanted to charge foreigners as much as possible.
“Normally, when there isn't enough supply and shortages happen, prices naturally rise. Right?”
“Uh... so what you're saying is, you'll make foreign countries compete and deliberately sell it at a higher price?”
“Gold-en answer!”
When supply was short, prices naturally rose!
‘Even if I sell it for ten million won later... I should sell it for much more in the beginning.’
I couldn't overcharge the citizens of King Korea.
But it was fine to do that to foreigners across the sea.
Bringing in foreign currency would make our country stronger.
“It's time for this heroic man to bring in foreign currency!!! Bring me wine and women!!!”
For now, let's start with Torumph and the United States, since I had a connection with him!
For the record, I would never sell it to China.
Never.
* * *
At that moment.
The West Wing of the White House in the United States.
The Oval Office, the president's office.
“Baek Jiho...! How could you do this to me!”
Bang!
Donald Torumph, president of the United States of America, slammed his desk violently.
His beloved cola button bounced away from the impact.
Documents scattered helplessly across the desk.
Torumph shouted as if crying out in anguish.
“You made such a great and beautiful thing, so why didn't you give it to me!”
“Mr. President! Please calm-”
“I thought we had built a Yuuuuuge friendship that day! Yet you haven't contacted me at all?! Baek Jiho! Weren't we friends!”
Torumph had consistently checked the posts Baek Jiho made on Hunter Gallery.
After becoming acquainted with Baek Jiho, he had occasionally had his posts translated and read them.
And just moments ago, he saw posts Baek Jiho had made a few days earlier.
[Post Title: Newbie Hunter... Made a Hair Loss Treatment...]
[Author: Blue Dot]
(A picture of the president in the Blue House reception room, brushing back his newly thick hair)
...
Two days ago.
Baek Jiho had suddenly made a post saying he had created a Hair Loss Treatment.
-“The government is pleased to announce that we have successfully concluded a standing currency swap agreement with the United States...”
The next day.
Jang Daehan, president of the Republic of Korea, had appeared before the public in a national address with a thick head of hair.
Then last night...
[Post Title: Yeah, it's your big brother. I really did make a Hair Loss Treatment.]
[Author: Blue Dot]
Why can't you commoners believe me?
I'm telling you, I made a Hair Loss Treatment...
The president's hair is real. It absolutely isn't a wig.
...
Baek Jiho's follow-up post.
All these events pointed to one conclusion.
“You made a great and beautiful thing called a Hair Loss Treatment, and yet you never contacted me! Baek Jiho! Damn it! I'm disappointed! You're fired from being my friend, you fake-news friend!”
“Mr. President, there is no way such a Hair Loss Treatment could really exist. Please calm-”
“Shut up, Secretary. Jiho has horribly crushed my expectations, but I know Jiho. Nobody else knows, but I alone know! Because I am the best! Jiho really made a Hair Loss Treatment! He likes to look like a crazy person, but he is not truly crazy! He is a man who always speaks the truth!”
“Always... speaks the truth...? Baek Jiho, that crazy man?”
“Yes! You un-great people! I am horrible for recruiting fools like you as officials!”
“...”
“Anyway, I'm disappointed, Jiho. You made a Hair Loss Treatment, so why didn't you send it to me...?! Don't tell me you too, like those damn Mexicans, only wanted to use the great United States of America for-!”
Torumph trembled all over.
Despite creating an incredible invention called a Hair Loss Treatment, Baek Jiho had not contacted him even once.
He felt deeply betrayed by someone he considered a true friend.
I have hair loss too!
Why was he only taking care of the president of the Republic of Korea?!
It wasn't his homeland's president, but they had a relationship.
On top of that, Torumph had recently offered diplomatic support, concessions on tariffs, and even a currency swap!
Couldn't Baek Jiho look after him a little?
Soon, though, his anger briefly subsided.
New information had arrived.
“Mr. President, that Hunter Baek Jiho has made a new post. You should look at it immediately!”
-Flutter.
An official who had rushed in held out a sheet of paper.
It was a translation of a post Baek Jiho had just made on Hunter Gallery.
Torumph slowly read the post.
[Post Title: How do I contact Torumph?]
[Author: Blue Dot]
I made an extra-strong batch of Hair Loss Treatment specifically for Torumph.
I need to send it to him. How do I do that?
Should I tell the government?
└Why are you sending it to Torumph?
└└Blue Dot: Torumph has hair loss too. He's my friend, so I should look after him.
└└Friend...?
└└You met him during the formal contract and you're calling him a friend, tsk tsk. Do you think the ruler of Earth is some joke? Like he'd play at being friends with an ordinary Hunter.
└└He's calling the U.S. president his friend lmao. Is this that world-class delusion thing?
└└???: Hey lol, this bastard is hilarious. Someone was a little nice to him, and he thought they were really friends? This is so fucking funny lol.
└└Ah... the gray memories of my school days...
└└Blue Dot: Don't talk shit, commoners. Torumph and my friendship is a friendship of souls that transcends age, borders, status, and ideology. Torumph and I understand one another. Though there is a difference in status between the ruler of Earth and the Extreme Lunatic Hell Wizard Hunter, our friendship is truly sincere, so commoners should stop slandering us.
└└What the hell.
...
Baek Jiho's new post.
What it showed was none other than a friend's attempt to find a way to send him a newly made Hair Loss Treatment.
A wave of emotion surged through Torumph's chest.
It was shame at having misunderstood his true friend Baek Jiho.
It was gratitude toward Baek Jiho.
It was also the emotion he felt because Baek Jiho had casually called him a friend.
That was right.
Torumph was already in his mid-eighties.
His testosterone levels had crashed to rock bottom.
His male menopause had made him unusually sensitive.
He had become unexpectedly emotional about certain things.
Having been moved for the first time in a while, Torumph could not possibly sit still.
Impulsive and hot-tempered as he was, Torumph shouted.
“Prepare Air Force One! I will go to Korea myself!”
And just like that, Torumph began to move.
It was an unexpected promotional opportunity for Extreme Lunatic Hell Pharmaceuticals.
Footnotes:
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