WeTried Translations

Translator: Hydrogen B

Editor: Hydrogen B

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

Chapter 40: When You Come Home, Make Sure to Wash Your Hands and Feet

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Fortunately, the regressor had a habit of hearing people out before executing them. She had developed it to extract information before killing someone, but still, I was grateful she gave me a chance to make a final statement.

At least the regressor was better than the military state.

After hearing the whole story, the regressor still wore a cold expression. She spun Skywarbler menacingly, her gaze shifting between Azzy and me.

"So you were going to wash Azzy because she's dirty. Is that what you're saying?"

"Of course. Look at this. I've set up next to the water tank with a box for a tub, a hose, and even soap. If this isn't for a bath, then what is it?"

"Is it?"

Some of her suspicion seemed to have faded. She floated Skywarbler over her head again and crossed her arms, but doubt still lingered in her expression.

"You could've used that as an excuse to do something strange."

"What? No, seriously. That's absurd."

I could tolerate many things, but not that suspicion. I flared up, released Azzy, and stood. Azzy had been squeezing her eyes shut, but when my hands left her, she perked up her ears and opened her eyes to slits.

"Silence! Even if this is a confused misunderstanding born of a short and feeble mind, there are limits! I am human, the crown of creation! Even if I'm buried underground right now, do you think I'd set my sights on some beast? Not a chance! Go back to school and study the difference between primates and dogs!"

"Woof? I'm not getting washed?"

"No. You're getting washed today, no matter what. Wait there. Even if the sky falls and I plunge into the Abyss, I'll make sure you get a bath."

"Whine..."

Leaving Azzy behind with her ears and tail drooping, I confronted the regressor.

"Then what are you going to do? If you won't trust Azzy to me, are you going to wash her yourself, Trainee Shei?"

The regressor answered awkwardly.

"...If she has to be washed, I'll do it instead."

"Why can you do it but I can't?"

"You're a man, and Azzy's a woman. You taking off Azzy's clothes and... Ahem. Even if you don't have any improper thoughts, you can't do that! It's improper!"

What was inside this regressor's head that she spent her days thinking about this sort of thing? When had I ever entertained improper thoughts? Not once had I...

Ah. Um.

Such thoughts might briefly flash through my mind, like lightning. Humans could sometimes be swayed by impulsive, primal desires. They said shepherds living in remote places with no one around occasionally committed insane acts too terrible to put into words.

But humanity was defined by overcoming instinct with reason. A momentary lapse did not define me.

I brushed back my hair and let out a deep breath.

"Trainee Shei, are you sexually conscious of Azzy?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"You're not? Even if Azzy presses herself against you, you don't think anything of it? Even if she's half-undressed, you don't care?"

"Of course not."

"Then you can wash Azzy without any stray thoughts, right?"

"Of course."

"If that's true for you, Trainee Shei, why do you think it can't be true for me?"

"That's because..."

'That's because you're a man, and I... Ah. Right. I'm disguised as a man right now!'

Huh?

That's right. You were disguised as a man.

Even I had forgotten for a moment. But how could you forget? Then why were you disguised as a man in the first place...? Sigh. Never mind. Her head was filled with lewd thoughts, so she disguised herself as a man because she was afraid something improper might happen to her in prison. Tsk. Such self-importance.

Ah, wait. Disguised as a man.

I hadn't thought of it before, but...

I might be able to use this.

I cleared my throat and spoke to the regressor, trapped in her own contradiction.

"Do you realize how suspicious you're being right now? Until a moment ago, you were accusing an innocent, upright person simply because he's a man. Yet you're also a man, and you're saying you'll wash Azzy? Your intentions seem improper."

"No! I never said I'd bathe with Azzy!"

"Then what? You said it was improper for me, a man, to wash Azzy. You also said you wouldn't have any stray thoughts. Does that make sense? Wow, so when you do it, it's romance that transcends species, but when I do it, it's bestiality? That's scary."

"Bestiality? Azzy's a woman!"

The regressor hurriedly defended herself, her face red, but that was a bad move. I opened my mouth wide, pretending to be deeply shocked as I put a hand to my forehead.

"My god! So you're confident you could love Azzy as a woman, which makes your love real, while my touch without emotion is nothing but molestation? Huh? Isn't something strange here? Contact with feelings involved is obviously less wholesome!"

"I never said that!"

"What's different? You and I are in exactly the same situation! Yet you stopped me by calling me improper, while you're fine? Don't you feel something is wrong with your own logic?"

"Urgh...!"

Hah. My experience of devouring the military state's educational book, Logic, Let's Have Fun, in middle school was paying off.

Defeated by my perfect logic, the regressor clenched her teeth.

'Grr...! How can every single word he says be so irritating...!'

It was irritating because your logic was incoherent compared to mine. People were naturally jealous and envious of someone they could not resist. Drown in the storm of my logic.

"Haha! So what will you do? You're trapped by your own argument! No matter what you choose, you'll be consumed and destroyed by the logic you laid out! Khahahaha! Go on, say something else!"

"Then!"

Backed into a corner, the regressor thought of someone and shouted as if she had played a trump card.

"Then we can leave it to someone who's definitely a woman!"

"Huh?"

After reading her thoughts, that was all I could ask.

"...So you're telling me to wash the King of Dogs?"

After hearing the explanation, the vampire lightly furrowed her elegant brow. Though the regressor had brought her here, her voice grew smaller as she spoke.

"Uh, well. There wasn't anyone else suitable to ask..."

'Still, was it too much to ask Tyrkanzyaka to handle such a trivial chore...?'

She had called the vampire because she didn't want to lose to me, but this was a vampire who had lived for twelve hundred years, the Shadow Queen who had once ruled half the world. Yet the regressor was trying to put her to work like a maid.

Was it spoiled behavior, or arrogance?

The vampire did not hide her displeasure.

"Was that the only reason you called me to this rooftop?"

"Uh..."

Heh heh heh. Serves you right, regressor. Things don't always go your way, do they? Shall I add one more thing?

My ultimate move, the scheming sister-in-law!

I sidled up to the vampire and whispered like a sycophant.

"Can you believe it? That green brat, barely dry behind the ears, has the nerve to make an elder work! And it's to wash a filthy dog! Honestly, it's so absurd I don't know what to say. Someone of Trainee Tyrkanzyaka's stature should have people sitting respectfully beside her at meals and helping her use her spoon. No, they should chew her food for her and feed it to her! Yet he's making you work? That arrogant little... Please knock him upside the head. Gah!"

Why me?!

A bloody fist appeared in midair and lightly struck my head. The vampire cast me a glance as I collapsed to the ground.

"There is nothing you cannot say. Even if he is arrogant, he is still my disciple. It is not a matter for a nobody like you to interfere in."

"Grrr..."

"Stop exaggerating. I hit you lightly."

Lightly? As in, she had not intended to tear the flesh from me?

I had let her hit me because I didn't sense any real hostility, but that hurt far too much! Then again, she probably thought getting shot was merely interesting, so how could she understand the pain of an ordinary human? The vampire did not understand human pain. From now on, I would never believe this lot when they said they would hit lightly.

The vampire's gaze turned to the regressor, who had shrunk in on herself.

'Tsk. Fine. He's being spoiled. Why press the matter any further?'

The vampire softened a little and quietly admonished the regressor.

"And Shei, regardless of your presumptuous behavior, I cannot grant your request."

"Ah, um. Sorry. I was too..."

"No. It is a matter of ability. I do not have the ability to wash the King of Dogs."

The vampire stepped down from her coffin and slowly approached Azzy. As always, she held not a trace of hostility. She simply walked forward with quiet dignity.

"The King of Dogs will not entrust her body to me."

Then Azzy reacted.

Azzy did not show her displeasure even when she was uncomfortable around the regressor and me. She had only watched silently when I held her in my arms and turned on the water, and when the regressor stopped me.

But as the vampire approached, Azzy flinched uneasily. She had remained beside the regressor and me despite the threat of getting wet, yet the closer the vampire came, the more her cheeks twitched and her teeth showed.

As if Azzy's reaction were only natural, the vampire nodded and explained.

"I am not one of the living. The King of Dogs feels no fondness toward me. The Beast King, humanity's friend who chose to be tamed, will always show you that same affection, even when she is displeased."

Grrrr.

A low growl. A warning that showed her discomfort and told the vampire not to come any closer. It was a far more primal expression of intent than the grumbling she had shown me.

"But she will not do the same for a corpse like me."

The vampire faced Azzy for a moment before abruptly turning around. Azzy's growling faded as well. Step, step. With faint footsteps that seemed to carry no weight, the vampire walked away, cold and lonely.

"Long ago, Beast Kings tamed by human hands were vampires' greatest enemies. Even Elders who could maintain their forms beneath the sun could not hide what they were before a Beast King. Of them all, the King of Dogs, who was kind only to humans, was our greatest enemy... They did not attack humans, but they never hesitated to show hostility toward vampires."

Once the vampire had moved away, Azzy lost interest and sat down again. The vampire turned back from a short distance away and spoke with faint resignation.

"Even the king of this generation is the same. Now that you know, you understand why my help would be useless."

"Uh..."

The murmured words of someone detached from the passing years were calm, which made them all the sadder. The regressor hesitated, unsure what to do.

'It's my fault. I let that man provoke me and brought Tyrkanzyaka here for no reason... I still need a lot of help from Tyrkanzyaka, but I hurt her feelings.'

It was absurd that she blamed me even now... Provocation? The person who fell for it was at fault. Who told you to have such a low boiling point?

The regressor shot me a resentful glare and approached the vampire.

"Um, Tyrkanzyaka."

"What is it? Is there more you wish to make this teacher do?"

The vampire answered as if it were nothing, which only made her feel more distant. The regressor could not think of anything to say and swallowed her words.

In the end, there was only one thing the regressor could say at a time like this.

There was always one thing to say when you had nothing else to say. An apology.

"Tyrkanzyaka. I'm sorry..."

"Ah-ah."

But that was the wrong answer. Apologies were bandages for the heart. They built a wall between you and the wound in the other person's heart.

Tsk, she self-destructed after I teased her just a little. There was no fun in teasing her like this. After regressing thirteen times, she had learned everything except social skills.

Should I help her a little?

Footnotes:

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